DREAMSCAPE

The stream of memories fades away. Gently, quietly, as if someone or something is holding me, keeping me afloat in this strange place between life and death, reaching out to me. It's almost familiar, andlike the way I got here to begin with, I can't remember. But whoever or whatever it is, I know it won't let me slip into the cold darkness pulling at me with a grip that seems to get stronger as time goes on.

That comforting presence holding death at bay is a lifeline to me, so I take hold of it and let it guide me wherever it wants me to go. And when I finally see where that is and where I am, I understand. A safe place for me to rest and have a break from what's happening to me, even if it's just for a little while. I don't know who or what that presence is, but I'm veryglad for it and for where it brought me.

Just before this, I'd been reliving the night that Cloud and I first met. And now,I'm at Aerith's house, outside in the garden. It's evening andas peaceful and beautiful as I remember, the little hills covered with flowers of all colors and descriptions. I'm dreaming, but it feels like it's more than that somehow. Looking around at the flowers, the bridges, the house, and the waterfall, I know I'm where I need to be.

As I stand there, gazing up at the underside of the plate and the city overhead, I smile as I realize I'm not alone. He's here with me, somehow. I don't turn around yet, though, my eyes still on the few stars I can see in the gaps between the plate sections. They're pretty, sparkling in the night like jewels. I haven't seen a wholesky of them since I was a kid. I'd like to again someday, though. With him, if I can.

"Pretty, isn't it?" I ask without turning around.

"Yeah. Sure is," Cloud answers.

I turn around, still smiling, and there he is, only a few feet away, his gorgeous baby blues gazing softly at me. It makesmy heart flutter just to see them, to know that somehow, Cloud ishere with me. It's not my mind playing tricks on me. It's real. I can feel it. I don't understand how or why it's possible, and I don't care. All that matters is that we're together. As he steps a little closer, I resist the temptation to fly into his arms. I'm afraid that if I do, he'll vanish and I'll be alone again.

"It's been quite a while since I was last here," I tell him instead. "Lots of good memories, even though I only lived in this place for a short time. It really helped, though. I needed the calm here."

And I really had. I'd spent so many afternoons helping Aerith tend to the flowers—planting, pruning, trimming, weeding, filling baskets to take over to the Leaf House—and it had been so quiet and relaxing, giving me a little bit of peace in the midst of the pain I'd felt since losing Kunsel and the life that I'd built for myself on the plate.

Aerith had known, of course. She was always like that. So perceptive and kind. She'd done whatever she could to help me through those tough first days in the slums—never pushing, but always patient, always there, ready to talk or to listen or both. Elmyra, too, but mostly it was Aerith. I don't think I'd have made it without her.

Cloud nods. "Aerith told me she and her mom took you in."

"That's right," I say as I pick up one of the flowers, a bright yellow lily that was a lot like the one he'd given me on the train. "Just after I left the plate. Found my outfit while I was here, too."

I remembered it so well. How I'd browsed through the shops in Sector 5 until I'd found what I was looking for. Not just the clothes, but all of the materials I'd needed as well—the metal and leather, even the tools. Some I'd gotten from scrounging the junk piles, but I'd bought the rest of it. And I'd carefully and lovingly crafted every piece.

"Made it myself, you know," I added with a proud little smirk. "After that hell house did a real number on me, I knew I'd need more protection if I was gonna make it down here and survive."

"Did a good job," he says, looking approvingly at the Avalanche gear I'm wearing—the pants, leotard, armor, gloves, boots, and my headband. "Kept you pretty much in one piece when you—"

I quickly hold up my other hand to stop him. "No, don't tell me. You see, I… I can't remember what happened in the pillar after I stared down that chopper. I've tried, but… it's all blocked out."

As much as I want to, I can't recall anything after that moment. The last thing I do remember is standing on the thirteenth floor of the pillar, a raspberry in my hand. The chopper's bright white lights had swept over me, and my eyes had been fixed on the barrel of the gun mounted under its hull. But everything after that is darkness.

I sigh as I continue, hoping Cloud'll understand. "And I have to find a way to remember it on my own to get out of… wherever it is thatI'm at now. Don't ask me why, it's just what I feel."

Henods. "Alright, but… what you do mean, where you're at?"

"Thanks, Cloud," I say as I slowly lower my hand. "It's kinda hard to explain. I've been hovering in the dark… and I'm not even entirely sure if I… if I'm still alive. I know something happened up there, something that sent me to where I am now."

Whatever it was, I had to have been hurt really badly, a hell of a lot more than I'd ever been before, to be here. If I wasn't already dead, then I had to be dying. Hovering right near the edge. That's what that darkness that's been slowly pulling me down is. Death. Outside this place, my body must be so weak and broken that it's just barely hanging on. But how did I get so hurt? Why am I here? I wish I knew.

I swallow and go on, hoping I'm right and that I haven't returned to the planet yet. "If I'm not… dead… then remembering what happened is what I have to do to come back. I have to know."

When Cloud reaches out to me—it's so rare to see him make the first move like that, and it makes my heart quiver whenever he does—I gladly sink into his arms this time, and although I'm still a little scared that he'll disappear, I wanna be there too much not to try. But he doesn't. I can feel him holding me and the warmth of his body as I hug him for a moment. It's as real as if we were in the waking world.

"You're not dead, Jessie," he assures me, those beautiful baby blues of his gazing softly at me. "I can tell you at least that much. You're hanging on, fighting like you always have. You're here, at Aerith's house, and we're gonna save you. I'm not gonna let you die."

"So it really was you…" I marvel, hugging him tighter.

He blinks. "What was?"

I gaze happily up at him. "This might sound kinda weird, but… I've been seeing images of my life, as far back as my Shinra days, almost as if I'm reliving them. And I think I understand what it is now. It must be my mind's way of trying to figure out what happened to me. By seeing how I got there, I guess. Anyway, in the midst of all that, I heard you talking to me, telling me to hold on and keep fighting."

I remember coming out of the stream of memories for a moment and hearing his voice all around me, encouraging me, and I'd used it to do as he'd said and stay afloat in this strange place. If I can keep on doing that, I can find my answers as well as a way out. To piece together the truth of what happened to me and how I wound up here, I've gotta finish reliving those memories, the events that brought me to the pillar in the first place. And once I'm there, I think I can do it.

Cloud's jaw drops to the ground. "You heard me?"

"Every word," I smile, pressing my lips tenderly to his. "It's helped me to stay afloat. I also heard Barret and Tifa, too. I don't know what's going on out there, but… I'm glad you guys are still there for me."

He kisses me back. "Always. You're gonna make it."

I smirk. "Well, this is certainly helping."

"Then take as much as you need," Cloud says.

A grin splits my face. "Oh, I intend to."

And I do just that, pulling Cloud to me and covering his mouth with mine. The taste of him is so real, so intoxicating, and for a while I'm able to forget about everything else and just be with him. My fingers slide into his hair as he holds me close, and my tongue dives eagerly into his mouth almost on its own, finding his ready and waiting for me. It feels like time doesn't have much meaning here, and so I lose myself in the moment, my heart pounding fiercely as I keep kissing him.

When we eventually come up to get a little air, Cloud gazes curiously at me. "So anyway, are we… dreaming?"

"Dunno," I shrug, not really sure and not caring either way. "Maybe. Or maybe not. I don't think it really matters. But… whatever it was that happened in the pillar, I know you did everything you could. For me and Sector 7. I know how hard you must've fought."

"Jessie…" he begins.

I touch my finger lightly to Cloud's mouth before he can tell me what I know is on his mind, the truth I can't recall yet. Though I'm tempted to just let him spill it, I know it won't do me any good to find out that way. I have to see it and experience it for myself.

"Ah, ah! Remember what I told you," I remind him, my finger still on his lips as I stand there in his arms. "I've gotta figure this out on my own. Just be here with me for a while, okay? I've missed you."

He nods, and I let go. "Sure. Same here."

"Wanna know something funny?" I smirk. "I was just thinking about you before I wound up here. Remembering, actually. The night you and I first met. When you saved me from those thugs."

"We kicked their asses," Cloud says.

I laugh, loudly and long. "You're damn right! We made a pretty good team, huh? Those guys never stood a chance."

He gives me a faint smile. "Yeah. And we will again."

"Can't wait, merc," I tell him, reaching down and taking his hands in mine for a moment. It feels good to hold them.

Cloud gazes intensely at me. "Listen, Jessie… we're insidethe Shinra Building now—me, Barret, and Tifa. Met a new friend in here, too. Red. You'll meet him when we get back. We came here to save Aerith, and we did. Got caught on the way out, but we're still not giving up. We're gonna break outta here really soon and escape. And then we're gonna come and save you. So keep holding on."

I gently squeeze his hands. "Will do, Cloud."

So he'dmet Aerith, then? An image flashes through my mind for just a moment—her standing over by a Shinra chopper with one of the Turks. Tseng. I'd suspected that Cloud had landed somewhere down in Sector 5 after he'd fallen from the reactor, but I hadn't been able to go and look for him like I'd wanted to. I wasn't really surprised that he'd run into Aerith, though. She just seemed to attract that kind of attention. And she'd likely been trying to help him get back home, which would've led to her getting involved in what had gone down in the pillar.

And somehow she'd been captured in the midst of it. I must've seen it myself, or at least part of it, for that piece of a memory to have shown up in my mindthe way it did. But I still can't remember anything more than that, except… pain. I'd been hurt, and badly. That's all I know so far. Fog and darkness are still blocking out the rest. I'llfind a way to remember it, though. And I know Cloud'll save Aerith.

Then he reaches into his shirt for a moment and pulls something out, a glittering piece of jewelry that I recognize right away with widened eyes and a little gasp. It's the star pendant that I'd hidden in the air duct back in the Shinra Building so many years ago. He found it! Had it helped him at all? I really hope it did. That place is dangerous, especially the Science Division with all those monsters they keep in there, and mystar pendant could've offered him a little bit of protection.

"Found something you left behind," he says. "When we fought Hojo's monsters to rescue Aerith, this protected me and kept me safe. You saved me, saved us all. So… thanks."

I take his face in both hands and kiss him firmly, long and deep, fiery and fierce, my lips on his. "Happy to lend a hand! Remember what I told you before our first mission, Cloud? I'll always take care of my hero, just like he takes care of me. That's a promise."

He holds me for a while, and I cling to him and savor the moment as the waterfall splashes softly down into the stream behind us and the rich green grass whispers around our feet amidst the flowers. I wish this could go on forever, but I know it'll end all too soon. We've still got a little time left, though, and I grin when I look up and see Cloud gazing at the patio of the house and what's parked near it. Our bike, the Hardy. And I really wanna take it out for a spin together.

"How 'bout a ride, mister?" I wink, teasing him a little.

He gives me a faint smirk. "Let's mosey."

Giggling with excitement, I hurry over to the Hardy, Cloud following just behind me, and hop on. As he sits down in front of me and starts up the bike, I lean forward and give him a little peck on the cheek. Then we get going, the engine gleefully ripping apart the silence as we drive down the curving dirt road toward town.

Sector 5 is empty as we pass through it, and I find I like the idea of it just being me and Cloud in this strange place, this dream that isn't just a dream. It's a connection between his heart and mine. I don't understand it, but I'm glad for it. I need it, like a life preserver in the water. And as I ride with Cloud through the train station and out onto the tracks, I think I know who might be behind it. She's the only one it could be. She always did have a way with life. And with hope.

We race into the Corkscrew Tunnel, the breeze from our acceleration brushing past my cheeks. It makes my ponytail fly out behind me while I hold firmly onto Cloud, my hands on either side of his waist as we make our way steadily up toward the plate on a narrow service road set neatly in between the two sets of tracks. As the red lights on the walls flash by, I seea ramp and barrels just ahead of us.

"Hang on tight, Jessie!" Cloud tells me as he speeds up.

I do, wrapping my arms around him, and then my stomach abruptly does a leap as we fly off the ramp and jump. The sounds, the sensations, they're all so real, and I love it. I grin widely as I hold Cloud more tightly and feel the air rushing underneath us.

"Whoo-hoo!" I holler, laughing the whole time.

"You liked that?" he chuckles as we land with a bump.

I giggle. "Oh, definitely, SOLDIER boy. You always know how to take my breath away. And my heart."

It's good to see him lighten up a little. He doesn't do it nearly enough, and I'm sure it's only because we're alone in this place that he feels he can do that here. Nobody for him to worry about being embarrassed around.It's a good start. I'll just have to keep at it after I make it back to the real world. And I know I will, sooner or later.

"Promised you a bike ride, remember?" Cloud says.

I hug him, giving him a little squeeze as we drive on. "Of course! But we'll have to do this later after I'm back, too. And then there's that pizza I owe you. I haven't forgotten about our date, Cloud."

He nods. "Neither have I."

We make it to the plate a little while later, and just like in the slums, it's empty, the streets dark aside from a few lamps shining here and there and the Hardy's headlight as we speed down the road. And the spotlights in front of the Shinra Building, their white glow spreading across half the city. We pull onto the expressway, the elevated highway that winds across Midgar, and barrel down the open road.

"You know where you're going, right?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says. "End of the line."

I sit back a little, understanding where he's taking me. "It was a new beginning for me. When I went there. Led me to you."

"And it will again," Cloud promises.

With the Hardy's motor purring like one of Wedge's cats, Cloud and I speed down the empty highway. High above the swirling mist and mako, the stars twinkle in the night sky as we drive through the city toward the outer edge of Sector 5. We finally get there after a while, passing through an abandoned toll booth before coming to the road's end, the same place Reeve had brought me years ago. And just like the last time, there's a low guardrail on each side of the road, with some discarded old construction equipment still rusting away off to the left.

At the very end of the highway just a short distance away, a red light flashes on and off, and just past it, the badlands lay spread out below us. As Cloud brings the Hardy to a stop, he and I gaze out across the barren slopes and twisting ravines to the horizon. We haven't done this since our picnic at the secret place near the Sector 8 slums. My heart flutters in my chest at the thought of our first date and the beautiful vase he'd given me. I'd never been so happy, not since leaving the plate.

The sky's getting lighter now, closer to dawn. "It's pretty…"

"Yeah," Cloud agrees. Then he turns around and sits on the Hardy so he's facing me, his boots touching the concrete as he gives me a faint little smirk. "But not as much as what I'm looking at now."

"Come here…" I smile.

He leans forward, sliding his arms around me, and I thank him with one long, passionate kiss after another. My blood sizzles with heat as our mouths open and mesh together and my tongue finds his waiting for me. One of his gloved hands brushes my cheek, sending butterflies swarming in my stomach—those rare little touches of his always make me shiver in delight. And more when he hits the right spots.

Cloud might not be experienced, but he's surprisingly attentive and a quick learner. And his fingers are very talented. They've made me a wet, hot mess moaning ecstatically in bed quite a few times. And although I'd love to let him do that to me here and now—it'd be fun to ride him right on top of the bike and give him a whole new kind of speed rush—I know our dream's nearly over. I can feel it even as we keep on kissing, so I savor this moment as much as I can for as long as I can. But eventually, Cloud and I both have to come up for air.

"We're almost out of time," I sigh, gazing at him.

Cloud nods. "Yeah. It's getting darker now, less real. But don't worry, Jessie. We're gonna come save you, I promise. Just like I told you. So hold on for as long as you can. Do whatever you have to do to stay with us. It won't be much longer. We're almost there."

I give him a little smirk. "I will, Cloud. Can't resist ya."

"Don't I know it," he quips.

"You've just got that hunky SOLDIER charm," I chuckle softly. "Gets me every time. And those baby blues of yours."

Cloud plants another kiss on my lips. "All yours."

I can't help giggling. "Lucky me! I could gaze at them for hours."

"I'll bet," he says.

I smile. "Oh, yeah. But anyway… you know the elevator I used to get to the slums? It's right over there, past all the junk."

Cloud follows my gaze. "I see it."

"Okay," I tell him, clinging to him as the world begins fading away all around us and Midgar is swallowed in gloom. "Then you know where to go. Good luck, Cloud. And hurry back."

A soft murmur of voices and images starts to fill my mind, and I feel like I'm starting to sink. Not into water or quicksand, but into the past. It isn't dangerous, and I know I've gotta go, I just don't wanna leave Cloud. But… I have to. I don't have a choice.

"I… I'm starting to fall away again," I continue, my eyes fixed on his as I sit with him on the Hardy. "I can feel it. Back into my memories. But I'm not gonna forget the time we spent here."

"Me either," Cloud tells me.

I sink into his arms again as the darkness grows, and before long, the road and the sky are all that's left. Even the Hardy's gone now, leaving us standing there in the middle of the fading dream. As the shadows grow, I pull Cloud to me for one last kiss, and I hold it with him as long as I can, my mouth pressing firmly and tenderly against his. Our time together in this place had been everything to me, a reminder that I'm not lost, that I still have a chance to survive and get back to the real world. And that my friends are out there fighting to save me.

I lightly touch Cloud's cheek, not the least bit surprised that I can see right through my hand. "So long, merc. See you soon."

"You will," he promises.

He's the same way, a ghost just like me. I can't feel him anymore, but I keep my eyes firmly on his. The darkness is closing in, taking him away from me and pulling us apart. He's about to wake up, and I'm on my way back into that stream of memories to finish piecing together the puzzle of what happened to me in the pillar. Cloud's almost gone, but just before I lose sight of him and fall back into the past, I say a few words. It's all I've got time for, but it's enough, and he hears me.

"I love you…"

— Jessie Jae Rasberry