Chapter 7

Erestor had just begun to fall asleep when someone knocked on his door. His first impulse was to ignore it and go back to sleep. It would be so easy to do. He wanted to curl up and try to sleep. He hardly slept at all these days and it was starting to affect him. Somehow, he doubted that whoever this was wanted something urgent from him. Just as he was rationalizing all of this to himself, though, something else occurred to him. He was, technically, running Imladris. This could be some emergency. He remembered several times when he had had to wake up Elrond in the middle of the night. Mumbling a curse under his breath, he departed from the warmth of his bed and walked over to the door. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he opened the door.

It was Glorfindel. Erestor involuntarily smiled. "What can I do for you, Glorfindel?" He put a hand on Glorfindel's shoulder. There was a haunted look in Glorfindel's sapphire eyes that worried Erestor a little. "Is something amiss?" He stepped back from the doorway. "Come in, mellon-nin."

Glorfindel stepped inside and Erestor closed the door behind him. Glorfindel realized that he had never been in Erestor's rooms before. They were just as he had expected; cold and impersonal. There were few things in the room. Upon closer inspection, though, all of them seemed meaningful. Erestor apparently was not one who collected things just for the sake of having them, but had simply a few things that meant the world to him. The room was not exactly welcoming, but it seemed to fit Glorfindel's mood. "Do you remember that you told me that I could come and talk to you…whenever I needed to?" Glorfindel paused for a long moment. "Well…I think that I need to."

"Of course, Glorfindel. Sit down. Would you like something to drink? To eat?" Erestor sensed that this would be a painful conversation and was doing what he could to delay its beginning. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Glorfindel. He did. It was just that taking all of Glorfindel's pain onto himself wasn't necessarily the smartest of ideas.

"No…thank you." Glorfindel looked at the ground. "I can go if you'd like."

"No. Don't even think about it. Sit down." He watched as Glorfindel sat down and then seated himself. All thoughts of sleep were gone from his mind. Glorfindel looked so upset right now that he just wanted to take Glorfindel into his arms and hold him. If he thought that that was what Glorfindel wanted, he would not have hesitated to do so. However, he was all but certain that Glorfindel did not want him to.

For the first time, Glorfindel saw the tiredness in Erestor's face. Erestor had done a good job of hiding it, but now it showed through. Glorfindel cursed himself for taking up Erestor's time. He knew that Erestor had enough trouble of his own, trying to mourn Elrond and yet continue to run Imladris, without him being such a time-consuming burden. He almost lost his nerve; he almost got up and walked out. He would like to think that Erestor cared enough about him to chase after him, but once again, that was one more strain that Erestor did not need to have placed on him. "Life has become too hard for me to handle," he said. Then he realized how pathetic he sounded and hated himself even more. "I'm sorry, Erestor, I shouldn't have woken you…" He began to rise to his feet.

Erestor was too fast for him, though. Erestor pushed him back down into the chair. "No, mellon. I'm not letting you go anywhere. You're obviously upset about something. I'm your friend. I want to help you. So tell me what's wrong, tell me what's on your mind, and we'll work through it together." Part of him was so tired of Glorfindel's behavior, but he couldn't let that show. Now he cared too much about Glorfindel to be willing to let anything happen to him. He moved his chair closer to Glorfindel's, close enough so that he could hold Glorfindel's hand. "Talk to me. The only way things are ever going to get better is if you just talk to me."

Glorfindel nodded. He knew that Erestor was right. To have Erestor holding his hand was reassuring as well. He felt himself falling even more in love with Erestor. Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, though, he began to speak. "I don't know why it is, Erestor, but…I don't feel that I love Elrond any longer." There. He had said it. And it was true. Ever since…ever since the second time he had tried to kill himself, he had no longer felt much love for Elrond. It was to Erestor that his heart now belonged. "I feel like such a traitor. I feel like I could have not really ever loved him…if it only took me a week to get over him. I feel…I feel like such a bad person…I feel like…not that there's no point to living, but that I will never find the point of living…that I am doomed to just wander around blindly for the rest of my days."

"But you don't feel like…hurting yourself again?" That might be more than Erestor could bear. He didn't like to see Glorfindel so vulnerable. Though it attracted Erestor, in Erestor's mind, Glorfindel had always been the strong type, the type that would never crack, no matter the pressure. Erestor didn't want to ever walk into Glorfindel's room and see a bloody knife again, or Glorfindel collapsed on some piece of furniture, near death. Erestor didn't know what he would do if Glorfindel actually succeeded in killing himself.

"No. I don't. I want to live…no, its not so much that as there's just as little point to me right now to dying as to living. I feel so lost, Erestor." What makes it so much worse, Erestor, dear friend, is that I have fallen completely in love with you, and I don't think that you feel the same way about me. "I'm sorry…you don't need my burdens as well as yours."

"I take them willingly, Glorfindel. That is what friends are for. That is what I am here for. I am here to help you. I don't want you to feel like you are ever a burden on me. Because you are not. Not at all." I wish that you loved me. Then I could hold you all night long and show you that there is a point to living. Only you don't love me and I don't think that you ever will.

Glorfindel nodded. "I suppose you are right. I've always…I'm not used to not being completely in control. I'm used to being strong. And now…it's like I've lost who I really am and now I'm just…a shadow of myself…that doesn't make any sense, does it?" Glorfindel shook his head. "Maybe I'm just going crazy."

"You're not going crazy. It's just that something really bad happened to you. Your body is overcompensating for the loss. It'll take a while, but I'm certain that things will go back to normal." I hope they do. I'm not sure that I like this new Glorfindel. Perhaps, though, he has been this way all along and I've just never been around to witness it. If Glorfindel stays this way, he will drain all the life from me. "And I will be here for you while that's happening."

"I don't deserve a friend like you." Glorfindel realized he was wallowing in self-pity again and stopped himself. "Let's stop talking about this. It's only putting me in a worse mood. Can we talk about something…normal? Anything. Just to get my mind off…off of everything." Or I could just leave you alone so that you can get some sleep. I'm sure that that's what you'd prefer. But I really want to stay with you longer. I like to see you like this. You look…vulnerable…somehow. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Erestor smiled; he didn't like talking about this, either. "Well, I'm sure I can think of something amusing to get your mind off of your troubles." After a few seconds of delay, he launched into an amusing story about an incident, years ago, when he had dared Elrond, who was famed for his inability to cook, to prepare dinner for the two of them. The ensuing disaster was enough to bring tears to Glorfindel's eyes, who had never known about this incident, having been away on a trip when it occurred.

"Did that really happen?" asked Glorfindel, amazed that Erestor would do something so malicious to Elrond and that Elrond would actually attempt it. You did love Elrond, possibly as much as I did. I can tell. The way your face lights up, the way your eyes light up, when you mention his name, gives away everything. I don't mind. He's dead now, and as far as I know, nothing ever came of your love for him.

Erestor nodded. "Yes. Taught me quite a lesson. I never again made him cook anything again." Erestor realized how tired he was just now. As much as he would love to continue to entertain Glorfindel, he did need some sleep if he was going to be able to run Imladris come tomorrow morning. He just couldn't figure out the right way to phrase his request so it wouldn't sound like he was kicking Glorfindel out.

Glorfindel seemed to get the hint, though, and stood up, pulling his hand free. "I'll leave you to your rest, Erestor. I can tell you're tired."

Erestor nodded. What I would like more than anything is for you to stay here with me tonight. Even I am not foolhardy enough to ask that of you, though. "Okay, then. I wish you sweet dreams."

Glorfindel made it most of the way to the door before turning around. He was tired of beating around the bush. It would eat at him until he knew exactly how Erestor felt about him. And this was one sure way to find out. Drawing on reserves of courage that he did not know he possessed, he said, "I'm not sure that I want to go."

Erestor, who had walked back over to his bed, frowned and asked, "What do you mean?"

Glorfindel swallowed hard. "Please don't hate me for saying this…but it won't leave me until I put it out in the open. Ever since Elrond died, it has been…I said earlier that I am not in love with him any longer…you have replaced him in my heart. Over the past few days, I have grown more and more attracted to you…I understand if you don't feel the same…"

"Are you saying that you wish to spend the night here?" asked Erestor, bemused.

"If by that you're assuming that we will have sex…then no. I don't know exactly how I feel about you…all I know is that I want to figure it out. I know that this could be…a disgrace to my love for Elrond…but you loved him as much as I did. I want to know if there's anything between us that exceeds the bonds of friendship."

Erestor nodded. "Okay, then. Come to bed." Erestor turned his back on Glorfindel and got into bed, leaving it up to Glorfindel to make the final decision.

Glorfindel was amazed that it had gone that well. He had expected Erestor to say no. Only now he was stuck with deciding whether or not to go to Erestor's bed. Part of his heart told him that it would be a betrayal to Elrond. So he almost just walked out of the room. But part of his heart said that he couldn't mourn Elrond forever, and that would not be what Elrond wanted of him.

So he slipped his clothes off and walked to the strange bed. Erestor immediately snuggled up to him, resting his head on Glorfindel's shoulder. Glorfindel put his arm around Erestor's slender waist and closed his eyes. For the first time since Elrond had died, Glorfindel felt nearly at peace.

Author's note: See, told you they'd be happy. Next chapter's going to be the last one! (Wow, i'm actually going to finisha fic! It's a miracle!)