Noa hid away in the back of the classroom, pencil scratching furiously across her notebook as the words seemed to fall right out of her brain, through her hand, and onto the paper. Another plot, another script, another story. It was a cliché story, the story of a princess stuck in a tower, but it was a powerful and meaningful story all the same.
It's the story I need right now… Writing was a form of control for Noa, the closest thing she had to a key or a sword with which she could free herself from her dragon-guarded keep. The only difference: in most stories of a similar ilk, the entire kingdom knew of the lost princess. They knew she was imprisoned, and the king sent knight after knight trying to rescue her.
But real life, sadly, is nothing like the stories… That was why Noa needed to write so badly. Even worse than being trapped was being invisible. How could anyone set her free if they didn't even know she was imprisoned in the first place? And even though Noa could see the bars keeping her locked away, she could not see the exit, or even a lock. She was told time and time again by her grades and achievements and awards that she was smart, so why did she not know the solution this time?
It was perhaps the first major problem in her life that she could not solve on her own, but she had no idea how to ask for help. It was not something she never needed to do before. It was one of the few skills she never polished. But therein lay the issue. She needed help asking for help. But if she did not know how to ask for help, how could she ask for it in order to receive help for asking for help?
The class thinks I can do everything by myself. Even the teacher. Nobody helps me…
That was the difference between fiction and reality. In the story, the princess was helpless, and everyone knew she was in danger. In real life, the princess was anything but, and nobody knew a thing. In stories, every flaw was a cute quirk that could ultimately be overcome with hard work and a bright spirit. In reality, though…
Oh, the irony, perhaps the princess in real life was helpless, but in a way so paradoxical because the helplessness stemmed from the fact that, otherwise, she was incredibly competent. Too competent. Her own perfection made her imperfect. But the nature of perfection was to, well, be perfect! So, when it seemed that the key to freedom involved becoming imperfect… how exactly did one do that?
And just like a princess in a tower, Noa was high up in the air. It was a pedestal and a throne in some ways, an excellent view that placed her far above the rest, the "common masses". But in other ways, it was a lonely isolation. She couldn't reach anyone, and they couldn't reach her. She was too high up. The only way out was to fall, but how? That was… scary.
I need someone to destroy the tower, break me out of here! Send it all crashing down to the ground, shatter the walls! Who cares if I'm still inside? At least afterward, I'll finally be free… Maybe after the tower is gone, people will see that I don't have it together as well as they assume. Maybe that will be enough, and I will finally be free to ask for help, and know that I will receive it in return. I will finally be seen…
But again, how could a knight in shining armor come to save her from anything when nobody even knew she was trapped in the first place? Noa didn't have the solution, but she had a story. She could write a work of fiction wherein the princess in the tower was rescued.
They think I'm scary. Not like that other girl. Everybody wants to help her because she's cute. In Noa's story, the princess was beautiful and kind and helpless, the perfect sort of person to reach out to and help. She hit every trope in the book, designed to elicit intense sympathy from the audience, to make readers feel protective of her, compelled to care for her. In real life, they treated Noa like the dragon, not the princess.
If only working on real humans was as easy as working on fictional characters… If only the flaws in me could be loveable and cute… But I know that that's only possible in fairytales… Noa was invisible up in her tall tower, walls too thick for anyone to hear or see through. Nobody ever tried to get to know her. They assumed she was perfectly fine. But what if that was all just… a lie?
Just a week ago, she was in an audition for a school play. As heavy as Noa's heart was of late, it was instinctual for her to keep climbing higher, especially when she felt so low. It was another form of control for her. If nothing else, she could always polish the skills she did have, and hone them to a deadly perfection. It was a cycle she could not break out of, like a princess stuck in a tower.
Work, work, work. Grind, grind, grind. Don't stop, don't think. As soon as you slow down, the bad thoughts settle in… You can't let that happen! You can't let them see you like this! You have to be strong! Carry the burden on your own! You know you can do it! You know you don't need help! So why are you trying to ask for it? You're Noa Fukushima! You can do ANYTHING, so long as you set your mind to it!
So then why was her hand still speeding across the page, writing about rescue and love, connection and visibility?
I… I… I don't think I want to be perfect anymore…
In its own way, being high-functioning was a curse. But what made this curse exceptionally cruel was how impossible it was to talk about. How could she go around complaining about the struggles of being perfect? Surely, they would all judge her for it. First world problems! She should've been grateful she was so naturally gifted, talented, and driven!
"Oh, boo hoo, poor little Noa Fukushima! Straight-A student, honors student, athlete, artist, writer… Loving parents and a nice home. A good upbringing. Wanted for nothing. How difficult it must be to be her!"
It is… It is! Don't you see?! Don't you understand?! That's EXACTLY why it's so hard! Because it's invisible…
Stories, paper, and characters were Noa's only friends and confidantes. They would not, could not, judge her. And at least in the land of fiction, she could write stories with happy endings, problems with solutions.
At the audition, some of the girls quit immediately rather than daring to try competing against Noa. It should've been a compliment. It should've been no skin off her nose. The less competitors, the better! But… when she saw the way they looked at her, fear and defeat in their eyes, her heart broke. This was not the life she wanted, nor the person she wanted to be, someone whom everyone else turned and ran away from every time she drew near. And yet, that was exactly what was happening to her. Reality was nothing like her wishful thinking or fictional stories.
Take me with you! Noa thought as she watched some of the girls slink quietly out of the audition room. Show me how! How can you just accept this?! And Noa was left all alone again, a stage empty except for her, high above the judges, a single spotlight shining down upon her. A princess in a tower… And just like everyone else in Noa's life, the judges assumed she could do everything perfectly all by herself. Even worse, she did ace the auditions, but the victory was hollow. It wasn't Noa Fukushima who passed. It was… the princess in the tower.
The bell rang overhead. School was done for the day. Noa hadn't paid attention to a single thing the teacher said the entire time, but it didn't matter. She was Noa Fukushima. She did everything perfectly all by herself. She didn't need to listen to know that she would already know all of the material before the next class tomorrow. And she would have all the homework done, too. Even her story was already finished, even though she'd only started it during that final class period. What was there left for the perfect girl to do perfectly?
I guess I could go to my family's store… It might cheer me up… It would at least give her something to do. Work, work, work. Grind, grind, grind. She would do anything for a distraction! At last, her wish was granted. By the time she arrived at the store, there were two other customers, an old man and a little girl who could've only been his granddaughter. They did not look very similar, but they wore matching mischievous smiles.
Oh… Oh my… she's so… so… so cute… She looked almost like a princess. Did that make the old man the king? They were holding hands, admiring everything the store had to offer. She was rescued from her tower, somebody saw her…
Noa's mind returned to an earlier notion she had while crafting her story. Everybody wants to help her because she's cute… Even Noa suddenly felt an intense, overwhelming urge to protect and assist the little girl, even though she wasn't even in need of any help. But… for the first time in… quite a while, Noa felt… happy… freer than before, even if only just by a little…
The tower was still there, the walls were still there, but Noa could see the sun shining through the tower's solitary window. That window that used to taunt her about the world she could only ever see, yet never be a part of, was suddenly a beautiful portal into a world of wonder that she wanted to watch and admire every day for the rest of her life.
That's it! Noa suddenly decided. THAT is what I want to do! I want to spread cuteness through the world! That was the key to freedom, the pathway out of the tower, the sword that could conquer her dragon of despair! To spread happiness everywhere she went, that was what it meant to truly live! Even just seeing this girl was enough to bring me out of MY darkest thoughts…
A precious treasure like that had to be protected, and multiplied! Noa wanted to share that same experience with everyone! That way, no one would ever feel quite so sad and alone ever again! And what a truly magical experience it was to be overcome with such sudden emotion that she felt herself inspired towards creation. That was how she truly knew it was love at first sight. Now, she wanted to immortalize this girl, this princess, in all of her stories, forever and evermore!
My dream… to give everyone what I never had… to make sure that hope and joy spring forth eternal! I may not have ever had it myself, but I… am Noa Fukushima! And I can do anything I set my mind to! Including this! It was a skill she could learn and hone to perfection, it was a skill she was eager to acquire. Someday, she would become a master of all things cute and cuddly! A Kawaii Queen!
Yes, that was how she would stop being a princess in a tower: she would become a Queen! And a Queen served and protected her people, kept them happy and healthy throughout all the days of their lives. Yes, that was what Noa Fukushima would do! She would become a protector of the precious and a curator of the cute!
One story had ended, but now another was just getting started! Already, Noa could feel her hand itching to write…
AN: That event with Kurumi and Noa (Cute Girl and Scary Me) was actually REALLY good bc I definitely relate to Noa's shade of "Gifted Kid Burnout Syndrome" where you're still ahead of the curve but praying something will slip you up so that you can finally be free of it.
Even the event title is so painfully good, that Noa sees herself as scary, and envies and admires this "Cute Other". I know in a literal sense, it's Kurumi, but definitely in a metaphorical sense, it's the person Noa tried to force herself to become, because she believed that people wouldn't help her otherwise.