Disclaimer: These characters belong solely to the creator's of Lost. No character was harmed in the making of this fan fiction.
Summary: Charlie's brother, Liam, has done a lot of selfish things. This was the worst.
Author's Note: This is my first Lost fan fiction, it is based on the character Liam Pace, Charlie's rock star brother.
Liam: You were with me the night I missed Megan's birth. You were the one I was stumbling around a dressing room with trying to find a sodding fix….Oh man, you're still using, aren't you?
His flat was dark by the time he returned home. Liam tiredly threw his jacket on the floor, ignoring the coat rack that stood near his left side. He needed a fix. He craved a fix. He knew he could have managed to search the town with Charlie in order to find a dealer, but it was nearing dawn and Karen would worry. So Charlie had chosen to continue the search for a proper fix alone when Liam had thrown in the towel and decided to return home.
Stumbling into the kitchen, absently banging into the furniture that lay in his path, Liam flicked the lights. He groaned as his pupils widened, he blocked as much light as possible by covering his eyes with his palms before he adjusted to the brightness.
The kitchen was clean except for the few dished that lay in the sink and a small plate that was left of the table.
Karen had left a meal on the table for him.
Liam felt ashamed as he popped the small meal into the microwave; he should be taking care of her, not the other way around.
He was surprised at how quickly Karen had changed over the last few months. It was amazing how quickly things could change in the matter of a year.
Only a year ago he had introduced Charlie to the darker world of the Rock Gods. For a month or two, after finally hooking Charlie up, the three of time partied as only Rock Gods could. But then Karen had become pregnant and their trio became a party of two.
As soon as her pregnancy test showed positive Karen had vowed to give up the drugs and to try to make a life for them all. He had supported her.
For the first three months, along with mood swings caused by pregnancy Karen also had to deal with mood swings caused by withdrawal. But after many broken dishes and tantrums, with only five months of cold turkey, Karen had successfully kicked the habit.
With the money saved by not buying an extra set of drugs, Karen had refurnished their small flat. Soon the flat that had once only housed a lumpy floor mattress and a refrigerator, now housed real furniture complete with lamps and a desk. Karen had gotten a few things such as blenders, and the microwave as baby shower gifts from her parents but most of it had come from her own pocket.
After watching the macaroni and cheese spin in the microwave for a minute, Liam cautiously pulled it out. The dish burnt his fingers but the food smelt so amazing that he held it for a few seconds before a sharp ring caused him to drop the plate.
Macaroni and broken bits of ceramic littered the floor.
Liam glanced worriedly in the direction of the bedroom; he had promised Karen that he was going to be home at no later than 10pm. It was nearing three in the morning now. He hoped that the crash and the phone hadn't woken her; she had asked him to quit the drugs over a month ago. He had foolishly consented, but after only a week he had secretly returned to the lifestyle. He suspected that she knew. After all, she knew what the side effects looked like as well as anyone but if she did know, she never let on.
Side stepping the spilled food, Liam made his way to the telephone. "'Ello?" He whispered hoarsely, trying to feign a sleepy tone.
"Where the hell are you?" An angry voice demanded. It was Pat. Karen's father, Patrick Cross, was incredibly overprotective of his daughter and had never approved of her hooking up with Liam. Especially since it was Liam's world of rock stardom, though not Liam himself, that introduced her to the Technicolor world of drugs.
" I'm at home." Liam said truthfully, flopping down onto the couch. He felt smug. This seemed to be another one of Patrick's spot-check phone calls to make sure that Liam was truly taking care of Karen. " You shouldn't be calling this early." Liam reprimanded, taking delight that Karen's father had finally screwed up. If Karen had been woken up by the phone call Patrick would finally get the telling off of a lifetime.
Liam inched as close to the bedroom door as possible, raising his voice as loud as he could while not shouting. " Karen and I were sleeping and…." Liam never got to finish his lie because Patrick had interrupted him with loud expletives.
" You lying…" Liam pulled the phone from his ear as loud curses filled the air. Karen was sure to be up by now. After a moment or two Liam cradled the receiver to his ear, hearing only the last of the curses. " You wanker, you have no frigging clue do you?"
"It's really late Pat, and you know that Karen needs her rest." Liam said tolerantly, it wasn't the first time that Patrick that thrown a fit. Liam tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for Karen to get up and tell her father off.
" That she does." Patrick growled. " Considering she's in the hospital."
"What?" Liam paled, almost dropping the phone. "You're lying." Liam switched to the cordless phone and stalked into their bedroom. Quickly moving around the littered clothes on the floor, Liam made his way to Karen's side of the bed. Sure enough, the covers were pushed back and Karen was absent, in her place was a large dark spot. " Oh Lord." He gasped, his mind raced, trying to grasp the situation.
" She started having contractions almost six hours ago."
" Oh god." Liam moaned, sliding to the floor. He slowly rocked back and forth while trying to fully understand. " But it's only the seventh month. Oh god. She's too early."
More curses broke on Patrick's side of the line. Liam dimly overheard an intruding female voice, possibly a nurse, telling him to be quiet. After a few second of uneasy silence, Patrick returned to the phone. Patrick's voice was unnaturally calm. " You no-good druggie, she's in her ninth month. Only a week off of her expected birth date."
Liam glimpsed the small calendar that sat on Karen's side of the bed. Sure enough, the next week was marked with a dark red circle. Along with a few reminders to phone the doctor.
Stupid git. Liam felt as though he was eleven once again, being corrected in class over a mistake that only he could make. " How…how is she?" He asked hesitantly, he licked his lips nervously and was astonished to taste blood. He felt a small tear on his lower lip; he must have bitten it without noticing.
"Still in labour." Patrick answered shortly. "I swear to God you will pay for this, Karen must realize now what a scumbag she's gotten involved with. I'd be surprised if she doesn't send you packing after this." Patrick's voice got lower and harsher with every word, his voice filled with loathing. " Of course I was surprised that she didn't toss you after the baby shower."
A loud continuous beep filled the space of Patrick's voice, and it was several minutes before Liam realized that Patrick had hung up the phone. Liam barely remembered what he had done at the baby shower, he vaguely recalled stumbling through the door in the afternoon, astonished to find friends and family at their flat. After that, Liam suspected that he had passed out or something, because had no further memories of that day and Karen refused to talk about it. It's in the past what does it matter? Isn't that what Karen had said?
Liam dropped the phone as soon as he realized that his hands were shaking. He ignored the loud dial tone as he made his way out the door. He had no money for a taxi, and he sold his car a long time ago to pay for the drugs when the royalties had stopped rolling in and girls stopped screaming his name.
The second album would be released soon; Liam wished Charlie had not been so anal about perfecting songs so that it could have been released sooner. Then he would have car. Damn Charlie.
He shivered, realizing he had forgotten his coat. He needed a fix. He needed a car. He didn't know which was more important.
He had no clue which way the hospital was. But he knew that Charlie could be only a few blocks down the street, at a nightclub that was sometimes frequented by handlers. It had been void earlier but perhaps Charlie had returned out of desperation.
He saw no other alternative but to find Charlie. Perhaps if Charlie weren't too wasted he'd be able to help. Charlie was dependable; he had spent his riches wisely… or at least at first. Though even with his dependency, Charlie still found a way to manage his money well.
It had something to do with spreadsheets. Liam wished he had listened.
Liam ran in the direction of the club but had to stop running a block in, already short of breath. He panted slightly, as he speed-walked in direction of the club. Soon, but not soon enough, he could see a line-up and hear faint snatches of a pop tune. Fighting his way through the mob of people, Liam made his way to the bouncer.
" Gus! Gus!" He shouted trying to be heard above the roar of the crowd. He was jostled back and forth before he made it to the front of the line. People loudly protested behind him. Liam ignored them, but as he tried to focus on catching Gus's attention he realized that a contact lens had been knocked out of his eye and that the other contact lens felt as though it was hardening on his iris. He wished he had taken them out earlier, he wished he hadn't broken his glasses.
He recalled yelling proudly to Charlie that Rock Gods didn't wear glasses… Stupid.
" Gus!" Liam shouted, as he caught the bouncer's attention. " Gus! Is Charlie in there?" His voice was hoarse from shouting and for a moment it felt as though there was no way he could be heard over the crowd. But the bouncer seemed to understand him through the roar of the protesting crowd; Gus nodded and allowed him into the club.
Lights flickered madly inside, changing colours every few seconds. Music pounded and bodies gyrated on the dance floor. Liam ignored the scene, knowing that Charlie stayed away from the dance floors.
Liam nodded to a bartender, who seemed to recongnize him. " The kid's back there." The bartender said gruffly, guestering his thumb towards the band dressing rooms. Although the club usually had its music supplied by a DJ, there were times when new up and coming bands would perform a set there. It had been one of the first places Drive Shaft had played, and the manager had loved their music so much that he gave them a key to the dressing rooms.
Walking through the back end of the bar, Liam made his way to the old dressing rooms. Faded and ripped posters decorated the hallway that led him. Pushing open the dressing room door, Liam greeted by another small party that had filled the room. It would be hell to find Charlie in this mass.
Luckily, Liam caught sight of flailing arms and a familiar laugh, Liam spotted Charlie in the darkest corner of the room. He frowned as he made his way closer to Charlie. Charlie had some anorexic blonde draped over him as he related a seemingly hilarious anecdote. Although Charlie could function normally when he was on drugs, Liam could tell by the twitchy movement of his arms and the loudness of his voice that Charlie had gotten his fix.
Pushing the blonde off Charlie, Liam pulled Charlie to his feet. " I need your help baby brother."
Charlie irritably pulled Liam's hand off his arm. He turned back to the blonde and grinned widely. "This is Liam! He's the one I was telling you about." The blonde giggled and waved at him, but Liam merely rolled his eyes and pulled Charlie further away.
" She loves Drive Shaft." Charlie continued unaware of his brother's anxiety. " She totally gets the music. She says that she can, like… see the music. Fantastic!" Charlie fingers waved in the air, apparently mimicking what music looked like.
" I need money for a cab." Liam said hurriedly, before Charlie could keep talking. " Karen's having the baby, I need to get to the hospital."
" Brilliant!" Charlie raved, he ran his hands through his short hair, and his eyes glowed. " I'm an uncle! We should celebrate!" Charlie beckoned the blonde over; she giggled again and kissed Charlie's cheek. Still giggling she leaned forwards and kissed Liam on the mouth. " Congrats." She whispered, her voice filled with sensual promise.
Before Liam knew it, a small package had been pulled from the blonde's pocket and placed in his hands. Charlie pulled a thin wad of bills out of his pocket and passing them onto Liam, Charlie gripped his hands tightly for a moment. "We should celebrate. Karen won't mind, it'll only take a moment."
Liam felt the room swerve. He hadn't expected this. He didn't want this pressure.
He needed a fix. He needed a cab. He had both in the palm of his hands.
His hands shook slightly as the full craving rocked his body. It would only be one hit, he promised. Karen would understand.
The bills fell unnoticed to the floor.
The hospital was overly bright and white. Orderlies in their blue and white uniform dashed from room to room, everything smelled like medicine and plastic. Liam wished for a shower as he made his way to the maternity ward.
He passed many doors before he found Karen's room. He paused outside the door watching her speaking to someone, unaware that she was being watched. She looked radiant, glowing in the afternoon sun.
Liam flinched when Karen abruptly stopped talking and turned to the door, he felt his stomach drop as a smile vanished from her face. Liam shifted from foot to foot, as Karen sat in her bed simply staring at him.
Liam was readied himself; he waited for her to turn away. He had blown it.
But after a moment of self-doubt, Karen seemed to take a deep breath and waved him in
His cheek stung from the punch that Patrick delivered the moment he walked into the hospital. Liam hoped that his cheek wasn't too discoloured; he flushed with embarrassment as he entered the room. He felt dirty.
Unshaven, unclean, Liam made his way to Karen's side. He took the chair next to her, trying to find a way to explain.
" It's fine." Karen said quietly, her voice soothed away whatever lie he had prepared.
Liam gripped her hands tightly feeling more pathetic than ever before. He had nothing to hide behind anymore. He stared at the flimsy hospital sheets; he avoided her gaze, unable to look her in the eyes.
He felt Karen shift herself off the pillows and softly kiss his forehead. Undone by this, Liam felt his body collapse with exhaustion. Warm tears ran down his cheeks and he lifted his head to look her in the eyes. Her blue eyes stared into his brown ones, filled with forgiving.
" I'm sorry." He said brokenly. Gripping her fingers tightly.
Karen uncurled her fingers from his grip. Liam was surprised at her strength. Karen cupped his cheek and forced him to look at her.
" This needs to stop." She said gently. Liam didn't understand her calmness; he remembered the rage in his father's eyes when Liam had failed to show up for Charlie's communion.
Liam shook convulsively, he gasped for breath in between his sobs. " I know." He knew that it was coming, that this was the end. He had blown the only relationship that had ever mattered to him. He shivered, wondering how if would feel to return home alone while Karen raised their child on her own. She could manage on her own; Liam knew that. Karen was a survivor, but what about him? Liam was a dependant. He has always depended on someone or something to take charge; he had never wanted to lead.
Karen continued, forcing Liam to look at her again." You need to stop." She said elaborated simply, Liam bit his lower lip and understood. "Not just for us, but for our daughter."
Liam stopped shaking for a moment, and look at Karen with wonderment. "Our daughter?" With these words reality hit him, he had a child.
" Our daughter." Karen repeated, a soft smile grew on her face. She glowed. Karen beckoned the nurse over, and a small baby was placed in her arms. " Hold her." Karen requested, not waiting for an answer as she placed the baby in Liam's arms. After making sure Liam's arms were properly holding the baby, she leaned back.
Liam gazed into the babe's tiny pink face. Immediately a feeling swept through him, something he had never felt before, never wanted to feel.
Responsibility.
Whatever he craved or desired fell away, the only thing that filled him was the need to care for this tiny being. He wanted to grow up. Not for himself, not for Patrick or Charlie, or even for Karen. He wanted to grow up, to take care of this little babe that slept in his arms.
Liam looked up at Karen, his eyes widened in bewilderment. " I'm quitting." He said mystified, surprised to find that he wasn't lying.
End