Fic: What The Hell(mouth) Happened?
Author: mkcrl120
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.
Summary: I'm writing some of these, as I've come up with ideas that I honestly don't know what I'll be doing when the Ultimate series gets that far. In the meantime, these won't go away from my brain unless I do something with them. Warning: It may be a standalone it may be spoilers for something later; only time will tell.
Rating: 15 by English standards (mainly for language)
Setting: Season 3 - I think you'll recognise when.
What The Hell(mouth) Happened? - 12/?
That evening
The Bronze
Faith, Willow, Jesse, Buffy and Xander are all waiting for Cordelia to arrive.
"So she's in the gang now?" Jesse asked as they sat around a table with their drinks.
"Definitely looking that way." Xander said, nodding his head in the direction of Faith.
"What..?" Faith asked. "This C's kinda cool..."
"You threatened to accidently stake the other one, on more than one occasion." Buffy reminded her.
Faith shrugged, "I wouldn't have really done it... not a fatal blow anyway."
Willow smiled, "And Harmony..?"
"Until she gets replaced with a visitor from another dimension, I wouldn't hold your breath on any welcome wagons being rolled in her direction." Faith responsed.
"What sort of reality would it have to be where Harmony was part of our group?" Jesse mused to himself.
"You'd have said the same thing about Cordy last week." Xander informed him.
"Just cos the other you dated her." Jesse snarled.
"Hey... maybe in another reality I was the one who died, and you dated Harmony." Xander offered as a suggestion, causing the others to laugh at Jesse's reaction.
"I think I'm more comfortable with the thought of being dead." He muttered under his breath.
A calm silence went over the group at that last comment. None sure how they'd be if Jesse hadn't been one of their group. Luckily they were interrupted from their deep thoughts by Cordelia's arrival.
"Hey... So how you lot been?"
"You mean beyond the joy that was the last game of the season." Jesse said.
"You didn't have to come..." Cordelia replied, "I said I would meet you all here."
Buffy gestured towards Jesse and Xander, "I think they wanted to go watch for other reasons."
"Ahhhh..." Cordelia said understanding dawned. "So he's still a perv then?"
"Hey!" Xander exclaimed.
"Trainee perv anyway." Buffy commented. "I think him and Jesse swap their 'video' collection." She added, emphasising the word.
"Ohhh, I almost forgot about that." Cordy exclaimed. "He still got that nurse fetish?"
"What..?" Xander asked.
"You like nurses, Xan?" Faith smirked. "I make a great busty nurse, you know..."
"I didn't... and now the image won't go away." Turning to his girlfriend, "Help me Buff."
Buffy looked less than amused, "How come she gets to know about the contents of your video collection and I don't,"
"It's not me... It was the other me... I don't know what they got up to... just as she doesn't know what we get up to." Xander reasoned.
"If you do want some Nurse vids, Jesse's got a few..." Willow offered, causing Faith to break down laughing.
"Willow!!" Jesse squeaked, holding his head in his hands.
"What..? If he borrows the Naughty Nurse one, we can get Spanked Secretary back..."
"Willow!!!" Both Jesse and Xander shouted at the same time; whereas Buffy was giving Xander a death-glare having had her suspicions confirmed.
"If Buffy doesn't want to watch Naughty Nurses with you, I will." Faith offered between giggles. "Should be good for a laugh anyway."
"I don't watch porn." Buffy stated.
"You lie." Willow said.
"You thought the Cheerleader one was cool... you said it gave you ideas." Faith said aloud.
"Hey...." Buffy shouted, then tried defending herself. "That was different... we were having a girly-night and we decided to rummage through Jesse's video collection."
Willow turned to Jesse before he argued. "Don't blame me. You were the one that left it at my house. Faith found it, and we couldn't resist watching a bit."
"You know I thought I recognised some of the things you were saying..." Xander muttered to himself, Buffy went bright red.
"You have to invite me to the next girl's night." Cordelia informed them.
Buffy had recovered enough to respond. "With any luck Faith will be getting some by then, and not suggest watching filth." She said, trying to sound as proper as she could.
"You guys are so much more fun than in my dimension." Cordelia said.
"See..." Faith stuck her tongue out at Buffy. "Prude."
Later that evening
Cemetary
"So..." Faith began, "How's your first official patrolling feel so far?"
"I hav..." Cordelia started.
"I meant in our dimension." Faith corrected herself.
"Well... it's cold. We've seen five disturbed graves and no vampires. Seems pretty standard to me. It's just this is boring..." She shouted the last part hinting that the other member of their gang should hurry up. Though she didn't want to admit it, five graves on the same area of cemetary was a little odd.
Xander came from behind a tree. "What..? I was as fast as I could be."
"Why can't men learn to hold it?" Cordelia asked.
"I offered to hold it for him." Faith said as Xander quickly joined them.
"It must be how most males get turned. Taking a leak in the bushes." Cordelia mused.
"Har har." Xander replied, as he got within earshot.
"Remember Xan... More than three shakes and it's a wank..." Faith smiled.
"Can you stop quoting Ripper to me all the time." Xander responded.
"But he had some classic slang words... I'm trying to add them to my vocabularly. Most of the teachers don't even call you on them."
"Glad it has it's uses." Xander deadpanned, "What is it with you and foreign swear words anyway?"
"You should always know the rude words from every language." Faith informed him.
Xander just sighed, while Cordelia watched amused.
"When did you meet Ripper anyway? He was before my time." Cordelia asked.
"Few weeks ago... Ethan came to town again." Faith responded.
"Ewwww... don't remind me." Xander winced at the thought.
"Come on... even I thought she was kinda hot." Faith said.
"That night was just scary..." Xander said, thinking back.
Meanwhile, a different cemetary
"So what do you guys really think about Cordelia?" Buffy asked, genuinely curious.
"It's a definite improvement." Willow said, "She hasn't really said anything nasty about anyone since she's been here. I expected her to be better about us... but everyone?"
"I know..." Jesse agreed, "Seems dating the XanMan did her some good."
Buffy thought about it.
"You're not jealous are you Buff?" Willow asked.
"Cos if he doesn't cheat on you with Faith... Cordelia isn't really a competition."
"It's not that..." Buffy conceded, "Well, it's not all that. It's just, she's had a relationship with him... she's basically the closest thing there is to a major ex. And while we've been together for two years, so any exes we may have could be written off as childhood crushes... she's current. She's new... I mean, in her reality how long ago did they break up?"
"What are you getting at?" Willow asked.
"We were like you two... you know. The high school romance that blossomed. Hell, we even lost our virginity together."
"That hasn't changed Buff." Jesse said trying to sound reassuring.
"But she... they could have lost their virginities together. She could have thought the exact same things I did... have... about where me and Xander might end up."
"Xander loves you... and no ex could ever break that up." Willow told her. "I've known him for a long time... we both have..." Jesse nodded his agreement, "He loves you."
"But she's not an ex... and you know the Xander I do... none of us know hers. What if she knows stuff I don't..?" She said remembering all the joking about his taste in dirty videos.
Jesse thought about it, "You probably know stuff she doesn't."
"But he's my boyfriend... I'm supposed to."
"I still think he loves you." Willow stated.
"But he could love her... he did somewhere else. And what if she's the same as me... hell before I became the Slayer I practically was her."
Willow remembered the discussion during the run up to the Homecoming dance. "Buffy, you've told us about how you used to be like that. But you're not now, and Xander loves you."
"But Cordy's not like that either... face it, she practically is me... we both used to be the homecoming queen, spring festival queen, whatever else we could queen, and we both grew out of it as we became aware of the supernatural world... she's me, but without the Slayer baggage."
And that was the root of Buffy's doubt both Jesse and Willow realised at the same time.
"Let's go find some nasty vamps to take it out on." was all Willow could suggest.
Half an hour later
Cordelia, Faith and Xander turned into the entrance to yet another cemetary when they heard it, the sounds of a fight.
Faith was immeidately off like a shot, heading in the direction of the noise. Xander grabbed Cordelia's hand and dragged her along, trying to force her to keep up.
As they got past the crest of the hill they saw it. Buffy was facing off against five vamps, keeping them from getting close with what looked like a five foot piece of wooden fence. Jesse and Willow were backed against a crypt, trying to hold two vamps off in a delaying tactic so that Buffy could aid them.
Faith grabbed her stake and ran down the hill to Buffy's aid. Xander and Cordelia grabbed theirs and followed her, heading towards Jesse and Willow.
Jesse was covering Willow as best he could. A stake in each hand he was waving them warningly in the direction of the vampires.
They were smiling at him, knowing that the couple in front was going to be dinner. Unfortunately there had been three of them to begin with and the boy had managed to stake the first that went in for the kill. 'Should have realised they'd be trouble when the other girl had proven herself to be a some sort of mystical warrior woman.' the larger one thought. But still they stood, waiting for the right moment to strike.
Willow was okay with the waiting game. Buffy had managed to dust the first couple with ease. But that was before she'd lost both stakes, and before they'd been lured deeper into the cemetary. When the group of vampires had split in order to best kill them, initially she'd been worried. But Jesse had managed to kill one of the trio dealing with them, all it'd taken was her to throw her stake at it's face distracting it's attention away from Jesse killing blow. That still left her one stake, the other on the ground where it had landed. 'Two vampires left,' she thought, and then she spotted the group and the top of the hill, 'and we've got reinforcements heading our way.' She tapped Jesse gently on the back, and whispered "Hilltop," making him glance in that direction. He nodded once he'd identified what she was talking about. It was just a matter of time.
Seeing Faith coming to her aid, Buffy relaxed. She closed her eyes for a split second, saying a silent thank you for the reprieve. Noticing the lack of attention, two of the vampires moved; sensing this Buffy opened her eyes again, automatically swinging the fence panel into the first approaching vampire's face. The force of the blow breaking off the end of the panel, and causing the vampire to been thrown back about ten feet. The second vampire had ducked when his colleague went into the air. Now standing a few away from her, they were facing one another. Neither willing to make the first move.
Buffy was staring directly at it, while trying to keep as many of the vamps as she could in her line of vision. She monitored its face, waiting for any sign that could betray a sudden movement, when she caught it glimpse over her shoulder. 'The fifth vamp!' she thought, after making a quick count of those she could see. Faith was still twenty feet away from her, and unable to provide any immediate help.
She quickly turned to locate the final vampire, saw that it was rapidly creeping up on her. The sound of movement made her realise that the vampire she'd been standing facing had moved. Returning her vision to his direction she saw he was closing the gap, another sound informed her the one behind had moved as well.
End chapter twelve