Fanfictions' new editing system keeps freezing my computer! So i'm kinda in a hurry to get this chapter up, sorry for any grammer mistakes! Bluferret
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Fuck me.
Fuck me to hell.
Wait, i'm already in it.
Okay, so fuck me to the moon.
That's not what I meant, by the way.
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I hate myself.
I really do.
It sickens me, how weak I am.
What strong person inflicts bodily harm upon themselves?
What strong person feels too weak to go on? What strong person wants to die?
What strong person starves themselves on purpose?
I am not strong.
I need a life.
I need to become a strong person.
But I can't.
I am too helpless.
Sad but true.
I really do need a life.
A better one, I mean...
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I remember it all.
I couldn't help it.
I was tired.
I was tired of thier meaningless words.
I was tired of thier fake smiles.
So I slapped them off.
For no reason.
My friends.
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I have never done that before.
I have never lost my temper with a friend.
Not ever.
I am losing myself.
I'm disappearing.
Or maybe i'm already gone.
I glared at them.
I snapped at them.
I hissed cruel words at them.
Its truly amazing they didn't march out of the room in a huff.
I can't say that i'm sorry.
I'm not.
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Life is not as easy as they make it out to be.
All about boys and beauty.
I don't think so.
Even if it were, i'd still be at the bottom of the chain.
I'd still be a nothing.
Others think i'm something.
A tiny something, but still something.
They see a lie.
They should be seeing nothing, they should.
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Besides they thought I was joking.
They always think i'm joking.
They think I have some sort of twisted sense of humor.
Please.
Shows how well they know me.
Whenever I joke they take me seriously.
Fucked up isn't it?
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I take care though.
I watch what I say around Loralai.
She knows more then the others, no offense to them.
She was once placed in a muggle institution.
For bulimia.
She is painfully honest with us though.
So i'm sure the only way she'd know if something was amiss, is if she were in the loo with them.
Sad but true, that's my Loralai for you.
Sometimes I find myself wondering, Do I really know my friends at all?
I mean, come on, they dont know me, so why would I know them?
What if their secret lives are just like mine?
What if?
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It depresses me to think about it.
Someone who understands, right beside me all this time.
Someone to talk to all this time, but no, it's too dangerous to ask them.
Cause what if they aren't?
Like me that is.
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I want a best friend.
I do.
More than anything.
I want a true best friend.
the kind that you truly know.
the kind you can laugh with.
the kind you can cry with.
the kind you can yell at yet, run to at the same time.
the kind you can love, no matter what.
the kind that understands life.
the kind that understands you.
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In another way I want someone with a tragic life too.
Someone with a simple life could never get me.
Never.
I need a friend I can trust to hide my dirty laundry, as if it were her own.
I need a friend whom will let me do the same.
Sad really.
How can I get a friend like this if I myself can't open up to my current friends?
She'd have to be the first to spill.
Like she would.
Even then I may think her too overbearing for doing so.
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So I guess you could say, that i'm bieng difficult.
I want that so much yet It'll never happen.
I wont let it.
I want tom, but it's impossible.
It's too dangerous.
I told you, life sucks.
I'll tell you again.
Life sucks.
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What's the point of life anyway?
what?
Tell me, I want to know.
Because, I can't seem to figure it out.
Is life really about reproducing, hmm?
That's what it seems like.
Finish school, get married, have kids, the end.
If it is, then I might as well jump off a cliff now, while i'm ahead.
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What is the purpose of life?
Some say it is to be recognized, to be rich or famous.
But let us face it, not everyone is destined for greatness.
Not everyone on earth will be remembered.
I wont.
Only those who are lucky enough to be noticed, to be discovered are those who are remembered.
Actors, actresses, singers, artists.
really, how many can there be?
A lot.
But only a handful will be recognized throughout history.
Only the lucky ones will be remembered.
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You always hear about them complaining.
Everyone keeps putting things about me in the tabloids!
Thier lying about me on TV!
hello, you went into the biz.
You knew it could have happened.
You asked for the fame, so deal with it.
besides your rich, so who really cares what others say?
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Seriously, some people are so greedy.
Always wanting more and more. I hate how some people say others are living 'beyond thier means.
What the hell does that mean? We are all born equal.
Money and fame do not define our means.
Talent does not define our means.
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I can't sing.
I can't paint.
I can't dress fashionably.
I'm not absoloutely stunning.
That does not mean that I deserve less then everyone else.
All that means, is that I am not as talented as Hilary Duff.
Whoo big whoop.
I am me.
No one can change that.
no one can tell me that i'm living beyond my means.
Cause i'm not.
I'm not saying I deserve more then I have.
I'm saying that I can have as much as Paris Hilton and not be living beyond my means.
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I get that some people are ill, I get that some have worse lives then others.
I get that, I do.
But couldn't we try,
Just once.
To understand?
To understand the needs of others?
Could we put aside our differences, could we put aside our sterotypes?
Could we live and let live?
No.
We couldn't.
Not now, not ever.
For we are a greedy race.
We are consumed with our own problems.
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I don't know why.
What I do know is that there is no reason to be greedy.
Life is pointless.
So why try to understand?
Why?
What's the difference?
What?
Then again, why be so absorbed in our own lives?
We could be making others lives better.
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I know this.
But I, just like you, am a greedy person.
I want a better life.
For all I know, I was destined to lead this life forever.
So what's the diff?
I'd be wasting my time anyways.
We'd all die in the end.
In the end none of us would be remembered.
Nothing that we did would be remembered.
We would be forgotton.
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I've accepted this.
I've realized that there is no point to life.
It was a person playing a game.
When he created this place he was bored.
He was an Einstien, simply creating out of sheer boredom.
Thats what I think anyways.
Maybe after life i'll have the joy of floating around in a black void.
Bored as hell in there, I bet.
I can't wait!
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Once again, I, lily Evans, have realized an important fact of life.
Life goes by more smoothly if you keep these in mind.
You can't forget one or the whole thing becomes pointless. You see you can skip the pain and suffering.
You can skip the anger and remorse.
You can skip the heartache.
Pathetic and weak I know.
But true all the same.
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You think those things make life worth living don't you?
In that case I've already lived and i'm ready to die.
I've learned a little late that life is overrated.
Life is what you make it.
Another quote created by some famous person with way too much cash.
They probably had enough cash to travel the world ten times over and still get to see all the sites!
Anyhow heres the list,
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1. People really don't care what you think.
2. People do care about how much money you have so they can sucker you out of it.
3. No one truly cares about your inner person, it's all about what grades you got on your test and how you look.
4. If you die tomarrow it makes no difference to everyone else.
5. Your parents truly don't know whats best for you; I find they were always wrong, but hey, who knows.
6. Your friends can't always help you or know what to say, even if they say they could or would.
7. No one can truly understand any problems your going through.
8 Life's a bitch, always, you just don't always notice it.
9 Everyone is greedy and self-centered no matter what they may appear.
10. Life is pointless, in the end we are, we were, nothing.
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Perhaps someday my pointless life will have a meaning.
To record all the facts of life, that you ought to know, but were never told, my own meaning.
It'll be a harsh reality, but someone has to tell it like it is, right?
Right.