For Zoad

11/2/2022

"...Uhm, Hikki?"

"Yo."

"What'cha got there?"

Hikigaya looked at his right hand, then held out his left. "A smoothie."

"...oh, I see." Yuigahama turned back to her phone.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"As if!" She stood up, launching her chair backwards. "That's a duck!"

"That is… indeed a duck." Yukinoshita agreed.

"Oh, yeah." Hikigaya raised the bird in his right hand. "Duck."

The duck quacked on cue.

"..."

"..."

Sluurrrppp

"..."

"'Ducks are wonderfully hardy, inexpensive, and easy to care for. They can live up to 20 years and make gentle and amusing pets.' Huh, interesting." Hikigaya mumbled as he scrolled around on his phone, drinking his smoothie.

"..."

"..."

"'Ducks can be amazingly fun and interesting pets'… More work… more expense? Oh, more than chickens. Duck eggs?" He then put down his phone, grabbed the duck with both hands and raised it above his head. "...don't see a dick."

Yukinoshita coughed.

"...do… ducks… have… penises?" He mumbled again, "...retractable?!" His eyes widened, "20 centimeters?!"

Yuigahama choked on her tea.

Pak

Yukinoshita slammed her book shut. "Hikigaya-kun, could you kindly refrain from spouting duck phallus facts during club hours? Or at least, while we are not here?"

"Oh, right. My bad." Hikigaya apologized.

"..."

"..."

"...shaped like a corkscrew? So ducks literally screw each other?"

The duck quacked proudly.

"Quaa~"

The duck stared at her.

"Quaaaa~" She softly exhaled.

"QUACK!"

"Ah!"

"...what are you doing with my duck?" Hikigaya entered the room and asked a very surprised Yukinoshita who had just fallen over backwards onto the floor.

"I was… trying to communicate."

"..."

"..."

Hikigaya shaped his hand into a hollow fist over his mouth, covering it with his other hand before blowing really hard into his hand-funnel while simultaneously removing his other hand, making a noise that sounded exactly like a quack.

"QUACK!"

Hikigaya turned to a shocked Yukinoshita, a smug grin plastered on his face. "He asked if we had any grapes."

"I said no."

Yukinoshita gasped.

Credits roll.

Duck will return.