AN: I meant to update this fic sooner, but I got busy with Christmas stuff and family stuff. On the bright side, I got this new fic in the works. I'm really excited about it.
As always, thank you for your reviews and Merry Christmas to you all!
I've always loved flying. Even before I died, I always knew that flying was just for me. And even though machines such as airplanes didn't exist in my time, the birds gave me the imagination. I knew that one day I would soar through the air with the wind in my hair. Though people whom I told that I wanted to fly called me crazy, but I didn't care. I wanted to fly.
What I didn't know was that I would have my wish come true when I died. But I still loved it all the same. Making my beloved oar that gave me such a wonderful gift of flight disappear, I walked into the Renkai Castle and released my human body. I preferred to roam around in what I really was. A ferry girl. A spirit. Dead.
Each step I took, I was reminded again about that castle; its dark daring walls, the huge vastness of it, and also the person who lived inside it. It was so much different than Koenma's castle. Koenma's castle was brighter and happier. Hiei's castle was more morbid and was constant reminder that someone powerful lived in it. Someone not to be taken lightly. But the attraction that I had for that castle was there all the same.
Bumping into a fellow ferry girl, I mumbled an apology. She smiled back, letting me know that it was okay. But I saw it in her eyes. The jealousy. She hided it well, but I still saw a flicker of it in her eye. The same flicker that became all too familiar to me. After she walked off, I sighed. Squeezing the package in my arms, I remembered that I still had to give Koenma his package, so I continued walking.
"Koenma-sama?" I asked as I finally got to his office.
"Ah, Botan. Did you get it?" he beckoned for me to come up to his desk.
"Hai," I smiled brightly, and then it switched into confusion. "But you didn't tell me that he would know my name."
"He knew your name?" Koenma asked as if he didn't know. But he knew. I could tell. Being his best friend for hundreds of years gave me the sense that he was hiding something from me.
"He did. Who is he?" I brought my face a close to his, telling him that he couldn't get himself out of this one. I was going to get some answers.
"An old friend," Koenma lightly answered, unfazed by our short distance of heads.
"That doesn't tell me who he is," I pointed out and whined at the same time. He was avoiding this. But why?
Koenma moved his lips upward as if he was thinking. "You're right. It doesn't. But you'll find out soon enough."
"But Koenma!" I brought my head away from his to properly whine.
"Now, now Botan. It's a surprise," Koenma smiled cockily.
I narrowed my eyes. "And what is it about him that makes it a surprise?"
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, ne?" that same cocky smile was on his lips.
"Please. Can I know? Pretty please?" I made my eyes huge a watery and my voice small and childish. The puppy face. No one could resist that.
But Koenma just did something that few people could do. He resisted it! It was like he was actually immune to my puppy face. He just put on the smile of a father who had eternal patience with a child. "Sorry Botan. Not this time. I promised not to. But I'll tell you, what. Leave that package here and I'll give you the rest of the day off."
I narrowed my eyes at him. Who could that demon possibly be that Koenma wouldn't tell me? His best ferry girl?! And what surprise was he planning? How important was that surprise that it made he seem a little not like himself? Was he in league with that demon? What were they planning? What did it have to do with me? Why do I feel as if I was in the middle of this? And how on all the heavens above could that demon know my name?
I pouted. But I did what he asked. As I closed the door to his office and bid farewell to George, I knew that this wasn't good. I had another free time. I had more free time. And it was better to not say anything to the other ferry girls. Jealousy was something that kept people arms length from you. It's what kept people talking about you behind your back. And I was the envy of 90 percent of all the ferry girls in Renkai. I had something that few ferry girls could have.
I had a human body. I had a human body that I could use at my own disposal. Almost any time I wanted. I could literally be alive again. I could talk with the living and not just the dead whenever I go to the human world. I had a second chance of life without being reborn. And could do what most of the living took for granted and what many ferry girls desired. I could eat, smell something foul or sweet, touch, and much more. Although I still couldn't see my own reflection, it was still something.
And it didn't stop there. I could have lived in the Ningen world. I could have had an apartment that Koenma would pay for me and I could visit Yusuke, Keiko, and all the others when ever I wanted to. And I did have that apartment. But I only had it for less than a month. I started to hear the whispers of jealousy from down the halls. How I got to, in a sense, "live" again and no one else could. How I had a life. A real life. To be human again.
And they couldn't. I've heard them all whisper about it, the unfairness of it. If I could "live" again, why couldn't they? Life was supposed to be unfair while death was. Life threw everything at you. It could be all at once or one by one. It hurls you into each and every direction nonstop, until you feel worn out and exhausted. It puts a person in a disadvantage by not preparing the person first. It stretches the living until they feel numb. Until they do all they could do and than more. It truly was unfair. But death wasn't.
Because no matter how cruel death may seem, or how horrible, death was always fair. It takes everybody. Black, white, yellow, purple skinned; tall, short; and young and old. Death even takes babies that were yet to be born. It is the ultimate fairness. It was the living that made death seemed like a nasty plague that needed to be overcome. Like they could cheat death because they were too young, too old, or too pure. Or death was a great evil because it took the life from living. People fear death more than they feared life. But death was fair; it listens to no one but itself.
And that's what a ferry girl's job is. Death. It was more than just to guide lost souls. We were a big part of death, and we had to be fair as well. So what made me so special? What gave me the right, the privilege to live again without being reborn? I don't know. And I doubt that Koenma would tell me either. But I knew that it was more than just being Yusuke's assistant because he was no longer a spirit detective.
I sighed as I wondered the empty halls. There was nothing for me to do. I didn't feel like going to the Ningen world and visit my friends there. I didn't have any work to do since Koenma gave the rest of the standard Renkai day off. I basically had nothing to do.
It wasn't long before my mind went back to that castle. Its dark appearance and the way the shadows engulfed it, yet welcomed it at the same time. It wouldn't leave my mind. I imagined what it would look like inside. Dark furniture, a fire place, maybe some paintings of the pervious lords of the castle. Maybe there'd be a painting of Hiei too.
But I'll never know until I go there. I could just hop on my oar and fly there. I remembered the way. I had plenty of time. Visiting Hiei would be nice. It's been so long sine I last saw him. Then I shook my head. What was I thinking? He'd probably kick me out even if I'd did try. So I forced the thought of visiting Hiei to the back of my head and went to enjoy myself in one of the resting places in Renkai.
For about week and a half, thoughts of the castle invaded my mind. I toyed with the idea Hiei welcoming me and we'd chat for a long time about the years that we've been apart. It was what? Almost five years since the team broke up, since Yukina permanently moved into Genkai's temple, since Hiei left. Wow. I can't get thought of Hiei out of my head. It's been over a week and he's still stuck in my brain.
That's it! I'm going to visit him. With determination, I veered off to another direction. Unfortunately, I forgot that I was working, so I almost lost a soul. Opps. Hehe.
"Goman-nisan," I said to the poor soul that nearly fell off my oar. I bowed my head to him.
"Fine. It's just fine." He sure was taking it well. Being dead and all, and nearly winding up and become a wandering soul for who knows how long. Though he does look pretty scared. I continued back to Renkai, this time at a slower pace and keeping a close eye on my charge.
When I finally got to Renkai, I dropped off my soul, and immediately went to see Koenma.
"Koenma-sama!" I yelled as I threw open the doors and practically flew inside.
"Hai?" Koenma answered from his large stack of papers. Really, sometimes it seemed as if he never did any of his work.
"Koenma, I want to take some time off," I said quickly. I admit that I was afraid that he might say no. But then again, he has been giving me time off a lot recently. I just hope that he'd say yes to this once when I actually ask for it.
"What for?" he raised an eye suspiciously.
I blushed a bit. "I… well I…."
"Yes?"
"Well you see…"
"No, I don't see. Please explain." He was toying with me!
"I want to visit Hiei!" I blurted out. My cheeks red in embarrassment. He was going to make fun of me. I just know it! For all the years that we've known Hiei, he never seemed to like me. Now I want to visit him after years of no contact? It was a perfect opportunity for teasing.
"Sure. You have my blessings," Koenma said causally.
"W-What?" I said baffled.
"You may go see Hiei," Koenma said with a smile on his face that I couldn't distinguish.
"Um… Thank you?" I said weakly and still confused.
"You're welcome," Koenma said with that smile still on his face. He also had a twinkle in his eyes! What's going on here?!
But I walked out of the office slowly. It seemed like Koenma wanted me to go visit Hiei. In fact, all those time offs, that smile, the twinkle… did Koenma really want me to visit Hiei that badly? I shook my head in confusion. I'll think about it at another time. Now all I want to do is visit Hiei.
I made my oar appear and flew away to Makai. I flew a little slower than usual. I was enjoying being in the air. This time, I saw a few demons around the place, but none of them even bothered to look twice at me. They acted like it was an everyday thing for a ferry girl of Renkai to fly around Makai by herself. Weird. There are just too many strange things happening today. But I brushed it off. Why worry about something when I know that I'm not going to get the answers right away?
There it was. The castle. It still had that daring presence that challenged its surrounding areas. I saw light glowing bright through some of the windows. But I didn't see any demon guards guarding the castle. Then again, who needed guards when the very feel of the place was enough to make anyone think twice about invading it?
Including me.
I shook my head furiously. No! I was bothered with thoughts of this very castle and I will not turn back around just because Hiei's youkai was so strong that I could almost smell it. And besides, I wouldn't want to upset Koenma or the old demon. So with renewed determination, I sped off to the castle doors.
Once I got there, I made my beloved oar disappear and knocked hard on the huge, massive doors. Really! These doors are way too big. Then again, some demons were big enough to dwarf some complex human buildings. Especially S class demons. And with Hiei being such a higher ranking demon now, he would have to deal with big demons. And help ningens. How ironic is that?
I waited for a couple of seconds. Nothing. I pounded the door harder and waited for about a minute. Still nothing. I pounded the door again. Waited for about three minutes and still came up with nothing. What was wrong with these demons?! Surely they could hear someone pounding on the door with their acute hearing?! And if they can't hear my pounding on this door, can't they smell me? What happened to all that "demons' scent of smell was so power that they could smell emotions?!"
That's it. Time for drastic measures. I summoned my bat and brought it back and hit the door hard. The door made a loud bang and I felt the vibration through my bat. If they hadn't heard that, than nothing will.
As I swung my bat again to give the door another strike, it flew open.
"Um… konichiwa!" I tired to sound cheerful even though I was caught in the middle of swinging my bat at the door.
"Hello," the female demon smiled. It looked cheerful. That made me a little nervous. "We've been expecting you. Though you did come a little later than we expected. But come in! Come in!"
"Expecting me?" I said mystified and just as the demon grabbed me by the arm and pulled me inside.
We went at a fast pace. I didn't even get the chance to get a proper look of the inside of the castle. I just caught glimpses of dark and bright corridors, closed big doors, and maybe a sword or two hung on the walls. When I didn't seem to be walking fast enough, the female demon scoped me into her arms and half ran the rest of the way.
"What are you doing?" I asked as we turned into another hall.
"Carrying you. No offence, but you aren't all that fast," she said.
She was very straight to the point. I wondered if Hiei ever got mad at her. Then, looking over her shoulder, I noticed that she had a long, dark green, fluffily tail. Before I could ask which demon she was, we stopped in front of an open door room and went inside. The demon put me down gently and stared at me. And kept staring at me. Okay. So I was really nervous now.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
She snapped her eyes back me and smiled again. "How rude of me. I'm Fusae. I'm a dog demon of the Red River dog clan."
"Red River dog clan? That's one of the oldest dog demon clans to ever exist," my eyes were wide in amazement and wonder.
"Yes, that's right," her eyes lit up from my praise.
"I'm Botan. Top ferry girl of Renkai," I bowed to her as traditional Japanese introductory custom dictates.
"Top ferry girl of Renkai? You must be really high up there. ne?" Fusae said slyly.
"Well, I'm not really that high up there," a light blush formed on my cheeks.
Fusae shook her head and closed her eyes to disagree with me. Approval was in her eyes when she opened them. Approval for what? Did I past some kind of test? Somehow I thought that I did. But a test for what? So many mysteries. So many questions that are popping into my mind. I think that my head might start spinning.
"So, how did you-"
"You must be here to visit Hiei-san!" Fusae announced, intercepting my question.
"Well yes."
"Then I'll go get him," and with that Fusae walked out of the room, leaving me alone.
So there I was. Inside the castle. Alone in a room, waiting for Hiei. What am I going to say to him? I had no real reason for visiting him. What was I thinking when I decided to visit him?