Fic: What The Hell(mouth) Happened?

Author: mkcrl120

Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.

Summary: I'm writing some of these, as I've come up with ideas that I honestly don't know what I'll be doing when the Ultimate series gets that far. In the meantime, these won't go away from my brain unless I do something with them. Warning: It may be a standalone it may be spoilers for something later; only time will tell.

Rating: 15 by English standards (mainly for language)

Setting: Season 3 - I think you'll recognise when.

What The Hell(mouth) Happened? - 6/?

Jenny Calendar walked into the library, staring at the girl who'd just called her name. "Yes..?" She answered, when no further questions were forthcoming, she started to drag Giles into his office. 'Cordelia..? What's she doing here..?' "Rupert, we need to talk.... in private." She added.

Cordelia just groaned. "You can speak in front of me, you know..."

"That's alright Cordelia, you just talk here with your... friends." Jenny continued to attempt to drag Giles into the other room. "What's she doing here?" She whispered in his ear.

Cordelia had had enough of this. "I'll have you know that in my world, I'm like an honourary part of the Scooby Gang. I know all your guys secrets... well some of them anyway."

Giles could feel another headache coming on. "Cordelia please... If you give us a moment, we'll just go in here and I'll update Ms Calendar on what's been going on."

"Vampires. Slayers. Hellmouth. Watchers. Witches. Demons. Robots. Magic. Portals... ermm.... did I miss anything out." Cordelia turned to face them.

"She knows..?" Jenny asked in disbelief.

"Only my death." Jesse deadpanned.

Cordelia had not taken the fact that Jenny obviously thought that she was the last person in the world that ought to be told anything, well. So as she stood up, she cattily added. "Don't worry about it Jesse, Ms Calendar didn't survive either."

"Cordelia!" Giles shouted, shocked she would report such information so callously.

"Hey, Miss C... you and me baby." Jesse stated, as he went to high five Jenny. Jenny just looked at him blankly, before returning her gaze to Cordelia. "Or not..." Jesse trailed off as he sat back down.

"I'm what..?" Jenny asked confused.

"Dead. Don't worry though it wasn't you."

"It seems Cordelia here..." Giles gestured to the girl standing in front of them, "Is from another dimension or something... we haven't worked out the full details yet. In her dimension there have been quite a few subtle changes."

"I'm... dead." Jenny asked.

"Yeah..." Cordelia stated, feeling bad about her abrupt outburst now. 'Note to self. Report's of people's deaths should be handled with more tact.' "I'm sorry... it's just Angelus got you... but I've just realised he probably didn't turn up here."

"Angelus..?" Jenny repeated, her face paling at the mention of that name.

"Guys..? Who is Angelus?" Buffy asked. "The name sounds kinda familiar, like it's on the tip of my tongue or something."

"Angelus... duh... Angel's evil half. Less of the puppy dog vampire... and back with the regular biting type." Cordelia filled in the missing details.

Giles turned to Jenny, "Of course... I don't think you were around when we first met Angel... but Angelus was the vampire that Angel was before he got souled... Good Lord... so in your dimension, Angel's soul failed and Angelus returned?"

Jenny wasn't paying any attention to him however, stepping forward she just grabbed Cordelia by the arm and said one word. "How?"

"He snapped your neck... he realis..." Cordelia began but was interrupted by Jenny.

"Not that... how did he lose his soul?"

Cordelia shrugged, "He and Buffy did the nasty and it was gone..."

"Oh my god!!" Jenny said.

"It's okay." Giles soothed her, rubbing her arms to try and calm her down. "Him and Buffy didn't do anything here..." Turning to Xander, "And once again I find I have something to thank you for."

Xander bowed. "It's what I'm here for."

Jenny was strangely silent, the others left her to come to terms with that piece of information.

"See... useful girl here." Cordelia continued regardless. "Maybe we don't have to return me to my own dimension. Maybe we can just continue with me being one of the Scoobies again... but this time with me having a higher social status naturally."

"She gets to join the gang?" Faith turned to see how the others felt about that.

Jesse and Xander shrugged, Buffy and Willow said they didn't have a problem with it. Giles agreed that if she could keep a secret then maybe she could prove to be a help.

"So..." Cordelia asked the question that had been playing on her mind for a while. "Who am I seeing now?"

After school.

"No one." Cordelia said aloud, causing Amber to stare at her. "I can't believe I'm seeing no one. How can I be single? How is this even possible?"

Amber looked towards Harmony for guidance, who shrugged, Amber tried her best. "You said that after Larry... that after the Larry incident, you weren't going to be seeing anyone any more. You said you didn't need men."

"Yeah..." Harmony agreed. "For a while there we thought that whatever had affected Larry, had sunk it's teeth into you too."

Cordelia found herself involuntarily flinching at the teeth-sinking comment. "Well that nev... I'm over that now. So who is available."

Amber started to rattle off a list of various athletes and such.

Cordelia found herself writing most of the list off immediately. 'Dammit Xander, it was a lot easier when I went for the guy based on his car or family or social status... you've seriously cramped my style.'

Bronze that night.

The gang were in the Bronze. Faith had dragged Xander onto the dancefloor and was trying to make him keep up. Willow, Jesse and Buffy were standing at the side watching.

"He'll never keep up til the end of the song." Willow stated, laughing at her friend's predicament.

"Xander'd surprise you... man has the stamina." Jesse said, automatically backing up his best friend.

"I know that, but how do you?" Buffy smirked, causing Jesse to go bright red. "Score."

"Faith has definitely been a bad influence on you two."

"So Buffy, you really think Xander will last?" Willow asked, watching as Faith forced him to start swinging her around the dancefloor.

Buffy watched as she weighed up the likelihood. "I think he'll complete the song out of sheer stubbornness, but he'll probably fake a heart attack or something if she drags him on for the next one."

They watched for another few minutes. The song came to an end, it was replaced by a slow one. Xander started to leave the dancefloor, but Faith tried to drag him back. "Come on... this one won't kill you." She pleaded.

"Faith... I honestly think I'd prefer to risk another high speed number and dying of a coronary, than having Buffy after me with a stake." Xander said, trying to wheedle out of her grasp.

Faith followed him to the edge of the floor. "Xan... come on... that Devon creep's been trying to get me for the last few months. Just cos he knew me and Oz... ya know... he thinks I'm gonna put out for him too... told him I wasn't a groupie, but he didn't believe me. For me... please... it's just to get him off my back."

"Faith..." Xander began.

Unfortunately for Xander, Buffy had heard using her Slayer hearing the end of the conversation. "Go on, one song with Faith. I do trust you, you know."

"You sure?" Xander asked.

"Always." Buffy responded.

Faith, gave Buffy a parting shot as she left the dance floor. "If he grabs my ass it was my fault okay..?"

Buffy laughed, as Xander looked on shocked. "That's okay then."

Xander turned to face her as he was dragged back towards the dancefloor. "What..?"

"Though if I grab his, it's cos it's simply irrestible." Faith laughed.

Buffy smiled, and indicated she was heading to the bar to fetch drinks.

"There will be no ass-grabbing from either party." Xander informed her as they reached a clear space, Faith put her arms around his neck and started to sway.

"Just go with it Xan... it's doesn't mean anything and I wouldn't try to take you off Buffy."

"And I'd never cheat on her."

Faith stared at his face, "So what's troubling you?"

Xander confessed "Just wondering what everyone who sees this thing is gonna think... and I realised it's probably the same as Devon."

"So..?" Faith asked confused.

"What if they think I'm with you... and Buffy's a free agent?"

Faith smiled, pleased with his loyalty to her best friend. "We'll correct them... and tell them I'm just a part of your harem."

Xander smiled.

"Hey," She continued. "Seriously that could work out for me too. Get the freaks off my back."

"They want you on your back." Xander smirked.

"Har har Harris."

Faith smiled and leant in close. "Soo... in this other reality..." she began.

"Yes..?"

"Don't get offended... I know you love Buffy... but... do you think in this other reality me and you could ever get together..?"

He answered as honestly as he could, "I don't know... why the question?"

"Just wondering... it's just all the good ones are taken you know... Not gonna steal either of you from Buffy or Red but..."

Xander gave her a friendly peck on the forehead. "There'll be someone out there for you... you'll meet them someday. I promise."

"Just wondering if you weren't with Buffy... could me and you have stood a chance?"

"I don't know... honestly you are an extremely attractive woman." He leered at her, causing her to smile. "But I can't see past Buffy."

"I know... but there you dated Cordelia."

"True... true... maybe over there, me and you could have stood a chance." He conceded.

At the side of the dancefloor, Buffy had returned with drinks. Willow seperated herself from Jesse and walked over to her. "You sure you're not jealous of them?"

"How could I be..? She's like a sister to me... and I know he loves me. You ever jealous when Jesse flirts with Faith..."

"Jesse doesn't flirt with Faith. Faith flirts with him."

"True," Buffy thought. "You probably flirt with Faith more than he does."

Willow offered no response. Jesse came to join them. "How come Faith never dances with me?"

"Jealous hon?" Willow teased.

"You're not her type." Buffy informed him. "Of dancer I mean."

"Hey I can dance better than Xander... Willow dragged me to those lessons remember. She was ashamed of looking a fool on the middle of the dancefloor."

"And that's why Faith prefers Xander. You know what you're doing... to some songs anyway. Xander is raw undiluted enthusiasm. She guides him where she's going. No one else can keep up."

"You can." Willow corrected her.

"Only cos I'm a Slayer... tell you without the Slayer gift, she'd leave me behind... though maybe if she wasn't a Slayer either she wouldn't... I just don't know how he does it."

Buffy changed topic. "Talking of Slayer related stuff. Saw that guy upstairs."

"Which guy?" Jesse asked confused.

"The one that the cops picked on when his girlfriend was killed. Jeez I feel sorry for that guy. To be wrongly accused like that."

"Oh... what was her name... Debbie." Willow worked it out. "Miss Calendar and I managed to break into the police files last night. That's what she wanted to talk to Giles about."

"Why?"

"Turns out the reason why her boyfriend couldn't have done it, is that her neck was broken by an extremely powerful creature. We're talking at least vampire level strength. The police have it down as a weightlifter or something."

"So it might be something we should be looking into after all." Buffy realised, remembering how Giles had dismissed it as being the Sunnydale Police Department's responsibility and not their's.

A few minutes previously

Top balcony, Bronze.

Cordelia was looking for a man. She'd spotted that guy, the one Buffy had been after in her reality. But he was off talking to a friend of his. She walked past a variety of athletes and band members. All giving her the eye. Trying to remember anything about them, she refused to make eye contact.

One person she noticed staring at her was that short guy... what was his name... Jonathan. She'd made the mistake of dating him once in her own reality. He doubted he'd improved since then, 'He really needs to know how to talk to women.' she thought, 'and I don't have the patience or inclination to teach him.' She remembered how her ex-friends in her reality had taunted her about dating him the day before. Smiling at him, she walked straight past making minimal eye contact. She stopped to look over the balcony, intending to get a better feel for the guys actually available to her.

All she could concentrate on though was Xander dancing with Faith. She watched as he went full out trying to keep up with the Slayer. She smiled as he seemed to do it, and then couldn't help grinning at his antics as he wanted to leave the floor. Feigning everything from tiredness to a knee injury, Faith still wouldn't let him go.

She was sad however when they returned to the dance floor for a slow number. Her heart breaking a little bit more, as she watched them lean in together. Even though that wasn't this Xander's girlfriend, she couldn't help the small pangs of jealousy leaping within her.

She was so entranced by what she saw, she didn't see Jonathan walk up behind her. Didn't see him, slowly look around to see if there were witnesses. Didn't see his face as it morphed into that of a vampire.

End chapter six