Author's Notes: Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers! Also, welcome new readers! All questions, comments, and constructive criticism are welcome if you would like to leave a review!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters and places from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling. They are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
A few days after Christmas, Remus and Severus had gone back out, and returned from yet another fruitless venture.
"I hope this is all over soon... I want Mum and Remus to be able to move on with their lives... to be as happy as we are..." Hermione sighed, "but I know he fears putting her in danger."
Severus pulled Hermione tightly to him as they lay together in their bed. How could he tell her that he shared Remus' fears? That he had put the ones he loved more than life itself in danger, just by the simple act of loving them so much?
Hermione smiled as he brushed her hair aside and began to place soft kisses on the nape of her neck. Rolling over to face him, she smiled as she looked into his eyes. She could see the shadows already forming as he prepared for another sleepless night. She eased herself into an upright position as she gently pushed him on to his back, kissing him passionately.
"Hermione..." he moaned against her mouth, his hands reaching up to tangle in her hair as he pulled her closer. Hermione's hands swiftly moved to undress him, as he slid her nightgown up to expose the flesh of her thighs before easing it further up her body and pulling it off over her head. Hermione pulled back and smiled at him before moving to straddle his lower body.
"No bad dreams tonight, Severus... I won't allow it..." she whispered as her gentle fingers moved to trace the contours of his body, "Let me take your mind off of it all..."
She watched the shadows fade as his eyes intensely absorbed the vision of her. His breath caught in his throat, and he had to force himself to exhale slowly, as his hands reached to caress her back as he whispered, "I've never seen you look so beautiful..."
Hermione blushed. She couldn't imagine that he could find her beautiful now... not in the final stages of pregnancy. She certainly didn't FEEL beautiful. She looked down and frowned at the stretch marks that now marred her once flawless skin. "You don't have to say that, Severus... I know I'm a mess..."
Following her eyes, he tried to reassure her, "It's true, Hermione... you are absolutely radiant!" He reached to caress her cheek with the back of his hand, "Your face is glowing..." his hand moved to stroke her hair, "Your hair has never felt so soft..." his hand moved back down to rub over her womb, "And this... is the most beautiful of all. I never would have imagined that pregnancy could be so... sexy."
Hermione smiled as she threw her head back and let his hands roam over her. Lifting her hips just a fraction, she reached down to guide him into her. As she lowered herself on to him, she wished that she could lean down and take him into her arms... but the large swell of the child in her womb prevented her from doing so. Her groan of frustration quickly turned into moans of delight as his hands reached up to brush across the sensitive peaks of her breasts.
Their lovemaking was gentle, but nonetheless intense, as they spent what might be their last night of the holiday alone together. Severus would be leaving again the next day for what he had hoped would be his final mission, as the students were to return the following week and he wouldn't be able to continue his searches once term had begun.
*****
Severus lay there, watching his wife as she drifted ito a peaceful sleep in his arms, wishing that he could do the same.
The few times that he allowed himself to sleep over the last few nights, he always found himself trapped in the same nightmare, eventually jolting awake in a cold sweat. He would slip out of bed and pace the room as he berated himself for putting his family in such grave danger. All of those years that he spent alone, he never had to worry about anybody but himself. He had been selfish... foolish, even... for believing the danger had passed... for allowing himself to fall in love, and allowing them to love him in return. He didn't know what was worse... imagining having never allowed them into his heart, or loving them so much that he put them all at risk.
Eventually, he would crawl back into bed to watch Hermione as she slept. So peaceful...so beautiful. He didn't deserve this woman... and she didn't deserve to be thrust into this dangerous situation. He often thought that they would all be better off without him. But could he live without them... even knowing that letting them go might be the only way to keep them safe?
He tried to force those thoughts out of his mind as he lay awake that night, content to watch her sleep as he placed his hand lovingly over the swell of her stomach, feeling the movements of the child within. As much as he was looking forward to the birth of their second child, he would miss this. It felt so safe... so secure... knowing that the child was well protected in Hermione's womb. He had to fight to keep his emotions at bay as he tried to figure out a way to protect them all.
*****
Hermione woke near dawn to find that Severus had been watching her sleep. She smiled sleepily at him as she reached to push the hair out of his eyes, "Did you get any sleep?"
Severus didn't answer, as he leaned over to capture her lips with his. When he pulled back, she could see the dark circles under his haunted eyes.
"Severus... you can't keep doing this to yourself. And it's too dangerous... going back out there, when you haven't slept in days... weeks, even..."
Severus scowled as he eased himself out of bed and pulled on his trousers, "We've been through this, Hermione!"
"Why can't you just stay here and wait for information to come to you?" she pleaded tearfully.
"What information, Hermione? We've not received a single word!"
"So you will put yourself at risk again, when you haven't a clue..."
"I do what I have to do..." he hissed.
"To get yourself killed?" she cried in response as she eased herself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against the locked door as the tears began to stream down her face. She knew he would go... there would be no swaying him. But yet, she had persisted in trying. This time, she hoped that she hadn't pushed him too far.
*****
Severus hurriedly dressed, pacing the room as he berated first Hermione, and then himself. He knew that she was worried about him, but surely she should understand his position by now? What started out with her concern for his safety quickly turned to tears of frustration and words of anger from both of them. Why did it always come down to this? He hated to make her cry, yet seemed to be doing quite a good job of it recently. Maybe she would be better off without him, after all.
He had to get out of there... had to make things right before he returned to her. He only paused for a moment, looking regretfully at the closed door of the bathroom, before billowing out of thier quarters. He knew that he would not return until he found Lucius Malfoy, putting his family out of danger once and for all.
*****
Hemione stood in the shower stall, relishing the feel of the steaming water washing over her... mingling with her tears as it ran down her face. She silently chastised herself for getting carried away again. She knew that he would go, and nothing would stop him... so why did she always make it so hard on him? Why couldn't she just kiss him goodbye and let him do what he had to do?
After her shower, she slipped into her dressing gown and padded into the bedroom, with every intent on throwing her arms around him and kissing him senseless... letting him know how much she loved him, and then letting him go. She looked around the room, frustrated when she didn't find him waiting for her. She rushed into Samuel's room, certain that he must be in there, saying goodbye to their son... but she entered the nursery only to find their son still sleeping soundly. Moving through the room, she approached the door to what had been Severus' old quarters. He hadn't used them since they married, but she knew that he still had some personal belongings stored in there. She poked her head through the door, calling softly, "Severus...?"
Fighting back tears when she received no reply, she hurriedly returned to her own room and dressed before waking Samuel and heading to the Great Hall. He must have gone to breakfast, she tried to assure herself as she made her way out of the dungeons. She entered the Hall through the side passage behind the staff table only to find that he was not there. Her concern grew to panic as she realized that Remus was there with Elizabeth.
Remus looked up as she rushed over to him and tearfully rasped, "Have you seen Severus?"
"No, Hermione... we aren't due to leave until after breakfast."
She felt her knees go weak as the tears began to flow freely. Remus shot out of his seat to catch her, as Elizabeth reached out and plucked Samuel from her arms.
"Hermione?" they all turned at the sound of the Headmaster's voice, "Please, come with me," he spoke softly as he reached out and took her by the arm, leading her out of the Hall, leaving her son behind with Elizabeth as Remus hurried to catch up with them and accompany Hermione to the Headmaster's office.
"What happened, Hermione?" Remus asked gently after they had assisted her into one of the armchairs near the desk.
She sobbed, "He's g-g-gone..."
"Gone where?"
"I d-don't know..."
"Are you sure he has left the grounds?" Albus asked, the concern clear in his voice.
She shook her head, "We had.... w-words... an argument... and he left without... saying g-g-goodbye..."
"Severus wouldn't do that!" Remus exclaimed.
Hermione looked at him tearfully, "He's not been himself, Remus. He hasn't slept... pacing all night... and he seems so.... desperate!" She took a deep breath before she continued, "He doesn't know that sometimes, I've been awake too, watching him as he paces the room. Always mumbling about... me... being b-better off... w-w-without h-him!" she choked, nearly incoherantly, "I never let him know that I heard him... I never thought it would come to... th-this..."
Remus took her into his arms, "Shhh... " he tried to soothe her.
"I'm so scared, Remus! Who knows what he'll do... out there... alone!"
"I'll find him, Hermione!" Remus quietly tried to assure her.
"How? If he didn't tell anybody what his plans are..."
"That is where I may be able to help you, Hermione," Albus replied.
"You? Did he tell you anything before he left?" she asked hopefully.
He shook his head sadly, "No... he didn't. But, I've gleaned some information from him over the past few days, and may be able to deduce his whereabouts based on that."
He smiled gently as he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, "Why don't you return to the Great Hall. Go... be with your mother and your child. Remus and I need to discuss this further."
Hermione nodded tearfully as she rose to her feet, pausing before she left to embrace the man, "Thank you, Headmaster."
"Hermione," he replied softly, "We'll find him. We won't let him put himself in unneccesary danger."
*****
Remus had left not long after the meeting in the Headmaster's office. He couldn't reveal where he was going, but was convinced that, along with what little he knew of Severus' plans, Albus had given him some promising leads.
Elizabeth and Hermione were inseperable that afternoon. They needed each other more than ever before, as they knew not when either of the men might return to them.
"I know you are scared, Hermione... so am I. I just keep holding on to what you told me in the past... to have faith in them. They've done this before, and have always come back to us."
Hermione sniffed back her tears, and smiled at her mother, "You really love him, don't you?"
Elizabeth smiled, "More than I ever thought possible, Hermione."
"We haven't had much time to talk since Christmas... so, tell me Mum... how did he propose?"
Her mother laughed, "He arranged a carriage ride through the school grounds... he said that it reminded him of that night, last year, when he took me home for the first time!" She paused, sighing as she remembered, "He told me that is when he first knew that he was falling in love with me. We rode for hours, just holding each other as we looked at the stars, when he finally turned to me and..." she sighed, "I knew then, from the look in his eyes, what he wanted."
"And what did he say to you?"
"He... he said that he wanted me to know that he would always return to me.... that he loved me too much not to... and then," she smiled, "he took my hand... and gave me this..." she held out her hand, indicating the ring on her finger, "And he asked me... and I said yes!"
"Of course you did!" Hermione teased as she took a closer look at the ring on her mother's finger. It was an elegant gold solitaire ring, mounted with a brilliant blue sapphire rather than a diamond. "Are you happy, Mum?"
Elizabeth nodded tearfully, "As happy as I can be, under the circumstances," she sighed, "If only..." she shook her head, "No! I won't think it! He promised that he will return to me, and I have to believe that! So do you, Hermione," she reached out to embrace her daugter, "Severus will come back to you."
Hermione sobbed, "If something happens..." her voice choked with emotion as she continued, "Oh, Mum! I didn't even tell him that I love him before he left! Our last words were... so angry..."
"He knows, Hermione. Believe me, he knows..."
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters and places from the books in the series are copyright JK Rowling. They are not being used for profit, only for personal enjoyment.
*****
A few days after Christmas, Remus and Severus had gone back out, and returned from yet another fruitless venture.
"I hope this is all over soon... I want Mum and Remus to be able to move on with their lives... to be as happy as we are..." Hermione sighed, "but I know he fears putting her in danger."
Severus pulled Hermione tightly to him as they lay together in their bed. How could he tell her that he shared Remus' fears? That he had put the ones he loved more than life itself in danger, just by the simple act of loving them so much?
Hermione smiled as he brushed her hair aside and began to place soft kisses on the nape of her neck. Rolling over to face him, she smiled as she looked into his eyes. She could see the shadows already forming as he prepared for another sleepless night. She eased herself into an upright position as she gently pushed him on to his back, kissing him passionately.
"Hermione..." he moaned against her mouth, his hands reaching up to tangle in her hair as he pulled her closer. Hermione's hands swiftly moved to undress him, as he slid her nightgown up to expose the flesh of her thighs before easing it further up her body and pulling it off over her head. Hermione pulled back and smiled at him before moving to straddle his lower body.
"No bad dreams tonight, Severus... I won't allow it..." she whispered as her gentle fingers moved to trace the contours of his body, "Let me take your mind off of it all..."
She watched the shadows fade as his eyes intensely absorbed the vision of her. His breath caught in his throat, and he had to force himself to exhale slowly, as his hands reached to caress her back as he whispered, "I've never seen you look so beautiful..."
Hermione blushed. She couldn't imagine that he could find her beautiful now... not in the final stages of pregnancy. She certainly didn't FEEL beautiful. She looked down and frowned at the stretch marks that now marred her once flawless skin. "You don't have to say that, Severus... I know I'm a mess..."
Following her eyes, he tried to reassure her, "It's true, Hermione... you are absolutely radiant!" He reached to caress her cheek with the back of his hand, "Your face is glowing..." his hand moved to stroke her hair, "Your hair has never felt so soft..." his hand moved back down to rub over her womb, "And this... is the most beautiful of all. I never would have imagined that pregnancy could be so... sexy."
Hermione smiled as she threw her head back and let his hands roam over her. Lifting her hips just a fraction, she reached down to guide him into her. As she lowered herself on to him, she wished that she could lean down and take him into her arms... but the large swell of the child in her womb prevented her from doing so. Her groan of frustration quickly turned into moans of delight as his hands reached up to brush across the sensitive peaks of her breasts.
Their lovemaking was gentle, but nonetheless intense, as they spent what might be their last night of the holiday alone together. Severus would be leaving again the next day for what he had hoped would be his final mission, as the students were to return the following week and he wouldn't be able to continue his searches once term had begun.
*****
Severus lay there, watching his wife as she drifted ito a peaceful sleep in his arms, wishing that he could do the same.
The few times that he allowed himself to sleep over the last few nights, he always found himself trapped in the same nightmare, eventually jolting awake in a cold sweat. He would slip out of bed and pace the room as he berated himself for putting his family in such grave danger. All of those years that he spent alone, he never had to worry about anybody but himself. He had been selfish... foolish, even... for believing the danger had passed... for allowing himself to fall in love, and allowing them to love him in return. He didn't know what was worse... imagining having never allowed them into his heart, or loving them so much that he put them all at risk.
Eventually, he would crawl back into bed to watch Hermione as she slept. So peaceful...so beautiful. He didn't deserve this woman... and she didn't deserve to be thrust into this dangerous situation. He often thought that they would all be better off without him. But could he live without them... even knowing that letting them go might be the only way to keep them safe?
He tried to force those thoughts out of his mind as he lay awake that night, content to watch her sleep as he placed his hand lovingly over the swell of her stomach, feeling the movements of the child within. As much as he was looking forward to the birth of their second child, he would miss this. It felt so safe... so secure... knowing that the child was well protected in Hermione's womb. He had to fight to keep his emotions at bay as he tried to figure out a way to protect them all.
*****
Hermione woke near dawn to find that Severus had been watching her sleep. She smiled sleepily at him as she reached to push the hair out of his eyes, "Did you get any sleep?"
Severus didn't answer, as he leaned over to capture her lips with his. When he pulled back, she could see the dark circles under his haunted eyes.
"Severus... you can't keep doing this to yourself. And it's too dangerous... going back out there, when you haven't slept in days... weeks, even..."
Severus scowled as he eased himself out of bed and pulled on his trousers, "We've been through this, Hermione!"
"Why can't you just stay here and wait for information to come to you?" she pleaded tearfully.
"What information, Hermione? We've not received a single word!"
"So you will put yourself at risk again, when you haven't a clue..."
"I do what I have to do..." he hissed.
"To get yourself killed?" she cried in response as she eased herself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against the locked door as the tears began to stream down her face. She knew he would go... there would be no swaying him. But yet, she had persisted in trying. This time, she hoped that she hadn't pushed him too far.
*****
Severus hurriedly dressed, pacing the room as he berated first Hermione, and then himself. He knew that she was worried about him, but surely she should understand his position by now? What started out with her concern for his safety quickly turned to tears of frustration and words of anger from both of them. Why did it always come down to this? He hated to make her cry, yet seemed to be doing quite a good job of it recently. Maybe she would be better off without him, after all.
He had to get out of there... had to make things right before he returned to her. He only paused for a moment, looking regretfully at the closed door of the bathroom, before billowing out of thier quarters. He knew that he would not return until he found Lucius Malfoy, putting his family out of danger once and for all.
*****
Hemione stood in the shower stall, relishing the feel of the steaming water washing over her... mingling with her tears as it ran down her face. She silently chastised herself for getting carried away again. She knew that he would go, and nothing would stop him... so why did she always make it so hard on him? Why couldn't she just kiss him goodbye and let him do what he had to do?
After her shower, she slipped into her dressing gown and padded into the bedroom, with every intent on throwing her arms around him and kissing him senseless... letting him know how much she loved him, and then letting him go. She looked around the room, frustrated when she didn't find him waiting for her. She rushed into Samuel's room, certain that he must be in there, saying goodbye to their son... but she entered the nursery only to find their son still sleeping soundly. Moving through the room, she approached the door to what had been Severus' old quarters. He hadn't used them since they married, but she knew that he still had some personal belongings stored in there. She poked her head through the door, calling softly, "Severus...?"
Fighting back tears when she received no reply, she hurriedly returned to her own room and dressed before waking Samuel and heading to the Great Hall. He must have gone to breakfast, she tried to assure herself as she made her way out of the dungeons. She entered the Hall through the side passage behind the staff table only to find that he was not there. Her concern grew to panic as she realized that Remus was there with Elizabeth.
Remus looked up as she rushed over to him and tearfully rasped, "Have you seen Severus?"
"No, Hermione... we aren't due to leave until after breakfast."
She felt her knees go weak as the tears began to flow freely. Remus shot out of his seat to catch her, as Elizabeth reached out and plucked Samuel from her arms.
"Hermione?" they all turned at the sound of the Headmaster's voice, "Please, come with me," he spoke softly as he reached out and took her by the arm, leading her out of the Hall, leaving her son behind with Elizabeth as Remus hurried to catch up with them and accompany Hermione to the Headmaster's office.
"What happened, Hermione?" Remus asked gently after they had assisted her into one of the armchairs near the desk.
She sobbed, "He's g-g-gone..."
"Gone where?"
"I d-don't know..."
"Are you sure he has left the grounds?" Albus asked, the concern clear in his voice.
She shook her head, "We had.... w-words... an argument... and he left without... saying g-g-goodbye..."
"Severus wouldn't do that!" Remus exclaimed.
Hermione looked at him tearfully, "He's not been himself, Remus. He hasn't slept... pacing all night... and he seems so.... desperate!" She took a deep breath before she continued, "He doesn't know that sometimes, I've been awake too, watching him as he paces the room. Always mumbling about... me... being b-better off... w-w-without h-him!" she choked, nearly incoherantly, "I never let him know that I heard him... I never thought it would come to... th-this..."
Remus took her into his arms, "Shhh... " he tried to soothe her.
"I'm so scared, Remus! Who knows what he'll do... out there... alone!"
"I'll find him, Hermione!" Remus quietly tried to assure her.
"How? If he didn't tell anybody what his plans are..."
"That is where I may be able to help you, Hermione," Albus replied.
"You? Did he tell you anything before he left?" she asked hopefully.
He shook his head sadly, "No... he didn't. But, I've gleaned some information from him over the past few days, and may be able to deduce his whereabouts based on that."
He smiled gently as he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, "Why don't you return to the Great Hall. Go... be with your mother and your child. Remus and I need to discuss this further."
Hermione nodded tearfully as she rose to her feet, pausing before she left to embrace the man, "Thank you, Headmaster."
"Hermione," he replied softly, "We'll find him. We won't let him put himself in unneccesary danger."
*****
Remus had left not long after the meeting in the Headmaster's office. He couldn't reveal where he was going, but was convinced that, along with what little he knew of Severus' plans, Albus had given him some promising leads.
Elizabeth and Hermione were inseperable that afternoon. They needed each other more than ever before, as they knew not when either of the men might return to them.
"I know you are scared, Hermione... so am I. I just keep holding on to what you told me in the past... to have faith in them. They've done this before, and have always come back to us."
Hermione sniffed back her tears, and smiled at her mother, "You really love him, don't you?"
Elizabeth smiled, "More than I ever thought possible, Hermione."
"We haven't had much time to talk since Christmas... so, tell me Mum... how did he propose?"
Her mother laughed, "He arranged a carriage ride through the school grounds... he said that it reminded him of that night, last year, when he took me home for the first time!" She paused, sighing as she remembered, "He told me that is when he first knew that he was falling in love with me. We rode for hours, just holding each other as we looked at the stars, when he finally turned to me and..." she sighed, "I knew then, from the look in his eyes, what he wanted."
"And what did he say to you?"
"He... he said that he wanted me to know that he would always return to me.... that he loved me too much not to... and then," she smiled, "he took my hand... and gave me this..." she held out her hand, indicating the ring on her finger, "And he asked me... and I said yes!"
"Of course you did!" Hermione teased as she took a closer look at the ring on her mother's finger. It was an elegant gold solitaire ring, mounted with a brilliant blue sapphire rather than a diamond. "Are you happy, Mum?"
Elizabeth nodded tearfully, "As happy as I can be, under the circumstances," she sighed, "If only..." she shook her head, "No! I won't think it! He promised that he will return to me, and I have to believe that! So do you, Hermione," she reached out to embrace her daugter, "Severus will come back to you."
Hermione sobbed, "If something happens..." her voice choked with emotion as she continued, "Oh, Mum! I didn't even tell him that I love him before he left! Our last words were... so angry..."
"He knows, Hermione. Believe me, he knows..."