While You Were Sleeping
Part 4
Ross walked back from the private room. The bare walls, so similar to the ones he worked within every day, now appeared to bore down upon him. All he could see was the whiteness, the blankness, the lack of any personal feeling or emotion. The knowledge that people had gone into that room to die. That his Rachel was probably facing the same fate.
"Mr Geller? Mr Geller your sister would like to see you ... "
Monica.
His sister.
The Monica who only hours ago he had accused of killing them all, of hurting them all. He wasn't so sure now. Hate still bubbled through his veins like a vicious army determined on revenge, but now he wasn't sure if she was the one he needed to hurt. As much as the evidence pointed towards her, as much as his irrational brain told him it was her, she was standing over them when he came to. As much as he wanted her to be the easy answer he knew somewhere, she just wasn't.
Ross didn't answer the man. He allowed himself to be led along the corridor towards an equally blank and unfriendly room. Staring at the door Ross was suddenly aware that Monica was his sister, his baby sister. Pushing the door open slightly he walked in and sat on the hard couch beside her.
"Hey"
He could think of nothing else to say, nothing to convey to her the pain and emotion he felt at what he had jut experienced. The guilt he felt for still being alive when others were dead. The pain he felt for not being there to protect the only people he loved, for not being able to save his baby. The hatred he felt towards her, for leaving, for choosing life over death. For leaving them all alone to suffer while she slept. And then the anger he felt at himself for whishing his sister dead. He looked over at her, at the tears falling softly into her bloodstained palms and he pulled her towards him. Hugging her close. Reassuring her as best he could.
He didn't speak. He couldn't. He knew if he opened his mouth he'd blame her again, jus for the convenience of having the matter closed, just for the sake of being able to move on, seal it all in a little place and leave it well alone.
They sat there, embracing, neither speaking, for what felt like hours. Both knowing that if they dared to move the illusion they had created could be shattered. They could move and everything could have changed. They could all be dead, instead of dying. Everything could have changed. In an instant.
A shout. As scream –
Just like before. Just when you're feeling safe and secure. Just when things are going great and everything is fine something has to happen to remind you that you're only human.
A struggle. A life.--------------------
Anyone watching the almost heart rendering embrace would have been touched. Anyone knowing the story leading to that embrace probably would have cried. Yet the dark hospital corridors, long since abandoned for the release of sleep, remained silent. Waiting for the release of another one of their own.--------------------
"Miss Geller? Miss Geller you need to wake up now"
Monica shook the hand away from her face. She didn't want to wake up. In her dream she had been with Him again, happy again. Waking brought only tears and pain.
"Miss Geller if you refuse to get up I will be forced to arrest you"
Monica stopped resisting. The police knew now. They knew what she wished with all her heart she knew. They knew she had killed them. Killed them all. They saw her for who she really was. Allowing herself to be helped up, Monica felt herself straightening her hopelessly crumpled blouse. There was no point to any of it anymore.
"Miss Geller, we just need you to answer a few questions"
This was it.
No more games.
Was I there while the others suffered?