A Second Chance -- Chapter 27
Author's Note: Okay, finally, here's the next chapter. Man, was it a hard chapter to write. I really wanted to get this right. So, tell me what you all think! Read and review. HM.
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He turned to her and he gently shook her shoulders, which were still covered by the blanket. "Lizzie," he whispered. "I -- I think I understand. And -- I need to tell you something."
As he spoke, he looked down at his hands and noticed that they were trembling with great anticipation. Oh man, I'm feeling so nervous right now . . . .
He was feeling nervous, because in this very moment, he could see the future opening up right before his eyes.
For Lizzie, Gordo's words had quietly startled her tears into a temporary submission. She wiped away the tears from her face with the sleeves of her sweater, as she emotionally prepared herself to emerge from undercover.
She slowly peeled away the blanket from her face and gingerly turned her head to face the boy sitting next to her.
Her hair was disheveled, and her eyes were red and puffy from the tears.
He gazed at her intently, silently, and she suddenly became self-conscious of her appearance.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, Gordo, I must be such a mess," she said worriedly, as she tried to straighten out the tangled strands of her hair.
"No, you look beautiful," he said instantly, in a soft, wistful voice. He paused, his eyes still firmly fixed on her face, and said, "You -- you're always beautiful to me, Lizzie."
As soon as he uttered those words, he averted his eyes, and looked out at the rain, feeling utterly raw and exposed.
She blushed and felt a surge of warm energy course through her body. She was still a bit incredulous that anyone could find her beautiful when she knew she was a complete physical and emotional wreck, but she could hear it in his voice --- he was telling his truth.
"Oh Gordo, that's so sweet of you to say, it really is."
Her tender words brushed away his feelings of exposure and embarrassment, and he mustered up the courage to look at her again. She had a small, soft, inquisitive smile on her face, a welcoming smile.
As he drew closer to her, his hands began to tremble with even greater ferocity, and he started to feel a cold shiver travel up and down his spine. He closed his eyes and gasped for breath.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
Still shaking, he replied, "I -- I'm fine, Lizzie. Just got a little bit of the chills, and . . . and, I'm nervous, that's all. Just a little nerves."
Her brows furrowed with concerned curiosity. She grasped his hands, providing them some much needed warmth and nurturance. "What are you nervous about? It's okay, you can tell me."
His shaking began to increase and his whole body now began to tremble.
He thought to himself, you need to say it, now, before you burst! He took a deep breath, and then began to speak.
"Lizzie, I - I'm so nervous right now, because I need to tell you something, and I'm so scared about what you're going to say, but I have to say it anyway, because this is who I am, this is what I want, and I need you to hear this from me," he said in a rapid fire, jittery voice.
"It's okay," she cooed, trying to relax and calm her friend. "I'm here, I'm listening."
He closed his eyes. "I know you're confused about everything that's happened tonight, and so am I. But there's one thing that I'm absolutely certain about."
He paused. Her eyes were firmly glued on his eyes, waiting with anticipation for him to continue speaking.
"Wh- what is it?" She asked.
"It's you, Lizzie, I'm certain about you," he said, in a firm, resolute voice.
He paused once more, then he finally began to express his heart's truest desires. "I – I love you, so much, and . . . well, you're -- you're my everything, and what I want, and would love more than anything else in the world is -- is for us to be together."
"Oh!" She gasped. She put her hand to her heart, stunned, taken aback by the confidence, urgency, and passion in his voice.
Even though he had told her earlier in the night about his love for her, it still hadn't fully sunk in, it still hadn't felt real, it still was something she didn't quite understand.
But, when he just said those words to her again, with all that had occurred tonight, she was finally and truly beginning to understand the truth and immensity of his feelings, of his palpable longing . . . for her.
And for Gordo, as soon as he uttered those words, he felt an enormous sense of liberation. It felt as if the weight of the world had finally been lifted off of his shoulders.
Emboldened with confidence, he continued. "I have no idea what you're thinking or feeling, but this is something I've been needing to tell you. You're absolutely right, I don't know if we're meant to be together. But, there's only one way to find out, right?"
"Ye – yes . . ." She replied absent-mindedly, as if in a trance. Her head was swirling around like a hurricane. She closed her eyes and held on even more firmly to his hands.
"I mean, I finally understand what you've been saying tonight, about not wanting to have the future set in stone. And you're right. No one knows what the future is going to bring. We've proven that tonight. We've changed the future, you know? And you're still alive, and you're here with me as I'm telling you all these things. Oh my god, this night, it's been so unbelievably miraculous."
She nodded in affirmance.
"And tonight, the one thing I've learned is that I never want to live with regrets, I never want to live thinking what if, thinking what might of happened. I've been living all these years thinking and dreaming about what it would be like if you and I were together. I'm tired of that, Lizzie. I don't want to dream anymore. I want it to be real. I want us to be real."
He paused to collect his breath.
"I know you might not want the same thing, and if you said no, my heart would be totally shattered. But, that's the risk I have to take. I know that now. So, Lizzie, I want to be with you . . . Do you want to be with me?"
"I -- I . . . still don't know . . . ." She said. She tried to finish her answer, but she found herself completely tongue-tied. Overwhelmed, frightened, touched, scared, moved, anxious, she was a bundle of mixed up emotions.
Undeterred by her ambivalence, he squeezed her hands tenderly, and then said, "But, I do know. I know how I feel about you. And I know you care about me, and deep down I know you love me, too. I've felt it tonight. I've felt it when we've kissed, I've felt it when we've held hands, I've felt it when we've held each other, I've felt it when we've looked into each other's eyes, I've even felt it when we were fighting and angry with each other."
She cautiously nodded, acquiescing to the truth of his words.
"And I feel it right now," he whispered, as he brushed away her hair from her face.
Her eyes brimming with tears, she raised her right hand and quietly stroked his hair and his cheeks. She felt like she was about to explode from the turbulence caused by her emotions.
"Oh, Gordo, I -- I . . . " She tried again, but yet again, she couldn't finish her sentence. He was leaving her literally speechless. So, instead of trying to respond, she closed her eyes and began to take in all that Gordo had said.
As she pondered his words, her mind suddenly drifted to thoughts of Jimmy. She began to wonder about their relationship and about their future together.
What . . . what would it be like if I kept going out with him? She mused. I think I'd be happy with him, and he's a really nice boy . . . but . . . but there's just something missing, there's something about him that's not quite right.
And maybe that's why we ended up so badly in the future . . . .
But, do I want to break up with him now? What would happen if we weren't together anymore? I guess I'd be sad, and I'd miss him for a little while, but soon life would move on, I'm sure he would move on, and I would move on . . . .
With that thought, her mind and heart then wandered towards Gordo, and she wondered, what about Gordo? What would it be like if I started going out with him?
As she pondered this question, she realized that she couldn't remember a time when they weren't together. The longest they've been apart since they were toddlers was when he went off to a boy's summer camp right after the sixth grade. She remembered how he had written her letters almost every day telling her about his adventures at camp.
And, most of all, she remembered missing him dearly during that long summer . . . .
He's always been there for me, and we've always been together, she thought. He has always been someone I could count on, sometime to turn to when I needed a shoulder to cry on . . . .
And I've always just assumed he would always be there for me.
But, now, she was beginning to realize that even though he was such an integral and important part of her life, for all these years, she had been taking him for granted.
But, tonight, she had figured out that nothing is certain, and perhaps, someday, he might not always be there for her.
What if . . . one day he really does leave me? What if he finds some other girl that he likes? I know there are lots of girls that like him.
Even though he doesn't notice, that Parker is always flirting with him, ever since that dance in eighth grade.
And what if he starts noticing and starts to flirts back? What if he starts to go out with her? What they go off to college together and then they get married? What if he isn't there for me anymore? What if he really does ends up with her?
What if he's no longer my Gordo?
That thought sent shivers of fear and dread straight into her tender heart.
As she started to imagine her life without Gordo, all she kept feeling was a piercing sense of emptiness, as if a piece of her very own soul was missing.
I'd miss him so much, she cried silently.
But . . . I'd just miss him as a friend, right? I wouldn't miss him like I miss a boyfriend or someone that I'm in love with . . . . right?
Then she thought about the past few hours, the kisses, the tender gazes, that look of sheer hurt and agony on his face when they were fighting, and those words he had finally gathered up the courage to say to her . . . I love you, Lizzie McGuire . . . .
And now, she could finally see, as clear as day, just how much he adored her. She realized now the special way he had always looked at her, ever since she could remember. She tried to dismiss it, to deny it as something in her imagination. But she now knew that all this time, he always looked at her if he was looking at the most beautiful and special girl in the world.
Gordo, you're so great . . . .
She was slowly coming to the inexorable conclusion that she couldn't really imagine a life without him. She loved everything about him . . . she loved being with him, she loved being held in his arms and in his embrace, she loved being physically close to him, so close that she could hear and feel his soft breath.
She loved his smile, she loved his nervous laugh, she loved his tenderness, she loved his friendship, she loved how smart he was, she loved his love for her . . . .
And, then, with that thought, an epiphany went off in her heart, like fireworks exploding in the summer night sky.
She now had clarity. She now had her heart's truth.
She smiled, and then gazed at the boy sitting next to her. He was sitting there, with his hands still holding onto her hand, still looking at her as if she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.
She then turned her eyes to the night sky, and watched as the rain kept up its dutiful trek towards the earth.
It's so beautiful, the rain, the gentle rain . . . .
This was the most amazing, beautiful night of her life, she thought, a night when past, present, and future all converged to reveal to her the truth about her relationship with her best friend.
She now knew what she wanted to say to him.
"Gordo?"
"Yes, Lizzie?"
"The answer is – yes. I do . . ."
His jaw dropped wide open, and he felt as if his heart had stopped beating.
Yes? She said yes . . . does that yes mean what I think it means?
She smiled, cupped his cheek with her hand, and nodded, "Yes, it does," she replied. "I want to give us a chance. I want to be . . . with you, Gordo," she said, her eyes shimmering and glistening from tears of hope and excitement.
"You do?" He replied incredulously. He couldn't quite believe what he had heard. His mind and body started to float, as if on water. "But . . . what – what about Jimmy?"
"I'm going to break up with him, tomorrow. I mean, I like Jimmy, but I just realized there's something missing, something lacking about him. I couldn't figure out just what, until right this moment."
"What – what is it?"
"He's not you," she said. "He's not my Gordo, and he never can, and he never will be. Because it's you that I . . . ." She paused, tentative, unsure of how to say the words she wanted to say.
"Yes?"
She looked him in the eyes, put her arms around him, and pulled him closer to her. Their faces were separated by only a few lonely centimeters. She stroked his hair, brushed his cheek with the back of her fingers, and smiled.
"You're my dearest, best-est, most cherished friend in the whole wide world, "she whispered into his ears, "and, now, I'm falling in love with you. I love and adore you, my one and only wonderful Gordo."
Upon hearing her words, those beautiful, precious words, Gordo's heart broke open into a silent, joyful supernova.
She loves me!
Quietly, they gazed into each other eyes until he broke the beautiful, awkward silence by getting up from the loveseat, with his hand still holding her hand. He then tenderly tugged and lifted her up off her seat, so that they were now standing on the porch, with the rain their only audience.
He put his hands around her waist and pulled her into his body. He then lifted his hands slowly up her back, and with a knowing smile, he whispered, "I love you, too, Lizzie McGuire," and then he kissed her sweet, soft, ruby lips, with all of his passion, with all of his love.
And the pair stood there, as they were the only two people on earth, embracing each other, kissing each other, feeling like they had finally found one another, after all of these years.
As the rain continued to fall, dawn was about to awaken from its long, peaceful slumber.
And, for Gordo and Lizzie, the future now seemed bright and clear, and full of hope, and love . . . .
TO BE CONTINUED