Denial Makes a Man Happy
She amazed me in more ways than one, everything she said, did, was special even magical. She brought a meaning to my life that was never there before. After my parents had left me, I swore to need no on but myself, and that worked for me. For years after I relied on only myself to go on. I found happiness in that, peace of mind. The monkey was gone and my back free of burden, free of worry that I would be abandoned once again. There was no one who could leave me, because I was alone, and I wouldn't leave myself it wasn't possible or so I'd thought...
Eventually, I came to rely on her. She became an important part of my life. I needed her more and more each day. And that scared me more than I'd like to admit. When the realization she'd become a factor in my life, my being, a very significant one at that, hit I didn't know what to do with myself. I my vow was broken and it sent me spiraling out of orbit. So I did the only thing I could think of, that only thing that would set me back on kilter. I ran, told her what we hadn't been working and left.
I should have known she'd come after me. She was never the type to leave things unfinished. And to her this relationship wasn't, finished that is. It was just beginning...
We spent a total of two years together, and in those two years, we did more together than I'd done with anyone in my life. I grew to love her shortly after our first six months together. She and I formed a family, just the two of us. We were all the other needed to be happy. And I believed that fervently, I needed to believe it. Because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, and I did, believe that, for a while...