The insane musings of the authoress: Sorry this chapter took so long. It took me a couple of months to write it the first time around, and then my pc crashed and I lost EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. I had to reconstruct this chapter from my hazy memories of the original eighth chapter. The original was probably better, but I did my best.

Special thanks to: My mom, for being sympathetic with me when I lost months of work, and for valiantly trying to get it back for me, even though we all knew she couldn't.

Disclaimer: CCS is not mine, nor is Norah Jones' gorgeous 'Come Away With Me.'

Glass Roses

Chapter Eight

What Happens When: Tomoyo Starts To Break

Silence reigned in the car as Eriol drove them to wherever it was they were going. It could, Tomoyo supposed, be pretty much anywhere - Eriol hadn't told her anything. All she knew was that it must have been somewhere pretty special to him. She didn't know enough to make a less vague guess.

It was a soft, comforting silence that enveloped the space, and music fell softly around them like rose petals as the radio serenaded them. Eriol suddenly began to laugh, and Tomoyo looked at him, an eyebrow quirked, clearly confused but curious.

"Are you laughing at me?"

It was an accusation made in fun; she didn't really believe he was laughing at her. He shook his head in answer, but silently turned up the volume on the radio.

'Come away with me…'

"I do believe that song is stalking us," Tomoyo said with a smile, but pretending to look very serious. The smile was wiped off Eriol's face as he made his expression jokingly stern to match Tomoyo's.

"Perhaps so, Miss Daidouji. What do you propose we do about it?" he asked, his hand on his chin in the classic 'thinking' pose.

Tomoyo had an idea as to what might be done in order to banish the song, but she blushed and decided she would keep it to herself.

"It's not as though we really need to be rid of it," Tomoyo said thoughtfully, "I think we can bear it."

"Actually, I don't believe it requires bearing," said Eriol as he turned left, "I confess I've grown to like it. It's rather beautiful."

"Isn't it funny," said Tomoyo softly as she watched him frown in concentration as he struggled to turn left then right in quick succession, "how the most beautiful things are the easiest to bear? I know a girl who isn't exactly what most people would define as beautiful on the outside, but she has a heart of gold. And yet, she is overlooked. Is that fair? Is it right? There are people who are beautiful to behold, but they are hollow inside. And yet, people always look to them first. They look past girls like my friend. And very few people even know about her golden heart, because they don't take the time to look and see."

She looked at him and he looked back at her, and she continued,

"She's one of the most beautiful people I know. And I wish people could look at her and see that."

"Do you wish you were like your friend?" Eriol asked.

"What do you mean?" Tomoyo asked.

"A plain exterior but containing a heart of gold."

"I don't know what I want. Perhaps it's not in us that the faults are found. Perhaps it's in the way other people see us. Perhaps we just can't project the image we wish we could. I'm not that beautiful. Not the most beautiful. Aunt Nadeshiko was the most beautiful…"

And with that, Tomoyo's eyes opened wide and then she burst into sudden tears, gasps and sobs puncturing the silence that had once been placid and peaceful, startling Eriol so much that he almost stepped harshly on the break.

"Daidouji-san?" he asked, sounding anxious. She couldn't or wouldn't answer, but kept on sobbing.

"Aunt Nadeshiko and Sakura-chan!" she choked, and now Eriol was extremely confused. Who on earth was she talking about? And why on earth did they make her so upset? If he found out who they were, he'd kill them for hurting Daidouji-san.

Eriol now felt rather alarmed. Tomoyo wasn't making sense, and she was choking as rivers of tears, mucus and saliva ran down her face.

"Calm down!" Eriol said sternly, "concentrate on breathing, slowly and deeply, in and out. You must stop crying, or you will make yourself sick."

He glanced over at her now and then as he drove, looking frantically for somewhere they could stop. Tomoyo's desperate sobs quietened to snuffles, and Eriol breathed a sigh of relief. Then they passed some cherry blossom trees in full bloom, and she began to cry again.

It didn't make sense to Eriol for a moment, but then he realised - Sakura blossoms. She had mentioned a 'Sakura'.

"I miss her," Tomoyo whispered.

Eriol had, at that moment, spotted a place where they could stop - a wooden bench by the side of the road, which was on the outskirts of a park. He pulled over and helped Tomoyo to the bench, where they both flopped down, exhausted, Tomoyo still weeping.

"Okay," said Eriol as he rubbed her back and she sobbed into a paper handkerchief he gave her, "let it all out."

She sobbed, spluttered and coughed into Eriol's shirt as he held her close, hugging her and rubbing her back. She created a soaking patch in the blue fabric before she was through.

"Better?" he asked when she had stopped crying and began to blow her nose and wipe her red, swollen, tired eyes. She nodded weakly.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Eriol asked her as children played in the park behind them, their laughter shattering the silence of the evening.

Tomoyo said nothing.

"Please? I don't know what it is, and maybe if you told me I couldn't even help, but I could try. And I would listen. Please, Tomoyo," he said, then realised his mistake.

"Sorry, I mean, Daidouji-san," he corrected himself but Tomoyo smiled and shook her head.

"No, it should be 'Tomoyo', shouldn't it, if I'm going to bear my soul to you," she said. Eriol smiled and sat silently, politely waiting for her to begin.

"Picture me as a little girl. I was all big eyes and long curls. My mother doted on me. She would tie my curls into two ponytails on either side of my head, and dress me in pretty pink dresses. She never stopped telling me how cute and adorable I was, and how much she loved me," Tomoyo began, her voice still a little shaky after all that crying.

"But she didn't really want me. She wanted another - my aunt, Nadeshiko. My aunt passed away when I was very little. That was when it all went wrong…

I look very like Nadeshiko, so my mother set about making me into a living memory of her deceased cousin. She started with my name - Tomoyo Nadeshiko Daidouji. She had the 'Nadeshiko' added after my aunt died.

She had me take music classes, as Nadeshiko loved music, and had me signed to a modelling agency, because that was what Nadeshiko did for a living. I was taught to make tea and sweets - my aunt's favourite foods. It was a nightmare - I was a puppet on a string.

Mother controlled every aspect of my life - I wasn't allowed to date when I got older, because mother had lost Nadeshiko to a man, Fujitaka, whose fault it was that dearest Nadeshiko had died, or so my mother thought. Still I desperately sought her approval, and continued to do everything she said, never thinking I might be allowed to do something I wanted, for once.

Then, when I was ten, my mother found Nadeshiko's daughter, Sakura. Even though I look more like Nadeshiko than Sakura does, Sakura was the last thing Nadeshiko left in the world, so naturally she was much more precious than I could ever hope to be. I was forgotten, but like the silly little girl I was, I thought that if I tried hard enough, she would remember about her daughter, Tomoyo.

I fell foul of the Amamiya family curse, and fell in love with Sakura, my cousin. Just like my mother Sonomi fell in love with her cousin Nadeshiko. But Sakura found her soulmate in someone else - a boy named Li Syaoran.

I was at breaking point. My mother was never home. My father was gone - he had walked out on us years earlier. I felt nobody wanted me. What was I doing wrong?

Then, mother announced that she would be coming to the piano recital I was in. It was a month before my seventeenth birthday. I was so excited - she had never bothered to turn up to any before that. Maybe I had cracked it, and had started doing something right.

Then, mother said she wanted me to wear white, Nadeshiko's favourite colour, and she wanted to put Nadeshiko flowers in my hair!

I snapped.

I yelled at her that I was tired of trying so hard to be something I wasn't just to please a silly woman who couldn't let go. In the cruellest voice I could muster, I said that Nadeshiko didn't even want her! Nadeshiko wanted Fujitaka, who was a kind, sweet man, and who could blame her? Who could blame Nadeshiko for choosing him over a jealous, controlling woman like Sonomi?

I screamed that people weren't meant to be mirror images. I asked her, did she even know my favourite book? Did she even know what I was afraid of? Did she know what I wanted to be when I got older? She said that she didn't. She looked so weary and defeated.

I asked her why she couldn't love me for who I was. I asked her why I should never have anything I wanted. I asked why I shouldn't have anyone to love. Why I should have to watch everyone else be happy, and smile through my pain just so nobody worried? But then, to want a piece of happiness for myself, maybe that was selfish.

I told her I knew how it felt, not to be wanted. Nobody wanted me - I was nobody's number one. Sakura's number one was her beloved Syaoran, and Sonomi's was Nadeshiko. My father's number one wasn't me or my mother, as neither of us was enough to keep him from leaving.

Then I shouted that I didn't want her either - and I stormed past her to my room, where I packed a bag. Then I came back down the stairs and walked straight past her and out the door. She just sat there, watching me with tired eyes, like she was frozen. Like she couldn't believe she was there. Like she couldn't believe calm, controlled Tomoyo could ever yell like that.

She didn't even try to stop me - didn't call after me, didn't apologise."

Tomoyo stopped for a moment to take a breath, smiled a small, bitter smile then ploughed on.

"I caught a bus out here - I didn't even know where I was going. I checked into a hotel for a while, and I looked for a house. I found the one I live in now, and I spent my seventeenth birthday lying on my living room floor, among all the boxes, weeping.

I came here to get away from it all. I ran away. But it's only getting worse. The fear that one of them will come get me, and drag me back - and the fear that nobody cares I'm gone - eat away at my insides.

Then I met you - and I was scared as well as happy. I knew that you could be my downfall - you might just break me. And I was right - you got further than I had ever allowed anyone to get. But, every time you got close to breaking through, I stopped you just in time and pushed you away. I could never tell anyone about what I left behind.

It was my fault, and if it hurt to bear the secret, then I would. I deserved the pain.

But now I'm tired of fighting to maintain glass barriers I wish I didn't need. The glass is breaking, Eriol - and I am breaking too."

Eriol's vision swam as he looked at her. She was turned to him, violet eyes sad but dry. There was a funny sort of look in her eyes - a gleam of desperation, perhaps?

"I didn't know," he said as he gathered her up into his arms, and although she was surprised, she let him cuddle her close, "I'm sorry, Tomoyo. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," he said again as he buried his face in her long hair.

"Stop saying sorry," said Tomoyo in mock irritation, "you're making me feel bad. I don't deserve your pity. You're such a good person…"

"And that makes you an even better one," said Eriol firmly. Tomoyo laughed weakly.

"I wish I knew how to make it better," he said quietly.

"You did. Just by listening. Thank you," she said.

"I love you," Eriol said from his position buried in her sweet-smelling hair, "we all love you - Nakuru and Ms Chase and I. I know it doesn't make up for what you lost, but we'll love you as hard as we can."

Tomoyo could feel her eyes well with tears again.

"Oh, Eriol, you're going to make me cry again!" she exclaimed as she wiped her eyes roughly.

"We wouldn't want that!" said Eriol, laughing.

"I love you, too. I love you so much. I'm so lucky I met you," Tomoyo said and Eriol smiled.

"No, I think I'm the lucky one," Eriol said, smiling softly as Tomoyo looked up at him. Then she sprang suddenly to her feet.

"That thing you wanted to show me - can we still make it? Or is it too late?" she asked, looking anxious. Eriol checked his watch.

"I totally forgot," he said, "I think we might just be able to catch it, if we hurry."

"So let's hurry!" Tomoyo cried, and she grabbed his hand as he got to his feet. Then, laughing merrily like the children in the park behind them, they ran to the car.

As Tomoyo watched Eriol run with her to the car, she realised that somehow, he was making her believe that although people could be broken, maybe they could be fixed, as well.

…

A.N. Oh my God. Try writing an emotionally draining chapter like that twice. Reconstruction sucks. Anyway, I hope that now Tomoyo's 'confession' is over, there will hopefully never be a need for another chapter quite as dramatic as this.

Also, when Eriol and Tomoyo tell each other that they love each other, they just mean platonically. No need to get excited, everyone ;-)

And, just in case anyone was wondering, the friend Tomoyo refers to, the one with the golden heart, is Naoko.

I also hope there will never be quite as long a wait for another chapter, but there was the horrible fact that the whole thing got wiped and had to be re-written to take into consideration.

Anyway, see you next time.

Shattered Midnight Dreams…zzz…

Because life's like that sometimes…