Corporeal Solitude
By ShinobiSpirit

Quick Notes: This is an AU fic, obviously, so a lot of the things pertaining to the original story do not apply here. The characters are older and live in modern day Japan with unique lifestyles, but I tried to keep all their personalities as close to the truth as possible.

Be prepared for some craziness, folks. I'm going to have a lot of fun with this one. Heh.

Chapter One: Sorry, right number

It was well past six o'clock by the time Uchiha Sasuke arrived home. Shrugging off his coat and kicking his shoes to the side, he trudged up the tiny staircase and slid the door open to enter his home. Having been fairly well off due to the success of his published works, he had built himself a traditional Japanese style house out in the country side—away from irritating distractions.

With a tired grunt, Sasuke made his way into the kitchen and flung the door to his refrigerator open. After surveying the limited choices—his housemaid had quit last week, so he had to supply himself with food until he hired another—he chose a half empty carton of milk and allowed the door to shut. He took a quick swig from the carton and headed out of the kitchen and into the long hall that lead to his living room.

On his way there, he passed by an answering machine that he had been neglecting for weeks. It wasn't something he usually did, but lately he just hadn't the energy to deal with his babbling editor. She was the most annoying—and somewhat frightening—woman he had ever met. And with a disgruntled sigh he knew that if he didn't return her calls she would eventually come out to his home, pester the shit out of him, demand that he 'shape up and get laid,' and then leave after he assured her with much irritation that he would meet her demands if she left him alone. Plopping down on his couch, he realized with a smirk that he had yet to comply, and could have cared less.

The TV seemed awfully inviting at the moment, but he passed and settled for silence. Through his experiences working in a crowded environment, living in cities, and so forth, he had come to the conclusion that deciding to build a house away from the hectic life-styles of today was the best idea he had ever come up with. He could sit and write without any distractions, there were no neighbors nagging at him to come and join community events, no dogs straying into his yard and irking his nerves, and since his residence was now secluded, he didn't need to worry about fans knocking on his door asking for autographs on obscene places of their anatomy. He let out a sigh, and then the phone rang.

Sasuke spent several seconds wondering whether he should answer it. Part of him was hoping whoever was calling would decide to hang up after a few rings, but that didn't seem to be the case. Leaning over to the receiver on a nearby table, he picked up the phone and answered with a gruff "Hello," in an all but cheerful tone. Where he had assumed the caller would be his editor, however, it turned out to be someone completely different.

"Hello," a young woman responded casually. "My name is Haruno Sakura, and I was wondering if perhaps you'd be interested in-" Sasuke slammed the phone down on the receiver with a scowl on his lips. The nerve of his editor, giving out his number to reporters when he had specifically told her not to—for several reasons he hadn't found the need to discuss—and she went and did it anyway! He was furious, and as he reached to pick up the phone and dial her number, it started ringing again. Not sure what to make of it, he snatched it from the receiver and spoke. "What is it?"

Sakura grimaced on her end of the line. "Um… this Haruno Sakura again." She said hesitantly. "I was calling back to make sure this was the Uchiha residence?"

"Yes." Sasuke replied none too gently. "No, I don't want to." Was all he said before hanging up on the infernal girl again. She wasn't the first one to insist on an interview, and he was certain she wouldn't be the last. And just as he was about to set the phone down in disgust, it sprang to life again with an annoying chime he was beginning to dislike very, very much. He didn't have to hold his breath to know who it was, either.

"Sorry to bother you again." She said in a hushed voice to conceal her obvious anger towards the man. "But I think you should listen to what I have to say before you hang up on me again." The way she said those last words brought a wry smile to Sasuke's lips—the girl was actually becoming a bit testy with him, and he found it most amusing.

"I don't care." He said coldly. "I'm not interested in anything you have to say and would like it if you'd forget you ever came across this number." Suddenly he found himself rather restless. Apparently talking with this girl—well, he supposed she wasn't a girl—was draining him of what energy he had left from training out in the woods earlier that day.

Sakura hesitated. The only thing she could think to say was something she was sure he wouldn't want to hear. She picked up on things pretty quickly, but she couldn't quite figure the man out. "I understand you like your privacy, Mr. Uchiha. However, I have a proposition I think you might find to your liking."

Silence floated across the airways for a long minute. At first Sakura thought perhaps she had convinced him to at least hear what she had to say, but before she could get the words out, he murmured a final "No" and hung up for the third time. Sighing, Sakura set her own phone down and leaned back in her office chair.

"This is going to be harder than I thought."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You should listen to your friends, Sakura." A young blond woman chided to herself as she took a swig of her beer. Sakura sat beside her in dismay, her own beer left mostly untouched in front of her. "I just don't get it." She said dejectedly. "I've dealt with some pretty awful authors in my day, but Mr. Uchiha is the worst." Looking at her friend from the side, "What should I do, Ino? I need his interview."

Ino, after another quick sip of her beer, sat the bottle down on the offered napkin and turned to her friend with an 'I told you so' kind of expression. "I know this is important to you, Sakura, but I just don't see any way around it. I'm his editor for Christ sakes, and he hardly communicates with me. I think you just need to find someone else, because 'Mr. Uchiha' is not a man that will bend under pressure, beauty, or seduction." Sakura raised her eyebrow at that last part. "You've actually tried?" She gaped at her friend, a blush creeping up her neck. "Ino, you're awful!"

The woman chuckled lightly and rolled her shoulders back in a shrug. "I was desperate, what can I say."

"Someone's being awfully honest tonight." Another voice added in. Ino's smug expression was replaced with a scowl, and Sakura jumped when she felt hands encircle her waist from behind. "What the hell are you doing here, Uzumaki?"

Naruto laid his chin on Sakura's shoulder, flashing his famous grin. "Looking in on my lady friends," he said casually. "One in particular." Whispering that last part in Sakura's ear, he never took his mischievous blue eyes off Ino's—for some reason he always had gotten a kick out of pissing the woman off, however hazardous it was to his well-being. Despite their quarrels, they were actually close friends, both being in the field of entertainment, after all.

"Naruto," Sakura breathed, her cheeks burning red from embarrassment. "Stop it already." Not sure whether she meant his breathing down her neck or the badgering of her best friend, she added, "you're not even drunk and you're still causing havoc."

With a light chuckle, Naruto released his hold on Sakura's waist and sat on the stool next to her, a smug grin on his flawless face. "Can't help it," he said casually, eyeing Ino over Sakura's shoulder. "Ino's just too easy."

"For once in your life, Naruto, would you grow up? We're not in college anymore." Ino finished off her beer and set the empty bottle aside. "That being said, what are you doing here? I thought you were doing a shoot in New York?"

Naruto shrugged and stole a quick sip from Sakura's untouched beer. "Flight got canceled, so it's been postponed until further notice." He smiled and offered Sakura the half-empty bottle. "And I know you two always come here on Tuesday nights after work, so I popped in for a little chat." He puckered out his bottom lip. "I mean, I hardly ever get to see you two anymore. Don't you miss me, too?"

Sakura and Ino exchanged glances and then burst out laughing. "Of course," Sakura gasped between fits of laughter, "how could we not when you're the highlight of our amusement?" Naruto frowned and threw his head back cockily at them. "I see how it is." He remarked playfully, before joining the two with a hefty chuckle. "I think I need to take a break from all the modeling stuff for a bit, though."

Immediately, the two became silent and stared at Naruto like he'd just eaten the bartender. "What?" Sakura exclaimed. "Get off it, Naruto, you've always loved modeling."

"Yeah, I mean, that's all you've ever wanted to do." Ino added, eyeing him skeptically. "Why the sudden change?"

Naruto shrugged again. "After a while you get tired of smelling like lotions." He shook his head and eyed Sakura determinedly. "So, what were you two talking about anyway?"

Sakura hesitated. She knew he was trying to change the subject but she wasn't sure if she should allow it to slide like that. "Business, as usual." She said rather apathetically.

"You remember Uchiha from high school, Naruto." Ino stated rather than asked, very much aware of the rivalry that still existed between the two men years long past. "Sakura needs to get an interview with him or she'll lose her first page slot."

Grunting in disgust, Naruto chugged his drink and requested another. "Don't look at me, I'm finished with that asshole. Why would they want an interview from him anyway? His books are the stupidest crap I've ever read."

"So now you're a reader, eh?" Ino shot back with a smirk. "Well, that shows us how much you know. Every one of his books has been an International Best Seller. He's brilliant, yet he refuses any interviews, no matter how big they are." Her eyebrow twitched in irritation. "Makes me hate men all over again."

"You just can't stand him because he resisted your "sex appeal" despite every one of your attempts to win his heart." He retorted, a sly grin adorning his perfect lips. "And you still can't, am I right?"

"I didn't even know you guys knew him from high school." Sakura chirped in bewilderment. "Come to think of it, I don't even recall seeing an Uchiha Sasuke in our year book."

Ino scoffed, "That's because he threatened to sue the school if they included him in it. Haven't you ever noticed that every one of his books lacks a flashy cover? If his name wasn't so well known you'd pass by the book thinking it was an encyclopedia of some kind."

"Hmm," Sakura mused. No matter how hard she thought about it, she couldn't get a clear picture of what he looked like. He went to their school, Ino and Naruto both knew him quite well, so how could she have not noticed him? It both intrigued and confused her. Perhaps she had stumbled across a new mystery not unlike his novels.

"Well, I better be off." Ino said, checking her watch. "It's late and I have to drive all the way out into the damn country tomorrow morning."

Sakura blinked. "What for?"

"To pay 'Mr. Uchiha' a little visit. He owes me big time for delaying his overdue story."

After a brief thought, Sakura stood up from the bar and faced Ino with the biggest grin she had ever seen on her best friend's face. "I'm coming with you!"

Naruto spat out his drink and coughed. "What?" He exclaimed, looking at both of them with wide, piercing eyes. "No way in hell are the both of you going to that bastards house alone."

"Naruto, we're big girls." Ino said hotly, daring him to defy her.

Sakura sighed and stepped between the two of them to face Naruto directly. "Look, I need this interview, and Ino needs her story. If he won't answer over the phone then we'll just have to go out there." She explained as sincerely as she could. "Don't worry so much. It's not like he's a serial killer or something."

Naruto and Ino both held their tongues after exchanging a glance that made Sakura laugh a bit uncertainly. "Really, guys, how bad can he be?"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

I really like where this story is going. Plus, it's rather hilarious in my own, twisted mind, so it makes it twice the fun of writing it. (Omake: Cookies for anyone who recognizes the short story and author this particular chapter is named for)

It's a pleasure, as always.

SS