Alluka tries to talk to Leo but barely gets a response. Ashton speaks to the boy afterwards.
Alluka knew where the boy was hiding, where Leo locked himself away. It was far away from the officers… away from anyone who wanted to reach out to him. She stood in front of the door, swallowing thickly from anticipation.
Leo didn't want to be around anyone, not even Ashton it would seem.
He was purposely hiding from everyone so he could think to himself, or at least come to terms with everything that transpired. He needed the respite, the time it would take to overcome his ordeal.
Alluka was bound to cut into that time, but she needed to tell the boy about how she felt… about how the others were thankful, for the things he did for her. Leo needed to hear it, even if he didn't want to speak or listen to anyone right now.
With a light tap against the door, she waited, hearing nothing but silence. The boy was actively ignoring her as he had done with the others. Only when an officer came looking to see if he was okay, did he let them in. However, like everyone else, they couldn't get anything out of him.
The only thing they could get, was a façade, a look that portrayed a man willing to die by jumping off a cliff, to protect others… but the eyes, the windows into his soul, showed a very scared individual, a broken mess too distraught to say anything other than, making a noise to let others know he was still living and breathing.
She knocked once more, this time asking if Leo was in the room "Hello, Leo are you there?"
Alluka jiggled the doorknob, finding it to be locked.
"Go away…"
"Can I speak to you for a second?"
From behind the door, Leo shook his head, not that the young girl would see his actions. However, he was certain, that the silence he gave back would be more than enough to deter anyone. He just wanted to be left alone for a bit, to come to terms with what transpired.
He made friends with people that came close to killing him…
Made friends with those… those who killed people without hesitation. Sure, if the people weren't killed, they have might have gone on to kill Ashton… maybe even Alluka. The girl doesn't seem to be a fighter in any capacity, but why couldn't Killua restrain them, he seems to have the strength and know-how, to be able to restrain his mother… so he must be strong enough to restrain the other monsters, monsters that threaten to end the lives of others?
Or maybe he's just speculating at this point…
He doesn't have every detail, given that he ran in to warn Ashton, right as his mother was shooting in their general direction.
Alluka didn't know what Leo was thinking about, much less feeling. But even if he didn't want to be spoken to, she still wanted to take time out of her life to at least thank the older teen "I wanted to thank you, for helping me… for the advice you gave me along the way."
"I don't need thanks from the sister of a cold-blooded murderer…" He immediately regretted his words and tone. He hadn't intended to say it out loud, much less blame the young girl for the actions or secrets she kept about her brother, behind lock and key. What he stated, was what he was feeling, internally. Alluka didn't deserve that… but what he said, cannot be undone.
Alluka was surprised by the tone and words, not expecting that kind of response from the boy. But given the silence earlier, she supposes the boy might've seen Killua in action… the way he kills without hesitation.
She's known it for a while… she's not seen Killua do the deed in-person, but at the same time she knows her brother, better than Leo would. He's not inherently evil. Within that split moment, the moment he kills someone without hesitation, something led up to it.
She was aware of what happened… Daniel was in danger.
If it was another person he killed, she wasn't too sure of the reason, but the danger is always a lingering issue in the back of his mind. She knows that her brother only threatens the lives of those, he knows are willing to attack the ones he deeply cares about.
If that person was herself or Daniel… Killua would pre-emptively snuff out the issue in advance.
But there's more to him, than simply nipping future issues in the bud. He's also a kind and gentle brother… a person who loves and shows compassion for those he deeply cares about, even when he refuses to show those feelings on the surface.
She's certain Killua has shown those sides at some point to Leo, but given the way Leo is barely responding, the shock of the situation has hit him hard. However, Alluka at the same time doesn't want that mental image of her brother to be tainted, to be the sole reason he's hated.
Killua may be an assassin, but more importantly, he was someone who always weighed the risks, against the quick deductions of a stealthy, cold-blooded assassination "We grew up to be trained and raised to be quiet assassins. Well, I wasn't… but he was. All my brothers were raised the same way. What my brother does… what he did if it was traumatising to you… I'd understand why you wouldn't want to be anywhere near him, let alone talk to him. Still… I want you to remember, Killua isn't inherently evil… he can be kind and gentle once you get to know him."
Leo knows that… from the way he treats Alluka and Daniel, he knows that… but seeing two conflicting sides of the boy has hit him hard, so hard he doesn't know what to believe anymore "Just, please… leave me alone."
"Okay…" Alluka turned away from the door, defeated, "Oh… my brother thanks you too." She heard no response, but she still had stuff she needed to say.
The thing is, she wasn't the only one who was thankful for the boy's assistance. Her brother appreciated the advice too because one less avenue for her to navigate means she has gotten closer to finding out her answer.
She's gotten closer, to finding out who she is at her core "Regardless of whether your information helps me understand my identity in the end. I know he'll want to thank you because you did give me advice… advice that made me question an aspect of myself. It wasn't groundbreaking… or very revealing, but it helped me understand the uncomfortableness of a situation wasn't because of how I dressed, but rather whose clothes I was wearing. You didn't need to offer me any advice, but I'm glad you did it anyways…"
Alluka received no response, she left, glad to have gotten that off her chest.
From the other side, Leo sobbed, not from the thank you, but rather the appreciation. His mother never really accepted anything he gave after coming out, in fact… she gaslighted him and made him question all his feelings until he collapsed in on himself.
Even after staying firm with his feelings, being kicked out felt like a slap in the face.
When it came to Ashton, he felt like he gave her no reason to appreciate anything, unless he counts the will to live.
He had no reason to abruptly end his life, but he was certain Ashton appreciated not coming into the room to find a body bleeding out.
No, this was the first time in his life, he helped someone… a person he ultimately, pushed away.
He hated the feeling… but he knew this was a point he couldn't turn the clock back on. There was no way to go back on his words, much less thank Alluka for thanking him for his limited guidance.
"~"
When Alluka returned, she shook her head, "I think I made him more upset… I feel like he saw you execute someone, big brother."
Killua crossed his arms, "I think my lack of awareness has dulled…" Killua looked to his partner, about to say something, but he shut his mouth. What he was thinking and feeling wouldn't be possible. There was no way, certain parts of their skills were completely eclipsing the other, to the point it was stealing power from their partner.
Daniel was abysmal at Zetsu, Killua wasn't…
Killua was lacking in spatial awareness, Daniel was excelling…
No, what he was feeling… felt off. He could still use En, it was an ability he could still tap into. Maybe it was something else, like Daniel's constant swirling aura around him made it difficult to sense others…
Maybe that was it…
He had become so accustomed to the constant aura; it made it difficult to now sense others. Maybe this was a spot where he needed to improve. However, for the time being, he wouldn't bring it up… they needed to focus on the road ahead, the meeting of Sarah and Rosalia Servedio.
It's there where the final tinkering of the weapons will be made…
It's there where they'll receive their phones…
It's there… where they'll learn what the future holds for the two of them.
"~"
Leo's eyes were glazed over, constantly drawn to the street, even though he couldn't see anyone down there. They were like tiny ants, specks in his vision. He wasn't even intentionally looking for anything on the streets.
He was deep in his thoughts, with only the streets to act like a visual reminder of how he was feeling, streets that lead to everywhere, yet, he didn't know which one his mind wanted to take right now.
A light knock pulled him out of his unfocused mind, the boy barely having time to react to Ashton entering the room.
He was kind of expecting to be admonished for how he treated the others, which he wasn't mentally prepared for. Yet, the older woman's soft features reminded him that Ashton wasn't anything like that.
She approached the topic calmly, "The trio has left…"
Leo returned his gaze to the window, offering nothing in response.
"You know… you're gonna need a pair of binoculars if you want to see them from up here."
"I know…"
The older woman moved closer, now looking outside the window alongside the other, the two staring at the streets in silence. Eventually, the woman broke the silence "You regret saying goodbye… don't you." When she received no response, she probed a little, "Maybe even… thank the guy for moving fast enough to save you."
"Tell him I said thanks for making me piss myself in fear, from almost being stabbed in the face." The boy retorted with an accusatory inflection, somewhat annoyed for being pushed towards any kind of response… although deeply, he agreed with the older woman's assumption.
He did feel remorseful for not saying goodbye… or at least thanking Alluka, for thanking him for his minimal assistance.
Although, in the grand scheme of things… he barely understood what he was feeling about the entire situation. He didn't want anyone stepping into his life and dictating how he should be responding. Hell, he didn't even understand why Ashton was pressing him to put himself in an uncomfortable position in the first place.
"He didn't do that on purpose..." She calmly reminded the other, tone soft, unlike the hard truth.
"Well... I still pissed myself, and that's frustratingly painful."
"In what way…?" The lady quirked an eyebrow, inquisitive about how the young boy planned to lead the conversation.
"Guys don't do that... how am I supposed to be manly if I piss myself in fear..."
Ashton crossed her arms, "Now that's toxic to guys who have done that. I taught you better..." She needed to reprimand the boy. He had an accident while being scared for his life… while not everyone has done it, doing so doesn't make you any less of a man… or a young guy.
It happened… so what? Leo was still Leo, no less… no more of who he was as a person. Scared or not, the reaction meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.
But, at the same time, she could understand why Leo was frowning upon his own, reaction.
He was trying to be the pinnacle version of a man. An icon others could look towards as being manly…
No, what Leo needed, was to be himself. To not push himself into a mould of perfection.
"I don't feel any better about what I did..."
"Guys are allowed to feel fear…" Ashton was quick to remind the young teen, "Look, even if say… someone like Killua didn't show it," Leo looked at her, frowning from having the boy who murdered in cold blood brought up. It didn't matter, there was a point to be made, whether Leo liked it or not. It was a fact, a cold hard fact "Seeing Daniel being choked, that boy would've certainly felt fear within that moment..."
"Well, he's not the one who pissed himself…" He quickly reminded the adult in the room.
"Killua probably has…" Ashton pressed a hand against her chin, thinking out loud, "I'm certain of it. I'm sure given his life, at some point or another, he had an accident. Maybe when he was much younger…"
"Then maybe I should be an assassin too…" Leo chuckled to himself. He knows he could never be one, but if that means improving one's bladder, then there are some perks to being an assassin, but a hell of a lot of cons too "At least I won't be pissing myself anymore."
"You don't mean that…"
"How do you think Killua does it…" The boy shifted the conversation, "kill people with a straight face at such a young age?"
"He's been doing it for a while… the poor boy." She reminded the young boy, "But you gotta remember, doing evil acts doesn't make you necessarily evil… it's doing it for the thrill or because you want to, makes you evil…"
"I suppose I know that…" The boy sighed out of reluctance, "I suppose you were the one to teach me that."
"I don't think I did… I'm certain you knew that, from your upbringing alone."
"I was taught my thinking and feelings were the creation of my evil nature…"
"Your mother did say that…" The woman's voice stressed the uncomfortableness of the situation. But like other uncomfortable conversations, she knew how to navigate out of them, and back onto the main discussion, "It's her version of truth… it doesn't make it a cold fact of reality. Look…"
Ashton altered the conversation, "Your mother is evil… as in, how she treated you, told you everything you felt is wrong. She should've never done that… she should've raised you to be more accepting, to treat your feelings with a sense of validation. Sure, as a kid you may say you want to become an astronaut, or something equally difficult…"
"I don't…"
"Doesn't matter, what I'm trying to say is, being an adult is difficult. You need to learn to navigate feelings, to know which to nurture and what to smack down. I won't give her any sort of leeway to her mistreatment, but from all her mistakes, I hope you've learnt a few things. Be a bit open and willing towards those you cherish, because the friends you make today, might not be friends tomorrow… but that doesn't mean you have nothing to gain from learned experiences."
"I understand…"
"Good…" The oldest let the silence linger for a few seconds, allowing the boy to think over what she said. Eventually, she continued "Don't become like your mother… reserved and controlling." Ashton was quick to remind the other.
"I won't… because if I ever have a child… I'll never treat them like my mother treated me."
Ashton gave a nod of understanding, but she had a lit titbit she wanted to add, "Be open to yourself and more importantly… to others as well. Learn from your mistakes and you'll learn more about yourself in the process, okay…"
"Okay…"
"Good, because I have some other news, I wanted to discuss with you. But given your… current predicament, I rather not bring it up with you right now. Take a moment to recollect your thoughts and-"
Ashton was shocked to receive a hug from the young boy. With this impossible predicament, she could've invested in a lottery ticket. Leo was much too reserved and manly to break down under pressure.
Even when the nightmare came, he refused any sort of help, let alone maternal comfort. So, with this rare chance, she brought up her hand, lightly resting it on top of the boy's head.
For the first time she's laid witness, the boy sobbed against her dress.
She comforted the boy to the best of her ability, allowing the young boy the much-needed silence to air out his distraught feelings on the matter. Ashton knew it hit the boy hard, but she didn't expect him to break down in tears. Actually… she was so used to seeing Leo hold back, this was the one thing she would've never expected to break the camel's back.
She was expecting the news about the cop wanting to adopt him to be the very thing that breaks him. Not because of being overjoyed about the situation, but rather… the fact someone outside of Ashton wanted to adopt him.
It isn't that Ashton didn't want to have kids, she wouldn't mind having one or two… it's that like her partners, anyone could be caught in the crossfire, just like it happened now.
Sure, the person who wanted to adopt Leo was also in a position of power, one where the boy was bound to be caught in a different kind of crossfire, but after doing a background check, doing her due diligence to make sure Leo WILL be looked after properly… she had this gut feeling that Leo will be in great hands.
However, saying this news is one thing… especially to a broken boy, one who was broken by an uncontrollable situation.
Still… she wanted what was best for Leo, and that was being looked after by someone who was not only mentally prepared for a child, but one who will show love and compassion for the very person who needed it most.
It's okay… everything will be alright. You're allowed to feel sadness, anger, frustration… even fear. Just know that the people you're directing those pent-up emotions towards, might not be the ones you need to direct them to…
Moving her hand back and forth, Ashton stroked Leo's hair "It's okay…"