A Second Chance -- Chapter 26
Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. Again, it's actually half of the chapter that I meant to write, but it just started to get really long, so I thought I'd post what I've writen and post the other part as a new chapter. Anyway, please read and review! This chapter is a critical moment for Lizzie and Gordo, and I'd love to hear what you think.
They walked out the office door and towards the door to the back porch.
As they glided through the living room, she stopped and instructed Gordo to pick up the blanket off of the couch.
He nodded, then, he reluctantly let go of her hand and walked over to the couch. He grabbed the reddish-brown wool blanket, flung it over his shoulder, then he sauntered back towards her.
She reached out with her right hand, beckoning him to grab hold of it once more.
He did, and once he did he instantly felt a sense of safety, security, and love. He didn't know how she did it, but, whatever she was doing, there was magic in the touch of her hands.
She led him to the back of the living room. She grabbed the doorknob, slowly twisted it, and then cautiously and deliberately opened the door.
A burst of cool, misty air quickly greeted her. "Ohhh!!" She gasped. "The air feels so good!"
She inhaled deeply, feeling energized by the fresh air. She scanned the back porch to see the rain still diligently making its way from the skies down to the earth.
She peered up towards the porch awning, which was working feverishly to prevent her from being completely drenched and soaked. She closed her eyes and listened to the steady, constant beat of rain pellets striking the awning and then slipping and sliding down and over the awning's edge.
Her dad had installed the awning earlier this summer, primarily to shield the McGuires and their guests from the piercing, burning rays of the California sun. But, tonight, it was doing a wonderful job as sturdy shelter from the storm raging all around them.
"C'mon, let's sit outside for a little bit," she said to Gordo. She motioned with her hand over to the pieces of lawn furniture that were sitting and relaxing underneath the awning. She was drawn in particular to the wicker loveseat summoning them to come and sit down on its soft, pliable seats.
She led him to the loveseat and then quickly took a seat on the left side. Gordo grabbed the blanket off his shoulder, unfolded it, and then in gentlemanly fashion, he laid it across her shoulders and her lap, making sure she was warm and secure. He then sat down on the right side of the loveseat, a few inches away from her. Even though he wasn't conscious of it, he had sat down in a way so that he wouldn't come in physical contact with her.
"Thanks, Gordo," she said softly. She looked at him, peered out at the rainy night, then said, "Here, let me give you some of my blanket, don't want you to get a chill tonight."
She pulled and tugged on her blanket and spread it out over his lap. He took it pulled it up and over his shoulders. He smiled at her as he started to absorb the warmth from the blanket.
"You're welcome," she said in response to his silent thank you, and then she smiled back.
The two then remained quiet and watched, in a comfortable silence, the rain continuing to march its way down from the skies.
Gazing at the rain, she was reminded of the fight that they had just a few hours ago, when he chased after her as she tried to get into her car and drive off into the night. She remembered that, as she was trying to wrestle away from him, she kept wondering why he was acting so crazily and trying so desperately to stop her from taking a little car ride.
Now, after all that had happened, after having talked with a version of Gordo living in the future, she now knew why he behaved so erratically and strangely. She now understood why he had that look on his face that she saw through her car window – a look of sheer fear and terror. He had been afraid for her very life.
He -- he was trying to save my life, she thought. He's still trying to save my life.
She turned her head and gazed at his profile. Oh, Gordo, you've been so strong and courageous tonight . . . .
With feelings of tenderness and empathy surging within her, she scooted her body closer to him and then she slowly laid her neck down on his shoulders. She wanted to be physically close to him, as she was feeling a strong emotional connection with him.
She still wasn't sure about her feelings, she still wasn't sure she could see him as a something more than a friend, but, reflecting on all that had happened tonight, she could feel in her soul that their destinies and fates were closely intertwined, almost as if his destiny was hers, and her destiny was his.
She was just so glad that she was with her best friend, sharing a blanket and sharing companionship on a beautiful, miraculous and odd rainy night.
He smiled as her head rested on his left shoulder. He was in love with this moment, and he wished time could stand still and let him enjoy for as long as he wanted the simple pleasure of being together so intimately with the girl of his dreams.
But, as much as he wanted to just immerse himself in the moment, his mind wandered towards thoughts of the future, of her future, of his future.
He didn't want to break the serene silence, but, he felt as if he had no choice. He had to know for sure.
"Lizzie?"
"Hmm . . . yes, Gordo?" She replied in a sweet, sleepy voice.
"Do you remember some of the things you said when you were talking to David?"
"Yes. How can I forget? Ohmigosh, it was so amazing and surreal to be talking to you in the future. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what happened tonight," she replied.
He paused. Then, he said, "Do you remember what you said about being scared, you know, of being together . . . with me?"
He could feel her body stiffen and tense up. The soft, lazy mood was broken, and they both knew that the time had come to directly confront their future.
She lifted her head off his shoulders and repositioned her body so that she was now directly facing him. He turned to see her looking intently at him.
"Gordo, ohh . . . that's not what I said," she said in a quiet voice. "I'm not scared of being with you, not at all. The idea of being with you makes me smile, whenever I think about it. But, what scares me is the thought that we're meant to be together."
He looked at her nervously, then replied, "I – I don't get it. Why – why does that scare you so much?"
He had heard the answer she had given to David, but he still didn't really understand. All he kept thinking was that this was her way of telling him that she didn't love him.
She took a deep breath, concentrated, put her hand on his shoulders, then said, "It's because of everything I learned tonight, about my future. Ohmigosh, it's so scary knowing that I'm meant to die in a few years, it's so scary knowing that I was meant to die tonight."
"I know. I'm so sorry."
"So, right now, do you see, I'm just so scared of the thought of anything that's meant to happen, even if it's something wonderful. You know? I need to believe that the future isn't set yet, that I'm not meant to die, that everything can change, with you and me, even with me and Jimmy."
Her mention of Jimmy perked up his ears. What? He thought. Is she still thinking about going out with him, even after what David had told her about what he will do to her in a few years?
He asked, "Jimmy? Lizzie, you aren't thinking of still going out with him, are you? Even after what David had said?"
"I – I don't know, Gordo . . . I – I just don't want to break up with him, just because of what's meant to happen between him and me. I mean, it doesn't have to end up that way, right? Knowing what I know, maybe I could change things and make sure he doesn't become so depressed, and maybe, I could save his life and mine, you know, just like the way you and David saved my life tonight."
Her words sent sharp, painful shivers up his spine. I can't believe it . . . she – she still wants to be with him, he thought. With him, and not with me . . . .
She saw the glazed, hurt look in his eyes and she understood immediately how Gordo had interpreted her words. Oh, no, that's not what I meant . . . .
"Are you okay, Gordo?" She asked. "Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not saying I want to keep going out with Jimmy, I –"
He cut her off before she could finish her sentence. "Then, what do you mean?"
"I – I don't know," she replied, in a tentative voice. "Ohmigosh, I really don't know how I feel about anything or anyone right now. Everything is all so blurred up, and I don't know what's past or present or future, it's all just mixed up. I just want everything to be . . . normal," she said, then she broke down, sobbing, with her face buried in her hands.
She regained her composure, wiped away the tears from her eyes, then said, in a soft yet firm voice, "I'll be honest, right now, I'm just not sure about us, everything between us is happening so fast. But, what I am sure about is I don't like the idea of us being meant together. I don't believe it, I don't want to believe it, not right now."
His head was swimming. His worst fears were coming true.
"You – you don't think we're meant to be together?"
She replied, "No, I don't. I mean, Gordo, look how young we are . . . . There's so much more of life out there waiting for us, you know?"
He nodded in acknowledgement.
She continued. "And so many things could happen in the future. I mean, even if we started going out, that doesn't mean we'll stay together, you know? What if we move to different schools? What if we go away to different colleges? What if you find some girl you find who's prettier, smarter, and funnier than me and you break up with me and marry her? So many things can happen – I don't want to be married with children already, when I'm just sixteen. I want our future to be wide open, I don't want it to be written in stone. Now, more than ever. Can you understand that, Gordo?"
He didn't understand. All he could hear was her telling him that she couldn't see a life together with him. "You . . . don't want to be with me . . . ." he said, in a barely audible, monotone, defeated voice.
"No – I – I . . ." Confused, stunned, unable to respond coherently, she lost her composure and began to cry again. She took her blanket and buried herself underneath it, hiding from Gordo, hiding from herself, sobbing, feeling awful for hurting her best friend's feelings, feeling awful because it felt like she was about to lose someone she cherished more than anyone else in the world.
He noticed that Lizzie was extremely distraught, and he knew she needed some comforting, he knew she needed to know that he was still there for her.
But, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move. He was frozen inside, imprisoned by what she had said. Or, more accurately, he was imprisoned by what he thought she had said.
For Gordo, her words kept repeating themselves over and over in his head, taunting him and haunting him. She doesn't love me, she doesn't want to be with me . . . . Listening to her words, he was hit with an overwhelming sense of dread. He was scared, scared of the future.
Because as she spoke, suddenly it became clear to him that his future would be one without Lizzie. Just like she said, after high school, they would probably part ways, go off to different colleges, she would meet someone, get married, and leave him and forget about him. To her, he would just be a nice memory from the past, a childhood friend that she would reminisce about once in a blue moon.
But, for him, a future without Lizzie would be a future of misery, loneliness and sadness.
Oh my god, I'm going to lose her . . . .
And with that thought, he imagined himself in the future, like David, permanently trapped in the past, trapped in his prison of grief, longing, and self-pity. He cringed at the picture, he shook his head, angry at what he was about to become. He didn't want that future, he didn't want that sort of life where he would wake up feeling as if he didn't want to live anymore, a life where it was a daily struggle to manage the simple, most basic functions in life.
Yet, he felt himself resigned to his tragic fate. If he didn't lose her to Jimmy, he would lose her to someone else, someone more deserving of Lizzie, someone more handsome, taller, and more popular than him.
She's right, we're not meant to be together, he thought, as he hung his head in sheer dejection . . . .
He glanced over to her, still underneath the blanket, still sobbing, and he was all tied up inside, unsure of what to do. Maybe, I should leave, and let her be alone. I'm just making her uncomfortable now, he thought.
Drowning in negativity, self-doubt, and pessimism, he suddenly heard a voice talking to him. It was an inner voice, it was his voice, but it sounded deeper, older. It sounded like David's voice.
Do you love her? The voice asked.
Yes! I do! He replied silently.
Then, fight for her! Don't give up so easily! Take a chance! Take the risk! Acknowledge the possibility of failure, and go for it!
Do it, even though you are afraid, even though you fear the worst, even though you don't know if you could stand it if she said no, even if you don't know if you could bear the intense and agonizing pain of having your heart and soul rejected.
Do it, for yourself. Do it for Lizzie. Give yourselves the chance you both deserve.
So, wake up, Gordo!
Snap out of your self-induced trance of depression. Right now!
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop drowning yourself in your doubts and worries. Instead, do what you want to do, do what your heart is telling you to do. Give yourself release . . . free yourself, liberate yourself.
Be, yourself.
Don't give up now! The future hasn't happened yet, it's not over yet. It's never been over, the future is ready to be written and rewritten, in each and every moment of the present. The future doesn't just happen some time down the road – the future happens now, it is whatever you make of it, right now.
She's confused at the moment, and rightfully so. But, that's okay, because you're not confused, because you know what you want.
So, tell her!
As he listened the voice admonish him to take heart and to not give up, he mustered up the courage to look at Lizzie, who was sitting next to him and still sobbing softly underneath the blanket. Everything that was going on was taking an emotional toll on her. He wanted to reach and hold on to her and comfort her.
But, he just sat there, still lost in his thoughts. Things were becoming clearer. Her words were finally starting to make sense to him. When she said she didn't believe that they were meant to be together, she wasn't rejecting him, but just expressing the fundamental truth about life . . . that no one knows how the future will turn out.
Tonight, Lizzie was meant to die. Yet, she didn't. She's alive, because he acted, because he did something about it. Because he believed some crazy guy on the other side of a ham radio telling him that he was David Gordon living twelve years in the future.
Lizzie's alive, because he had faith. Because he took a chance. Because he took a risk. Because he believed that the future could be changed. Because he believed that Lizzie's death was not meant to happen.
That's what she's getting it! He exclaimed silently. Of course! I get it now!
She was trying to tell him that nothing is certain and absolute in life, that life is all about taking risks, it's all about taking chances in the face of uncertainty.
He now understood, he and Lizzie are not meant to be together, because no one knows, not him, not her, what will happen to them in the future.
What he did know for certain was how he felt about her, and just how much he wanted to be with her, right now, in this moment.
And that's what he needed to tell her, that's what he wanted to tell her.
I want to be with you, Lizzie McGuire, because I'm so in love with you, he thought to himself, as he turned his head towards her, reached over to her, and began to tell her the truth and depth of his desires and his love for her . . . .
To be continued