After a long and strenuous working day, she finally made it to the hospital-ward.

"Oh hello there dear!"

She was met by nurse O´Connell who walked up to her as she stepped inside the doors.

"Um, hi…"

"So how are you honey? How have you been? How was yesterday?"

" I'm fine, and yesterday…Well…I went to the movies with a friend but…"

"You ended up thinking about Ryan?"

"Yeah…"

"It's not uncommon, I mean he's been through a horrible thing, and so have you in the last couple of days. And when our men, be it ex-husbands, husbands or sons or whatever, get hurt, our maternal instincts tend to come out. But it's important that you can relax and have fun too, and not only think of him."

"Hmm yeah, I guess…."

Both women stood silent for a while.

"I brought his shaving stuff…."

"Excellent! Would you like me to help you with anything?"

"Um, could you get a bowl or something, so that I can have some water to rinse the razor?"

"Oh but of course! You make your way to Ryan's room and I´ll meet you there, huh?"

"Yeah, O.K…" She wasn't sure she was ready to go in alone quite yet.

The nurse read her mind.

"You wait outside of the door and we'll go in together if that makes it easier."

"Thanks."

She started making her way towards the door behind which her ex-husband was lying, apparently lifeless.

"Here you go dear…"

The nurse was carrying a smoking bowl of water in her hand, towel in between her hand and the bowl.

"It's quite hot right now, but I thought maybe that would be better, because then it won't go cold so fast. Just because he's in a coma doesn't necessarily mean your husband can't feel hot and cold, I think…"

" I doesn't?"

"No. In fact, if he does seem to respond to something, I´d like for you to inform us of it, because that means he might be closer to waking up."

"Oh. Ok."

In a way she hoped and prayed that he would wake up, so that at least they could start dealing with the problems that lay ahead of them

Ahead of us?! Reality check Shannon- EX-husband! Ah fuck, I might as well stick around for while though, just until he wakes up or so, that way I can tell him what I need and then get the fuck away from him. He doesn't seem to have anyone else, except his ma I guess…I thought she was long since dead?!

In another way she was scared of what might happen when and if he finally did wake up!

"So, feel ready to go in then?"

She sighed.

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Don't worry, things will turn out fine in the end, believe me!"

Nurse O´Connell opened the door and held it open while Shannon hesitantly walked through it.

The first thing she noticed, besides the machines that she was sure had been there yesterday, was that the thing that helped him breath was no longer on his mouth but placed on his throat. That seemd odd but it didn't bother her half as much as the fact that Ryan was restrained to the bed!

She looked, half horrified, half questioningly at the nurse at her side.

"I know dear, I don't like it either. Not one bit! But that horrible warden in that prison your h…Ryan is in, called the head of the hospital and demanded that Ryan be restrained, since he's still a prisoner…"

"Oh I see…"

"I suppose at the moment he's not suffering from it too much, but the minute he wakes up, those horrible things are coming off or the hospital board and that horrible warden will have to deal with Margaret O´Connel!"

"Thank you. I know he'd appreciate that, and so do I!"

"Oh your perfectly welcome dear! Now are you O.K in here?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She found it really wasn't half as scary as yesterday, besides the fact that she was scared to mess with the machinery in some way…

"Oh! I almost forgot! I asked the doctor, and he said that Ryan's breathing seems to be stable enough for us to try to take him off the respirator for a few minutes. I thought maybe that would be good to do when you want to shave him."

"Oh, yes, I guess…If it's O.K…I mean I don't want to put him in any danger just because…"

"Oh no! That's not at all the case! I asked the doctor because it's procedure for us to review the cases every week, and Ryan has been in here for two weeks now. And so I asked the doc if Ryan's breathing had improved any over the last week, and he said that it had, and that he thought that Ryan was ready to be taken of the respirator, gradually of course, Which is in fact a very good sign. I means he's getting to be a lot better and might wake up soon!"

"Oh." She smiled.

"See, I told you things weren't so bad, huh?"

"I guess not."

She wasn't quite sure she liked this new piece of information…

Jeez! Am I ready for this?! For him to wake up and all?…

But then her conscience caught up with her…

Oh don't be such a bitch Shannon, this isn't all about you! Of course you should be happy that he's getting better!

She was awakened from her thoughts by the nurse.

"So, anyway, We can't keep him off then respirator for too long a time in the beginning, so you start shaving him, and when your finished everywhere else you can call me and I´ll help you. Alright?"

"Sure. Thank you!"

"You're welcome dear! Now you'd best start shaving the man before this water turns completely cold." She put the bowl down on the nightstand.

"Oh!"

The nurse smiled at her.

"I´ll see you in a bit dear…"

She moved to the door and walked out.

"So…I guess it's just you and me then, huh?"

She got the things she needed out of the bag and put them on the nightstand.

"I hope this is what you're still using, if you can get it now a days, without me bringing it in for you…I bet you can if you want to though. You always were a damn resourceful bugger."

I wonder if you're still going to be when you wake up…But then again what the fuck do I care. I´ll shave you and fix you up and maybe even stick around to help you out when you wake up. If you can stop yourself from being such a pig all the time that is…I don't intend to let you hurt me all over again if that's what you think…!

She gently touched his coarse cheek.

You look older…Tired…Oh fuck it, never mind! I'm not gonna start feeling sorry for you! I know all about you, and this time I mean all, and you're not manipulating and cheating me again!

Thinking she had better get to work on that horrible stubble he had, she took the shaving cream and the razor out.

She opened the can of shaving cream and a familiar smell issued. She sniffed the can and caught herself sighing lustily.

DAMN IT! No prob. though, it's just old memories coming back. Nothing's gonna change, he's still a fucking jerk for leaving you, and you're smart enough to know his tricks this time around!

Still feeling annoyed she shook the can violently and instead of doing it the nice way and squirting the cream into her hand before applying it, she put the can near Ryan's cheek and directly pressed the button. She then hastily moved the cream around with the brush and started scraping away the beard with the razor, working quickly and efficiently.

The sooner you get out of here, the sooner you'll feel better Shannon!

But soon her thoughts and memories as well as the smell from the shaving cream had her captured again.

She though about all those Saturday late mornings, spent in bed with coffee and pastry, lying here close to him; her husband, smelling his mix of sweat, deodoriser and after-shave…Or all those times when they had shared a bath…The bathroom filled with candles, hot water in the tub and the steam floating in the air, making the light misty…She would shave him, and he would rub her feet…or lick them…

She briskly woke up to reality when someone knocked on the door.

"Dear? Would you like me to help you get Ryan of the respirator now?"

"Oh! Um, yeah…I think so…"

"Good!"

The nurse smiled encouragingly.

She then moved up to the bed, and put away the bowl of water so that it was standing at the table besides Ryan's bed.

Shannon, almost ready to flee the scene completely, positioned herself as close to the door as possible.

"Don't worry dear, it's not half as dramatic and scary as it looks."

Shannon turned away as the nurse started to disconnect the tube in Ryan's mouth, but when she felt a small pat on her shoulder, she turned back.

"All done now dear…See, that wasn't so bad was it?"

"Is he still alive?"

"Of course he is dear! There, look, he's breathing on his own, even if the breaths are very shallow right now…"

Shannon, from a far, inspected Ryan's belly and chest, and it seemed to rise and fall back against the bed in relatively regular intervals. There was also a small tube going into his nose, which she supposed helped him, breath too, and the nurse had left that in.

"Now, I'm going to have to ask you to hurry up a bit though, dear…We can't keep him off the respirator for more than 10 minutes, and probably less…"

"Oh!"

She tried to move forward, but she felt as if her feet had rooted into he ground, refusing her to walk even an inch.

"That's alright dear…Come here and I´ll stand her besides you the whole time if you want me to…"

"The whole time? " She sounded unsure about whether or not she could trust that the nurse wouldn't run out on her.

"The whole time."

"O.K…"

She went and stood by the bed, but she couldn't keep the blade to Ryan's skin or she would definitely cut him the way her hands were shaking!

The older woman gently placed her hand on top of Shannon's to steady it as she shaved around Ryan's mouth and under his nose. Still, she managed to slip at one point, making a bloody gush in the skin near Ryan's upper lip.

"Oh fuck!" She looked horrified as blood filled the small red stripe, and a single drop appeared on the skin.

Nurse O´Connell thought that the suddenly very frail looking woman would cry any minute now, and she wasn't wrong…Shannon burst into tears and rushed out the door as fast as she could.

"Oh dear, oh dear…Poor girl…"

She quickly and efficiently finished shaving Ryan and put the tube back on his mouth before she went to find Shannon.

She found her in the restroom, sitting on one of the toilets snivelling helplessly.

"Dear…May I come in?"

The lock turned so that the door could open.

"Oh sweetheart!…"

"I'm sorry. I'm being so silly!"

"Oh no you're not silly at all! If that was my ex-husband lying in there, I would have fled at first sight of him and never come back. I think you're being extraordinarily brave dear!"

"Thanks…I…I just don't know anything right now…I don't know what I feel for him or about this…I mean him being…And…Well the whole situation is just so confusing! I didn't know how badly he was hurt when I came here, and I was just going to see him once and tell him that I think he's an asshole for leaving me like that, and now…."

"Oh poor, poor dear! I know it must all be terribly confusing for you! And it's not fair either! You shouldn't have to take care of him; he should be taking care of himself! Unfortunately things aren't always fair I'm afraid…"

"I'm just so angry with him!…"

"Oh and you should be! That's a terrible thing to do to a girl, to anyone, running out on you like that!"

"But I…Oh I don't know what I feel anymore!"

"Dear, What you need is a bit of rest, I think!"

"No. That won't do any good…I've tried to sleep and all, but I can't…"

"Oh dear…Well, have you tried to tell him how you feel?"

"Now?"

"Well, what I mean is, if you articulate your feelings and needs now, maybe you will feel a bit better and it won't be so hard doing it when he's awake…Assuming that is what you want to do…"

"Yeah...Maybe…I…Just feel so silly talking to him…I mean small talk is hard enough, but this…I´d feel sort of guilty, yelling at him when he can't even defend himself…"

"Maybe if you write a letter then? Just to let it out…Make things a bit clearer maybe? And then when he wakes up, you can decide whether you want to read it to him, tell him in other words, or just let it be and go on with your life…"

"Yeah…That sounds good I guess…"

"O.K, well in that case, maybe you want to sit in the kitchen, or would you rather go home and do it in the privacy of your own home?"

"Nah...The kitchen would be fine…I can't stand to be alone right now…"

"Oh, well in that case, I'm here for you dear, whenever you need me!"

"Thanks…"

That's when she remembered…

"Oh fuck! I just left Ryan with…"

"Oh, I took the liberty of fixing that dear…He's all shaved and put back on the respirator."

"Oh. Thanks…"

"You're welcome dear. Now what do you say we try to make it over to the kitchen and I make you a cup of coffee huh?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

The nurse smiled at her.

"Good, let's do that then."

She stretched her hand out to Shannon who took it and was pulled up by the nurse.

As she was walking back Shannon remembered something else…

"Darn! My bag! And the after-shave!"

"What after-shave dear?"

"The one I bought…It's in the bag…I suppose you didn't put any after-shave on him?"

"Well no, I couldn't find any, and I wasn't sure if he would want any…"

"Oh he was always very particular with that…He'd be surly as hell whenever he'd run out or would have to go without it…"

"Oh! I see…I´ll run back there when we've gone to the kitchen then, and put some on him, if you don't mind me looking in your bag that is, and then I´ll bring the bag for you in the kitchen, how is that for a plan?"

"Oh that sounds good. I'm not sure I can go in there right now…"

"You don't have to dear…you don't have to at all…Just wait until you feel ready…"

"O.K…"