Hi! I'm Cian-Neural. I make music, memes, art, and stories. This story is part of a series called Simply Stupid, a satirical comedy that makes fun of lots of things ranging from real life to common stereotypes and at times, take dark or dramatic turns story-wise. This story borders between rated T to M. Mostly T.
This is the first time I am doing something on Pokemon and like most of the stories I've done, they'll be inspired by two things. For this one it'll be inspired by the harsh vituperation used in text-to-speech meme parodies and the isekai genre. Lots of characters are OOC- so there's that. Same with crude humor and sex jokes without the graphic content or lemons. So to those that get turned on: Buzz off, this stuff will get you blue-balled.
Please- no flaming. It doesn't help me at all when making content. Really. The purpose of my stories is to be both lighthearted and serious.
I don't own Pokemon. That's all I can say.
Without further ado... Read, Review, and Enjoy!
Pallet Town, Kanto...
"This young man holds lots of promise and the makings to achieve his dreams as a Pokemon Master! From a young age, he has wanted to be among the very best! Conquering Alola at eleven, he returned to his home region to demolish the Indigo League with strategies we have never seen before!"
"A runner up at the ages of ten, and eleven, until a targeted attack left him in a coma when he was twelve! He is standing before you as the Champion of Johto!"
"This is it for him! He is dominating the ring with everything he's got! He took down legendary Pokemon with the lowest tier Pokemon of each region... and he shall do it again at Hoenn!"
"Look at him! His Pokemon are laying waste on the arena like a toddler with toys! This kid is dominating Sinnoh!"
"Prior to winning at Alola, his best finish was Runner-up at Unova! He recovered from everything that was hurled at him and he took it in stride! Now he did it, taking away the competition at the age of nineteen! Ooh... His Pikachu and his Snivy were both struck by lightning!"
"Seven years and a coma, ten years of frustration! He now holds the title of Kalos' Pokemon Champ! ASH KETCHUM IS THE FIRST SEVEN LEAGUE CHAMPION IN THE POKEMON LEAGUE! Twenty years old, he has become a master of his craft-"
"Pikachu, shut off the TV!" a voice called out from his room, revealing an almost muscular guy in a blue sleeveless trenchcoat and a black, red, and gold hat. He watched his starter Pokemon turn the TV off with a shrug. "Can you tell Bayleef to come with me also? The Oran Berry Festival is happening today and we need her to do the opening ceremony! I'll meet up with her outside!"
"Pika (Okay)."
"Thank bud!"
A few months passed ever since Ash Ketchum got his seventh title. The ten-year-old trainer who left his home was now a mature twenty-year-old man who finally attained his goal as a Pokemon Master- but at what cost? With nothing better to do other than explore and tend to his Pokemon, he kept himself occupied with marketing, involuntary modeling, advertising, event participation, Aura Training, and reading up new moves. Because of the coma he had a few years back, he stopped catching Pokemon.
He moved back to Pallet town and made a place for his Pokemon and himself. He brought back every single Pokemon he went with over the years and let them live with him there. It was basically a massive well kept ranch with a gym-sized house at the center. The Pokemon were grateful to have an extra place they can roam freely at other than Dr. Oak's Lab. Pikachu and the regional starter Pokemon Ash kept over the years had to check on everything. They were the caretakers of the place in a sense, acting like camp counselors and the like; heck, they even got to share a room upstairs near Ash's room and their own personal berths at the rooms based on the regions they were from along with replicas of hats that Ash wore when he got them.
With Pikachu...
"(Bayleef! Ash needs you for the Oran Berry Festival!)" Pikachu called from the halls of Ash's house. All of Ash's Pokemon were scattered in the house- how typical.
He waved at Primeape and Totodile, who was messing around at the stairway. Sceptile was walking up and down the stairs for no reason. Infernape was poking Snorlax, who blocked the door to the Fire-Types room. Muk was eating Pecha berries he pilfered from the fridge. Charizard, Greninja, Incineroar, and Lucario were playing Smash. Needless to say, Incineroar rage quitted after seeing himself get yeeted off the screen. Pikachu passed by Scraggy and Leavanny playing board games with Hawlucha and Noctowl, the 30 Tauros grazing at the atrium, Palpitoad swimming at the indoor pool, Donphan working on a comic collection- it was just another day minus Infernape being grossed out by videogame chats talking about the compatibility of Vaporeons and humans.
When he reached the Johto room, he was greeted by the one Pokemon of Ash whom he dreaded to see: Snivy. She was standing next to the locked door with an exasperated look. When the grass-snake saw him, she gave him a sultry smile.
"(Hey there, sexy, why don't you come 'ere and gimme a kiss)?" she cat-called.
Pikachu gave her pained look and declined. "(Sorry, but no). (Is Bayleef there)?"
Feeling the rejection, Snivy pointed at the clock. "(Oh)... (Bayleef hasn't been out of her part of the Johto room in a while). (She still has my book)."
The two waited for a few seconds to pass when Pikachu used Iron Tail on the doorknob.
"*CRACK!* (Bayleef! Where are you?!)"
"*pant* Mmph mph... *pant* Hmhm~ Hmhm~ *pant* Hm HMPHMPH HM HMPH!" a muffled voice screamed.
"(Ash needs you to come with him to today's festival! We were waiting for hours-)" Snivy followed Pikachu as they walked deeper into the room. "(-WHAT THE F4(K?!)"
They ran into a moaning Bayleef straddling a body pillow, clamping her mouth on a book. Bayleef stopped panting, dropped the book, and froze.
"(AH S#!T! What are you doing here?!)"
"(Ash is gonna bring you to the Oran Berry Festival)!" Pikachu asked with a harsh scowl. He then looked at the pillow in interest. "(What are you doing with that pillow?)"
"(... I- I had bad sleep?)"
Seeing a liquid leak out for all to see, Snivy felt like she was gonna have a heart attack. She could feel herself shrinking in disgust from what she is seeing. She made an audible gulp when she realized what Bayleef was doing. "(You're lying)... (Why you hugging a body pillow like that)?!"
Bayleef realized the increased moisture on her pillow and did her best to wipe it off. "... (I- I don't know what you mean)!" She then changed the subject with an insult. "(Uh)... (Believe me, Enema Snake! This is probably better than why Pikachu dumped you)."
"(D- Dumped me)?! (Are you hearing this Pikachu)?!"
"(Yeah)... (I don't care about that right now, Snivy). Bayleef, cover up that stab wound you call a cloaca and go outside)!" Pikachu demanded. He shook his head in displeasure and pointed at the door.
Bayleef quickly complied as she started bringing the body pillow and book to her closet, grabbed a red, white, and green cap with Vine Whip, and scampered off to the front of the house where Ash was. Opening the closet when Bayleef left, Pikachu recoiled in disgust. Dongs adorned the wall and her body pillow has a picture of Ash on it. There was even a spiked mace.
Pikachu turned away and facepalmed after getting the book from the closet.
Snivy observed the book in interest before dropping her jaw in horror. It was her copy of a Pokemon erotica called "Tale of the Horny Lilligant". Sadly, it's chewed up. That dick-sniffing plant-thing ruined one of her priceless possessions by using it as a mouth gag!
"(WE'RE GONNA NEED TO HAVE A TALK RIGHT NOW, BAYLEEF)! (YOU HEAR ME YOU STUNTED DINOSAUR)?!" Snivy roared out as she stomped out with the tattered book, tail whipping menacingly. A piece of paper fell out as she stomped and Pikachu picked it up. He looked at it with a bitter smile before running to the front as well.
Outside...
"(ASH)! (Where are you)?" Bayleef gained little to no response. "...(Where did he go)?"
It was too late for Bayleef. After Ash rode off, a loud cry rang out from inside the house.
"(BAYLEEEEF)! (GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW)!" Snivy is pissed.
"(Snivy, calm down)!"
"(NO)!" stomping out of the house with an angry face, Snivy saw Bayleef and went her way to confront her. "(BAYLEEF)! (WHY DID YOU CHEW MY BOOK)?! (I SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE COPS IF I KNEW THAT ASH WAS GONNA BRING YOU WHILE YOU'RE IN HEAT)!"
Bayleef didn't respond. She didn't even flinch when Snivy started smacking her with the tattered book. All she did was stare at the forest beyond the ranch. Pikachu told her that Ash was waiting for her...
"...(He's not here)..."
Snivy glared at Bayleef and calmed down a little. She lowered her book and looked at the clearing surrounding them. "...(Where is Ash)?"
Bayleef sighed before heading back inside feeling defeated. "...(I- I think he left without me)..."
Pikachu and Snivy looked at each other in confusion. Ash isn't here, they can see that. Why he left, they need to know...
Seeing a flock of wild Spearow, Pikachu made his presence known to them by shouting.
"(HEY)!"
"(YEAH)?"
"(HAVE YOU SEEN OUR HUMAN)?"
"(DID ANY OF YOU GUYS SEE THE HUMAN WHO LIVES HERE TRAVEL SOMEWHERE)?"
"(YEAH)! (HE RODE WITH A FEW GUYS TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL)!"
"(THANK YOU)!"
"(YOU'RE WELCOME)!"
Looking at Pikachu, Snivy made a low whistle in awe. Pikachu barely talks to any wild Pokemon these days and seeing this made her think of the good old times when they were traveling with Ash, Oshawott, Pignite, Unfeazant, Leavanny, Iris, and Cilan. Sadly she was having a hard time trying to remember a single event.
Speaking of Pikachu, he headed inside to grab some stuff. A few burps, screams, and complaints were heard before light flashed in there.
"(Hey)! (Does anyone want to come with me to look for Ash)?"
"(Sure thing Pikachu)!"
"(That's my food)!"
"(You eat so slow, Muk and Snorlax would have an eating contest without you even noticing-)!"
"(I didn't even finish my food-)!" everything went silent until one final shout rang out.
"(Get back here)! (You are still not off the hook)!"
"(Aw come o-)!"
When he did come out, he was wearing the hat Ash wore when they first met, worn with a little soot encrusting the green insignia. He even had a duffel bag full of sprays, lemonade, yellow crystals, and... Pokeballs?
Pikachu dragged the bag and released the poor souls who were dragged into this:
Squirtle
Oshawott
Pignite
and last but not least, Bayleef.
Oshawott and Pignite were shaking their claws and hooves in irritation at Pikachu. They wanted to go, but they would have started fighting over Pignite's food if it weren't for Pikachu collecting them. Squirtle gave a thumbs up. Bayleef nearly got smacked in the face by Snivy when Pikachu tapped on the grass-snake with his tail.
"(No)." the electric mouse muttered. He looked at everyone, with a concerned face. He thought of leaving Snivy with the others here at the house, but decided against it, knowing that there is strength in numbers. "... (Ash is at the hospital again). (The nearest one I can think of that has an ER is Pewter City). (We gotta check on him)."
They looked at him and nodded, agreeing to come with him and see their trainer. Pikachu looked down the road and began leading them into the forest.
In a distance...
Arceus watched the scene unfold with Ho-oh standing next to him.
"(Ho-oh)."
"(Yes)?"
"(Take me to the chosen one). (We need to preserve his soul and test the theory Rayquaza proposed)... (Make haste with it at once)!"
Watts Chapter 1 end...
So... As a custom for Simply Stupid, I put in the references and inspirations mentioned in the story. I do this to show everyone the wonders of the internet (*wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*) and what in the flying cuck is going on while the story was being written.
References:
1. "Twenty years of trying! Twenty years of frustration! Dale Earnhardt will come to the caution flag to win the Daytona 500!" - Mike Joy commentating the 1998 NASCAR Daytona 500 finish. To be honest, I was questioning why I mentioned that in the first place other than the concept of winning an elusive competition.
2. The Team Fortress 2 text-to-speech parodies. Specifically [TF2 Weird Episodes] (Ep.1) Heavy find Scout watching Pokegirls (TF2 ) and NO SLEEP a tf2 chat experience. The first speaks of itself. The other... You need to see it to believe it.
3. Super Smash Bros
4. Barging into someone's room
5. So... Watts is Snivy's nickname for Pikachu. They had a thing going on with each other before something drove the electric rat from the grass snake.
That's all for now, folks! What in the world have I unleashed on us all...