Chapter 24- Always Enough Time

She knew this was what she had to do. If her mother was going to get better, she needed to get better, too. She wasn't going to let her cutting control her anymore. She was going to get help.

"Ellie, come in, sit down," Ms. Suave had said.

Ellie sat, as she asked what was wrong.

Ellie took a deep breath. "I want…I want to come back and have sessions with you again."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Things at home are getting back to normal. I want to be okay again," Ellie explained. "Can you help me?"

"I can try. But why did you realize this just now?"

"I…I think that I just needed someone to show me that things can be good. My mom's going into rehab. She wants to get better. So do I. If she's strong enough to get help, I can be too."

"That's very wise," Ms. Suave commented. "But…what if things don't get any better, Ellie? Will you still be willing to get help, then?"

Ms. Suave's words hit her. Hard. She hadn't thought of that. What if her mother quit? What if her mother didn't succeed? What if she ended up chugging down her alcohol, leaving Ellie another mess to clean up and making her father leave?

"I…I hadn't even thought of it…"

"There's always another side to things, Ellie. If you want to truly get help, you need to stick with it. You need to do this for you, and not for your friends or family. Do you think you can do that?" Ms. Suave asked.

Ellie took a moment to think. Was she ready for this? Was she ready to give up her life of razor blades, scissors, and physical torment?

The question was a no-brainer for Ellie.

"Yeah," she replied. "Yeah, I can do it."

It was like a thousand bricks had been lifted from her soul. She had never felt this good about making a decision.

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"Lunch is almost over. Where is Ellie?" Paige asked, searching the cafeteria.

"Maybe she's still talking to Ms. Suave. You'll see her later," Spinner said before shoveling a spoonful of macaroni into his mouth.

Jimmy sat sullenly opposite of Paige. She had noticed this the second she had sat down.

"She'll come around eventually," she said softly. "Just let her, you know, regroup."

Jimmy looked up at her, disgust plaguing his face. "Whose side are you on, Paige?"

He knew, though, that this wasn't about taking sides. It never was. It was about what he felt for Ellie and what she felt for him. Paige knew that as well.

"Did you ever expect this to be easy? This is Ellie Nash we're talking about. She's not really the queen of simplicity." She said these words gently, unintended to offend anybody.

He just shrugged. What was he supposed to say? He knew that Paige was right.

"I'm not going to apologize for this, Paige," he said firmly.

"And no one wants you to!" she exclaimed. "In some weird, twisted way, you two go together. Just give her some space. She hasn't erased all of her feelings for you. She's just confused."

Jimmy took in her words slowly. "Yeah, I guess-"

"DUDE! Look what I can do with my macaroni!"

They both turned to look at Spinner, who was making an army of noodles out of his macaroni. "DUDE! Look at that!"

A wave of giggles exploded from Paige. Normally, she'd be grossed out by his antics, but she was just glad for an icebreaker, and happily accepted the interruption so gracefully caused by her 'honeybee'.

Seconds later, Ellie came into the cafeteria. Paige only recognized her entrance because of the chunky combat boots that covered her feet. She trudged over to the group as Paige made room for her at the table. She sat down, and Paige noticed Jimmy tense up.

"Where were you, hon? You took, like, the whole lunch period," Paige commented.

Ellie looked a bit startled. "I was just…I had somewhere to go. I'll tell you about it later."

Her eyes met with Jimmy's. None of them spoke, until Ellie broke the silence.

"Hey, Jimmy," she said meekly, as Paige gazed at the pair. He nodded his hello, and Ellie shrunk down a bit.

"So…" Paige started. "You're coming home with me today, right?"

"Why?" Ellie asked stupidly.

"Spring Fling, hello. We can stop by your house and get your dress, and then we can head to my place and get ready," she explained.

"Oh…right. Sure, sounds like a plan."

"You're really out of it today, hon."

Ellie shrugged. "I'm going to see if I can get something to eat real quick before lunch is over. I'll be back."

She got up and left. Paige looked over sympathetically at Jimmy.

"She can't even act normal around me," he said sadly.

------

The first step to getting help, is admitting you have a problem.

Oh, how Ellie had heard those words so many times before, but never did they mean anything until now. Ms. Suave wanted her to make a list. She wanted her to make a list of all the reasons she started to cut and why she wanted to stop. They would go over the list during their next session.

Ms. Suave had also asked Ellie to think about something else.

Letting her parents know about her problem.

She couldn't even begin to imagine the looks that would distort their faces if she told them. It was hard enough letting everyone else know. Ms. Suave hadn't told her she had to tell them, though. She said to think about it.

And, oh, Ellie had been thinking about it. A lot. Well, at least ever since she left the guidance office. She'd been a space case during lunch and when she got to her Creative Writing class, she was totally out of it.

"Ellie, are you with us?" the teacher had said, snapping her out of her daydream.

"What? Yeah, I'm good," she said, regaining composure.

"As I was saying," the teacher growled. "Your poetry portfolios are due…"

She tuned out after that.

-----

"Okay, so not fair. I have homework in ALL of my classes this weekend and you get away with that much homework? I hate you," Paige teased, as she and Ellie climbed into the Michalchuk mini-van and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Color me lucky," Ellie said with a smile.

As Paige drove, Ellie messed with the radio. She finally found a station she liked, and Paige turned her nose up at the music.

"This isn't music, this is noise!" she exclaimed, as some heavy metal band blasted through the speakers.

"Chill out, Barbie, it's almost over," Ellie joked, reclining her seat.

"So you are you excited for the dance?" Paige said with a squeal. "You're dress is hot. Jimmy will love it."

Ellie sighed. "I don't even want to think about him right now."

She began to explain the events that had happened throughout the day, starting with her mother going into rehab, and ending with the news that Ellie might eventually have to tell her parents.

"Ellie! This is so awesome! I'm so happy for you!" she cried, stopping at a red light.

"I just don't know…"

"You don't know what? This is what you've been waiting for, El!"

"I just wish I had someone to…you know…talk to this about."

Paige didn't take this as an insult at all. Many times had she felt the same exact way. "You mean Jimmy, right?"

"No," she said, looking down at her hands. "Not really…no...I guess."

She smacked her head against the window.

"Cheer up, El, there's always time to fix things," Paige said wisely.

"Yeah, right. I blew it."

They pulled up into Ellie's driveway, and Ellie quickly got out of the car. "Give me two seconds," she told Paige and ran inside her house.

She hurried to her room, and grabbed the bag, still lying in the exact same spot she had put it last night. She grabbed that bag, her tiny box of jewelry and headed downstairs. She ran into her dad on the way, who asked what she was doing.

"Tonight's the Spring Fling. I'm going to Paige's."

"That's tonight?" he asked, suddenly feeling very behind.

She nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't get ready here..."

He stopped her before she could go on. "I think it is best if you go to your friend's house instead. Go on, have fun," he said, and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, dad," she smiled, and ran out the door.

A/N: You awesome reviewers inspired me to finish this today and get it posted. I'm saying at least 2- 3 more chapters, if not more. Huge, huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed! Reviews, as always, are much appreciated.