Sorry for the chapter delay. My pet bird has been sick and she passed. I loved her so much. She's always been with me since I was a kid. I'm totally messed up right now.
Cobwebby gray masks Neito's vision. His head throbs like a stake is wedged into his skull and pulsing with each heartbeat. What happened to his head? He tries to move a hand. The immense difficulty is like it's sunk in Kojiro's glue.
Neito's felt this before. When he overuses quirks. But…it's been a long time since he's got this bad. He's more experienced with his quirk and its limits.
He blinks firmly, chasing away a smothering wave of drowsiness, and a white ceiling snaps to focus the same time the unmistakable pinch of an IV needle does. Hospital. Recovery Girl's office at UA, specifically. So whatever's wrong is probably as bad as he feels. Was it a Class A's quirk? Did he copy Yaoyorozu's? She told him she'll become dangerously fatigued if she goes beyond her fat reserves.
No. It was Shadowmaster.
He copied Shadowmaster, during the battle training. And it went out of control. Neito beat down Ashido, Sero, and Todoroki. He hurt them. He jolts to get up. White-out pain slithers from his head through his lungs and arms and feet. His mouth involuntarily snaps open to gasp. Crap, he hurts. And he's got high pain tolerance because of his quirk.
"It's all right deary. Stay still." Recovery Girl. She shuffles into his view. Neito works his jaw back open to ask about Ashido, Sero, and Todoroki. "If you're worried, nobody else was too hurt. They're all recovered fine. You have the worst injuries." Neito's scattered thoughts slow into cohesiveness. He'd rather they weren't hurt at all, but thank goodness they're not hurt as bad as him.
Recovery Girl looks him over, eyes almost invisible under her furrowed wrinkles. "How do you feel?"
"Hurts," Neito manages to rasp out, not having any willpower to feign strength.
Recovery Girl nods sympathetically. "I couldn't heal you because your stamina was drained from Tokoyami's quirk. Now you've regained enough for me to give you a healing." She kisses his arm. The pain ebbs into a dull tingle, and Neito shuts his eyes.
When Neito wakes up he's clearer-headed and not aching and almost immobile and within seconds of falling back asleep. He can't tell the time—his internal clock is haywire—but he guesses it's late evening or night. He flicks his eyes around to check for a clock, and—
Vlad is here. Sitting right here on a chair across from Neito. He's frowning so deeply his face is wrinkled up like his bulldog's face, and he frowns even deeper when he catches Neito's eyes. He gets up.
"I'm—I'm so sorry," Neito says. Panic bubbles in his chest. "I didn't mean to—I lost c-control of Shadowmaster." Not intentional but he's still a failure of a human being who lost control so horrendously. And hurt people.
Vlad breathes out deeply. "Tokoyami and the others told me about that quirk. I know you didn't mean to."
"No!" Neito says. "And I listened to Tokoyami's warnings, I swear I did! But I—" hadn't expected Shadowmaster might react to his feelings of inadequacy, hadn't realized those emotions were severe enough to set Shadowmaster berserk, "I just couldn't stop it—I wasn't strong enough." A whine squeezes past his throat. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Vlad puts a hand on Neito's forehead, brushing his bangs sideways. Neito freezes, blinking up in wonder, completely unable to comprehend the gesture right now.
"Teacher Vlad—" Help me. Please, Neito almost says. But he extinguishes those words as quick as they swell up in his throat. What would he even need saved from? His own inadequacy and worthlessness? What the heck, it must be the pain drugs messing with his head. "I'll do better."
"Things like this happen and it's not your fault. It's not because you didn't try enough," Vlad says. "I know you give plenty of effort, even with getting along with Class A. You did well, it's all right." The tight bubble lodged in Neito's chest slowly deflates at the words.
Vlad's…he's not dismissing or reproaching. It's definitely a warning, that Vlad is willing to have some faith in Neito despite all these screw-ups, and Neito better not mess it up. But Neito will gladly take it. It's another chance to prove himself. (Prove himself to be what he isn't and probably can't ever be no matter how hard he tries.)
Vlad keeps smoothing Neito's bangs. A part of Neito's brain tells him to be self-conscious about the incredibly gentle gesture, but the other part demands it to shut up.
Finally Vlad says, "Well, your friends and Tokoyami are waiting for you. Recovery Girl'll let them come for a few minutes now that you're awake. You up for it?"
Neito doesn't know why Tokoyami would be here, but he doesn't want to send his classmates off. "Yes." Neito elbows himself into a sitting position. Vlad gives his hair a final ruffles, tells him to take it easy, and heads out. Tokoyami is already there, and he comes in.
Has he come to mock Neito for losing control? Or get angry with how Neito failed to handle his quirk? Tokoyami slides into the seat and squeezes his hands together, feathery brow rumpling. "I…deeply apologize for what happened. For mine fiendish and incorrigible quirk." He lowers his head.
What? "Are you serious?" Neito says. Tokoyami's pained expression is way too close to Tetsu's face when Neito ran out of iron to sustain his quirk one time and got ripped up, and Pony's look when Neito tried to fly himself with horns and rammed into a wall. He hates that face. "I chose to copy your quirk, knowing the risks as you warned me. I'm the one who lost control. Really," he faces the ceiling, "I should be the one groveling to you and your classmates. I never meant to hurt them."
"Dark Shadow is difficult. Even I, who has contended with it for years, am unable many a time to keep the darkness at bay. Even I harmed a dear friend when Dark Shadow raged, and it haunts me still. As such I know what agony you must have endure," Tokoyami says.
Neito's at fault. Tokoyami couldn't have done more, and his humble, sincere words make Neito feel terrible. Maybe he would've rathered Tokoyami jeer at him. "I understand, although I still insist on taking blame because it's not your fault," Neito says. "So do me a favor, and get rid of that guilty face?"
The edges of Tokoyami's beak curve up in a pained smile. Dark Shadow hovers up from his chest and nudges Neito's hand with its cold beak.
"Dark Shadow, no!" Tokoyami says.
"It's fine," Neito says. It's an entirely different creature now than the nightmarish fiend that rips down buildings.
"You're actually real nice, aintcha?" Dark Shadow coos.
"Enough now." Tokoyami glares and Dark Shadow slithers back sulkily. Footsteps pound outside. Tokoyami twitches his feathers alertly. "I will not trouble thee longer." He gets up. "Please rest well."
"Get well!" Dark Shadow echoes over his shoulder.
The door bursts open. Several of Neito's classmates pour in and Tokoyami quickly slides out.
"NEITO!" Tetsu and Pony shout. They gallop to his bedside.
Itsuka, right at their heels, swats them. "Be quieter, this is the nurse's office."
Juzo, Nirengeki, Jurota, and Sen come in and Ibara shuts the door.
"How're ya feeling?" Pony hovers her hands over Neito's arm, her huge green eyes rounder than normal.
"That was dang scary, dude!" Tetsu looms over him. "Recovery Girl couldn't even heal you right away cause you'd used up all your energy, you idiot!" Despite his fierce scowl and words, he's concerned, not angry.
Jurota tweaks his glasses. "We are exceedingly relieved that you are awake and recovering."
"Heard you got a nasty concussion," Sen says. "The one-A guys were freaking out. Apparently you were bleeding like crazy from hitting the bricks and pretty much comatose. All the worse that Recovery Girl couldn't heal your concussed, bloodied self cause you didn't have any energy left."
"Um, perhaps it's better not to make Neito think of all that right now," Nirengeki says quickly. Jurota and Ibara nod.
Shame creeps over Neito. Because of his utter uselessness, he's stretched out on this hospital bed. He covers his face with his hands.
"Neito, what's wrong?" Itsuka asks.
"Dang it, sorry man!" Sen says.
"It's not you Sen," Neito says. "Just wish I could get out of here. Juzo, give me your quirk so I can sink myself to the Mariana Trench, will you?" He says it as if it's supposed to be funny, but if he could do it without dying he absolutely would.
Juzo makes a sympathetic, near-amused hum. "You know the old lady would come chase ya down." Neito has a vivid image of little Recovery Girl in an armored swimsuit bearing down on him, her needle-staff bubbling menacing. It almost makes him laugh.
Neito pulls his hands off his face. All eight of his friends are watching him worriedly, and he quickly looks down. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, you should be! You almost died!" Tetsu says. Neito glares. Tetsu almost got himself melted by Todoroki not two weeks ago.
Voicing his thoughts, Sen says, "Hypocrite."
"Okay, well, I might get a bit too fired up sometimes," Tetsu grumbles. Itsuka nods firmly. She's obviously given him Big Sis Lectures about it. "And you gotta give training your plus ultra best, no holdin back! But—" Tetsu looks at Neito uncertainly, "you can't actually die."
"We were so worried," Ibara says, briefly resting a hand on Neito's arm. Neito hates that he's worried them so much.
"Now ya'll, let's not be too doom and gloom," Juzo says. "I'm sure Neito'd rather hear how Setsuna tried to rust Tetsu again."
"Grrr! That sneaky lizard. She threw saltwater on me, saltwater! Got the idea from Todoroki, the butthead! But not to worry." Tetsu flexes his arms and grins wide. "I washed off with rust-away!"
Ibara looks aghast. "That's even more concerning."
"I told you that stuff isn't meant for humans," Neito mumbles. Recovery Girl must not be in earshot, because she ought to find that atrocious enough to scold him.
"Hey, hey, today's language work was by Mark Twain! Ya like him, don't you Neito?" Pony goes on to describe Death Disk.
They all talk until Recovery Girl taps into the room. "Time for everyone to head back." His friends say their good-nights and wish him well. Recovery Girl checks Neito again, and pronounces him well enough to go. Neito heads to the Class A dorms and hesitates outside the entrance.
What he should do is march straight in the common room and drop to his knees and apologize. But he feels on the verge of (another) catastrophic breakdown of crying or collapsing or screaming. So he'll sleep away his instability and apologize tomorrow morning. So he scales the giant tree outside his dorm room and leaps to his balcony. His window's locked, but it's a simple one, and locking-picking is a skill in his arsenal. He breaks in his own room in minutes.
He texts his classmates' group chat that he's safely resting his dorm and flops onto bed, browsing earlier group chat texts. About half an hour later, someone knocks on his door. Neito hesitantly opens it.
Todoroki is framing the doorway. His silver and blue eyes glint in the moonlight. "Oh. You are here."
Has Todoroki come to wring out an apology for being clawed into a wall? "What is it?" Neito says.
His flash of defensiveness must show because Todoroki holds up a hand in what's probably meant to be a mitigating gesture but all Neito can think of is icebergs that sink the Titanic and fire that melts Tetsu that come from those hands. He flinches hard.
Todoroki's phlegmatic expression flickers. "Sorry," he says quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm not upset." (Neito wants to smack himself—Todoroki hasn't ever been aggressive to him and he saved Kosei—but Neito's reactions were ingrained for reasons.)
"You have right to be." Neito bows his head deeply. "I didn't mean to hurt you and Sero and Ashido, but I did and I'm sorry."
"I know," Todoroki says quietly. "I've lost control of my fire before, when I first started using it." That's right, for some reason Todoroki didn't use his fire until the Sports Festival finals. "Mina and Hanta weren't badly hurt. Fumikage and Tsu stayed back. Eijiro's quirk kept him from getting more than scratches."
"Kirishima? Shadowmaster went after him too?" Neito straightens. He doesn't remember Shadowmaster attacking Kirishima. But of course his memories aren't intact. Slamming his head into a brick wall and concussion and all.
Neito was told a brief summary of what happened by Recovery Girl. Asui slipped close and pulled Sero, Ashido, and Todoroki away while Tokoyami kept distance so his Dark Shadow didn't rage too. Shadowmaster had already shrunk from Neito's depletion of energy before Mr. Aizawa arrived and erased the quirk. It was a pitiful comfort that Shadowmaster had weakened on its own. Disconcerting it was still going berserk while he was unaware though.
Todoroki hesitates before nodding. "But Fumikage said Shadowmaster wasn't as violent as Dark Shadow can be. It depends what emotion sets it off, he thinks."
It sure was a pathetic one to rage about though. Neito pulls up his sleeves over his knuckles. "So why are you here?" he says to Todoroki, because he wants to lie in bed and shove all this away so deep even his subconscious can't dredge it up and form it into nightmares and he still doesn't get why Todoroki is bothering with him right now.
"I was concerned about your well-being. I didn't see you in the common room and came to check on you," Todoroki says.
Neito reels at Todoroki's candid concern. "I…that's…Recovery Girl, healed me. I'm fine."
Todoroki shakes his head. "Not really that. You're suffering from whatever affected Shadowmaster." Todoroki's eyes are searching like Juzo's.
"Well—that's—" Neito's glad it's dark so Todoroki can't see his expression.
"I'm not exactly certain, but from what I can gather with Shadowmaster…you seem to struggle with feeling inferior," Todoroki says.
Oh heck no. "Wha—of course I don't! As if! I'm definitely better than you Class A losers and you're just projecting yourselves!" Neito spits out without meaning to. Curse his self-sabotaging defensive habits. It's all stupid Shadowmaster's fault Todoroki knows this much. Even with Neito's scattered memories, he knows it screamed out things about Neito it never should have. As if he doesn't have enough problems between clobbering the Class A guys and wrecking himself! "I-I mean, this isn't your business Todoroki," Neito says, trying to tone down his bristling.
Todoroki doesn't seem to have taken any offense. He nods placidly. "It isn't my business. But somebody told me the best heroes butt into people's business."
"Stay out of mine," Neito demands, but he feels less intimidating than a baby bird puffing up in defense under Todoroki's sharp catlike eyes.
"I won't keep bothering you tonight." Todoroki steps back. He didn't say "I won't bother you again." "If you need something Monoma, I don't mind if you wake me. I'm right next door."
Neito falls asleep a little easier than he expected tonight. It definitely has nothing to do with Todoroki's unexpectedly kind offer. It doesn't.
acosta perez jose ramiro: Thank you again, really appreciate your comments! Poor Neito wasn't, but such is life.