As she went home that evening she couldn't stop thinking about him.

Her ex-husband…

She wondered who he was now a days.

She had heard about Cyril being executed, and hated Ryan all the more for making that happen to his brother, whom she liked and loved a lot too, even though hehad beenannoying at times. But never once had she stopped and thought about how Ryan would feel about it…She had still been too full of hate. It wasn't really until she had seen the frail looking being in that hospital bed a few days ago that she had fully understood that he had really gone through a big change…He really did look a lot older than last time she had seen him, and his ageing didn't seem to be in proportion to the years that had past since last she saw him.

He looked tired and weary, and almost as if he was in peace with just lying there, seemingly sleeping.

As if this was something he had wished for…

It scared her!

She was used to the leering, bullshit charm, fighting, flirting, foul-mouthed Irishman that she had married. Full of life and passion, and fight.

He mind once again, even though she tried to stop herself, slipped back to those times in the bathroom…

There had been something magical about those evenings.

The soft light.

The warm steam, feeling as if it ran through her body…

Talking…

Just actually lying there, hugging, kissing, and talking, about everything and anything. About the trips they had made, Hamburg, Prague, The Bahamas, Miami, and trips they planned on doing…

That had actually been before they had started to drift apart. She couldn't pin-point the moment she had felt it the first time, but even before Ryan had landed himself in Oz, they had been drifting apart. Maybe it had been his fucking around, or the gang taking up more and more of his time, or the late bar-nights and partying, or Cyril being hurt, or Cyril living with them, but no matter how much she tried to blame it all on Ryan, she had had a part in it too. Even though he had really been an incredible pig at times!

Feeling an urge course through the very core of her, she went upstairs and into the bathroom. She wasn't sure what it was this unholy feeling was about.

It certainly wasn't about sex.

More about…

About tenderness…

Longing for those precious moments when she had been happy; really truly happy and in love with Ryan O´reily.

She knew it was a lost cause.

She'd never get to feel that feeling again unless she found someone else to love. But something in her inner soul couldn't help her from trying that night, as she drew up a bath for herself, got some candles out, lit them and laid back in the tub.

When she got to bed, she did feel a lot better.

The bath hadn't proved to be what she had wanted it to, but perhaps it had proved to be what she had needed.

After she had dried, she make herself a cup of camomile tea, (she couldn't drink coffee at night,) took out a piece of paper and started writing.

"Good afternoon my dear! Feeling any better today?"

"Yes thank you, quite a bit."

"That's good to hear. So do you want any company today, or do you want to be alone with Ryan?"

"I think I´d rather be alone with him today actually, but thanks for offering!"

"Oh good! I´ll rush in there and clean things up a bit if you want me too."

"No that's fine thanks, I think I might need something to do anyway…"

"Oh! Well if you ever get bored but still want to stay behind, you could always borrow one of my books. I read whenever I work nights and I tend to forget to bring the books home after I've read them, so I have quite a few in my locker that I've already finished, so just say the word."

"Actually, a book might be kinda nice."

"Oh, well, I´ll bring them into Ryan's room and you can choose one or two then."

"Sounds good, thanks!"

When she stepped into the room she realised that today she actually felt a lot better.

Whether it had been the bath, or writing that letter and getting all her feelings on paper, she did not know, but she was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.

She went to Ryan's room, said hello to the officer sitting outside, (they had accepted her as Ryan's wife without asking for some reason, and she was hoping it would stay that way until was finished with all of this fuss. She didn't need a cranky warden or the police chasing after her right now!) Then she went in, found a chair and sat down next to the bed.

"So, I'm here. Anytime you want to wake up now would be fine, you know."

Of course he didn't, and she had to chuckle a bit.

"Well fine, be that way then, you stubborn bastard!" She jokingly scolded him.

He looked like a mess, blood still on his forehead from a wound somewhere, bruises and newly stitched scars everywhere and a black eye.

He was sweaty and smelly and obviously still hot.

"Do you have a fever, huh?"

She stood up and put her hand on his forehead.

God knows…

But I won't kiss your forehead, that's for sure! I´d rather let you sweat to death before I go there! I'm not falling in love with you again!

Besides, I could just yell for a nurse and she'll take your temperature.

And that's what she did.

"No ma'am, according to the thermometer, he's fine, although it's not completely unlikely that he's had a fever recently…One of the parts of his brain that got injured, as I understand it that is, regulates temperature. So right now, one minute he can be having hot flashes and the next he can be as cold as death…"

As she saw the look on Shannon's face, she realised how terribly wrongher choice of words had been!

"Oh I'm sorry ma'am! I didn't mean it that way!"

"That's all right, it just taking a bit getting used to, seeing your e…Husband like this."

"Oh yes! It must be awful…I can't imagine what it would be like seeing my boyfriend like this," the young nurse said. "Oh well, at least the doctor thinks he's going to get better soon."

"That's good to hear, thank you."

The nurse made her way towards the door, eager to get out before she messed up again.

"Oh! By the way…"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Is it O.K if I wash him a bit? Just his face and such?"

"Oh! Of course! We where going to bathe him today, but we've been terribly busy all day…"

"Oh, I see…Is there anywhere I can find a sponge or something, and some soap do you think?"

"Oh I can bring you some!"

"That's wonderful. Thanks."

The nurse once again made her way towards the door and out into the corridor.

"So you were going to get a sponge bath from that gorgeous nurse huh? I bet you'd curse yourself blue that you've missed it, if you were awake," she chuckled

She sat back down, just watching him lying there, so peaceful.

I'm glad you're at peace though…

Or am I?

You certainly don't deserve it for what you did to me! …

But still, you've been through so much shit in your life, I guess you creating some of your own is only to be expected…

Sitting back and just listening to the sound of the machines, she was happy he had got a room of his own, it made it easier on her too, she needed time and space to think…

She jumped at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Here I come with the water and soap."

"Oh! Good."

"I didn't know what else to bring, but here is a towel and a sponge and I brought something to lay under him when you wash him so that the water doesn't wet the bed."

"That's great. Thanks."

That's when she realised.

"Oh damn!"

"What ma'am?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that I should have brought some deodoriser…"

"Oh, well if he's not used to anything fancy, I guess you could always find some in the hospital shop."

"There is a hospital shop?"

" You didn't know? Yes there is a shop down in the vestibule, just when you walk in…It's nothing fancy, but they have some fruit and flower and magazines and that sort of stuff, and some lunch-food and a bit of deodoriser and the likes too."

"Oh! That's good…I just wish I had known before…"

"Oh I don't think he'll get that sweaty that fast…Besides if we ask the officers outside, I'm sure we can open the window and let some air in…"

It wasn't until then that Shannon realised just how hot and stuffy the room really was. It almost made her get a bit of claustrophobic, and she knew that had Ryan been awake, it would definitely have effected him the same way!

It made her angry, thinking that they'd let a man lay sweating to death in a hot stuffy room like this, just so that they could be lazy and wouldn't have to keep their eyes on him; and it made her even more angry to think that they thought that they had to carefully watch and incarcerated a man who was already shackled to his bed!

But on the other hand she, better than anyone else, knew what that man was capable of, so she wasn't surprised.

She also knew that she couldn't blame the officers sitting outside the door for all of this. They were just doing their job and obeying orders.

"Well, I think it would be good, I mean I'm almost sweating to death in here!"

"Would you like for me you ask them?"

"Nah, I´ll do it myself, but thanks for offering."

"That's all right. Should I call one of them in?"

"Would you? That would be great."

"Sure."

The nurse made her way out, and a second or two later, one of the officers made his way into the room.

"Oh! I'm sorry for not knocking ma'am!"

"That's all right."

She was annoyed with the officer and his poor manners, but decided that she was going to have to keep in their good graces, in case she ever wanted another favour.

"Do you think it would be possible to open the window a bit Officer…Attkins?"

"Well, you see ma'am, we have strict orders from our employer at Oswald not to endanger the community by letting O´reily here have a chance to escape."

HE´S IN A COMA YOU IDIOT!

"Well, without sounding too sarcastic Officer Attkins… As you see, Ryan is still pretty deep inside a coma, so I don't think he'll be going anywhere right now…"

"Well…I suppose it's alright then…But don't tell anyone or I'm in deep shit!"

"Not a word officer, not a word."

"Good. I´ll go and see if I can find the key to the window then…"

"Lovely, thank you very much, officer!"

Once the officer had man his way out, Shannon turned to her ex-husband and said: "I don't really see how you manage to live around these idiots! I don't suppose you have much choice though, huh?…"

She carefully rolled him onto his side a bit and laid the underlay in place as well as she could. Then she started to undress his upper body, unbuttoning the soaked, ugly white hospitalgown and carefully taking his arms out of it. She couldn't remove it completely though, since he was fastened to a drip.

Looking at his upper body, she was appalled when she saw the marks and bruises.

It almost looked as if he had been clubbed by something.

"Oh you poor thing!", she heard her herself utter before she could stop herself.

I bet you did something to deserve it though, she though, but then felt herself getting milder. If anybody deserves something like this that is…

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"Here is the key to the window ma'am, but I must warn you that under no circumstances is he to be left alone with an open window!"

Oh give up! The man is unconscious and securely fastened with both arms to a heavy bed ! Besides, we're five stories up, and even Ryan isn't that desperate and stupid!

"All right, I understand. He can't be left alone with an open window."

"Good."

The officer went up to one of the windows and opened it, and Shannon felt the lovely fresh air flow in.

"Thank you, Officer."

"You're welcome ma'am."

He made his way out and Shannon returned her attention to washing her ex-husband.

She tried the water with her hand and made sure it was not to hot and not too cold. Then she dipped the sponge in the water, squeezed some of the water out of it, and applied some soap to it.

She carefully, held his hand in her own, lifting his limp arm slightly she stroked the sponge over his upper arm, unconsciously stopping to fasten her eyes at the bull-skull tattoo that had always turned her on.

She found with great shame that it still sort of did.

She washed his neck that was moist with sweat and as much as she could, his shoulders.

She couldn't reach his back, so she figured hopefully the personnel would do that later.

Then she started on his chest, softly moving the sponge over the scar underneath his nipple.

"You know it's a pity we always get together under such weird circumstances…", she said to him. "But then again you always seem to get yourself into those weird circumstances one way or another…"

She ran the sponge all the way down to his hand, where she saw the little green shamrock on his hand.

She remembered how she had admired it when they had first got together. The symbol of how tough and wild he was…

But in time she had started to hate it. When he started hanging out with the gang more and more and got more and more "duties" to perform for them.

She studied it hard. It was nothing but a little ink under his skin, nothing else, and still it had caused them both so much trouble and pain.

She decided to move on to his belly and was, when she pulled back the quilt, a bit startled to find that his lower body was naked. The even more startling thing though, was the tube they had put in his dick.

Shit that's got to hurt!

Just then she heard a knock on the door.

"I'm sorry it took a while dear, I had to go and tend to some patients first and…"

As she saw the look on Shannon's face, she knew that something was wrong.

"Whatever's the matter dear?"

Then she saw that Shannon had pulled away the quilt, and she saw the way she was staring at the Foley-catheter.

"Oh! That."

Shannon looked at her startled.

"I'm sorry dear, I should have told you about that…It's just to help him pee, you see…"

"But…But doesn't it hurt?"

"Oh, not much. Not when it's just lying there, still. He's not in too much pain from anything right now we think…It might be a bit difficult for him when we take it out though, but right now the two of you should just try to take things one day at a time."

The two of us?! We're a team now?! Or a pair?!

She certainly didn't feel like they were.

In fact, right now, she felt very much alone!

"Dear, are you all right?"

"Uh, um, yeah, it's just that…Oh jeez!…"

"Don't worry he will be just fine."

Shannon felt herself starting to snivel again.

"That's all right dear, just you cry…You could use a chance to let go a bit…"

"He would hate all of this! It's so humiliating for him…Being restrained to the bed, and not even being allowed to have an open window and all."

"Don't you suppose he's used to the windows being closed though, dear? If he's in prison, I mean…"

She hadn't thought about that.

She had just thought about how the man she used to know, would feel.

"Yeah, I suppose so, but still…"

"I know dear, I know…But It'll turn out fine in the end. You'll see…"

"Oh I hope so!"

"Come here, let's think of something nicer huh? You could use a bit of a break."

"But I was just washing…"

"Oh he can wait for a moment I'm sure."

"Ok…" She felt absolutely helpless!

"Now let's see what kind of books I have in here…"

She brought forth a big paper bag filled to the brim with neatly stacked books.

"Do you have any particular favourites?"

"Um…Some mystery-story?"

"Oh! A bit of Sherlock Holmes then?"

"Yeah, that would be good I guess…"

"How about "The Speckled Band"?"

"Oh! You have that one?"

It was the only books she remembered Ryan and her both liking.

Or well, he tolerated her reading out loud from it for him…

"Yes, of course dear, I have them all. " She smiled. "Would you like to borrow that one then?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

"Well here you go! You'll see dear, you'll feel better soon, and things will turn out well in the end."

"Yeah…"

"Oh well, I best get moving, more patients to tend to. Call me if there is anything you want, O.K?"

"But…How about that thing in his…"

"Oh, don't worry about that. It's been securely fastened to his leg. See?"

She carefully looked at his leg and sure enough the tube was fastened to it with a bit of tape.

"Oh, O.K…"

"And if you run into any troubles dear, just ask for me and I promise I´ll come running."

Shannon dared a careful smile.

"Thanks."

The woman made her way out, and Shannon walked around to Ryan's other side to start washing him again.

She noticed that he had a scar on his lower arm. In fact that is where the tattoo with her name used to be…

At first she was a bit startled by the realisation that he had actually got rid of it, but then she though: Oh fair enough, I guess since we're not married any more…But did you have to go and scar yourself so badly just because of that?! I suppose it's that fucking doctor that put you up to it, huh? Or was it you yourself maybe? I bet it was. God knows you always had a talent for obsessions! Oh well, your're naked and the widow's open soI guess I´d better hurry up now before you get a cold or something.

The truth was, she had had enough of thinking about old memories for the day. She had to consider the future, his and her own, separately.

Just when she put the sponge with the now cold water on his chest, his eyes flinched.

She jumped a bit, startled.

"Fuck! Oh god you scared me!"

I think I´d better run and tell the nurse about this!

She had the mind to quickly cover him up with he blanket, before she made it out the door, past the temporarily empty chair where the officer was supposed to be, and hurried down the hallway to find nurse O´Connell.

Luckily, she found her in the coffee-room.

"Nurse O´Connell?! " she panted.

"Oh whatever's the matter sweetheart?"

"Nothing, I mean, it's …Ryan's eyelids just twitched, and I haven't seen them do that before, I mean not recently, and you told me to tell you if there was any changes so…"

"Oh that's wonderful, dear! "

"It is?"

"Yes, it's a very good sign! Let's get word to the doctor in charge, he'll want to run a few tests and of course have a look at Ryan."

"Um, the doctor in charge…It's not that doctor Winters, is it?" She said with poison in her voice.

"Oh, no not today, dear," the nurse replied, slightly confused at the young woman's acidity.

"Good."

"Don't you like Doc Winters?"

"Well no, I really don't."

The nurse was a bit surprised but simply said: "Oh fair enough, everyone can't love each other. Now let's got tell the doctor about this, shall we?"

"Um, yeah, that sounds good to me, I guess."

"So what you're saying, Missus O´reily, is that you actually saw him blink?"

"Yes, or well, no...It was more like, like a little flinch or something, like he still he had his eyes closed, but he reacted to the water being cold."

"Hmm, well I think we had better make another evaluation of his condition."

Shannon turned to the nurse by her side; she felt much safer with her.

"Is that good or bad?"

"Doing a re-evaluation?"

"Yes."

"Well in this case, I think it will prove to be a positive thing."

"Will it hurt him a lot?"

She found her self actually worrying about what he would feel and got annoyed with herself.

So what the fuck would I care if it hurts? I don't have take care of him or worry about him!

"Hurt? Oh, no, not at all! They'll do a CT scan of him, and look at his eye reflexes and other such things. They might also prick him lightly with some needles, but that's just to see if he reacts to pain. They way also want to see if he reacts to sounds and different tastes."

"What kind of tastes?"

"Well, usually strong ones, like vinegar and the likes…"

"Yuck!"

Nurse O´Connel chuckled a bit.

"Oh I know dear, but it's important that it is a strong taste for him to be able to react. Isn't that right doctor Breen?"

"That's absolutely right Nurse OConnell. You really have nothing to worry about ma'am. We're not out to hurt you husband, we're here to help him!" He smiled warmly at her.

"Thank you doctor Breen. I'm sorry if I sound too pushy. I just want what's best for Ryan."

She really did by now, and there was no sense in denying it.

He might deserve the pains and fires of hell for what he had done to her, but if that was the case, she would be the one inflicting them on him, not some doctor!

"All right then, I´ll call Radiology and see if they have the time for a CT right away, and while we wait for them, we can do the other examinations. Nurse O´Connell, you pretty much know what is needed, right? "

"Yes, doctor."

"And please ask Doctor Peabody to come join me when he's done with his current patient. I think he's in room 502."

"Absolutely, doctor."

"I'm not sure if you want to be around for the examination, Missus O´reily…It can look a bit harsh sometimes, even though we're not hurting anyone in any way…"

"Um, OK…Can I got down to the gift shop they're supposed to have here then?"

"Yes, that would be an excellent idea! You go down to the gift-shop, and we'll do the examination and when you come back, we can all go up to radiology…Unless, you'd rather skip that part too, of course…"

"Is it going to be bloody alland stuff?"

"Oh not at all! We are simply going to monitor the bleeding in his brain to see if it has become decreased."

"Oh, Ok. I think I might want to be there then."

"All right, well, in that case, I´ll see you in, say…Oh...An hour, and we'll go down to radiology together with Ryan. Does that sound good?"

"Yes, I guess so…"

"There really isn't anything to worry about ma'am. The only thing this means, is that hopefullyyour husband is begining to wake up."

"Um, yes…"

In fact that was one of the things she really was worried about!

Christ! What am I going to do? Or say for that matter? What if he doesn't recognise me? God knows what those injuries have done to his memory! Or even worse, what if he does recognise me and starts talking in front of the cops…!

"Well then, Doctor Peabody and I had better get to work I think."

"Um, yeah…"

Nurse O´Connell saw the great confusion on the young woman's face and so she gently took her by the arm and said: "come on dear, I´ll follow you to the door."

And that's what se did.