Disclaimer: The characters of GH, as well as General Hospital itself don't belong to me.

Author's note: Okay, the real author's note is at the end of the chapter. So instead, up here I'll just say thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, I really appreciate it! I'll also give you this random fact… Did anyone else know that Steve Burton's actual first name is Jack and that Steve is his middle name? Oh yeah, and his wife? Looks an awful lot like Courtney. LOL, it's the little things that amuse me people, sorry!

Song credit goes to Maroon 5, the song is This Love.

This love have taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, 'cause I won't say goodbye anymore…

"What proposal?"

"Great," Courtney muttered at the same time as she heard Carly say "oops". "This day can't possibly get any better, can it?"

"What proposal?" Jason repeated.

"Last night at the hospital Jax proposed to me," Courtney said with a sigh, bracing herself for whatever happened next.

Jason just stared. "Okay, why am I just hearing about this now?" he asked slowly.

"Because it's not important." And you were already not talking to me, she added silently. "Jason, I didn't say yes."

"But you didn't say no either," Carly piped up. Both Courtney and Jason threw glares at her. "Well you didn't!"

Jason grabbed Courtney's elbow and guided her out of the penthouse and across the hallway, leaving Carly to look through the peephole.

"Okay, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Do you want to tell me to my face that you think I'm responsible for Sam?"

Jason sighed. "That's not what I said in there."

"No? That's what I heard." Courtney turned to face him. "How can I get you to see that nothing that happened is our fault? Neither of us could have done anything different that would have saved Sam."

Jason shook his head. "I could have. I could have at least checked on her to see if she was okay or needed anything. If I hadn't had other things on my mind, I would have done that."

"You mean if you hadn't been thinking about me, or if we hadn't slept together, then Sam would still be alive?" Courtney tried to keep the hurt out of her voice but she couldn't.

"Courtney stop," Jason pleaded gently. "That's not what I meant at all."

"But that's what you're saying!" she protested.

"No! It's not!" He dropped down on the sofa and held his head in his hands. Courtney, I love the fact that I spent all day thinking about you yesterday. I love that we're together."

"Then how can you—"

"It's not you," he said. "I've been preoccupied with so many things lately that I'm starting to lose control of my surroundings. I messed up yesterday, I should have checked on Sam."

Courtney sat down next to him. "Jason, Sam came and got you as soon as she thought something was wrong. You did everything you could. She went into labor; you wouldn't have been able to stop that from happening. And you wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding. What do you think you could have done that would have saved her?"

"I could have done something," he said stubbornly.

Courtney sighed and rubbed at her eyes tiredly. "Your feelings for Sam went past just taking care of her for Sonny, didn't they?" she asked.

Jason was silent for a minute and then looked up at her. "She was a friend," he said finally.

Courtney nodded. "What can I do Jason?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "You can not marry Jax, that's a start."

A smile tugged at her lips. "I'm not planning on it," she said. "I just didn't know what to do when he asked me, so I ran out of the room."

"Why didn't you just say no?"

Courtney opened her mouth and then realized she didn't know what to say. "I'm not going to say yes," she repeated weakly, praying he would accept her answer.

But he didn't. "You keep saying that, but Courtney, you didn't say no." Jason stood up and began pacing.

"I know," was all she could think of to say as she watched him.

He sat back down again. "It's ironic, isn't it?" he asked. "Here I was supposed to be the one raising Lila and now you're being handed the chance to." Courtney looked up in surprise at his words. "That's what this is about, isn't it?"

"I guess so," Courtney admitted, surprising herself. She closed her eyes. "When I held her Jason, it was incredible. She wasn't even mine, but holding her felt so comfortable. So right. I looked down at her and she was looking at me with such trust in her eyes it was exactly how I imagined holding my own daughter. Our daughter."

Jason inched an arm around her, pulling her closer. "I'm sorry Courtney," he said quietly. "I know how much you wanted our baby and every day I wish things had been different for us."

"She'd be almost a year old now," Courtney said, lacing her fingers through his. "Can you imagine how this place would have looked all cluttered with toys?"

"Of course you do," she answered her own question softly. "You and Sam had everything that little girl would have needed."

Jason wasn't sure what to say. Courtney never really talked openly about their baby and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond. He knew Courtney wanted to be a mother more than anything, and while he wasn't able to give that to her, Jax was practically handing that chance to her on a silver platter. Of course it was something she would consider.

"Now I understand why you wanted to help Sam," she said, breaking the silence. "I finally get it."

"Do you want to accept Jax's proposal?" Jason asked before he could stop himself.

There was a long pause. "I don't love Jax," was her answer.

"But with him your life would be easier," he confirmed. And it would be. If she was with Jax, she wouldn't have to worry about how dangerous his job was, or constantly waiting for the next time he would be arrested.

"Hey." Courtney grazed her knuckles against the side of his face. "Who said I want easy?" she asked.

"You deserve easy," he said firmly. "You deserve everything that Jax can give you that I can't."

Courtney's head snapped up. "Are you breaking up with me already?" she asked incredulously. This was a far cry from the Jason she had run into on the docks not a week before.

Jason took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm giving you an out if you want to take it," he said. "This is your decision to make, not mine."

"You would let me go. Just like that?" she asked in disbelief.

"I just want you to be happy. If that means Jax and Lila, then yes, I'll step aside."

Courtney stood up then. "All right then. I need to go."

"Go?" Jason echoed.

She nodded. "I'm going to go see Jax. And I'm going to tell him I can't marry him."

"Wait." Jason stopped her before she got to the door. "What I said over at Carly and Sonny's—"

Courtney shook her head. "It's okay, it's over," she said with a slight smile. "I'll be back in a little bit." She slipped out the door, smiled at Max, who was at his post, and waved at the door to the other penthouse, where Carly was no doubt still looking through the peephole.

"How is she?" Courtney asked, knocking slightly on the door of the room Jax and Lila were in.

Jax looked up. "She's getting stronger, the doctors are positive she's going to be a healthy little girl."

"That's great," she said sincerely. "And how are you doing?"

"Pretty good actually." Jax put Lila back in her crib. "I just spoke with Jason a little bit ago," he said, leading Courtney out into the hallway.

"You did?" Courtney tried to muffle her surprise. "Why?"

"He called to tell me that he wanted me to have all of the things he and Sam had bought for the baby," Jax explained. "That way, in some sense, Lila would have something from her mother."

Courtney found herself smiling. "That's really sweet," she said.

"Have you given any thought to our last conversation?" Jax asked.

She nodded slowly. "Jax, you know I can't marry you," she said gently.

"Sure you can," he said easily. "You and I would be great together Courtney."

Courtney shook her head. "Would you really marry me knowing that I love someone else?"

Jax nodded. "You don't really love him Court," he said. "You're just afraid to let go of the past and move forward."

Courtney shook her head. "That's not true and you know it," she said, but Jax just shrugged.

"You care about me, we both know that," he said. "It would only be a matter of time before you fell in love with me for real."

"I love Jason," she said firmly.

"Will you still love him the next time he gets arrested? Or when he finally goes to prison for good? Will you still love him when he lets you down yet once again?"

"Jax, stop!" Courtney said. "We had this fight already, when I told you I was back with Jason. We don't need to have it again. I already told you, I won't marry you, can we just leave it at that?"

"No," Jax said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer. "We can't." Leaning down, he kissed her full on the lips, and try as she did, Courtney felt herself responding.

"See?" he said smugly, as he pulled away. "I think you're feelings for me are a little more than just friendly, wouldn't you say?"

Before she could stop herself, Courtney reached out and slapped him across the face. "How can you be like this?" she asked. "How can you have such disregard for everything I've just said to you?"

"I get whatever it is I want at whatever cost. You know that Courtney, you've always known that."

"You're not going to get me," she said sadly. She turned to leave, but once again, he grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him.

"Maybe not, but remember this. From now on, every time you kiss Jason, you're going to remember the kiss I just gave you, and you're going to remember that some part of you wanted that kiss, and that same part still wants me."

Courtney didn't say anything; she just glared at him. Yanking her arm out of his grasp she just shook her head, turned on her heel, and walked away.

Outside in her car, she rested her head on the steering wheel. She could still feel Jax's kiss on her lips. She picked her head up and tried to turn the key in the ignition but her hands were shaking so hard that finally she gave up in frustration.

Why did she still respond to him when he kissed her? Was Jax right? Was she trying to deny any feelings she had for him?

She loved Jason, she knew that wholeheartedly.

Was it possible that maybe she was in love with two men at the same time?

No. Absolutely not.

But she kissed Jax back today. And the other day at Kellys.

That doesn't mean she loves him, does it?

Courtney squeezed her temples and sighed in frustration. Her mind was going a million miles an hour in a thousand different directions. A few deep breaths later and she knew what she needed to do.

She fumbled through her purse until she found her cell phone and dialed the one person she knew would understand. Well, maybe not understand, but still the only person she could think to call.

"Carly?" she said a few moments later. "I need your help."

A.N.: Okay, so that chapter killed me… kind of took me in a direction I really hadn't planned on going in this story, but I think it'll work. I know I said in the last chapter that I only had 4 chapters left, but now because of this one, I have to add another chapter. Don't worry though… I still fully intend to finish this completely by the end of the year so I can turn my focus back to my other story. As always, let me know what you think!