Since Lex is a celebrity, why are there no specials on him? I thought I'd create some! Oh, and by the way, I actually thought Ashton Kutcher was good in Cheaper by the Dozen, but it just fit so perfectly.
Ashton: Lex Luthor is one of the most powerful people in the world. He's one of those people that you do not want to cross. For instance, you would not want to lose his reservation for dinner. But what happens when someone does?
Lex has invited three friends of his to lunch at my favorite restaurant—a little place called Dolcè. The restaurant will have absolutely no record of his reservation and a completely full house. His friends, Clark, Chloe, and Lana, are all in on the joke. Ryan will be playing the manager, Will will be playing the seater, and I will be playing the maitre'd. I like to call this bit: Dude, where's my reservation?
Chloe: I can't believe we're going to go to Ashton Kutcher's restaurant. Do you think he'll be there?
Lana: I doubt it. I mean, its not like managing the restaurant is his only job. What do you think, Lex?
Lex: He may be there, but he probably has other priorities.
Chloe: What do you think, Clark?
Clark: I can not believe you two are getting all excited about the remote possibility of meeting Ashton Kutcher. He probably won't be there, and I have to say, Cheaper by the Dozen wasn't all that great.
Lana: I loved it, especially the guy who played the oldest son.
Chloe: ::sighs dreamily::
Will: Hi, welcome to Dolcè, and your reservations are under?
Lex: Luthor.
Will: I'm sorry, um, we don't have any reservations under that name.
Lex: Could you check again?
Will: Alright, but…I'm sorry, nothing.
Lex: I definitely made reservations.
Will: Well, we don't have anything under Luthor. Are you sure it was for today?
Lex: I'm certain. May speak to the manager?
Will: Of course. I'll be right back.
Lex: ::turning to them:: Wow, this has never happened to me before.
Lana: Lex, did he even know who you were?
Lex: I don't think so.
Chloe: Are you sure you got the reservations.
Lex: Absolutely.
Clark: Are you sure they were for today?
Lex: Definitely.
Ryan: ::returning with Will:: Hi, um, you forgot to make reservations?
Lex: No, no, I didn't forget. You lost them.
Ryan: Sir, we've never lost any reservations.
Lex: ::quietly:: Listen, do you know who I am?
Ryan: No, no I don't.
Lex: Okay, well, then listen, I am worth over seven-hundred billion dollars. I am not the type of customer you want to lose.
Ryan: ::covering his mouth:: Oh, well, um sir, I'm sorry, but we don't have any extra tables.
Lex: ::motioning to an empty table:: There's an empty table.
Ryan: That's reserved for celebrities, sir.
Lex: Sir, I am a celebrity.
Ryan: Well, I didn't know you.
Lex: I was on the cover of Fortune magazine when I was nineteen.
Ryan: Good for you.
Lex: I've been in Teen People countless times.
Ryan: I've never seen you in it.
Lex: Is there anyone higher up here?
Ryan: Well, Mr. Kutcher is here today, but I'm not sure he'll be able to make room for you. I'll go see. What did you say your name was?
Lex: Lex Luthor
Ryan: I'll be right back.
Lana: Did he just say he was going to go get Ashton Kutcher?
Chloe: ::smiles:: Do you think he'll give me an interveiw?
Clark: I wouldn't tell him that you're a reporter if I were you Chloe.
Lex: You could do an exposè on Dolcè losing reservations.
Chloe: Good idea.
Ashton: Hey, Lex! Um, so you forgot to make reservations?
Lex: No, no, your restaurant lost my reservations.
Ashton: ::half-laughing at the idea:: Um, we've never lost a single reservation.
Lex: Well, you lost mine.
Ashton: Are you sure?
Lex: Yes. I definitely made them.
Ashton: Well, I'm sorry, I'd get you a table, but we don't have any extras.
Lex: Well, there's an empty one right there.
Ashton: I'm sorry, that's for celebrities.
Lex: Listen, I flew all the way from Kansas with my friends to treat them to dinner here, and you're telling me you can't let me sit at that table because it's for celebrities? I have my own E! True Hollywood Story.
Ashton: No, I'm tellling you you can't sit there because you're on Punk'd.
Lex: ::smirking; turning to Clark, Chloe, and Lana:: Were you in on this?
::Clark nods::
Lana: Hey, Ashton, could I get your autograph? ::holds out a pen and paper::
Ashton: Yeah, sure.
Chloe: Ashton, ::hold out tape recorder:: you promised me a quote for the Torch if I helped you. What is your favorite part about Punking people?
Ashton: I like seeing them squirm.
Chloe: Thank you.
Ashton: Wow, I believe Lex was the most calm person I have ever had on Punk'd. Next up, Tom Welling runs someone over.