Chapter 15: Lessons and Relaxation
Shelby Corcoran has felt angry and let down many times in her life. But she can count on one hand the number of times it was so bad it sucked the air from her lungs, made her nauseous, and caused her to shake. The first time was when her first fiancé cheated on her. One time was when the reality of what signing the contract really meant sunk in. Another time was when she learned about Rachel's home life. And now. This is one of those times. She presses her face into her hands and forces herself to take in deep breaths. Rachel is in the basement with Kurt and Blaine, working on song ideas for Nationals already. She can't let them see her this upset. Fiyero rests his head on her lap. Her emotions settle to a simmer. She uses one hand to scratch his head in thanks for his support. The front door opens and closes.
"Hey, Shel!" She hears him put his coat away and take off his shoes. "Shel?"
Scott sits beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. She leans into him and lets the last of the intense emotions flow out of her.
"They denied the restraining order. There wasn't enough evidence to justify it."
For the first time since meeting him, she sees a look on his face that she imagines is his "soldier" face. Serious. Focused. Battle ready. It reassures her.
"We'll protect her."
"I know. I just….I really thought the law would protect her, too."
Scott sighs and leans back. "The law is good. It just…..works best under very specific criteria."
"Well right now those 'specific criteria' mean an innocent girl may continue to be threatened and harassed. If he does anything to her—"
"He won't."
"How can you be so sure?" She looks intently into his eyes, trying to read him. He stays quiet, but something in his expression changes. Understanding dawns. Her voice drops to a whisper. "You did something."
He looks away and responds just as quietly. "I had to. I had to do something and I didn't want to wait for the police to do it."
"What did you do?"
"Put the fear of God in him. Or….at least….the fear of my fist again." His eyes jump to hers. "I'm sorry! I know he's just a kid and I'm an adult, but he fucking threatened her and he kicked her and—"
Shelby slams her lips against his, cutting off the rest of his frantic defense. They break apart, panting. "Don't apologize."
She stands and grabs his hand, tugging him up. He follows willingly. She pauses, listening to the singing and laughter from the basement. They'll be at it for a while longer, she's sure. When Shelby and Scott reach their bedroom, Shelby locks the door. Scott grins and turns on some music to help cover the sounds they know they'll soon be making.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Finn Hudson is in love with Rachel Berry. Rachel is in love with Finn. This is no secret to anyone. At this point, it's helpful. It is such a widely known fact around school that anyone who has any romantic interest in either of them no longer even bothers trying to act on it. Nothing and no one will break them apart. Nothing. And no one. Which is one of the many reasons why Rick The Fucking Dick Nelson has a target on his back. Finn hates him. He never liked him, but from the moment he threatened his girl, Finn hated him. Then the threats and harassment continued. The police can't do shit. The teacher's can't do shit. But the attack last weekend was too much for Finn to be able to take. Rick tracked Rachel down to the park. He followed her. He threatened to rape her. He chased her. Knocked her down. Kicked her repeatedly. Bruised her. Finn has been angry many times in his life, but when she called to tell him about that, his anger hit a new level. He was apoplectic. But she talked to him calmly, soothingly, and convinced him to let the police handle it. Only they didn't. They didn't arrest the little piece of shit. They didn't even approve the restraining order. Finn had briefly considered becoming a police officer. Now, knowing he'd have to let pieces of shit like the Dick walk free while innocent young girls are left afraid and unprotected by the law has erased any desire to join the force. Or any law enforcement agency, for that matter.
He needs to protect her. He can't just let the shithead get away with attacking his girl. He talked about it with his friends. They solemnly agreed. Finn made it very clear to the other guys that he'd be beating the shit out of Rick Nelson and that if any of them tried to stop him, he'd no longer consider them his friend. Or Rachel's. Because no friend of his or Rachel's would let this go. A plan was formed. At the moment, Finn is walking down the hall with his beautiful girlfriend. She seems to have put the whole thing behind her already. She's incredible. He's not. She is calm. He's still angry. He drops her off at her class with a kiss her goodbye. Then he hurries to find someone specific. He promised Rachel he'd let the police handle the Rick situation. After they didn't, she made him promise to stay safe and out of trouble. He promised her he would. And he will keep that promise. It won't stop him from beating up Rick. But that promise will make sure he takes certain precautions. If Rick's parents can be his false alibi, then his parents can be his alibi, right? And it doesn't hurt to have more than one alibi. He sees Rasheed about to enter his classroom and calls out to him.
"Rasheed!"
The Indian boy looks around in confusion. He looks surprised to have Finn addressing him. They've had a few classes together and Rasheed was the Titan's water boy last year, but they're not close. They've never hung out outside of school.
"What's up?"
"Hey, you work as a pizza delivery driver for La Guida's Pizza, right?"
Still looking confused, the boy nods. "I do. Why?"
Finn looks around to make sure they're not overheard. "What's your honest opinion of Rick Nelson?"
"He's a piece of shit. He deserves to be stoned."
Finn grins widely. "My man. We agree 100% percent. Wanna help out?"
Now Rasheed looks wary. "With stoning him?"
"No, dude. We're not going to stone him. But I am going to send a message to keep him away from my girl."
Rasheed stares at him for a moment before smiling and nodding. "Okay. She deserves to be left alone from him. What do you need from me?"
Finn is both relieved and amused that Rachel somehow has most of the student body wrapped around her little finger. Even kids who've never spoken to her. It's certainly working out in his favor at the moment. "Are you working tomorrow night?"
"Yeah. Why?"
Finn's wide grin becomes devious.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That afternoon Rachel has her treatment. She's back to Thursday evening treatments. Tonight, Brittany, Quinn, and Santana have joined her mom and Scott. Since she has three friends with her, her mom and Scott are discussing leaving them be. They're playfully arguing about whether to go to the music store so her mom can get some music books, the Lima Bean so they can discuss wedding plans, or the travel agency to discuss options for their honeymoon. Rachel and Brittany giggle while listening to the adults squabble. The IV is already in her arm and treatment has been going for about ten minutes. Quinn and Santana have their homework on their laps already. Seeing it, Rachel sighs and decides to be responsible. Chances are she won't feel up to it afterwards, so she may as well work on it now. Brittany frowns but mimics her actions, pulling out her own books.
Rachel flips through her notebook, trying to find the next blank page, and frowns. Her head is already hurting. That's annoying. It's too early for side effects to begin, so she worries that the side effects will make it worse. Next, she opens her textbook to the correct page. She shifts to get more comfortable. Her back is bothering her. She's still bruised from Rick kicking her, but it's fading. It shouldn't still be causing her back to hurt. She listens with half an ear to the adults. Her mom and soon to be stepdad seem to have narrowed down their choices to Lima Bean or the travel agency. Rachel is glad. They haven't made very many decisions yet and she'd like them to soon. She was serious when she told them she'd like them to marry before she goes off to college. Part of her reason is because if she gets worse, or even dies, she wants her mom to have the support of a husband. And if she gets better and goes off to college as planned, she wants her mom to have a husband around 24/7 to keep her company and calm her down when she starts worrying about Rachel too much. With a sigh, she reads the first question. And frowns. The words appear blurry. She shakes her head, which is a mistake since it's hurting. The words blur even more. Rachel looks up slowly. It's not just the words. She's dizzy. The whole room is blurring and tilting. The book slides off her lap and hits the ground with a loud thud, drawing everyone's attention.
"Rachel?" Her mother grabs her hand.
"I—"
"Are you alright?"
Her head and back both spike with pain. "No. Something's…something's wrong."
Her words are a little slurred. She may be dizzy, but she can still make out the sudden frantic activity going on around her. Her friends jump back. Quinn dashes off to find a nurse. Scott, more level-headed, remembers that there's a call button and hits it. Santana takes her notebook and pen away. Brittany and her mom each hold a hand and question her on how she's feeling.
"My head and back hurt. And I'm dizzy." She closes her eyes, not wanting to watch the room spin any more. Or see their worried faces.
Hurried footsteps approach her cubicle and a stethoscope is pressed to her chest. "Rachel? You still with us?"
"Yes."
Nurse Robin checks her vitals and compares them to the monitors while listening to Rachel's mom.
"She said she's dizzy, her head and back hurt, and she's slurring her words." Her words are tense, but her hands are still gently holding her hand.
Nurse Robin disconnects the IV from her arm and places a bandage over the injection site. She then sits beside Rachel and presses her fingers to the inside of Rachel's wrist. Everyone sits in tense silence while waiting. Her mom rubs her thumbs over the back of her other hand. Scott has his hands on her mom's shoulders. Her friends are standing out of the way, watching worriedly. Isn't it too soon to be worrying everyone? She's only stage one. Complications shouldn't begin until at least stage two. Or so she thought. She can't let them see her upset about this. They're already upset, so she can't be. She needs to be strong. Brush it off. Head up.
"Okay, her vitals are stabilizing. How are you feeling, Rachel?"
Strong, but honest. "My head still hurts, but my back is better."
"And you're not slurring your words anymore. That's a good sign. How about everything else? Are you still dizzy?"
"A little, yeah."
Her mother clears her throat. "What does this mean? What happened?"
"Her body rejected the treatment."
"Why now? This never happened before."
Nurse Robin shrugs. "Her doctor will know better."
Rachel gets the distinct impression that Robin knows exactly what happened, or at least has some strong suspicions, and just isn't saying them. Her mom and Scott share a look.
"What now?"
"Now, take her home. Have her rest and monitor her for the rest of the night. If her symptoms get worse or if she develops new symptoms, take her to the hospital. Call her doctor soon to discuss this."
With a plan in place, her friends hug her goodbye and take their leave. Rachel doesn't like having to use a wheelchair to leave, but since she admitted to being dizzy, they won't let her walk. And since she's trying to calm her mother, she's trying to act like it doesn't bother her. The ride home is silent. They pull into the garage and she gets out. Scott wraps an arm around her waist without a word, silently making it clear he won't be letting her walk without assistance. Seeing her mom eyeing her nervously, she doesn't argue. Rachel curls up on the recliner. Yero jumps up and curls on her lap. She buries her fingers in his soft fur and enjoys the comfort from his presence and his warm weight on her lap. Her mom brings her a glass of water and brushes her hair back.
"How are you feeling?"
"Blah."
Her mom smiles slightly. "Okay. Just relax for the rest of the night. Let me know if you start feeling worse."
She nods and watches her mom leave the room, phone in hand. Scott sits on the couch and turns on the television. Rachel only half pays attention. Part of her is trying to listen to the muffled sounds of her mom on the phone with Dr. Reed. She gives up. Straining to listen made her head hurt worse. She sighs and accepts that she feels like crap. She's asleep before the episode ends.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The episode continues to play, but Scott's attention is on the teenager asleep on the recliner. Yero is dozing on her lap. She's a little pale, but there's no other outward sign of anything being wrong. Scott sighs and wonders how different it'll be for all of them this time. Last time around, he wasn't very involved. He wasn't too close to them. Shelby made sure to keep some distance between them so she could focus on her daughter. He's not used to the weekly treatments, regular doctor appointments, and day to day occurrences (such as Rachel struggling to wake up in the morning or not being hungry enough to eat much dinner). Those things are new to him, but not to them. Daily stressors. He has the unique perspective of seeing mother and daughter both trying to appear calm and strong for the other. He looks up when movement draw his attention. Shelby stands at the entrance to the living room and leans against the entryway, her eyes on her daughter. Her arms are crossed and her brow is furrowed. Her mouth is pulled tight and he can see the fear and uncertainty in her gaze.
"Shel?"
Her eyes jump to his and he swallows hard at the look she gives him. Without a word, she shakes her head and walks away. Scott quickly glances at Rachel to make sure she's still asleep, then follows his fiancé. She's in the kitchen, unnecessarily wiping down the counter. He takes her hand, stilling her motions.
"Shel?"
"There are three possibilities." He lightly runs his fingers up and down her arm. "The first is that that particular batch of blood was not compatible for some reason. There may have been something in it that her body identified as a threat and that caused her body to attack it. Another possibility is that we need to adjust her medication."
Shelby turns away, swiping under her eyes and replacing the towel on its hook. Scott waits, but she doesn't say anything else. When she starts pulling out ingredients for dinner, he decides to give her a push. Gently, he takes the box of pasta from her hand and sets it down.
"That's two possibilities. You said there are three." She looks away from him. "What's the third?"
When she turns back, her eyes are welling up. "The third possibility is that her body is unable to accept any treatment."
"Then we'd go to the bone marrow transplant, right?"
The tears overflow and she takes a shaky breath. "No. If her body is rejecting blood transfusions, it'll also reject a bone marrow transplant. And that rejection would be a lot more dangerous than what happened today. Deadly."
His mouth goes dry. "So that would mean…"
"She'd die. Within a few months." Her clinical tone is the polar opposite of the raging emotions in her eyes.
"When will we know? How will we know?"
"He wants us to wait until next week for her next scheduled transfusion. If her body rejects that one as well, he'll try adjusting her medications. If that doesn't work…if that doesn't work…he'll arrange for medications that'll make her comfortable."
"Why wait a whole week?"
"He said it'll give her body time to recuperate from tonight's rejection. If we try another transfusion too soon, it could tax her body too much."
For a minute, they're both silent, letting it all sink in. Shelby's face crumbles. "Shel—"
"How do I tell her this?"
He pulls her into his arms.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel tightens the towel wrapped around her hair and pulls on her bathrobe. She opens her bathroom door to let the steam out. The instant blast of cooler air feels good on her warm skin. She opens the medicine cabinet and pulls out her daily meds. After her "suicidal" confession, her mother removed everything that could potentially be fatal if too much is taken. She left Benadryl, her AA meds, her birth control, mild nausea medication, and a bottle of Tylenol with only a couple pills in it. Her practically empty medicine cabinet is a daily reminder of the impact of her choices and how she handles things.
With a soft sigh, she twists her bottle of immune system suppressant medicine open and gently taps the bottle until two little pills fall out into her palm. She stares down at the blue pills and hesitates. What's the point? Are they even working? Her mother told her the possible reasons for her body rejecting the treatment. It'd been hard for her to hear. But the hardest part was seeing how hard it was on her mom. She continues to stare down at them with a frown until the muffled sound of Scott laughing snaps her out of her morbid contemplation. She pops them in her mouth and swallows them down with a large gulp of water.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
His eyes follow her every move. He can't help it. Thankfully, she either doesn't notice or doesn't mind. She's sitting with Tina, Sugar, and Mercedes. He has no idea what they're talking about but they seem happy. Finn's knee bounces in agitation. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany told them about her body rejecting the transfusion the night before. Then Rachel told them the possible reasons. Surprisingly, it was Sugar's nonchalant response that snapped them out of their melancholy stupor.
"So? You're still alive now, right? Just wait and see what happens next week. There's not point stressing about it."
Finn had thought Kurt was going to smack her. But then Rachel had started laughing and shrugged cutely. Everyone else took their cue from her and smiled or chuckled as well. Sugar's smug look irritated and amused Finn in equal parts. Mr. Schue had seen that they weren't really in the mood for a normal rehearsal after that, so he let them be to talk about whatever. Rachel, to no one's surprise, immediately started talking about ideas for Nationals. They'd just shaken their heads fondly and joined the discussion. Now, though, multiple conversation have broken off from the main discussion. He's not sure if anyone is still discussing Nationals. Rachel brushes her hair back behind her ear, distracting him. She has a spot under her ear that is very…..sensitive….when they make out. In a good way. So whenever he sees her brush her hair back and expose that part of her neck, it distracts him. In a good way.
"Dude." He jumps slightly, then turns to look at Puck. "We still on for tonight?"
"Yeah. Is everything set?"
"Yeah." Mike promises him. "We're ready."
Tonight, Rachel, Mercedes, Tina, and Kurt are heading to Blaine's house for dinner and a movie. He's pretty sure they're inviting Sugar, too. They'll be safely out of the way and having fun. Finn invited the other guys over to his house for pizza and video games. His mom and stepdad will both be there. He made sure of it. They don't know what he has planned, but he thinks they suspect. And they haven't said a word about it to him. They haven't tried to dissuade or question him. Burt had slapped him on the back warmly. His mom hugged him tight and gave him a nervous smile. All she'd said is to "be smart". He'd already promised Rachel he'd stay safe and out of jail. And he will.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Are you sure they said they'd be here?"
"Yes, I'm sure!"
"Dude, if you're wrong—"
"I'm not wrong!"
"We've already been waiting 20 minutes."
"They're here!"
Mike sighs and turns up the heat in his car. Finn, Puck, and Sam are in Mike's car with him. Artie wanted to participate, but obviously can't help with fighting. Instead, he's back at Finn's house, still playing video games and talking and shouting, so the sounds of "boys" playing video games never stops. Rick and a couple of his friends had been overheard saying they'd be going to see the new Marvel movie at 7:15 tonight. Finn glances at his watch. The movie should be over now. A couple minutes later, the doors open and crowds begin dispersing to their cars. It doesn't are long for them to spot to rowdy group of teens making a ruckus on their way out.
"Show time."
They all turn to look at Sam. "Seriously?"
"What? I thought it was fitting." The blond defends himself.
The boys shake their heads. They watch the small group stand around and talk for a couple minutes. When it starts looking like the group has decided what to do next, Finn exits the car. The other boys get out and quietly shut the doors. The slink off into the shadows. A gust of cold air ruffles Finn's hair. He pulls on his beanie. Coincidentally, it's the one Rachel got him. There's a matching scarf, but he's not wearing it at the moment. He doesn't want to be wearing something Rick could grab and choke him with. He moves to the front of his car, making sure he can clearly be seen under the light of the streetlight above him. When Rick heads towards his own car, he spots Finn. He pauses, then glances back at his friends. They've already gotten in their own cars. Rick Nelson is predictable. He's arrogant, stubborn, and doesn't think things through. Finn is using that to his advantage tonight. As expected, Rick smirks and adjusts his course slightly to head towards Finn. He stops a few feet from him.
"Hudson. Here alone? Or is your pretty girl with you?"
Finn stays silent. He can feel the muscle in his jaw twitch. Rick comes closer, putting a little swagger in his step.
"What? Have you finally learned not to speak to your betters?"
Finn turns his back on the kid and slowly walks to the tree line at the edge of the parking lot. He keeps his ears perked to the sound of footsteps following. Rick scoffs.
"Leaving without a word? You're a fucking pussy without your friends to back you up, huh." Finn keeps walking until he's past the tree line. "Where are you going, you fucking moron? There's nothing here!"
Finn stops and turns back to face him. "Not true." Rick pauses and looks around uncertainly. "You're here. And I have a question for you."
Rick scoffs and shoves his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. "And what's that?"
"If you're pissed at me, why aren't you taking it out on me? You keep taking it out on Rachel. None of it is her fault. It's mine. I'm the one you're pissed at!"
Rick glowers at him. "I hate both of you."
"She's done nothing to you!"
"She acts like she's better than me!"
"She is better than you! What I think is that you're a coward. You know you can't beat me in a fair fight so you attack someone half our size instead. You're a coward."
Instead of responding, Rick turns to leave. Puck and Sam grab him and drag him closer to Finn. Rick panics and digs his feet into the ground, his arms tugging uselessly. Realizing he'd been set up, Rick starts cursing.
"You fuckers! You talk about me being a coward, but you have to have your friends hold me down so you can beat me in a fight!"
Finn nods to his boys. They release Rick, who, not expecting to suddenly be released, stumbles. He steadies himself and straightens his jacket.
"No," Finn assures him, "they're not here to hold you so I can hit you."
"You really expect me to believe that?"
"They're here to make sure I don't kill you."
The calm certainty he spoke with obviously shook Rick. His mouth moves, but no sound comes out. He spins around to look at the others. Finn, Mike, Sam, and Puck have formed a circle around him, caging him in. Rick obviously sees he has no escape. He musters up his courage and faces Finn.
"So now what?"
"Now, I teach you a lesson."
Rick releases a shaky laugh. "A lesson? What lesson?"
"That Rachel Berry is off limits."
Rick's face becomes enraged, washing away all fear. "It always comes down to that worthless bitch!"
Finn doesn't remember moving, but he's suddenly right in front of Rick and swinging his fist. Hard. It collides with Rick's cheek and the guy drops. Finn lets him groan for a minute before pulling him back up to his feet. Rick swings at him and Finn jumps back to avoid the punch. Finn gets in another punch.
"Don't talk about her like that! Don't talk about her at all!"
Rick charges him, slamming his shoulder into Finn's solar plexus. Finn grunts and stumbles back. His next punch misses, but so does Rick's. Using his height to his advantage, Finn drives his heels into the ground and uses the backwards momentum to propel himself forward. He comes at him fast and swings hard. It connects. Rick kicks him in the leg and Finn steps back, wincing.
"What do you see in that little slut? Is she really that good a lay?"
Finn sees red and charges. Rick was counting on it and manages to get in two good punches. Finn shakes it off faster than Rick anticipated and shoves him back before punching him. They pause and stare at one another, taking in the other's appearance. Finn can feel the start of a bruise on his jawline. But Rick has a bloody nose and split lip. It's not enough, the beast within him roars.
Rick spits a bloody wad on the ground and smirks. "At least she won't be around much longer. She's dying again, isn't she? There's no way she'll survive a second time. I'm looking forward to going to her funeral. Think I can cop a feel of her corpse without anyone noticing?"
He's heard stories of men in the heat of battle, seemingly possessed, acting more like animals or demons than men. The rage that fills him blocks out everything else. He's on top of Rick, punching him over and over. He hears the crack of bone but doesn't stop. His fist is bloody. Hands grab him, pulling him off his prey. They get him back before Finn manages to shake them off and kicks Rick repeatedly. The way he kicked Rachel. Finn is tackled to the ground, but not by Rick. Mike is wrestling with him.
"Finn, stop! Stop! If you kill him, you'll go to jail! You won't be there to support Rachel."
That takes the fight from him and he stills. Mike releases a breath and stands, eyeing him warily. Sam is kneeling next to Rick, who is sucking in harsh, pained breaths. His face is swollen and bloody. His nose is obviously broken and his lip is busted in two separate spots. He has two black eyes. The beast roaring in Finn's chest is chanting that it's still not enough. But it's enough for now. He pushes himself up, brushing off leaves and twigs. Puck is standing casually, watching the whole thing calmly, and nods to him. Finn kneels next to Rick. He makes sure the other guy is awake and lookin him in the eye.
"Stay away from my future wife."
"You'll never get away with this." Rick groans.
"Yes we will. We were never here."
"Who else would do this?"
Puck steps up to them and smirks. "Didn't you hear? You were mugged. It was completely random. You weren't the only one. Two other people were robbed tonight. Only you were enough to fight back instead of just handing over your wallet."
Puck rolls him onto his side and pulls out his wallet. The boys, other than Finn, are wearing gloves. No prints. They pull out his cash and drop the empty wallet on his chest. Mike makes sure Rick has his phone so he can call for help if he needs to, then they walk away. Finn stays kneeling next to Rick.
"Don't forget. Stay away from Rachel." Only when he's completely sure the others are out of sight, Finn slides his gloves on. He puts one gloved hand over Rick's throat. He squeezes for a moment and lowers his voice to a harsh whisper. "Stay from my future wife."
He walks away, listening to Rick cough and splutter. His friends are waiting in Mike's car. As soon as he's in, they take off, back to Finn's house. As planned, they park around the corner and walk quietly through back yards, keeping to the shadows. They enter the Hummel-Hudson home via the back door. Immediately, they smell pizza and hear Artie upstairs complaining about being overrun by zombies. They relax. Silently, they take off their coats and put them away. They grab a box of pizza and a bottle of soda and head upstairs. Finn stops to pulls off his gloves, wincing as he does. His mom and stepdad enter the kitchen.
Burt shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. "How'd that last round go?"
Finn glances from him to his swollen, bloody hand. "Good. I won a few bucks in a bet and beat the enemy."
"I hope you left an impression."
Finn smiles grimly. "Several. I don't think he'll be looking for a rematch any time soon."
His mom huffs in annoyance and gently inspects his hand. She helps him wash it off in warm water. Burt grabs a soft ice pack for him and carefully wraps it around his fingers. "I told you not to punch your metal bookcase in anger. A stupid game isn't worth possibly breaking your hand."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I should have listened." Finn grins. He's guessing that when he goes up to his room, he'll find a fist sized dent in his metal bookcase, further cementing their story. "Thanks again for the pizza."
His mom gives him a look, but then caves and smiles. "You're welcome. Rasheed is a very nice boy. I gave him a big tip….after you took the pizza upstairs."
Finn's smile widens, glad his mom is getting in the spirit of their cover story. "Cool. Thanks."
Rasheed agreed to confirm, if anyone asks, that while Finn's mom answered the door and initially accepted the pizza, Finn came running down the stairs and took the pizza from her. He immediately ran back upstairs with it, calling to his friends 'pizza's here!'. Then his mom paid and gave him a big tip.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Shelby and Rachel checked into a hotel in Columbus Friday night. Rachel had gone to Blaine's house for an early dinner and movie with Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, and, surprisingly, Sugar. Rachel told her they'd had a lot of fun. When Sugar calms down, she's actually nice and kind of funny. She's still annoying, but not as badly as they'd feared. Shelby picked her up and they drove on to Columbus for their spa weekend and was relieved to hear that Sugar got along with them. Her lessons with her have been less frustrating and more productive lately. They sang most of the way there. Shelby thinks the timing of their spa weekend is fortuitous; it just happened to come right after the failed treatment. They both need to unwind after that. They'd had just enough time to throw on bathing suits and sit in the hotel's hot tub for a little while before it closed for the night. They'd talked about ideas for Nationals and the benefit. Apparently, Tina had suggested having a theme and Shelby is curious and open to discussing the possibility.
On Saturday morning, they slept in. Well, Rachel slept in. The struggle to wake up has been happening more frequently. In fact, Shelby has been worrying about how it seems like some of her symptoms are worse this time around, earlier than they were the first time around. Yes, Rachel struggled to wake up in the mornings the first time around. But she doesn't recall it being this frequent until stage 2. She's trying not to compare the past to the present and just face things as they come, like her therapist recommended. Besides, Rachel isn't acting like it's worse this time around. Shelby isn't sure if its because she doesn't really remember the beginning as well as Shelby does or if she's trying to act better than she's actually feeling. She knows Rachel still worries about everyone else being too worried, so she's trying not to show just how worried she is. Hence the purpose of this trip. Shelby spends part of Saturday morning just watching her daughter sleep and trying not to worry too much. Then she pulls out a book and reads until Rachel wakes up.
They enjoy a filling brunch at a restaurant next to the hotel, then head on to the spa. First, they get facials. Rachel hesitantly complains that the bright light is uncomfortable on her eyes, even with the special dark glasses they gave them. Her technician folds a towel and places it over her eyes. That helps, but when she works around her eyes, the woman moves very quickly so that Rachel isn't exposed to the light any longer than she has to be. This means she's finished several minutes before Shelby is. Next, they're led into a room where they may either strip naked or put on a bathing suit for the mud bath. They'd discussed it ahead of time and Rachel admitted to not being comfortable being completely naked. The put on old bikinis (so they don't have to worry about them getting ruined) and climbed into the mud. They're basically large bath tubs completely filled with warm mud. Shelby sighs at the heavenly sensation as she slips under. Her ease gives way to amusement while watching her daughter. Rachel is still standing next to her tub, staring at it with a slightly disturbed expression.
"Rach?"
"It's real mud."
Shelby laughs. "Yes, it is. You didn't think it'd be real mud?"
Rachel shrugs, seeming a little embarrassed. "Not really. I don't know what I was expecting, but not for it to…actually be mud!"
"There are no twigs or bugs or anything like that, I promise."
It takes a little more gentle encouragement from Shelby before Rachel finally climbs in. Shelby chuckles at the look on her face as she slips in. Her discomfort with the appearance of the mud is warring with the feel of the soothing warmth it offers. Once she's settled in and seems comfortable, Shelby gets her attention.
"You can relax, now. Just close your eyes, listen to the soothing music, breathe in the aromatherapy, and enjoy the sensation of the warm mud making you float in the tub. Let yourself relax and just enjoy the moment."
Rachel smiles at her. "Okay. You, too."
"Oh, I will. I promise."
And she does. She also keeps looking over at Rachel to make sure she's still good, but she does relax and enjoy her mud bath. It feels amazing; it is so very relaxing and soothing. For Shelby, the part that makes it most amazing to her is that she's doing it with Rachel. In the past year she has gotten a lot better about handling her emotions regarding how close Rachel came to dying. But sometimes she still gets upset at random things. Like realizing how close she came to not having Rachel experience this with her. Even things like lying about the party and sneaking out of the house already make Shelby laugh in retrospect. Rachel is alive to do those things. The dark little thoughts of "will she survive this time?" are shut down quickly, but they do pop up from time to time. She's worried. She's scared. Will Rachel survive? Will she suffer as much as she did last time? Will she suffer more or less this time? Will it be harder? Will it be easier? Will it be over faster? Will it take longer? No one has any answers to any of these questions and it leaves Shelby feeling like she's clinging to a cliff over a massive drop in high winds. If the winds pick up any more or blow in the wrong direction, she'll fall. She's tensed up, clinging as hard as she can and praying that things calm down. It's not Rachel's fault that she's so stressed out about this. She needs to find a way to get that through to her daughter. Moments like this help her feel more settled and calm. A gentle timer goes off, letting them know their time is up and they need to climb out. Shelby quickly grabs a towel to dry her tears before Rachel sees them; she doesn't want her to be upset.
They wash off the mud under warm water in special showers. Shelby smiles widely and listens contentedly as Rachel rambles on about how wonderful it was. A warmth that has nothing to do with the mud bath fills her from within. Once they're dressed in lounge clothes, Rachel throws her arms around her, hugging her tight.
"I love you, Mom. Thank you."
The warmth inside her spreads. She squeezes her child back just as tight. "I love you, too."
Moments like this make the worry and stress worth it. She just wishes she could find a way to explain this to Rachel, but she doubts she'll understand until she has a child of her own.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
From there they went into a very nice sauna. The dark wood of the benches and floor nicely matched the stone wall. The center of the room had hot stones exuding the heavy steam. Shelby explains to Rachel that since the next part of their day of pampering is a massage, the steam will help their muscles relax more. She would have liked to stay in the sauna a little longer, but she could tell Rachel was getting bored and a little uncomfortable with the oppressive heat. They exit and are led to separate rooms. Shelby already spoke to both of their masseuses and Rachel, making it clear that if anything happens (attack, nose bleed, etc.) she is to be notified immediately. With confirmation that she'll be told right away, Shelby lets herself relax and enjoy her massage. She has been carrying a lot of tension and her masseuse is incredible at releasing it. The release of stress and pressure actually brings tears to her eyes. Seeing the affect its having on her, her masseuse focuses on those areas. When it's over, she is completely relaxed and feels so less tense that she also feels renewed. It makes her realize that she needs to get herself, and probably Rachel, back in the habit of getting monthly massages. Not only do they feel very good, but the release of tension and pressure can only be good for both of them. Shelby wonders if Scott would be willing to take a class on giving massages. He's already a physical therapist. He knows the body; muscles, tendons, bones, etc. He knows how they move and how to help them strengthen and move better. It shouldn't be hard for him to learn how to help them relax, as well.
Rachel was getting a hot stone massage because not only does the warmth feel good, but it's a good way to provide relaxation and stress relief without having to apply a lot of pressure to skin that bruises easily. Shelby stretches languidly, feeling amazing. She redresses and waits in the hall for Rachel to exit her own room, then they head out together. They grab a light meal at a nearby restaurant, then head back to their hotel room.
"This was so wonderful, Mom! I loved every moment of it!"
"Even the mud bath?" Shelby teases her.
"Yes, even that." Rachel confirms with a wide smile. "Thank you, Mom."
"You are very welcome, baby girl. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now," she leads Rachel over to the armchairs on the one side of their room, "while I want you to remain relaxed and comfortable, we do need to talk about something."
Rachel bites her lip and starts twisting the hem of her shirt. "About what?"
She's not sure how to do this. She's not even sure she should. Especially right now, when they've had such a relaxing and wonderful day. Maybe she should have had this discussion with her first thing in the morning, before the spa day. She shakes away her doubts and focuses on the matter at hand.
"About you. And about me." Shelby makes sure she has her daughter's full attention. "I need to make sure you understand a couple things. I need you to understand that I have loved you since before you were born. I always wanted you in my life."
"I know that." Rachel interrupts softly, smiling up at her. "You have always loved me, always wanted me, and will always be there for me. I know."
Shelby smiles and leans forward to kiss her cheek. "Good. I'm glad you know it, but getting you to act on it is different. You don't always let yourself come to me for comfort. You don't often yell or stomp."
"You want me to stomp around and slam doors and yell?"
"Honey, you are very much entitled to throwing a fit once a while. Honestly. I would not be surprised or blame you in the slightest. And I'd rather have you acting out like that to express your displeasure rather than keep it inside. Keeping it inside is unhealthy."
"Do you…do you really still think I'm suicidal?" Her voice is quiet. Disappointed.
"No, I don't. I understand where you had been coming from. Truly. But Rachel, you were feeling that way and thinking about it and not telling me."
"That was kind of the point."
A sharp sensation, a fear that's physically painful, shoots through Shelby and she swallows down a gasp. When she can speak calmly, she goes on. "Not again. I need you to tell me. Come to me. About anything and everything. No matter how big or small."
"I do!"
"You do." Shelby agrees quickly. "I know you've gotten a lot better about it and I'm proud of you for it. But I truly want you to come to me for every little thing. It makes me happy, not stressed. I promise you. I need you to trust that you can come to me no matter what."
"Mom," Rachel begins softly, "I love you very much. I trust you. I know I can come to you for anything. I want to. And I do come to you more now. But please understand that sometimes I don't go to you or to anyone because I don't feel like I need to. Does that make sense?"
Shelby frowns lightly. "It does. But at the same time, that worries me. Even if you don't feel like you need to go to someone for comfort, at least let me know how you're feeling." Shelby looks at her daughter carefully before taking the plunge. "You were very sick. We spent months thinking you were going to die. You nearly did die. Then you survived, but your recovery was long and painful. You went into remission, were fully recovered, and enjoying life. Then, five months later, you relapsed. You're sick again. It's Danton's again. Your body rejected a treatment the other day. It might have been a fluke. It might mean we need to adjust your medications. It might mean your body can't accept treatments anymore and will die in a couple months. Any sane, emotionally healthy person would be having meltdowns right now."
"I had a few." Rachel mumbles, looking away.
"Rachel. For my emotional health, I need to know; how are you really?"
She doesn't answer. Shelby swallows down her frustration and fears. She hopes to God she didn't just push Rachel back to the silence from before. Or push her away. That's the absolute last thing she wants to do. Finally, Rachel raises her gaze to her.
"I'm scared. And angry. And it never really goes away. I'm always scared and angry. Renee helps. You help. Everyone helps. But sometimes I want to scream and sometimes I want to sing a sad song and sometimes I want to curl up and be silent. But I don't. I lift my head focus on something else until it passes. Mom, I'm tired of being angry and scared. I want to live my best life like Scott said, but I don't know how to not be scared and angry."
"I don't think it's about not being scared and angry, baby girl. I think it's about facing them so they're not so oppressive."
"I try to focus on the positive things. I had five months to live a normal, healthy life. I got a break from it all. I'm going into this diagnosis stronger and better informed. But….I just…..I don't want to! Not that I don't want to live or don't want to fight! I do and I will! I just don't want to always have to. When will it stop, Mommy?"
She falls into Shelby and curls against her, sobbing her heart out. Shelby cradles her and cries with her. By the time they're both calm, it's dark. Shelby leans over and turns on the closest lamp.
"Did that make you feel better or worse?"
Rachel shrugs. "Better, I guess. Tired, but better."
Shelby smiles gently and brushes her hair off her cheek. "See? This is what I'm talking about. Cry on me or on Uncle Burt or anyone else once in a while. It's a healthy release."
She watches Rachel truly think about it. "And crying like that on you didn't upset you more? You cried, too."
"Honey, I cried with you. For you. You did not upset me. Your situation is upsetting and that's out of your control. But how you handle it is in your control."
Rachel cracks a smile. "Everyone's been saying stuff like that since I got sick the first time. It's taken a lot of practice, but I think I'm getting it."
Shelby kisses her cheek. "Good girl. Go to someone. Even if it's not me, I'd feel better knowing you go to someone for comfort or to vent."
"It's usually you. You're my mom and I know you'll always be there for me. But when it comes down to it, I've known you for less than three years." Rachel twists the hem of her shirt. "Sometimes when I need comfort, I want….I want to feel how I did as a little kid going to my dads for comfort. I could always go to either of them. I could run to them and they'd scoop me up and hold me tight and everything would be okay because I was in their arms. And then Daddy died and Dad…stopped being my Dad. For over a year, I was either alone or…..or wishing I was alone because he was scaring me or hurting me. But then I had Kurt. And very quickly after gaining Kurt in my life, I got Uncle Burt. It took longer to grow close to him than it did for me to get close to Kurt, but…..but now Dad's completely gone. I want to feel safe and loved how I did as a small child and I don't have that option anymore. The closest I can come to it is hugging Kurt. Snuggling with him, being held by my brother, is the closest I can come to that feeling of love, safety, and comfort. Right now, he's the person I've known the longest in my life. Who has known me the longest. Uncle Burt is a close second." Shelby blinks away tears and tries to shake off her stunned stupor. Rachel peers at her nervously. "You're my Mom. I love you and I feel safe and loved and comforted around you. You even make me feel like you've been loving me my whole life. But you haven't been here. And that's not your fault!" She hastens to add on. "Now, Kurt and Uncle Burt have been here the longest. So…..so I will keep coming to you for comfort, but…I need….I—"
Shelby brushes away a wayward tear making it's way down Rachel's cheek. "But you need time with Kurt and Burt to make the little girl inside of you feel as safe and loved as well." Rachel nods. "I understand, honey. I get it. They've been there. They're your family, too. And I know I've only met you when you were 14. You were already a beautiful teenager. Despite that, I looked at you and saw my little girl. The baby girl I didn't get to hold when she was born. When I'm old and gray and you're married with your own kids, I'll look at you and still see my little girl."
"You're not offended?"
"Not at all. In fact, I know you haven't spent a lot of time over there in a while. Would you like to spend a few nights at their house next week?"
Rachel smiles widely. "I really would. Thanks for understanding, Mom."
"Always, my baby girl."
"Do you think we could go back to the hot tub tonight?"
Shelby laughs. "Of course! Let's go!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel enjoys her breakfast and the atmosphere of the hotel restaurant. After the talk with her mom the night before, they'd gone back to the hot tub and ended their day of pampering with a nice soak while sipping virgin strawberry daiquiris. They'd talked and laughed and had a good time. Once all the other guests visiting the hot tub and pool area had left and it was just the two of them, they even sang. The acoustics in the room made an interesting echo with their voices. She can't wait to tell Kurt about it. And about everything else. She'd fallen asleep quickly in her own bed, but woke up around 1 in the morning feeling unsettled. She doesn't remember dreaming anything, but she must have. Thinking over their discussion earlier that evening, Rachel had slid into bed with her mom. Her mother had smiled and cuddled her without ever opening her eyes. Rachel fell asleep feeling safe and comforted and loved. And so did the little girl inside her. Clearly, a mother's love transcends time.
"Ready?"
She looks up at her mom and nods. They're getting their nails done, then having a nice lunch, then heading back to Akron. Which is why she's a little surprised to enter the salon to find her grandmother, aunts, and cousin. With a happy squeal, Rachel launched herself at her family and received warm embraces from all of them.
"You didn't really think we'd miss out, did you?" Nana teases, leaning back to look her in the eye.
Rachel laughs and hugs her again. Having her grandmother, Abby, Aunt Amy, and Aunt Kelly join her and her mother manicures and pedicures was a very nice surprise. She chats happily with all of them. Everyone "oooh's" and "aaaah's" over each other's nails when they're finished. They all went together to a nice restaurant for a leisurely lunch. The only unpleasant moment was the mild attack that struck towards the end, but Aunt Kelly squeezed her hand and talked to her casually and calmly until it ended. No one made a big deal out of it, which helped, too. Their hugs goodbye were a little tighter, a little sadder, but just as loving. The ladies had such a wonderful time that they insisted they'll have to do it again sometime. They discussed possibly making it a monthly occurrence. As they walk towards their car to head home, Rachel grabs her mom's arm.
"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
She tries to take a mental picture of the joy on her mom's face.
XxxxxxxX