Second Chance – Chapter 23
As she listened to David telling her that Gordo loved her and that they belonged together, she started to feel dazed, lightheaded and utterly overwhelmed. This is all just too much, she cried to herself.
It all felt so surreal and strange, because David was saying exactly the same thing Gordo had just said to her only a few moments ago in the living room.
Not only did they both speak the same words, they also spoke in the same, soft, gentle tone, and so if she had any lingering doubts about David's real identity, those doubts were now firmly erased from her mind.
She turned her head to look at the younger Gordo sitting next to her, and all she could see was the top of his head. He was staring intently at his shoes, unable to even look at Lizzie as David told Lizzie about his feelings for her.
Oh, Gordo, thought Lizzie, this must be so hard for him . . . .
It's hard for me, too, she whispered to herself. I don't want to hurt you, ever . . . .
With that thought, she bit her lips and then gathered her strength to respond.
"David, you know that I really and truly love you, right? I mean, you're my best friend in the entire world. I couldn't imagine my life without David Gordon in my life."
"You – you can't?" Replied David. His voice sounded as if he was shocked by the answer.
"No I can't. I mean, what would I do without my one and only Gordo? But, right now, I – I'm just not sure about . . . us. I mean, not about us, but about me and Gordo. I know you're Gordo, but, ohh . . . . You know what I mean, right? Ohmigosh, this is all so confusing," she said, as she dropped her forehead into her right palm with a weary sense of frustration.
Lizzie's ambivalent answer cut through the younger Gordo's heart like a knife. It was the one thing he did not want to hear, and the reason why he had been so fearful of ever telling her the truth about his feelings for her. But, he didn't want to let her on about his feelings of disappointment and rejection. He sat there, stone faced, and just continued to observe the interaction between Lizzie and David.
David, however, was undeterred by her confusion and uncertainty. He replied firmly, "Lizzie, I know it's all confusing, it's confusing for me, too. But, I know how things turn out for you, and I know what things just aren't meant to be, and what things are meant to be. We are meant to be together, not you and Jimmy."
She remained silent for a brief moment, and then, with some trepidation, quietly asked, "David, about all of that . . . you know, about all that happens to me, in the future . . . ."
"Yes?"
"I - I 'd like you to tell me more about what happens between me and Jimmy."
"Lizzie, I really don't think you need to hear that –"
She cut his sentence before he could keep protesting. "Please. David, I – I need to know."
He cringed and shook his head. He had very little desire to tell her about the circumstances surrounding her impending death. But, she asked, and he felt obligated to tell her the truth. "Well, oh – okay. Well, you and Jimmy, you guys dated all through high school and then you both went off to college together. He got a scholarship to play football. Eventually you guys married, but . . . ."
"But, what? Please tell me," she urged.
"But, Jimmy, he got injured during practice, really badly, and he couldn't play football anymore. He took it really hard. I know, because you would call and tell me about how bad he was doing and how it was tough for you as well."
He paused. "Do you still want me to go on?"
"Yes, please," she said, in a soft, solemn voice. She was so absolutely terrified, so frightened about seeing into the mirror of her own death. But, she felt like she had no choice but to directly confront her fate, to determine for herself what course of action she needed to take in order to change her future, in order to change her destiny.
He sighed, then reluctantly continued. "That injury devastated Jimmy. He started drinking and taking drugs, and he – he . . ." He paused, unsure he could say what he was about to say next. He thought about withholding the information from her, but he changed his mind. She needs to hear everything, he thought. "He – started cheating on you."
"Ohmigosh. He did?" She said, her voice quivering with shock and betrayal. Even though everything David was saying had not yet occurred, for Lizzie, it was as if she was being told that the sixteen year old Jimmy that she knew had just cheating on her. With everything that had gone on this night, she was having a terrible time telling the difference between the past, the present, and the future.
"Yes. I didn't know about it while it was happening, you never told me. You found out and you did tell Miranda. You told her that you were going to leave him if he didn't stop drinking and seeing other women. And that's what you were doing on that night it happened. You were packing your bags when Jimmy came home, completely drunk. He saw you packing, and he must have flipped out and lost it. He –"
"He- what, David? Go on, please!"
"He took his gun, shot you first, then shot himself." He was barely able to get the last word out. He then whispered, "I'm so sorry, Lizzie."
He was greeted with silence.
"Lizzie? Are – are you okay?"
"Yeah – yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm okay, really," she replied, unconvincingly.
The younger Gordo watched Lizzie talking with David, completely frozen, feeling totally detached from the situation. He could only stare and watch them talk, as he felt like as if he wasn't really in the room. He felt like a ghost, a fly on the wallpaper, as Lizzie and David were wrestling over the fate of both their lives.
And, he thought, it was so odd to hear his older version of himself talking about him and Lizzie, almost as if David was an older brother looking out for him.
Lizzie spoke again. "I – I think I understand now. I think I know what you and Gordo have been trying to tell me."
"You do?" Said both Gordos simultaneously.
"I – I think so. But, before I tell you what I'm feeling, I'd like to ask you a few things, about you, what you're like," She asked softly, inquisitively.
"You want to know more about me?" Asked David, puzzled. He wasn't sure what was on her mind.
"I – I do," she replied. "Tell me, are -- are you happy?" She asked, with an uneasy hesitation in her voice.
Huh? That's a strange question, he thought. "Am I happy? Well, I'm happy right now, talking with you and Gordo, but –"
"No, that's not what I meant. It's just that – it's your voice. You just sound so sad whenever you speak. I noticed it the first time I spoke with you the other day. That's the one difference between your voice and Gordo's voice. That's the only way I can tell your voices apart."
"My god, Lizzie, you know me so well. It's unbelievable, it's like you see right into my soul. You always have, you know," he said, amazed and moved by her uncanny ability to sense what was going on inside of him. "And that's why I've missed you so much, no one knows me like you did."
"But, David," she responded very softly.
As he was about to respond, he was greeted with a sudden jolt of static from his radio. Taken aback, he kept speaking into the microphone, to see if she was still connected with him. "Lizzie, are you still there? Answer me, please!"
For a few, interminable seconds, the only response he got was noisy static. Then finally, he heard her voice coming in through the speakers.
"David, we're still here. We got some static, too, we couldn't hear anything for awhile. Do you think we're losing the connection?"
"I don't know. I hope not. But, I'm not sure how long we'll be able to talk like this," he said.
He was speaking now with a quiet urgency in his voice. He was now deeply concerned that they might lose the connection at any moment.
We're running out of time, he thought . . . .
She replied, "Okay, well let me just say what's on mind. David, from everything you've told me, it sounds like I'm the one who's making you unhappy."
He was absolutely floored by her answer. What in the world is she talking about?
"What? Lizzie, you can't be serious! You're the only thing in my life that makes my life worth living. You must know that!"
"I – I think that's the problem, David. Ca-can't you see that? I haven't been in your life for a long time, right?" She whispered, hoping that he would understand what she was trying to tell him.
"I – I don't understand," He responded, confused beyond belief. His radio was hit with another shot of static as soon as he had finished his sentence.
"You're sad, because of . . . me, aren't you?" She quietly asked.
"No, no, not because of you, but because I've lost you, that's why it's been so hard for me. Don't you see? And you being alive, that's going to make everything right again, I know it!"
"But, ohmigosh, David, this is all so scary, the idea of dying, but what hurts me and scares me the most is not what's going to happen to me, but what's happening with you."
"Wh—what do you mean?"
"I mean, you're so dear to me and I care so much about you, and whatever happens to me, I want you to live your life to the fullest and for you to love it and enjoy it, because you're such a good person! You know? You are so amazing, special, and beautiful, and I hate it so much that I'm the one who's causing you so much sadness, so much grief," she said, as tears started to flow down her cheeks.
"Lizzie, no, oh my god no, it's not your fault, it's –"
Before he could finish his sentence, his ham radio was hit with even more static, and his house was wracked with the sound of crackling thunder. The storm hadn't relented yet. In fact, it was actually gaining in strength and ferocity, as if it was just starting to unleash its full fury and wrath upon the earth.
"Ohmigosh!" Cried Lizzie. At the same moment the thunder crashed around David's home, thunder also boomed over the McGuire's residence, shaking and rattling the house with a vengeance.
"Are you okay?" He asked, deeply concerned.
"I- I'm fine. It's just a little thunder. And Gordo's here to protect me." She gathered her composure and then spoke again. "I'm sorry David, but I do feel awful, I don't know why, it just hurts so much to think of you so sad like this for such a long time."
"Oh god, Lizzie, it's been so hard to let go of you, because I know we were meant to be together. And now, don't you see, all of this that's happening right now, it's an absolute miracle, God's giving you a second chance, he's giving us a second chance to be together," he said.
"But . . . how . . . how do you know? How do you know for sure we're meant to be together?"
He listened to her question with deep puzzlement. She still isn't sure, after all that I've told her about what happened to her and Jimmy? He took a deep breath to calm his rattled nerves and then answered.
"I know, because I know what happens to you. You were never meant to end up with Jimmy, because there's no way you deserved to die so young. You have to trust me, it all makes sense, you belong with me, not with Jimmy."
"But, that's what I don't understand. If I break up with Jimmy, that doesn't mean we're supposed to be together. It just meant I wasn't supposed to be with him. So, I just want to know, David, how can you be so sure, about us?"
David sat back in his chair, stunned by Lizzie's question. He was stunned, because she was absolutely right. For all this time, he had assumed that if Lizzie didn't end up with Jimmy, that meant that she would live and that she would end up with him. But, he realized that was what he was hoping for, that was not what was guaranteed to occur.
Shaken, he forced himself to respond. "But – but don't you want to be together? Don't you want to be with me?"
"I – I don't know, right now," she replied hesitantly. "I think, oh, it might be wonderful being with you, I mean, these past few hours with Gordo have just been so magical and special and I'll never forget this night, ever. But, it really scares me when you say you know for sure that we belong together. I don't why, it just does."
"Wh- why? Why does it scare you so much? I'm only saying it because I love you so much." He replied, confused beyond comprehension.
She paused, closed her eyes, then turned once more to Gordo. She looked deeply into his concerned eyes, and then she knew. She knew what was bothering her about what David was saying.
"Ohmigosh, I know why I'm scared. It's because right now, I really need to believe that the future is totally wide open and that anything can happen, to me, to you, to us. I need to believe that nothing is certain, that everything can change. Does that make sense, David?" She asked.
It was finally starting to make sense for him. "I – I . . . " But, at this moment, he couldn't talk. He was speechless.
He grabbed his head with his left arm, as his mind was swirling and his temples were now throbbing fiercely. It felt like the storm outside had now traveled inside his head and was wreaking havoc with his mind and soul.
She's right, he kept thinking. I don't know what's going to happen with us, even if she does live. I really don't know if we're meant to be. Destiny doesn't control us, we control our own destiny. Nothing is ever certain . . . .
And, if at this very critical moment, the future is completely wide open, for both him and for Lizzie, he knew that meant that even if she breaks up with Jimmy, it would not necessarily mean that he would get together with Lizzie.
As that stunning realization came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks, he suddenly felt completely depleted and energy-less. All the life was being sucked out of him, and he never felt so defeated and lost in his life. He was still overjoyed for Lizzie, that she now had a chance to live again. But, for himself, he was deeply saddened by the possibility that he just might not end up with the only girl he had ever loved in his life.
As he was finally ready to respond to Lizzie, his house was rattled with another thunderous boom and his radio was suddenly jolted with loud and noisy static. He kept waiting for the static to end, but it kept going. He jiggled with the frequency and hit the radio, but to no avail. He kept hearing a steady stream of angry static coming from the radio.
"Lizzie! Are you there? Lizzie! Can you hear me?"
His urgent cries were just greeted by unrelenting static.
"Lizzie! Answer me, please!"
Again, no answer. More static came spewing from his radio.
"Lizzie? Are you there?" He said, in a quiet, defeated voice.
Again, the only response was static. There was no one on the other line.
Lizzie was gone.
TO BE CONTINUED