Title: Where I Belong
Author: fbi-woman
Rating: PG-13 to be safe since I'm not quite sure exactly where I'm going with this one yet.
Type: CG of course, although I haven't really written the vast majority of that part yet lol. It's a post-ep fic as well which should hopefully make for a nice change
Spoilers: sounds the warning bell This is a post-ep fic for the episode Viva Las Vegas so beware….
Disclaimer: I hate these stupid things….. I don't own anything and I'm not claiming to.
Summary: Well, as said, this is a post-ep fic for Viva Las Vegas so you probably already have a good idea of what it's about. This is still kind of a prelude to the CG part, so the CG happiness has not yet arrived but it will surface at some point lol.
AN: This chapter is REALLY short but too much time passes between the end of this one and the beginning of the next one to stick them together into one (I tried and it was very awkward lol). I don't have English this semester so I've kind of let my writing style slip a little so I'm sorry for the poor vocab and any horrible grammatical errors that I've probably made. As always, the Queen of the Semicolon has severely overused it hehehe. I'm really insecure about the direction I'm taking this fic in so I'd really like some feedback on it. I was going to go right to the happy fluffy stuff but I wanted a little drama first. Now I'm starting to wonder if I should have cut to the happy point…. I need some other POVs. This was originally a songfic to "Forgive Me" by Doc Walker. For the songfic version, please visit 2
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Grissom:
I hold her close, not bothering to ask what's wrong since I already know. It's not like we haven't been here before. The way she's dressed, the look on her face; she's been hurt yet again by another man who doesn't appreciate her. Why Cath, why? Why do you waste your time on these guys, looking for love in all the wrong places and everywhere else but right in front of you? I'm right here, I always have been and I love you more that anyone else ever could. I wish I could tell you but I know it wouldn't make a difference. I'm a CSI; I follow the evidence and it clearly shows that you're not interested in me. Instead of confessing, I'll simply wait for the moment that I know is coming. It's that horrible, inevitable where she clamps up and shuts me out and……. bang! Here it is. I feel her body tense against mine and her sobs vanish into the silence. Please Catherine, don't do this; please don't push me away. I want to be there for you, to be the friend you need. Talk to me, stay with me, just please don't leave me behind again. I need you. You're everything to me.
Catherine:
What's wrong with me? I thought I was past this; that I had become stronger and no longer required someone to hold my hand and tell me that everything will turn out fine. I feel bad for doing this to Gil. I can't count the number of times I've just shown up here at his door, crying in the middle of the night. I know it hurts him to see me like this. Even worse, it makes me feel guilty for selfishly expecting him to drop whatever he was doing to come comfort me and then I get angry for allowing myself to accept the comfort when he offers it. I feel the knot building in the pit of my stomach, encouraging me to tell him the truth about my real feelings for him but I just can't. I should leave before I do or say something; I don't trust myself to keep it all in when I'm already emotional like this. I should have known this would happen. It happens every single time. I start to pull away from his arms and I see that same, familiar expression on his face. I look at the pain in his eyes, begging me not to turn away from him but I refuse to listen. I don't say a word, afraid of making things even worse than I already made them. I simply walk back to my car and make the usual depressing drive from his home to mine; using the radio to try and drown out my heart as it repeatedly tells me to turn around.
I slowly pull into my driveway and skillfully apply a fresh layer of makeup, covering any redness that remained from my earlier display of emotion. I put on my battered mask of happiness, forcing a smile as I walk through the door just in case Lindsey is waiting up for me. That is not the case however and I wonder why I expected it to be. I've noticed that Chris is not the only person I've let slip away from me. I get ready for bed and lay down, trying to fall asleep before my thoughts take over. With Lindsey already in bed, the house is silent and I feel so alone. I close my eyes, listening to the sound of my broken heart beating, praying for this nightmare to end, and finally I am able to relax as sleep temporarily takes me away from the horrible mess I've created.