(6)From Bad To Worse

Merida fell asleep on the couch with the letter held tightly in one hand. It was late into the morning, when she was abruptly awakened by a loud "Mommy!"

"'Eesh! Sirius!" Merida jumped to he feet & then sat down sharply. I thought males are supposed to have bass voices; not soprano! Merida stared into two green orbs looking back at her. Sirius giggled & seemed quite pleased with himself for nearly scaring his mother half to death! "Hush Sirius! Now, let's get you some breakfast, shall we?"

"OK!" Sirius followed her. "Where's Dad?"

Merida suddenly remebered what had happened a few hours earlier. She didn't quite know how to explain this to a 4 & a half year old boy! Best to put it off for a bit! "He's still with the Order. You'll see him later!" Yeah sure Merida! Lying in a casket, no doubt! Oh God, how could this happen now?!

Merida suddenly didn't feel hungry, so she left Sirius in the kitchen with Winky & returned to the living room. Dumbledore was waiting for her. Merida stared at him for an eternity before asking, "How.........?"

"It was Donoven Randaf," Dumbledore said quietly. "Harry took Randaf down with him!"

"Harry seemed to have a thing for Dark Lords!" Merida half-snapped, half-laughed. "Is this Donoven Randaf dead for good too?"

"Yes," answered Dumbledore. "They fell over the canyon into a bright light that lasted only a few seconds."

"He caused an explosion?" Merida sighed.

"Yes," said Dumbledore.

"So.....that means," Merida paused for a moment. "We don't even have Harry.....have his........!"

"No, most likely not!" Dumbledore said. "But we can still have a memorial for him."

"I know but....." Merida wished she hadn't told Sirius that he'd see his Dad later.

"Harry saved a lot of people, you know," Dumbledore went on. "Especially you & Sirius. Does he know yet?"

"No, I----I just got him some breakfast," Merida said. "He's too young to understand. How would he know what I mean? I can't just say, 'Sirius, your Dad's dead. He's never coming back!' He just wouldn't understand!"

"Children understand more then what we give them credit for," Dumbledore said. "Remember when you were nearly 5?"

"I didn't have to deal with death then!" Merida retorted. "The worse thing that happened when I was that age was falling off an angry pony & breaking my arm! And I got up & right back on & rode him home! You can't do that when someone dies!"

"I wasn't refering to worst things happening," Dumbledore explained. "I was refering to how children see things in a different perspective. They have impressionable minds & understand more things then we adults remember. Try using your mind power on him. He might have inherited the telepathy. It's been in the Snape family for several generations!"

Merida sighed dejectedly but nodded. She stared at Padfoot & Moony in the open album & suddenly thought of something. "Can we have the memorial at Grimmauld? I'm sure that's where Harry would have wanted to be."

"Sure!" Dumbeldore nodded, understanding. "How about next Sunday? In a week?"

"Yeah," Merida agreed quietly. "I'll see you there!" She waited for the old wizard to burst into emerald flames & then went after Sirius. She decided to just tell him & get it over with. "Sirius? There's something you need to know." Merida went on to explain what had happened last night.

Sirius stared at her, trying to figure out what his mother was saying. "What do you mean he's not coming back?" was all that Sirius understood. "Doesn't he want us anymore?!" he fumed, the Snape temper finally showing.

"Yes, Sirius!" Merida sighed. I knew this would happen! "& if he could come back he would. He just.......not allowed!"

"Why won't you let him come home?!" Sirius turned on her next!

"It isn't me!" Merida shot back. "It's someone else! I want him back to!"

"Sure you do!" Sirius threw his fork into his plate & fled out the door.

"Siri----SIRIUS WAIT!!" Merida ran after him. She found him in the barn, sitting on the motorbike, turning the gears & making motor sounds. Merida pulled him off, "Now you listen to me, Sirius!" she began. "I'm NOT the one keeping him away. It was a very bad man that took Harry away! Understand?!" Merida entered Sirius's mind for the first time in his life & to her surprise, he returned it! He could feel how she felt & slowly began to realise that his Father was gone for good. Merida sat down in a pile of hay & pulled Sirius on her lap. "We'll be alright, but only if we don't turn against each other OK?" she stroked back Sirius's wavy hair.

"I'm not going to have a Dad anymore?" Sirius sniffled.

"Well, you've got a Godfather........somewhere," Merida sighed. "But I've seen neither hide nor tail of him in almost 5 years." She noticed Sirius looking at her questoinably & added hurriedly. "He's just busy in the Order!"

"Why would this Godfather have a tail?" Sirius stared.

Oh THAT! Merida sighed again. "Oh----uh---he's a werewolf!"

"Whatsa warwolf?"

"No, Sirius! WERE, not war!" Merida half-laughed. GREAT! Another thing to explain! Well, isn't this just peachy?! "A human that has to change into a wolf!"

"Why does he have to?" Sirius asked.

"Because the Full Moon forces him!"

"Why?"

"Because werewolfs are cursed by the Full Moon!"

"Why?"

Merida sighed, exasperatedly. "Because the Full Moon weakens the person & strenthens the wolf!"

"Why?"

Merida cross-rolled her eyes shut for a moment! Snapes have just so much patience & no more! "Because the wolf is attracted to the moonlight!"

"Why?"

Merida glowered but laughed it off! "Because........!" Merida went on to explain. The "Why?" pop quiz went on for another 15 minutes before Merida finally lost it! "SEAR! EE! US!! ENOUGH!"

"W-Why?" Sirius wondered how he could have upset his mother!

Merlin, give me strength before this child drives me to insanity! Merida finally began to realise what her father had to put up with! She could hardly wait for Sirius to hit his teen years! What a nightmare that'll be! "Look, WHY don't you go finish your breakfast while I take care of Salem & Buckbeak?"

"Can I feed Trevor?"

"Only 3 pellets remember!" Merida was grateful it wasn't another "Why?" question!

"OK," Sirius got up. "Why?"

Merlindammit! "I'll tell you later!" Merida glowered. "GO!!" she pointed Sirius to the house! "& let the cat out!" If you dare ask "why", WHY I'll just..........mmmm........Crucio myself!

"Whatsa Crucio?" Sirius asked.

"You heard that?" Merida felt weak. She did not want her son exposed to that type of magic.

"Mhm!"

"I'll tell you some other time!" Merida evaded him. "Go feed Trevor!"

"OK!" Sirius ran for the house.

"FINALLY!" Merida sank back into Salem's breakfast. Salem tossed his head over the stable & nickered softly. Merida could have sworn that nicker meant, "You're sitting in my breakfast?! WHY?"

"Shut up, Salem!" Merida cried in deperation. "Just for that, Buckbeak's going to get fed first! You can just starve for a few more minutes! One more "Why? & I'll SCREAM!" Salem nickered again & again Merida imagined a "Why?"! She grumbled under her breath while feeding Buckbeak.

The next few days passed without anymore "Whys?" & Merida tried to make everything as mormal as possible for Sirius. Merida was glad it was summer & she didn't have to teach yet. Moody had offered to take the first term to give Merida more time but she wanted to get back to it right away. Several friends dropped in the next few days, offering their condolences. Ron stayed the longest. He felt very much alone now that his two best friends were both gone.

It was Thursday, only two more days until Sunday & the memorial at Grimmauld that would be held Sunday afternoon. Mr. & Mrs. Weasly had just left with Ron & Ginny as it was getting close to Sirius's bedtime. He was finally begining to realise that his Father was indeed gone & had now become rather quiet. Merida finished reading Sirius's bedtime storybook about a cat wearing boots & tucked him in & then headed for her own room.

It was a long night. Merida worried about how Sumday would affect both her & Sirius. As it drew closer, it made their loss more & more real. Merida fell asleep at last just as the sky began to turn pink. What she woke up to see was nothing short of a shock.

A stranger was sitting in the armchair at the window, head down & half covered with the coat. Merida grabbed her wand & rolled over to face the intruder. She began to sit up but was immediatly hit with an "Expeliaramus" so forcful, it knocked her back so she was staring at the ceiling while her wand went flying. Merida slammed her eyes shut. She had seen her attacker. She knew who it was & at who's mercy she now lay!

Remus Lupin.

"Nice try, Merida," Remus tossed her wand on the bed. "You have to be faster with me!"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Merida groaned, sitting up. "What are you doing here?!"

"I was passing through," Remus said. "I know what happened! I was there!"

"Oh, Remus! I know how much Harry meant to you!" said Merida.

"Yeah," Remus whispered slowly. "I still can't believe he's gone!"

"Neither can I," said Merida as she got up & grabbed her housecoat. "Let's go downstairs. I'll get some breakfast!"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," said Remus as they entered the kitchen.

"Oh, I'll be alright!" Merida sighed. "At least have Sirius to look after."

"Harry told me about naming his son Sirius," Remus laughed softly.

"You've been with Harry?" Merida asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, we've been in the Order together," Remus shrugged. "& I had began teaching him Marauding----er---stuff almost every night!"

"You've been teaching him stealing, drinking & whatever else Marauders do!" Merida corrected. "So you've been with him often?" OK, something's not right here! Why would he be with Harry for nearly 5 years & I never saw him?

"Sure I have!" Remus said as if it was the most natural thing in the universe. Before he or Merida could say anything else, Sirius bounded into the kitchen.

"Mom? Can I go to Jessica's house for breakfast? She asked me a few minutes ago from her window!"

"Oh was that the faint yelling I heard!" Remus half-laughed. Werewolves & their super-sensitive hearing!

Startled, Sirius whimpered & fled to Merida's side. "Sirius, this is Remus! He's your Godfather!" Please don't start with the "whys of the werwolf"!!

"Well, I finally get to meet you," Remus smiled. "Hello!"

"Hi!" Sirius said shyly, eyeing his Godfather warily. The first thing he noticed were four oddly-shaped teeth in Remus's grin. Sirius scanned the werewolf up & down. Seems friendly enough! "Why do you like Full Moons?"

"Oh," Merida buried her face in her hands. "No-o-o-o!"

"Actually, I-----!" Remus began.

Merida cut in. "Uh---yes, Sirius! You can go see Jessica. You can talk to Remus later!"

"OK!" Sirius headed for the door. "See you later!"

"He knows?" Remus worried when Sirius was gone.

"Sort of!" said Merida. "Uh----Remus? If that child asks you a question starting with "Why?"," she paused a moment for dramatic affect. "EVADE it!"

"I get it!" Remus laughed at her.

"Shush!" Merida ordered.

Remus suddenly stood up. "I'll---uh---see you on Sunday. I should go now!"

"WHY don't you just stay here until Sunday?" Merida teased.

"Very funny!" Remus laughed. "I can't though!"

"Order business?"

"Er---uh yeah," said Remus.

Merida knew at once he had lied. "Remus, when are you going to realise who you're talking to?"

Snapes & their telepathy! "Well, actually, it's---it's just better if I don't!" Remus tried not to feel panicked.

"Remus, you've avoided me for 5 years!" Merida began. "Is it because Harry got me instead of you?"

"No, I actually didn't mind sharing you with Harry," said Remus & Merida knew he was telling the truth. "Did you---er---tell him?"

"No, Remus!" Merida snapped. "That was your place!" She sighed & lightened up a bit. "So why did you avoid me if it had nothing to do with Harry?"

"No reason, really!" Remus said.

Merida could sense otherwise! "Was it because you felt guilty about having an affiar with your student?"

"No---well yeah, I was a bit guilty!" Remus half-laughed. "But that's not it!"

"It's me, isn't it?" Merida glanced to the floor.

"What do you mean?" asked Remus.

"Well, I used you to get back at Father," Merida explained.

"No you didn't! I'm---I'm the one that used you!"

"No, I seduced you!" Merida admitted. "Using my Veela instincts &----!"

"I'm the one that conned you, Merida," Remus stepped close to her & took her face in his hands. "& for that, I apologize!"

"It's alright, Remus!" Merida assured. "You didn't con me into doing anything!"

Remus sighed, somewhat exasperated. "OK, can we agree that we seduced each other?"

"We both wanted it!" Merida agreed. "We both were mad at Father! You didn't have to avoid me for five years for that!"

"That's.......not why I avoided you!" Remus admitted.

"Then what is it?" Merida gazed into those hazel eyes, speckled with amber. "Remus, I care for both you & Harry in the same way. Is it our age difference?"

"No," Remus laughed. "Though I am about 40 years------!"

"Younger then me!" Merida finished him off. Remus stared in surprise! Younger?! "If you count in dog years, I'm older then you by now! Which..........is a freaky thought!"

"I---well I haven't thought of it---er--quite like that!" Remus laughed again. "But our age difference isn't the problem either. I really should go now!"

"What is it, Remus?"

"Oh, you----you wouldn't understand!" Remus was begining to feel worried she'd find out.

"I would if you just tell me!" Merida groaned, exasperated.

"Forget it!" Remus snapped.

"Fine!" Merida shot back! "Go......GO," Merida couldn't think of anything. Then she remembered something! "Go hump your boggart!!!!!!!!!!!"

"FINE!! Maybe I will!!!" Remus retorted.

"FINE!" Merida marched upstairs & slammed her bedroom door.

"Fine!" Remus fled for the fireplace.

Merida waited until she heard the fire crackle as Remus beamed away. Then she burst into tears. "Why'd I push Remus away like that?!" Merida was furious with herself. "Now, I've lost both of them!" she sobbed aloud to herself. Merida flung herself face-first into the pillows & cried until she fell asleep.