Okay, I hope that you all enjoy this! Keep and open mind here, Im trying to
set up the story, but there are sure to be some unanswered things or
opinions in here...just relax. As the plot moves on I think that you will
come to see things in a different light. Or something like that...Oh and
about Evie...this does take place before the book, but don't freak out, its
just a bad day...I know that shes in the book, and when the time comes they
will be on good terms again. *wink wink* So no worries. I don't think I
have anything else to address here...so that's that. Enjoy!
Now to Review Responses:
Fudge: You rock! Hey, thanks for the review. I agree that Steve in unestablished and since not many care to share their views I am. Anyway. I'll try to make it happy. I mean, there will be good times and all, but Im not promising a whole lot. It all depends on my mood. You know me. LOL. Kay, see ya later!
Captain Cookie! The imfamous superhero!: WOW! You read! WOW! Im stealing Tens's word, don't you love it? HAHA. I was SOO proud when you reviewed and overjoyed, really. You know your opinion means a ton to me and all right? I hope so, cuz it does. Anyway...you made my day and im glad you like the idea. I figured you were more of a Steve type...don't blame you there, hes my new favorite character, don't ask why, I just love him. HAHA...yes, blue eyes. I think blue eyes are the best anyway, so I tried them on steve, and it worked! Im glad you liked it, and heres your beloved chapter, your hotness. It shouldn't be too dastardly considering its seven pages long,a nd you better like it! LOL. Well, see ya round, bud. And cut down on the cookies will ya? Im starting to get worried over here...
griffin95: I sure hope I live up to your expectations! I just don't see him as only a jerk, so this is my take. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it. Have a great time reading the next chapter...I promise it's longer.
Tensleep: HEHE. Thanks! I cant tell you how excited I am...really. I know hes not the type to get wasted, especially after seeing his dad for so many years, and I get where you are coming from, but as the story unfolds I think you will understand it better. Anyway, thank you soo much for your support, your opinion means soo much to me! Have fun reading!
DaNNi BaBezZz: Thaks fo rhte support! I just think that a lot of people only see Steve as this jerk and are stuck in their ways, and this fic is not about that,but I appreciate your comment. Also, Im soo happy you like the title. It just came to me and I loved it too much to change it, so yeah. I hope its not tacky...but I thought it was clever too. Well, enjoy reading more! I hope you like. Thanks a ton.
Oblivious Misconception: Wow! Thanks~ I really like Steve, and I think its time he gets a little fic about him. *Smiles* I really hope you enjoy this, and let me know as the story goes on how you think of Steve, I think it would be cool to find out. Thanks for your support! Enjoy.
Stephanie: Hey thanks! I tend to think its good too...obviously, but thanks for reading...here's more for you!
Also, following the trend I've seen lately and enjoyed...Im going to try and remember to put a dedication for each chapter at the beginning. So..Heres to Jhon who finally came around for us and read...AND reviewed...and the most important part...inspired me to get my butt in gear on this chapter. If it wasn't for him, it would be done right now...not that all y'all aren't important...he just got me at a good time I guess. Anyway...NOW on to the story!
`~`~``~`~`
I hated the rain, and I hated it even more when it matched my mood. It just brought everything that much closer to the bottom of the charts for the day. Well, it just so happens that when I rose from my bed this morning, my head aching and my ears ringing, I could hear the pittle-peck of rain drops on my draped over window. I knew then that I was going to have one hell of a day, and let me tell you, I did.
I got dressed quickly seeing as I was late already and took my daily walk to the Curtis' house at a run for the first time in a long time. I didn't mind it much, running felt good that morning aside from the ache I felt everywhere, but running made it no worse, and besides that it woke me up. No one would even know what a night I had had.
The Curtis house was running amuck in chaos as usual when I walked in the door. Soda had just jumped out of the shower, and Pony was slowly dragging his feet out of his room to get into the shower himself. Two-bit was around, lounging on the couch watching cartoons and drinking his usual morning beer. Then there was Darry, banging pots and pans in the kitchen while yelling for his two younger brothers to hurry their asses along. I had to laugh at the site, even if I saw it nearly every morning and at that point it hurt my head like nothing else. The best part was that they were all behind the times, late, sleepy, and on edge to say the least. I would ask Soda why later, but at that point I decided to take it for what it was worth.
Grabbing some chocolate cake, I plopped down next to Two-bit, pretending to watch the somewhat uninteresting box of moving images and fake jokes. That morning I didn't want to be in thick of action like most...I wanted to sit quietly by and disappear somehow. I knew that would never happen, however, so I just did my best at seeming bored and carefree. All while I was living in my thoughts.
Thankfully the chaos was enough to keep anyone from noticing the visible scar on my face from the night before. If they asked, which they would at one point or another, I planned to tell them that it was a fight. Well, it had been, but a one sided one at that, and one I didn't want to think on. I would much prefer to pass it by and trick myself into thinking that it didn't happen. It had been so long, I thought that was done, and it coming back had hit me harder than anyone would think possible.
It seemed like forever before we made it over to the DX. I was relieved to see that there was a car waiting for my assistance when we jumped out of Darrys truck. For the first time ever, I was happy to be working, it provided a type of distraction, and it would delay the lie I would inevitably have to tell my best friend. Normally I wouldn't feel bad about lying, did it all the time to tell the truth, but this time was different. Not only was Soda my best friend, he knew about all this stuff, and he cared. I felt like he cared enough that it might hurt him if he ever found out I lied to him about it, but then again, he never would find out.
In my mind this was just a once in a while drunken rage thing, it normally was, and I knew it was then too. The thing that bothered me about it was that it was bothering me still. Most times I could let it go at the flip of a dime, tell Soda about it, and not have to worry for a few weeks to come. But this time seemed different, and I didn't know why.
Once I was finished working on the truck in the drive, holding a record slow time, I dawdled my way into the shop to clean up a bit and ring up the charges. I was glad to see that Soda was busy fueling up some old mans Cadillac at that point, and hardly noticed that I was done, not that he could do much anyway.
I went at a snails pace while washing my hands then, knowing that if I was slow enough I might miss a confrontation at the register. I really wasn't looking forward to the later morning when things settled down around here and the ends of the world dropped off aside from Soda and me. Then was when my stomach would get bad, ringing itself in twists and knots until I could no longer hold down food. It only happened on horrible days like this one, which wasn't often, but I knew the drill all the same. Sometimes there seemed to be no rhyme or reason, again like today, but all the same it happened.
Luckily when I made my way to deal out money and charges at the front counter, the customer, an old big business type man in a suit, was waiting to pay up and get out of there. I greeted him again in a falsely happy manor while drying off my hands with a towel. Then I apologized for the delay, like any good mechanic would do, telling him I didn't want to get grease all over his money. The man was nice enough, laughing at my little tacky joke, and I rung up his tab and gave him his change, saying goodbye. He walked out fairly quickly after that, like he was in a hurry, late for some meeting, I supposed.
Soda was just out the door drinking his morning Pepsi, and he glanced back at me grinning a bit as the man walked out. I didn't know what it was for, but I didn't care much either. I went back into the back room with the sign on it that said Employee's Only, and took a seat, slouching for a minute before digging in my pocket for a smoke and making my way back outside all the while wishing I had an aspirin. I hoped that there would be a customer out there, one so that it kept Soda occupied but I could have a smoke, and do it in peace. I really needed one then, I was uptight and I wanted to just relax.
No such luck to my utter disappointment, but I knew I couldn't avoid it. I had to talk to Soda, had to act normal or things would be even worse. So I sat next to him on the bench in front of the store, waiting for customers and lighting up.
"Hey, Steve. Hows it goin'?" Soda asked like he hadn't seen me till just now.
"Fine. Same old, ya know?" I blew out a stream of smoke and slouched a bit more.
"Yeah."
We sat in silence a minute before Soda started to get up and take his empty pop bottle into the back room where we had a recycle bin for them. I was just starting to think I was out of the woods for right then when he suddenly stopped, coming closer and looking at my face. Damn it!
"Yo, what happened to you? Get drunk and hustle some pool last night?"
He meant it as a joke, we never did stuff like that. I mean, every once in a while we would go out drinking, but we weren't heavy drinkers by any definition and we had seen too many kids get nearly killed from hustling some pool. We weren't about to go doing that, only occasionally when we both needed a rush. But that was few and very far between. I actually only remember doing it once, and we got off real easy. The guys were stupid and never caught on. It was fun while it lasted.
"Nah, just got in a fight."
"Oh yeah? With who?" he sat back down next to me, apparently interested.
"Ah, just some guy on my way home. He wanted a fight and he got it." I chuckled lightly, trying to make it sound like nothing so Soda wouldn't ask for anymore details.
"You got him good?"
"'Course, dumb ass." And I meant that in the best way.
He laughed, told me a form of good job and went inside, the door ringing as the bell hooked to it moved. I had to love that sound right then.
I sat in peace for a few minutes, finishing off my cigarette and feeling my stomach become even more knotted. It was really going to be a long day, and I would soon find out about how much longer it would get.
I looked around, waiting for anyone to come and get my mind off of the lie I had just spit out in Soda's face, when I saw a crowd of pretty gals nearing the station. It was summer time and they really liked to come hang out with us two studs at the DX. That site alone helped me out, I mean, I couldn't ask for anything better to clear my thoughts than some babes to hit on.
Then I saw yet a better brighter light bursting from the clouds of my horrid day as Evie stepped out in front of the group and started walking faster towards me. I had to smile at that. Evie had always done it for me, no matter what, and today I really needed that.
I ground my cigarette out under my heel, getting up and straightening my shirt a bit. I was even starting to think that maybe my bad day would end there and things would turn out good after all. Boy was I wrong. I never knew something so beautiful could ruin so much until that day.
As Evie came closer the relief was almost overwhelming. She just relaxed me and made things seem better just by being there. When she was about fifteen feet away I started walking over to her, noticing that the other girls had stopped near the gas pumps to talk and Soda was already out the door and headed over.
"Hey, baby." I said, smiling truly for the first time that day. She didn't smile back, just glared.
"Don't babe me!" her tone was bad and dangerous. She was mad over something, I had no idea what, but I didn't need that right then. I backed away instead of doing the usual hug and kiss when we saw each other.
I was soo confused, what did I ever do? God... "What? Evie...what's wrong? What the..."
She cut me off yelling, "Steve! Do you just think you can do whatever you please? Well you cant! I'm not that stupid, you... ass. I can't believe that you would do that! What kind of a –"
"Whoa! Do what? I never did anything, darlin'." I was yelling by then too, it never took much to get my temper going, and that day was defidently no exception to the rule. The darling thing was an attempt to be nice to my girlfriend, but it didn't work, it came out wrong and made things worse.
"Don't play dumb, Steve. You know as well as I do what you did!" she screeched.
"No I don't, Evie! God how dense do you get?" I knew right after I said it that I shouldn't have, but I was really losing it then. My hands were shaking from anger and I was ready to slap her for not telling me anything. Was I supposed to read her mind? Well, that's what she thought, apparently.
"I'd rather be dense than a jerk who get's in fights, or beats up little kids or whatever it is that you do to get those bruises. They're ugly!"
"You have a problem with my fighting? You never seemed to care when I was watching out for you! And since when did I ever touch a kid who didn't deserve the whipping he got? Huh?"
She made to cut me off, but I kept going, not letting her get a word in edgewise, I was past being polite to her that day.
"Don't even start yelling at me again! You wont even tell me what in hell I did to ya! How can I do anything about it if I don't know? Am I supposed to read your damn screwed up girlie mind? Well, I don't! Never will. Learn to live with it."
I took a deep breath as she stood there silently. Then more quietly I said, "Don't come around her anymore, okay? Not till your ready to talk. I have to get back to work now."
I started to turn away, but I guess she wasn't done yet.
"You want to know? You're too stupid to figure out that sleeping with another girl would make me mad? Well, I never want to see or hear form you again, you bastard. I cant believe I thought you were different!" She reached up and slapped me square in the face then and walked away swiftly, the other girls following her lead. I couldn't believe that bitch.
My stomach was fairing even worse by that time, if that was possible, and I turned sitting down on the bench once again. My face stung and I wondered if it was red from her hand, probably. That was all I needed, another scar to carry and explain. At least this one would go away pretty quick and I wouldn't have to explain it for days to come.
Soda was coming over to me then, after taking care of a customer and stuffing his coin tip in his pocket. But before he made it to me I was up and stumbling over to the side of the building, trying to keep from letting go of all the contents of my upset stomach in front of him or anyone else.
It almost felt good to get rid of it, like I was purging myself of all the crap in my life right then, but the feeling only lasted till Soda got over next to me. He planted his hand on my shoulder as I hung my head in shame. I was humiliated for being so screwed up and wussy in front of him.
"Hey, you all right man? It wasn't that bad. I mean, things'll work out and if she thinks that then she doesn't deserve you and she's not worth it anyway."
I threw up again right there in front of him. I just couldn't hold it back anymore, I was really freaking out and I didn't remember why. I didn't know why it was all so bad. I never reacted like that, hadn't in years, why now?
"Whoa, bud. You sick today? You've been acting kinda weird all morning. Maybe you should go home." His voice was concerned and gentle then.
"Nah, I'm fine, Soda." I really wasn't, but that's okay, he didn't need to worry anymore and the last thing I needed then was to go home. Maybe the Curtis house wouldn't be so bad, but not home.
He looked doubtful as I sat down on the cement, leaning against the building and trying to relax.
"Got a smoke?" I asked him.
"No, but you do," he pointed to my pocket. I remember I had some, got one out and lit up again. As I lit up, I noticed how bad my hands were shaking and couldn't help but wonder again what had been so bad the night before to be doing this to me. My stomach clenched again, threatening another episode, but I ignored it my best, keeping it down for as long as I could.
Soda seemed content to sit there silently for a few minutes, giving me some room, but he sure was worried by the look on his face.
I started to remember then what had happened the night before. It was clear for the first time since it had happened, and it ididnt take long to know why I was o whacked out. I thought over it, from the scene when I walked in the door to the darkness I woke up in however long later. I didn't remember much of it, just that he was drunk and mad over something. It didn't make sense that he would be mad. I was home on time, I was doing everything fine, but he didn't think so for some unknown reason. He never gave me one, the only things he really said to me was what I then came to realize was the reason I was so upset. His exact words were slurred and blurry to me even when he said them, but the meaning was the same. He hated me, thought I was a failure, I was just some kid, not a son. As far as he saw I would never go anywhere in life, I would never love, I would never be good enough for anyone. He might have even told me I was never to come home again, but by that time I was too out of it to care, a few too many blows to the head over the limit and I just sat there dazed. It was worse then it had ever been before, by far, and now I had to wonder why.
Then I thought about Evie. She thought I had slept with some girl? Who told her that? Was I that much of a scum bag? That big of a bastard for people to think I would do that to her? I guess I really was a failure then, not even the girl I loved could trust me or believe in me. I was going nowhere and that reality hit me a little too hard. For the first time in my life, I felt more than anger over my situation, over myself. For the first time, I felt bad about it, I wanted to change it and knew I couldn't. I felt hopeless.
Soda broke me out of my thoughts, putting his hand on my shoulder. He was sitting on his haunches in front of me looking at me all weird like, "You sure you're okay, man? You really don't look good."
I blinked, I wanted to confess it all to him, but it was just stupid. I had never done this before, no matter how mad, why now? I had never given anyone any reason to think that I couldn't deal with my life, and I didn't plan on it ever.
"Yeah. Really, Im fine." I sighed. I let my head rest back against the wall and shut my eyes.
He shook his head. "You don't have to tell me anything, but...you know you can right? I mean, if you had something that you wanted to tell me I would listen and ya know...just..." he drifted off.
I looked in his eyes, "Yeah, man. I know. If there was anything to tell ya, I would, really. It was just a small fight, it was nothing."
I started to stand up with Sodas help. He took my hand without asking, but I didn't object. I felt like shit, so I wasn't going to turn him away.
He patted me on the back as we walked back around to the front of the DX, "Yeah, I know. I just...wanted to make sure you knew. I mean, I know you do, just making sure man. But...you really don't look too good. I really think you should go over to my place and take a break."
"I'm fine, Soda." I said to try and end the discussion.
"Really? Because your eyes are all weird and you don't seem too hot man. Just go and relax. I don't think you should be at work right now. I mean, Darry's got the day off and I'm sure people'll be around so you wont be alone..."
"Yeah...alright." I knew he was right, and I had enough humility in front of Soda to know when he was right. Besides, Soda just had a way of getting anyone to do anything, including me. He had a way of knowing what was right, and everyone knew it.
We went inside and sat down, and Soda made a few calls to get someone to come cover for me. Once he had someone to take care of the shift, I left, slowly stumbling over to the Curtis' house, hoping I got there on my own two feet. I was real glad to be leaving work, but it was going to be a long hard walk for me. I was tired and dizzy and was still feeling my stomach churn in my body. I just wanted to go to sleep.
Now to Review Responses:
Fudge: You rock! Hey, thanks for the review. I agree that Steve in unestablished and since not many care to share their views I am. Anyway. I'll try to make it happy. I mean, there will be good times and all, but Im not promising a whole lot. It all depends on my mood. You know me. LOL. Kay, see ya later!
Captain Cookie! The imfamous superhero!: WOW! You read! WOW! Im stealing Tens's word, don't you love it? HAHA. I was SOO proud when you reviewed and overjoyed, really. You know your opinion means a ton to me and all right? I hope so, cuz it does. Anyway...you made my day and im glad you like the idea. I figured you were more of a Steve type...don't blame you there, hes my new favorite character, don't ask why, I just love him. HAHA...yes, blue eyes. I think blue eyes are the best anyway, so I tried them on steve, and it worked! Im glad you liked it, and heres your beloved chapter, your hotness. It shouldn't be too dastardly considering its seven pages long,a nd you better like it! LOL. Well, see ya round, bud. And cut down on the cookies will ya? Im starting to get worried over here...
griffin95: I sure hope I live up to your expectations! I just don't see him as only a jerk, so this is my take. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it. Have a great time reading the next chapter...I promise it's longer.
Tensleep: HEHE. Thanks! I cant tell you how excited I am...really. I know hes not the type to get wasted, especially after seeing his dad for so many years, and I get where you are coming from, but as the story unfolds I think you will understand it better. Anyway, thank you soo much for your support, your opinion means soo much to me! Have fun reading!
DaNNi BaBezZz: Thaks fo rhte support! I just think that a lot of people only see Steve as this jerk and are stuck in their ways, and this fic is not about that,but I appreciate your comment. Also, Im soo happy you like the title. It just came to me and I loved it too much to change it, so yeah. I hope its not tacky...but I thought it was clever too. Well, enjoy reading more! I hope you like. Thanks a ton.
Oblivious Misconception: Wow! Thanks~ I really like Steve, and I think its time he gets a little fic about him. *Smiles* I really hope you enjoy this, and let me know as the story goes on how you think of Steve, I think it would be cool to find out. Thanks for your support! Enjoy.
Stephanie: Hey thanks! I tend to think its good too...obviously, but thanks for reading...here's more for you!
Also, following the trend I've seen lately and enjoyed...Im going to try and remember to put a dedication for each chapter at the beginning. So..Heres to Jhon who finally came around for us and read...AND reviewed...and the most important part...inspired me to get my butt in gear on this chapter. If it wasn't for him, it would be done right now...not that all y'all aren't important...he just got me at a good time I guess. Anyway...NOW on to the story!
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I hated the rain, and I hated it even more when it matched my mood. It just brought everything that much closer to the bottom of the charts for the day. Well, it just so happens that when I rose from my bed this morning, my head aching and my ears ringing, I could hear the pittle-peck of rain drops on my draped over window. I knew then that I was going to have one hell of a day, and let me tell you, I did.
I got dressed quickly seeing as I was late already and took my daily walk to the Curtis' house at a run for the first time in a long time. I didn't mind it much, running felt good that morning aside from the ache I felt everywhere, but running made it no worse, and besides that it woke me up. No one would even know what a night I had had.
The Curtis house was running amuck in chaos as usual when I walked in the door. Soda had just jumped out of the shower, and Pony was slowly dragging his feet out of his room to get into the shower himself. Two-bit was around, lounging on the couch watching cartoons and drinking his usual morning beer. Then there was Darry, banging pots and pans in the kitchen while yelling for his two younger brothers to hurry their asses along. I had to laugh at the site, even if I saw it nearly every morning and at that point it hurt my head like nothing else. The best part was that they were all behind the times, late, sleepy, and on edge to say the least. I would ask Soda why later, but at that point I decided to take it for what it was worth.
Grabbing some chocolate cake, I plopped down next to Two-bit, pretending to watch the somewhat uninteresting box of moving images and fake jokes. That morning I didn't want to be in thick of action like most...I wanted to sit quietly by and disappear somehow. I knew that would never happen, however, so I just did my best at seeming bored and carefree. All while I was living in my thoughts.
Thankfully the chaos was enough to keep anyone from noticing the visible scar on my face from the night before. If they asked, which they would at one point or another, I planned to tell them that it was a fight. Well, it had been, but a one sided one at that, and one I didn't want to think on. I would much prefer to pass it by and trick myself into thinking that it didn't happen. It had been so long, I thought that was done, and it coming back had hit me harder than anyone would think possible.
It seemed like forever before we made it over to the DX. I was relieved to see that there was a car waiting for my assistance when we jumped out of Darrys truck. For the first time ever, I was happy to be working, it provided a type of distraction, and it would delay the lie I would inevitably have to tell my best friend. Normally I wouldn't feel bad about lying, did it all the time to tell the truth, but this time was different. Not only was Soda my best friend, he knew about all this stuff, and he cared. I felt like he cared enough that it might hurt him if he ever found out I lied to him about it, but then again, he never would find out.
In my mind this was just a once in a while drunken rage thing, it normally was, and I knew it was then too. The thing that bothered me about it was that it was bothering me still. Most times I could let it go at the flip of a dime, tell Soda about it, and not have to worry for a few weeks to come. But this time seemed different, and I didn't know why.
Once I was finished working on the truck in the drive, holding a record slow time, I dawdled my way into the shop to clean up a bit and ring up the charges. I was glad to see that Soda was busy fueling up some old mans Cadillac at that point, and hardly noticed that I was done, not that he could do much anyway.
I went at a snails pace while washing my hands then, knowing that if I was slow enough I might miss a confrontation at the register. I really wasn't looking forward to the later morning when things settled down around here and the ends of the world dropped off aside from Soda and me. Then was when my stomach would get bad, ringing itself in twists and knots until I could no longer hold down food. It only happened on horrible days like this one, which wasn't often, but I knew the drill all the same. Sometimes there seemed to be no rhyme or reason, again like today, but all the same it happened.
Luckily when I made my way to deal out money and charges at the front counter, the customer, an old big business type man in a suit, was waiting to pay up and get out of there. I greeted him again in a falsely happy manor while drying off my hands with a towel. Then I apologized for the delay, like any good mechanic would do, telling him I didn't want to get grease all over his money. The man was nice enough, laughing at my little tacky joke, and I rung up his tab and gave him his change, saying goodbye. He walked out fairly quickly after that, like he was in a hurry, late for some meeting, I supposed.
Soda was just out the door drinking his morning Pepsi, and he glanced back at me grinning a bit as the man walked out. I didn't know what it was for, but I didn't care much either. I went back into the back room with the sign on it that said Employee's Only, and took a seat, slouching for a minute before digging in my pocket for a smoke and making my way back outside all the while wishing I had an aspirin. I hoped that there would be a customer out there, one so that it kept Soda occupied but I could have a smoke, and do it in peace. I really needed one then, I was uptight and I wanted to just relax.
No such luck to my utter disappointment, but I knew I couldn't avoid it. I had to talk to Soda, had to act normal or things would be even worse. So I sat next to him on the bench in front of the store, waiting for customers and lighting up.
"Hey, Steve. Hows it goin'?" Soda asked like he hadn't seen me till just now.
"Fine. Same old, ya know?" I blew out a stream of smoke and slouched a bit more.
"Yeah."
We sat in silence a minute before Soda started to get up and take his empty pop bottle into the back room where we had a recycle bin for them. I was just starting to think I was out of the woods for right then when he suddenly stopped, coming closer and looking at my face. Damn it!
"Yo, what happened to you? Get drunk and hustle some pool last night?"
He meant it as a joke, we never did stuff like that. I mean, every once in a while we would go out drinking, but we weren't heavy drinkers by any definition and we had seen too many kids get nearly killed from hustling some pool. We weren't about to go doing that, only occasionally when we both needed a rush. But that was few and very far between. I actually only remember doing it once, and we got off real easy. The guys were stupid and never caught on. It was fun while it lasted.
"Nah, just got in a fight."
"Oh yeah? With who?" he sat back down next to me, apparently interested.
"Ah, just some guy on my way home. He wanted a fight and he got it." I chuckled lightly, trying to make it sound like nothing so Soda wouldn't ask for anymore details.
"You got him good?"
"'Course, dumb ass." And I meant that in the best way.
He laughed, told me a form of good job and went inside, the door ringing as the bell hooked to it moved. I had to love that sound right then.
I sat in peace for a few minutes, finishing off my cigarette and feeling my stomach become even more knotted. It was really going to be a long day, and I would soon find out about how much longer it would get.
I looked around, waiting for anyone to come and get my mind off of the lie I had just spit out in Soda's face, when I saw a crowd of pretty gals nearing the station. It was summer time and they really liked to come hang out with us two studs at the DX. That site alone helped me out, I mean, I couldn't ask for anything better to clear my thoughts than some babes to hit on.
Then I saw yet a better brighter light bursting from the clouds of my horrid day as Evie stepped out in front of the group and started walking faster towards me. I had to smile at that. Evie had always done it for me, no matter what, and today I really needed that.
I ground my cigarette out under my heel, getting up and straightening my shirt a bit. I was even starting to think that maybe my bad day would end there and things would turn out good after all. Boy was I wrong. I never knew something so beautiful could ruin so much until that day.
As Evie came closer the relief was almost overwhelming. She just relaxed me and made things seem better just by being there. When she was about fifteen feet away I started walking over to her, noticing that the other girls had stopped near the gas pumps to talk and Soda was already out the door and headed over.
"Hey, baby." I said, smiling truly for the first time that day. She didn't smile back, just glared.
"Don't babe me!" her tone was bad and dangerous. She was mad over something, I had no idea what, but I didn't need that right then. I backed away instead of doing the usual hug and kiss when we saw each other.
I was soo confused, what did I ever do? God... "What? Evie...what's wrong? What the..."
She cut me off yelling, "Steve! Do you just think you can do whatever you please? Well you cant! I'm not that stupid, you... ass. I can't believe that you would do that! What kind of a –"
"Whoa! Do what? I never did anything, darlin'." I was yelling by then too, it never took much to get my temper going, and that day was defidently no exception to the rule. The darling thing was an attempt to be nice to my girlfriend, but it didn't work, it came out wrong and made things worse.
"Don't play dumb, Steve. You know as well as I do what you did!" she screeched.
"No I don't, Evie! God how dense do you get?" I knew right after I said it that I shouldn't have, but I was really losing it then. My hands were shaking from anger and I was ready to slap her for not telling me anything. Was I supposed to read her mind? Well, that's what she thought, apparently.
"I'd rather be dense than a jerk who get's in fights, or beats up little kids or whatever it is that you do to get those bruises. They're ugly!"
"You have a problem with my fighting? You never seemed to care when I was watching out for you! And since when did I ever touch a kid who didn't deserve the whipping he got? Huh?"
She made to cut me off, but I kept going, not letting her get a word in edgewise, I was past being polite to her that day.
"Don't even start yelling at me again! You wont even tell me what in hell I did to ya! How can I do anything about it if I don't know? Am I supposed to read your damn screwed up girlie mind? Well, I don't! Never will. Learn to live with it."
I took a deep breath as she stood there silently. Then more quietly I said, "Don't come around her anymore, okay? Not till your ready to talk. I have to get back to work now."
I started to turn away, but I guess she wasn't done yet.
"You want to know? You're too stupid to figure out that sleeping with another girl would make me mad? Well, I never want to see or hear form you again, you bastard. I cant believe I thought you were different!" She reached up and slapped me square in the face then and walked away swiftly, the other girls following her lead. I couldn't believe that bitch.
My stomach was fairing even worse by that time, if that was possible, and I turned sitting down on the bench once again. My face stung and I wondered if it was red from her hand, probably. That was all I needed, another scar to carry and explain. At least this one would go away pretty quick and I wouldn't have to explain it for days to come.
Soda was coming over to me then, after taking care of a customer and stuffing his coin tip in his pocket. But before he made it to me I was up and stumbling over to the side of the building, trying to keep from letting go of all the contents of my upset stomach in front of him or anyone else.
It almost felt good to get rid of it, like I was purging myself of all the crap in my life right then, but the feeling only lasted till Soda got over next to me. He planted his hand on my shoulder as I hung my head in shame. I was humiliated for being so screwed up and wussy in front of him.
"Hey, you all right man? It wasn't that bad. I mean, things'll work out and if she thinks that then she doesn't deserve you and she's not worth it anyway."
I threw up again right there in front of him. I just couldn't hold it back anymore, I was really freaking out and I didn't remember why. I didn't know why it was all so bad. I never reacted like that, hadn't in years, why now?
"Whoa, bud. You sick today? You've been acting kinda weird all morning. Maybe you should go home." His voice was concerned and gentle then.
"Nah, I'm fine, Soda." I really wasn't, but that's okay, he didn't need to worry anymore and the last thing I needed then was to go home. Maybe the Curtis house wouldn't be so bad, but not home.
He looked doubtful as I sat down on the cement, leaning against the building and trying to relax.
"Got a smoke?" I asked him.
"No, but you do," he pointed to my pocket. I remember I had some, got one out and lit up again. As I lit up, I noticed how bad my hands were shaking and couldn't help but wonder again what had been so bad the night before to be doing this to me. My stomach clenched again, threatening another episode, but I ignored it my best, keeping it down for as long as I could.
Soda seemed content to sit there silently for a few minutes, giving me some room, but he sure was worried by the look on his face.
I started to remember then what had happened the night before. It was clear for the first time since it had happened, and it ididnt take long to know why I was o whacked out. I thought over it, from the scene when I walked in the door to the darkness I woke up in however long later. I didn't remember much of it, just that he was drunk and mad over something. It didn't make sense that he would be mad. I was home on time, I was doing everything fine, but he didn't think so for some unknown reason. He never gave me one, the only things he really said to me was what I then came to realize was the reason I was so upset. His exact words were slurred and blurry to me even when he said them, but the meaning was the same. He hated me, thought I was a failure, I was just some kid, not a son. As far as he saw I would never go anywhere in life, I would never love, I would never be good enough for anyone. He might have even told me I was never to come home again, but by that time I was too out of it to care, a few too many blows to the head over the limit and I just sat there dazed. It was worse then it had ever been before, by far, and now I had to wonder why.
Then I thought about Evie. She thought I had slept with some girl? Who told her that? Was I that much of a scum bag? That big of a bastard for people to think I would do that to her? I guess I really was a failure then, not even the girl I loved could trust me or believe in me. I was going nowhere and that reality hit me a little too hard. For the first time in my life, I felt more than anger over my situation, over myself. For the first time, I felt bad about it, I wanted to change it and knew I couldn't. I felt hopeless.
Soda broke me out of my thoughts, putting his hand on my shoulder. He was sitting on his haunches in front of me looking at me all weird like, "You sure you're okay, man? You really don't look good."
I blinked, I wanted to confess it all to him, but it was just stupid. I had never done this before, no matter how mad, why now? I had never given anyone any reason to think that I couldn't deal with my life, and I didn't plan on it ever.
"Yeah. Really, Im fine." I sighed. I let my head rest back against the wall and shut my eyes.
He shook his head. "You don't have to tell me anything, but...you know you can right? I mean, if you had something that you wanted to tell me I would listen and ya know...just..." he drifted off.
I looked in his eyes, "Yeah, man. I know. If there was anything to tell ya, I would, really. It was just a small fight, it was nothing."
I started to stand up with Sodas help. He took my hand without asking, but I didn't object. I felt like shit, so I wasn't going to turn him away.
He patted me on the back as we walked back around to the front of the DX, "Yeah, I know. I just...wanted to make sure you knew. I mean, I know you do, just making sure man. But...you really don't look too good. I really think you should go over to my place and take a break."
"I'm fine, Soda." I said to try and end the discussion.
"Really? Because your eyes are all weird and you don't seem too hot man. Just go and relax. I don't think you should be at work right now. I mean, Darry's got the day off and I'm sure people'll be around so you wont be alone..."
"Yeah...alright." I knew he was right, and I had enough humility in front of Soda to know when he was right. Besides, Soda just had a way of getting anyone to do anything, including me. He had a way of knowing what was right, and everyone knew it.
We went inside and sat down, and Soda made a few calls to get someone to come cover for me. Once he had someone to take care of the shift, I left, slowly stumbling over to the Curtis' house, hoping I got there on my own two feet. I was real glad to be leaving work, but it was going to be a long hard walk for me. I was tired and dizzy and was still feeling my stomach churn in my body. I just wanted to go to sleep.