A Second Chance – Chapter Thirty-Two
Author's Note: Here it is, the final chapter! I'm very anxious to hear what you all think of it. I'll update later with a final author's note and respond to any final questions and comments. So, read and review! Happy New Year, HM
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His head didn't hurt anymore, but it still didn't quite feel right.
A painless, throbbing sensation assailed the base of his skull, and his mind pulsated with buzzing activity.
He felt dizzy and overwhelmed, as countless new images and memories collided and cascaded against one another, playfully making a mess of his sense of reality.
He closed his eyes, hoping to cast away his oddly discomforting feeling of intoxication into the darkness.
As the throbbing subsided, he started to feel more grounded, less detached, more and more like a person from the world of the material rather than like a disembodied ghost from the world of the spiritual.
His eyes still wide shut, he could hear Lizzie's soft, rhythmic breathing singing into his ears.
Lizzie . . . .
He opened his eyes.
She was sitting right next to him, just a foot away, patiently waiting for him to wake up from his trance.
He blinked.
Then he blinked once more.
Everything seemed so strangely new and unfamiliar. It was as if he was a newborn being thrust out into the world for the very first time.
He looked around the bedroom and then returned his gaze once more to his wife's face, aglow from the light of the lamp sitting next to her.
He inched closer to his wife, drawn to her like a bee drawn to honey, his heart aching from the sight of her ethereal beauty.
It was as if he was looking at her for the very first time in twelve years, even though, in this timeline, at least, he had just seen yesterday.
He was utterly bewitched . . . those eyes, those soul-piercing eyes, they were doing quite a number on his soul.
From the vantage point of a man who has traveled three divergent lifetimes, her beauty had become deeper, more complex, more striking.
As his hands reached towards her, he gazed into her eyes, received her silent consent, and then he wrapped his arms around her and held onto her as if for dear life.
It felt like he had finally come home.
She returned his embrace, stroking the back of his head, rocking him gently, as a lone tear dropped down her right cheek and disappeared into his shoulders.
She whispered, "Gordo, what just happened? Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine," he responded. "I – I remember now. I remember everything."
"Oh," she said, as she held onto him even tighter.
He took his head off of her shoulder and gazed into her face.
He tried to speak, but he couldn't.
He just stared, lost in the depths of her soulful eyes.
"Gordo, what is it? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing at all. It's just that . . . I just can't get over how beautiful you are."
She blushed, her face turning crimson red. She broke off eye contact and drew back from him.
She had forgotten how wonderful it was to feel the after effects of hearing those wonderful words.
Those words also deeply affected her, because they took her back to the night of twelve years ago, the night when he first said those words to her, the night when their relationship first blossomed.
Was this night also to be a new beginning?
She turned her head back towards him.
"Gordo, you're not making it easy for us to separate when you keep saying things like that," she said with a cautious smile.
It was his turn to look away.
He felt so ashamed of himself for the way his marriage had turned out. He couldn't believe the pain that he had put her through the past few years.
"I'm so sorry, Lizzie, about everything," he said. "And I finally understand now, all those things you said to me twelve years ago."
"What did I say?"
"Remember when you told me that we couldn't be sure that we were meant for each other, that there's no way to know how the future would unfold."
"Yes, I remember . . ."
"My god, Lizzie, you were absolutely right. I mean, this – our marriage – our life together – I can't believe that I'm the one who's ruined it all! Oh my god, please forgive me . . . ." He said, as he collapsed into her arms.
As she gently cradled his body, she whispered, "Oh, Gordo, you have nothing to be sorry about, you didn't ruin anything. About us, it's just how things turned out. That's just life. There's no wrong or right about any of this. It's going to be all okay."
He got up from her arms, grabbed both her shoulders and looked straight into her eyes. With urgency in his voice, he said, "Lizzie, please listen to me, I don't want to go through with this, I don't want to be separated from you, not ever."
After a long pause, she finally replied.
"But – I've been thinking about this the past few days, and I think you're right, you know? Maybe we both need some time to rethink things, to figure out what we both really want. "
He shook his head. "No, I don't need time or space. I've had it up to here with time. I know what I want, now."
"You do?"
"Yes, I do. I want you, Lizzie."
She was taken aback by the firmness, the conviction, the strength in his voice.
Yet, she still had to ask. "Are -- you sure?"
"Yes."
"You're not just saying this because you remember everything and now you're just feeling guilty about it all?"
"No, I'm not."
"But, what about your career? I'm just getting in the way of your career, aren't I?" She said as she bit her fingernails.
Before he could respond, she continued.
"And, what about, you know, that – woman. The one you're attracted to, the one you love."
"You mean Allison?"
She jumped back, startled. She had not heard her name before. "Is that her name?"
God, I hate that name. God, I hate her.
"Yes, that's her name. But, I don't love her, and I'm not attracted to her anymore."
"But, what you said to me the other day –"
"Yes, what I said the other day was true. Was. Everything's different now."
"What do you mean?"
"Because now I remember everything! I remember the life I used to have and the life I'm living now. It's unbelievable, Lizzie, I remember my life when you died at sixteen, I remember my life when you died at twenty-three, and I remember this life, with you, with you and me, together."
"You remember me . . . dying?" She asked.
He hesitated, unsure of whether to respond. But, he saw the sad but curious look in her eyes, and so he answered her. "Yes. I remember being at your funeral, twice. Those two days were the most god-awful days of my life, Lizzie. It was so terrible, watching you being lifted into a grave, knowing you would be gone from me, forever . . . ." His voice wandered off before he could finish his sentence.
Tears started flowing down her cheeks.
She wasn't sure, however, whether those tears were for gaining a glimpse of her own untimely deaths, or whether those tears were for the pain and sorrow that Gordo went through when she died.
"But, we've changed all of that, haven't we? What happened to me in those other lives . . . it's not real anymore, right?"
"Yes. What's real is what's happening now, between us. But, those memories are seared into my consciousness and I don't think they'll ever go away. They're like scars, nightmares that'll haunt me the rest of my life."
"Oh, that's so awful. . . ."
"Yes and no. Ultimately, I think those memories are a blessing, Lizzie. They're going to be a constant reminder of all the things I've lost, a reminder of all the things and people I truly care about in life."
He touched her cheeks and kissed her softly on her lips. His hands shaking, he said, "I adore you so much, Lizzie McGuire Gordon. I've missed you, you know?"
I've missed you, too . . . .
For these past few years, the David Gordon she knew had been replaced by someone who looked and talked like him, but who was a completely different person.
She really didn't know who he was anymore; it was like being married to a complete stranger.
But, now, the David Gordon sitting right in front of her, he seemed . . . so real, so familiar . . . .
Is he back? Is this my Gordo?
"But, Gordo . . . "
"Yes?"
"Tell me, how does this change anything? About us? How does it change the way you feel about that woman and about your career? I don't want you to sacrifice your career for me and then look back with regret. I couldn't live with that, Gordo."
"That's the thing, Lizzie!" He said, with excitement dripping from his voice. "It changes everything! In my other lifetimes, I've already experienced everything I think I want in this one. I've had a phenomenal career. With you gone, I poured all of my energies into my films and cranked out film after film like there was no tomorrow. And I also ended up dating Allison."
"Oh," she said, crestfallen. "Then, that's what you really want, isn't it? I mean, I just don't fit anymore in your life, we don't have things to talk about anymore, we're never together, I – I don't belong with you. Right?"
"No, but don't you see? I had those all those things, but deep down, I was miserable!" He cried. "Everything I accomplished with my career meant absolutely nothing. I won an Oscar one year, you know what I did that night? I went home, by myself, to an empty, lifeless apartment, had dinner by myself and fell asleep on the couch, wishing you were there to share the moment with me."
She picked up his hand and started to squeeze and stroke it. She could feel the pain inside of him well up as he talked about his other life, the life that could have been.
"It's been so awful. I've felt so lonely all these years, my life's been so god-awful lonely without you. And as for Allison, that initial infatuation turned into nothing, absolutely nothing."
She shuddered, as she could actually see and feel his loneliness. It felt like a deep dark, cold tunnel that went on forever and ever, with the darkness never giving way, with no light at the end of the tunnel.
Is he back? Is my Gordo truly back?
Right now, a part of her wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and say yes, let's stay together; but a part of her held her back and kept her silent. It was the part that wanted to protect her heart from undue heartbreak, the part of her that was angry with David Gordon for having emotionally abandoned her these past few years.
She was wary of opening up her heart again, so soon after it had been shattered into a million pieces.
She just couldn't get out of her head the immense pain and hurt she felt the day he told her he wanted a separation.
He looked at her, and he could sense her confusion, her internal conflict.
As she continued to stroke his hand, her eyes darted from side to side, nervously glancing at everything and nothing.
She's so scared, about us, about the future . . . .
All he wanted to do was comfort her, just the way she had comforted him a few moments ago. All he wanted was to love her, again, the way he always had.
But, would she let him do so? Would she let him back into her heart? What could he do to convince her that he was still in love with her?
He glanced around the room, his eyes stealing a glance at her wedding ring sitting naked on the night table.
He then gazed up at the ceiling, ran his right hand through his hair, then, with a gleam in his eyes, he took her left hand and gently lifted her off of the bed.
He had an idea.
"Gordo, what are you doing?"
"Just close your eyes and follow me."
He grabbed the ring off the nightstand, then led Lizzie out of the bedroom and into the hallway.
"Where are we going?"
He turned to her, smiled, and said, "Outside."
"But – it's raining out there! We're going to get drenched."
"I know."
He opened the front door and peered out into the night.
The rain was still falling steadily, but it was tapering off, lazily transforming from a raging storm to a tranquil summer rain shower.
"Come on, let's go."
As soon as they stepped outside, they were immediately greeted by amorous raindrops peppering their faces with tiny kisses.
Her hands still in his, he led her to the middle of the front yard, pulled her into his body, and wrapped his arms around her.
They were both barefoot, and their feet squished and swam in the small puddles littered in and around the front yard.
As raindrops flowed down her face, she smiled at Gordo, and said, "You're getting us all wet! Whatever you're up to, this had better be good."
He smiled back, as the drama and angst that had built up in their house instantly vanished amidst the loving embrace of the night rain.
He was feeling free, unfettered, released from the prisons of past,and given the opportunity to create a new future.
He curled her rain-soaked hair behind her ears, brushed his fingers across her cheeks, then kissed her lightly on her lips.
His tender show of affection was melting her heart. The way he was touching her, kissing her, it was just like it used to be . . . .
"This night . . . the rain . . . it's so beautiful, it reminds me . . . ."
"Of our first night together," he said, finishing her sentence.
"Yes," she smiled.
He kissed her forehead.
"I know, that's why I brought you out here."
"Oh? It wasn't just to see me get soaking wet in my nightgown?"
"Well, that too," he said with a sly wink in his voice.
She laughed, then buried her face in his chest.
He's back, isn't he?
He wrapped his arms even more firmly across her body, then said, "You notice that when anything significant happens in our lives, it's raining?"
"Of course. How could I not notice?"
"Mm-hmm. For us, the rain . . . it's always been about new beginnings."
She looked up into his bright, shining eyes and nodded.
He continued. "Remember? The night we fell in love, the first night we made love, the night that I proposed to you, the night that we married . . . it rained on all those nights."
"And it's raining tonight."
"Mm-hmm. Which means that there's something special about tonight."
With a slight hesitation in her voice, she asked, "Oh? Tell me, what special thing is going to happen tonight?"
He replied instantly, without any hesitation. "Tonight's the night we fall back in love."
She blushed as she looked down at his chest and traced the buttons on his shirt with her fingers. Try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from smiling.
She was desperately trying to be cautious and protective of herself, but it was a losing battle. Her resistance and fears were giving way, surely, if slowly.
She gently pounded her fists on his chest. "Why can't I stay upset with you?"
He grabbed her fists, pried them open with his hands, and interlaced his fingers with her fingers. "Because you love me."
She nodded affirmatively.
"Lizzie, you have every right to be angry with me. I've been a lousy husband and a lousy best friend. I wasn't there for you while you've always been there for me."
He paused.
"But, I know that now! I've been through time and back, and it's taken me three lifetimes and having to endure your death twice now in order for me to realize the truth about myself, the truth about us. But, I've finally learned about myself. I know what I want in my life --- I want you."
Her smile disappeared and she was once more beseiged with doubts and fears. "But -- "
"Uh-uh. No buts. Yes, I'm sure of it. Everything that's happened has only strenghened my love for you."
"Oh, Gordo! I -- I don't know. I mean, you're saying all this now, but what about two months from now? What if everything turns back to the way it's been this past year?" She said, as her eyes welled up with tears of fear. "I don't know if I could take all that again."
He took a deep breath, gathered his thoughts, then replied.
"Lizzie, listen, I won't guarantee you that everything will be perfect from now on. I can't promise you the future, I know that now. I learned that from you. Who knows, two months from now, maybe you'll be right and I'll turn back into a completely self-absorbed, obsessive-compulsive jerk."
He paused.
"But, you know what? Of all the things I've been through, I think I finally know what the most important lesson has been. All this time, there was one thing that kept me going, one thing that made me do all those things to change our history."
"What was it?"
"It was faith. It was my faith in you, in myself, and in our love, that brought me here, now, to be here, with you in my arms."
"Faith . . . ." She said softly. His words rang true to her heart. "Yes, faith."
"So, what I'm asking you now, Lizzie, is for you to have faith in me. Have faith that I will be the husband that I want to be for you. Have faith that I will be there for you. Have faith that I'll have your back. Have faith that we can work through whatever troubles or fights we know we're going to confront. Have faith that our marriage is something wonderful and something worth fighting for. Have faith that our future will be a joyful and beautiful one. Have faith, in me, in us."
His words captivated her heart and filled her with visions of the future.
Those visions were full of joy, happiness, passion, trust, love, and faith. She saw themselves working together, laughing together, smiling together, growing old together, just being together; and she saw them with their children, with their beautiful, wonderful children.
She didn't know if her visions were of the future that was to be, or of the future that she wanted.
But, it didn't matter to her. What did matter to her is that in her visions of the future, she could only envision it with David Gordon in her life, as her husband, best friend, and the father to her children.
And so, now, she was confronted with a choice – a choice between fear and love.
She could choose to follow her fears, and avoid taking a risk with her marriage for the possibility of getting hurt again. Or, she could follow her heart and her love, renew her marriage, even with the risks involved, because she loved her husband like no other person in the world, because their love is something beautiful and worth cherishing, because their love deserved her faith.
After a moment's reflection, she knew what she wanted.
She made her choice.
She chose love.
She didn't give voice to her choice, but he could see the answer in her sparkling, luminous, eyes.
He knew.
His eyes widened.
Now's the time . . . .
"Lizzie?" He said as he placed his right knee in a puddle of water.
"Yes?"
He showed her her wedding ring, then continued. "I love you more than I can ever say in words. Lizzie, have faith in me. Marry me, once more."
Her eyes glowed with pure joy when she saw the ring, glistening, showing off its colors in the rain.
"Yes, Gordo, I do, and I will . . . . " She whispered.
The utter joy and excitement of the moment overwhelmed his senses. He smiled broadly, and even as his hands shook like a jitterbug, he slipped the ring on her finger, then got up off of his knee, kissed her deeply and embraced her with all of his love.
The moment was pure heaven.
He showered her face with kisses while all the time whispering, "I love you," into her ears.
She held onto him as he twirled her around, whispering to him, "You're back. My Gordo's back. I love you, David Gordon."
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And so they stood, in their front yard, in each other's rain soaked arms, slow dancing to the music of their hearts, shrouded by the rainy mist, blissfully unaware of their surroundings as the night slowly, inexorably turned into dawn.
In a night when time had been turned upside down, in this moment, everything became timeless, eternal, forever.
For they were fully present in the eternal moment of the now, with each other, in love with each other, in love with the world, with faith in each other, with faith in the universe.
And how could they not?
For the Universe had conspired with Father Time to give them the miraculous opportunity to change their history, the opportunity to let their love triumph over time.
Faith had given their love a second chance.
THE END