Bluferret: Finally I can use the dividers withour getting a frozen computer!

Walking down the hall alll I see is grey.
That may be because the walls are indeed grey.
It may not.
Only the shadows know.

Two years ago.
It seems like forever.
It was Christmas.
Mom and I were both opening our money cards from my grandmother, her mother.
"I got 100 dollars, what about you?"
She slapped her card on the table, for good measure she slammed her mug down as well.
It shattered.
Thousands of glass shards flew about the air.
She started to yell.
"I don't know what they see in you! You're an absoloutely worthless little brat!
I stared.
Where had this come from?
"You never do anything right"
She had to rub it in?
"I wish you were never born"
What did I do?
"You don't appreciate what you have. you are so self pitieous. I don't want to be around somebody like you"
Was she drunk?
Was she high?
She went on and on.

I simply walked out.
I let the cold envelope me.
Oddly enough, it felt warm.
I sat on the porch steps.
I cried.
There was nothing else I could do.
An hour later I heard a thump.
No biggie, I peeked inside anyway.
Oh my god.
Did I drive her to this?
I screamed.
And screamed.
And screamed.

For there she lay on the floor.
Normal.
Untill of course you saw the knife protruding from her gut.
Blood pooled around her.
I hurled at least twice from the sight.
I waited for the police and remembered.
The last worde she spoke to me, "I hate you, your nothing but a worthless bitch"
I don't even know what I did to deserve them.

Whenever I go home, for summer or winter break.
They all avoid looking at me.
Even Petunie pretends i'm not there.
Perhaps they think I killed her.
Perhaps not.
Only the shadows know.

A week later I was able to return home.
they kept us out, so they could investigate.
I think that for a while they thought I killed her.
Her money card still lay on the counter.
I opened it.
Twenty bucks.
Please, tell me she didn't kill herself over Christmas money?
They could've gotten mixed up.
Only the shadows know.

I didn't mean to offend her.
I didn't mean for her to commit suicide.
Every day I wonder.
If not for my mouth, would she still be here?
God cried that day.
An hour after her death.
God cried.
I sat outside as they wheeled her body into the ambulance.
His tears fell in huge drops.
They splashed about the ground in pools.
I wonder if he blames me.
If I believed in god, i'm sure he would.
Blame me that is.
Only the shadows know.

I was fourteen when dad died.
He was drunk.
He drove over a cliff.
No one cared.
Barely anyone was at the funeral.
We have a huge family.
Huge.
Only 15 showed.
For a moment you felt bad for him.
But a moment is simply that.
In general we were happy.
He was a jackass.
Why?
Only the shadows know.

I can see it, the boulevard.
I walk this empty street.
On the Boulevard of broken dreams.
(green Day-Boulevard of broken dreams)
A dark neverending alley.
The buildings are grey.
They reach up forever, there are no entrances.
The alley itself is about 40 feet wide.
Along the sides of the alley are scattered white spheres.
They're glowing and floating a few feet off the groumd.
Each has a faded image, each is a broken dream.
A broken memory.
Thousands of them.
Thousands of tears flow about the alley.
The tears of all those broken people.
All those broken people with the broken dreams.
Could this be true?
Only the shadows know.

Black and red.
I love those colors.
Dark, mysterious, secretive, seductive.
Me.
Although I don't think i'm very seductive.
The world of me.
It's cold here.
Ice covers nearly everything.
Step lightly, you could trip.
You'll fall forever.
It's easy to do here.
Trust me.
This ice, it's spreading.
I'd let you into my icy palace.
If only the doors weren't locked.
Besides i'm rarely ever there.
Rarely ever home.
She wants to go home.
But nobody's home.
That's where she lies.
Broken inside.
(Avril Lavigne-Nobody's Home)
Will I ever be?
Only the shadows know

It's dark here.
My exterior.
Cool, calm, collected, sweet, average.
You'd never really know me.
Unless I told you.
Which I wouldn't.
I'm telling you, but hell, you're a diary.
that's whet you do with those things, no?
Dear, dear diary.
I want to tell my secrets.
Cause your the only one.
That I know that will keep them.
(Pink-Dear, dear diary)
That's me.
Cheesy, so i'm shutting up now.
Would anyone spill my secrets?
My dirty laundry?
Only the shadows know.

Or maybe Mcgonagall knows.
She sure does parade about like she does.
Can you say bitch?
Hate her.
Then again I hate all teachers, don't I?
Yes I do.
Do they know?
Only the shadows know.