Summary: Snape is left in the dark about pennies, the students arrive and Remus and Severus's have a little quarrel during the feast, and Harry reflects on his grief over Sirius as memories consume him and leave him on his knees… Personally, I think this is the best damn chapter yet…sort of…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Big whoop.

A/N: How come no one ever reads these? They could be important! What if the writer was trying to tell you she/he was going to kill her/himself? How'd you feel then? Hmmm? Now that that is out of my system…Well, this is the most angst filled chapter I have EVER written. It occurs towards the end. It's in Harry's 3rd person point of few…er…did that make sense? I'd like to thank Lise for giving me the idea. She said to have more Harry & Co, and make them supportive, so, I am doing that…but then I got thinking. I wanted a little more then just that, maybe a few more thoughts and dark reflections. You see, I don't really write Harry Potter as a happy go lucky person, I write him as a sort of dark, troubled, angst person. As he should be. He carries all these burdens and things, what else do you expect? I'm not going to be some kind of false gumdrop writer and portray Harry as a happy, good-natured, lucky kid when he's facing the threat of War. All that is Bullshit. Harry's a person too, so I'm going to write him as a person would react in the face of war and the fact that everyone's lives rested on their shoulders. He has dark thoughts, dark problems, and is in love with someone he wishes he wasn't because it may bring her to death, he's going to be followed by a very large mob of angst. Sorry. You Don't like, don't read. However, I WILL be having some good natured Harry, even in times of trouble, he has to have some fun. PLUS: Later, the Trio and Ginny begin to become suspicious of the feelings between Remus and Snape, and some meddling is done…I mean, all they want is for them to be happy! Wonder what they'll do…(cackles manically before breaking into a hacking cough)

Thanks To…..!

Lise, your review was a big inspiration, as strange as it seems, without you, there would be very little teenagers, and I wouldn't of had a good plot line as to how Remus and Severus get together. I salute you! (Tosses a bag of double choco chip cookies. PS: Sorry MajinSakuko! LOL)

katski, thanks for the review! I don't know yet about the beta thing…hmmm….I'll get back to you!

cdkobasiuk, thanks again! I always appreciate your reviews! It's funny you say the breakfast scene was good…I was kind of disappointed in that one! Not anymore, however! (grins). There is a weird kind of dinner scene in this one…odd…

Lord Localfreak, Thanks again! You're a great reviewer! You're like…old faithful…without the water! LOL. Thanks for the info on a beta reader. However, I personally wouldn't like to beta someone's work. I do that enough at home when I'm checking my little sister's essays and stuff….can't wait for College…

WARNING: End of chapter contains angst and really good writing (lol). You have been warned. If angst is not your thing, don't read.

Chapter Nine: Come Back To Me.

Memories consume,

Like opening the wound,

I'm picking me apart again…

-Linkin Park, Breaking the Habit, (from Meteroa)

The next couple of days passed without sight of any eyes in the dark. Both men, Remus and Severus, had not mentioned their own encounters to each other, as both preferred to ponder their findings alone, and not worry the other.

Which was odd, really.

Snape knew of Voldemort's tactics, and was shocked that nothing had happened so far. Normally, if the spy was spotted, then Voldemort would launch his attack then and there, not afraid of failure as his head was too full of hot air to look back to the ground.

Instead, however, all traces of anything disappeared, and either the spy had not yet told it's master of any incident, and was hiding him or herself better, or it was all coincidence.

Which was the preferable outcome for both parties.

They had worked on various changes with the Wolfsbane potion; they added more Wolfsbane flower, but that caused it to turn purple and gurgle threateningly; Snape had added silver just in case, but that had made it turn blood red and sizzle, giving off a jet stream of smoke and bubbling up in large pops, so Remus refused to test it. All in all, it was going better then either had expected it to, under the circumstances. They may not of yet found what worked, but at least now they had some tries out of the way and knew a bit of what wouldn't.

That and Remus had managed to become less and less accident prone in the lab and his daily life.

But today, however, was dreaded by several teachers, most of all Snape, and worried upon by Remus. Today was September 1st and the very first day of school for the students. Remus was anticipating teaching Harry, Ron, and Hermione again, especially in their Seventh year, but was still extremely on edge. His nerves were completely frayed. The Hogwarts Express would arrive at Hogsmeade station in less then three hours and him and Snape were still down in the dank dungeons, working on more variations. They had promised themselves to be done an hour ago, but couldn't find it in them to leave each other, and it wasn't just worries about Voldemort's spies.

Remus chanced a glance over at the man beside him and had to look back to his work as he felt a sudden rush of heat to his cheeks and neck. Snape had been staring off into space while absentmindedly stirring the cauldron with a slack expression on his face. Remus knew that he shouldn't intrude on his personal thoughts, but curiosity always got the better of him.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Snape's head jerked back suddenly and his mouth hung slightly open as he turned to face Remus. His hand stilled in the cauldron. "A what?"

Remus frowned. "A penny." At Snape's blank look, Remus sighed and changed tactics, "What were you thinking about?"

Snape's expression became clouded, but a bare hint of colour ghosted across his cheeks and ears, enticing Remus to touch them. As Remus looked away, Snape spook as smoothly (but not as coldly) as ever. "What business is it of yours what I think of in my own mind?"

Remus's head jerked back to face him, no longer wanting to touch the man, "I was just curious! You don't have to get all defensive! Couldn't of been that big of a deal…" He went back to angrily chopping willow root and refused to look back up at Snape.

Snape shook his head, knowing that it was that big of a deal when it came to telling Remus. Take a wild guess…what--or who, I should say--do you think Snape was thinking about?

Yup, you guessed it; Remus. Big surprise there.

Snape looked up at the clock hanging on his lab wall that was slightly steamed over, but not so much that he couldn't make out the numbers and hands he needed. He began counting down the minutes until the students would arrive and he would see less of Remus and much more grief.

Screech.

The Hogwarts Express made a turn and ground on it's wheels. Harry Potter was looking out of his compartment window, arm around his girlfriend Ginny Weasley, and thinking about the coming school year. Ginny was leaning over a bit to talk with Hermione Granger, who was on the other side of the compartment safely wrapped up in the arms of another boy, Ronald Weasley, Ginny's brother and Hermione's boyfriend, who was not looking out of the window, but rather was caught in the beauty that was Hermione.

They had all been rather glad to leave 12 Grimmauld Place, as the atmosphere inside had been stifling since the departure of Remus. Whom was another friendly face they were anxious to see at school. Harry had been a bit nervy about coming, as he carried the sense of dread of War that harbored itself in every witch and wizard's belly more then any other. It all resided on his shoulders; The freedom of the Wizarding World, Peace, Unity, Life, Prosperity, anything you could think of that did not involve Voldemort ruling, all Muggles dead, and the destruction of the Wizarding World as we know it.

And he was scared.

And in all rights, he should be.

A young boy of seventeen should not have to go through these things. Should not have a homicidal maniac after him every year of school and know that he has to defeat him or die himself. Should not have to see death, hate, destruction and grief every time he looks outside or into the eyes of another person. Should not have to bear this burden.

But bear it he did, and not a morsel happily or proudly.

All he wanted in the world was to be a normal. To be as young wizards of seventeen with two best friends and a girlfriend should. To laugh, and have fun, and only worry about what his scores on essays and NEWT's would be, or if the weather was good for Quidditch and if they'd win.

It was with a heavy heart that he looked back at his friends and felt a sudden rush of guilt that he had drug all of these good, innocent people into the thick of this War with him. But there was no stopping it now, no turning back, they were in too deep and where stuck with him 'til the end whether they liked it or not.

The train screeched to a halt at Hogsmeade Station, and Harry stood up morosely, catching the attention of the other three occupants of the compartment.

"What is it, Harry?" Ginny asked, tugging on his arm in which she hoped was a reassuring gesture.

Harry just shook his head, "It's nothing, let's go." He turned to the compartment door and walked out, letting his arm slip away from Ginny's and the others still standing there.

Hermione sighed. "That's the only answer you can get from him when something's wrong. I'm a private person by nature, and so his he, but he's gone a little overboard. He hates to open up."

The others nodded, Ginny sighing dramatically.

"Thank God for you, Gin," Ron said, as they walked out into the hallway, "You're the only one that can tap into his emotions even a little bit when he gets like this, and I'm his best mate. You'd think he'd tell me, but no." He shrugged, "He's a bit like Snape, really, always hiding what he's really feeling, wearing a mask. Poor guy."

"Who?" Hermione said, sighing again, "Harry, or Snape?"

Ron studied her as they managed to catch up with Harry and enter a carriage. She looked at him, and an array of emotions passed across his face that startled her a bit as he looked up at her grimly, mouth set in a straight, unfathomable line.

"Both."

Remus, seated at the Head Table, having already waved to Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione, and watched Snape glare at them, cheered along with the rest of the Gryffindor table as "Fisher, Kylee" became a Gryffindor. He gave only a slight applause while Snape clapped as heartily as he could, as "Hewlett, Peter" became a Slytherin. Eventually, as time passed, his claps became less and less enthusiastic, even for his own house, as did everybody else's.

Finally, much to his growling stomach's relief, "Yasma, Juniper" became a Ravenclaw and the sorting hat was taken away by McGonnagal. He watched in hungry anticipation as Dumbledore stood up and began his speech.

"First of all, I would like to remind you all that the Forbidden Forest is out of bounds to all, and that the lists of school rules and Forbidden Items are posted on each Commonroom's bulletin board, as Mr. Filch would like you all to have more of an opportunity to read them as it seems that not all of you have…" He paused and his eyes twinkled mischievously as a couple giggles were heard from the students below, "Second of all, I would like to introduce our new, or should I say old, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lupin!", there was loud cheering from the fifth years and up, especially coming from the Gryffindor table, but only grunts and nods of reluctant approval from the Slytherins. Dumbledore continued, "Some of you, I am sure, remember Professor Lupin, but for those of you who don't, I will hope that you stay here under his teaching will be a pleasant one. Now, as I can hear all of our stomachs growling, let us eat!" He sat down and row and rows of food appeared along every table in the hall and the chatter grew into a low din as Students and Teachers alike began shoveling food onto their plates.

Remus turned to look at Snape and grinned like an overly excitable child, teeth bared from ear to ear, and a manic glint in his eye. "This is going to be great!"

"What is?" Snape asked as he put small portions of food onto his plate

"The new school year!" He said through a mouthful of potatoes, "I can hardly wait for classes to begin. I forgot how much I enjoyed it!" He rubbed his hands together like the cat who just got the canary.

"And I find it kind of hard to forget that I do not enjoy it." Snape replied bitterly.

Remus frowned, his grin faltering, "What do you mean? I mean, I know you're kind of bitter and resentful to the kids…but still…why would you take this job if you hated working with kids?"

Snape glared at him, but decided to indulge the ignorant Werewolf against his better judgment, "Because, Remus, it's a little hard to find a job at all when you're a ex-Death Eater on the run. Dumbledore was the only one that agreed to take me in, the only one who was willing to forgive. When he offered the position, I had no choice but to accept, as there was no one else who would take me in and give me work. That still stands."

Remus paled considerably and went slack-jawed. He had no idea. Poor guy. Remus felt an overwhelming sense of remorse, guilt, and grief towards the man who had now turned back to his food. Trying his best to ignore the sudden urges to comfort him, then and there, he turned to his own food and bitterly chewed, feeling as if all of it turned to ash in his mouth and the pumpkin juice was nothing more than hot, tasteless water. He knew that this new found attraction to him was doing neither of them any good, and he hoped to Merlin that Snape wouldn't find out about how he felt for him.

That would be a disaster.

He turned and took one last look at Snape, "I'm sorry."

Snape cast him a harsh look, feeling as if his insides were being ripped out of his body in a strange sense of betrayal from being mad at this man with good intentions. "I know. But it's not like a simple word can fix it." He shook his head in disdain and Remus felt his heart constrict, and wondered why it did. "Besides, it's not that big of a deal."

Remus nodded, but still felt guilty. He turned back to his food and they both continued to eat in not-completely-comfortable silence.

Harry lay awake in his four-poster bed, missing Ginny and craving her touch. He also missed the reassuring sounds of his best friend in the bed next to him, snoring happily, without a care to what was going on inside the heads of anyone else within his approximate vicinity. Harry knew that with the duties of Head Boy and Girl, came the luxuries of a personal commonroom, shared only by your partner Head. Plus, a shared bathroom. However, there were separate sleeping quarters, but Harry had a distinct feeling that only one was being used tonight. Probably Ron's. He always had this sort of…dominant…thing about him that Hermione was only too willing to oblige to. Harry shuddered involuntarily at the thought and closed his mind from further though of his two best friends lying in bed together, even if they were only sleeping.

He rolled over in bed and tried to sleep. He listened to the snores of his fellow Housemates, and the deep, shuddering breaths of Neville. He tilted his head a bit and took in the more subtle sounds of nighttime in Hogwarts; soft, breathy hoots of Hedwig and Atkinson (Seamus' owl); the almost imperceptible sounds of crickets, wind in the trees, and night predators; a soft dripping of a tap left on somewhere nearby in the castle, and the distant, muffled sounds of late-night conversing portraits.

His nimble fingers unconsciously drifted to grasp hold of his wand, and without even registering what he was doing, he found himself sitting up in his bed and pulling back the covers before climbing out. He tip-toed across the hardwood floor, so as not to wake any of the other boys, and opened up the door slowly, receiving only a small, brief creek, which caused him to release a breath he didn't know he was holding. He padded down the stairs that curved to the bottom, as his hand trailed along the light layer of dust that had collected on the banister while the castle had been empty for the holidays.

As he reached the Commonroom, he stopped and looked around. The fire was dying, it's embers burning hot, but visibly cooling down. Drapes were still open and a cold, North wind seeped in through the open panes, making them whip about and cast a different kind of chill down Harry's spine. Everything was a deep, blood red, etched with mist and shadows, causing sharp edges of dark on dark to appear and all movement to cease in the most peculiar way. The drapes seemed out of place in this room….this tomb, more like.

Harry felt as if he was suffocating, the dark angular armchairs looking more like creatures from nightmares and the blowing drapes like fingers of something he could not name. Gryffindor banners were lost to him and to the shadows as gold became a dirty grey. He couldn't see the floor, and it seemed to him he was walking on thin glass over a large hole of nothing. He had never been afraid of the dark, and still wasn't, but the way everything was laid out, the cold wind, dying fire and abnormal quiet caused a strong sense of claustrophobia to overcome him. It was almost as if he was choking on the air, toxic and unforgiving. It surrounded him, consumed him.

He heard, rather then felt, the dull thud of his knees hitting the floor in front of the fire as he crashed to them, desperate for escape and overcome with a horrible sense of grief that seemed to gnaw at his stomach. Just as a lone tear slipped from the well of his eye, and dripped a slow, languid path down his cheek, a gust of wind ripped through his hair and thin pajamas, straight into the fire, causing it's dying embers to cool to grey, then ash, as all sense of light and warmth died.

Shit.

A cloud shifted and the moon shone past and set a jet of bluish-white light straight into the empty grate, licking at the tips of his knees and his fingers, which were carded together and placed on the ground for balance. He was feeling dizzy and light-headed, wishing he had just stayed in bed, where it was warm, and noisy. The wind died, and the curtains fell still, tinted by the light of the moon, shining, thin, and crescent. Harry's breathing hitched in his throat as he stared at the spotlighted fireplace before him.

Memories.

He reached out, tears rolling down his cheeks, but a strange, unfathomable expression only cut through by misery and resentment. He touched his finger tips to the ash, before picking it up and letting it slide through the cracks of his fingers back to the rest of itself.

Still Warm.

Like His Presence.

Sirius.

Oh, God…Sirius.

He burst into tears for the first time since the summer of Fifth Year over his dead Godfather, Sirius Black. Memories of late night escapades and waiting for his head to appear in that exact same fireplace to tell him how to defeat a dragon, which all seemed so trivial now. He missed him, missed him so much.

"Where are you Sirius…" He choked out, staring at the dead embers, "Where? Where did you go? Oh sweet Merlin, why? Why'd you go? Why did you leave me? You said you'd always be there for me!" He half shouted bitterly, barely remembering to keep his voice down, "But you're not…" he continued, choking on his own spit, and the lump that seemed to have formed in his throat. "You're not…And it's all my fault. I didn't know…I didn't know…I thought you were in trouble, damn it! How was I supposed to know it was a trap? After what happened with Mr. Weasley…I couldn't help but…I was so worried! I loved you Sirius, I loved you…You were the only father I ever had, and you had to go so soon…like James…like Lily…" He sobbed and pounded the ground with his fists.

"Why'd you have to go?" He asked the empty grate again, "Why did you have to go to the Department of Mysteries? Why couldn't you just behave once and stay at home like a good little boy?" He laughed bitterly. "But no, you had to come, and you just had to get into a fight with Bellatrix, and she just had to kill you! Why'd you have to leave me!? I hate you! I hate you! I hate your stubbornness, I hate the fact you can't sit tight, I hate how you left me alone, I hate how you left Remus alone! Why me? Why us? What did we ever do to you? I hate that you were so self-centered sometimes, I hate….I hate….I hate that you're dead!" He broke out into a fit of tears again, his arms clutched around his body, holding himself and offering comfort he knew wasn't there.

He stared at the empty grate and suddenly felt an overwhelming rush of guilt, of pain, and a strange sense of Sirius' presence. He could almost feel Sirius' hand grasping his shoulder, reassuring him that it'll be alright, and that hard times are tough, but you need to be tougher to get through them, and he wasn't doing a very good job of that. He began rocking back and forth on his knees, until they slipped out from under him and his back hunched over and he was leaning down between his legs, which were sprawled out before him haphazardly. He unconsciously placed his hand on his own shoulder, imagining he could feel Sirius' warm fingers beneath his own, holding on, but part of him knowing that there were only his own shoulder and shirt.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered to the window, knowing it was being carried on the wind, and hoping it would carry it to wherever the man was, so he could know. "I love you, I don't hate you. I'll always love you, Sirius'. You were my Father, my Friend, and will forever be. I'm sorry I caused you pain, I'm sorry Lily and James are dead because of me, I'm sorry you're dead because of me. I'm sorry I haven't defeated Voldemort, I'm sorry I drug you and everyone with me through the mud on my way…I'm sorry for everything!"

He wiped off his eyes, stood up, then turned to look out of the window, the moonlight catching his face and making him seem older beyond his years, almost as if he was a deity of old, brought back to life in the body of a seventeen year-old boy. Almost, but not quite. He ran a hand through his hair and allowed one small tear to slip down his cheek before he whispered once more, "I'm so sorry, come back…come back…come back…"

With that, feeling as if his voice echoed throughout his entire being, past all dark recesses of earth and sky, carried on more then just wind, he turned and left, headed back up the stairs, and crawled into bed, feeling a strange sense of peace with the world.

With that done, he did not notice the person standing on the Girl's staircase, still staring at the spot in front of the fire where Harry had been. Flaming red hair settled itself on her shoulders, and she felt her own tear escape. Ginny took a deep breath, unbelieving that she had just witnessed her boyfriend break down and talk to an empty fireplace. Her heart ached for him, and she could only hope he was okay. She turned to the window, hoping Sirius had heard him, wherever he was. She took a seep shuddering breath.

"Oh Harry…"

A/N: Dun dun dun....LOL. Awww....so sad......so......good! lol. I really liked that bit of writing. Congratulate me. lol. Next chapter is going to be a short, almost song-fic in which amngsty Harry talks with Remus, gains comfort from Ginny and learns to finally move on, so there will be no more Sirius grief after that...well...mostly..i think. I just wnated to put a little bit of Sirius grief. Not much. But you see, after the next chapter, Harry resolves to be happier, which eventually leads to some serious scheming and the get together of Remus and Snape. YAY! REVIEW and NO FLAMES! Thanks!