Fic: What The Hell(mouth) Happened?

Author: mkcrl120

Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.

Summary: I'm writing some of these, as I've come up with ideas that I honestly don't know what I'll be doing when the Ultimate series gets that far. In the meantime, these won't go away from my brain unless I do something with them. Warning: It may be a standalone it may be spoilers for something later; only time will tell.

Rating: 15 probably... mainly for language.

Setting: Season 3 - I think you'll recognise when.

What The Hell(mouth) Happened?? - Chapter 17

The Next Day.
Midday.
Summers Residence.

"So it's cool for you to cover us on patrol tonight?" Buffy asked as she buttered a piece of bread.

"Course... no sweat." Faith answered, rummaging in the cupboards looking for something to eat. "What's the plan then?"

Buffy smiled back, "He hasn't told me yet... says it's a surprise and I have to dress smart."

"Interesting..." Faith smiled, pulling a small box out of one of the cupboards. "Might get a few nights like that myself soon."

"So it worked out with Pete then?" Buffy commented in what she thought was a casual manner, while cutting the block of cheese into thin strips.

Faith grinned knowing the suspense would be killing Buffy by now, they'd been up for a few hours now and Faith had been determined not to mention anything until Buffy did. "He seems quite sweet... and god, I never thought I'd go for that kind of guy. Think you and Willow have been a bad influence on me..."

"Xan and Jess say the same thing about you." Buffy added, placing the cheese on one of the pieces of bread. Placing the other on top she put her newly made sandwich onto a plate while Faith pressed buttons on the microwave.

"Well as long as everyone's getting something out of the deal." Faith commented, turning her back on the microwave that began to heat her food.

Buffy waited for a few minutes and when the popping sound started she found herself unable to be patient any longer. "Aren't you going to tell me anything else..?" She finally asked in exasperation.

Faith giggled and turned back to the food. "No."

"It's your duty as my fellow Slayer to fill me in on the goss."

"No it isn't, it's my duty to help fight off the evils of the Hellmouth... anything else is non-compulsary."

"Why won't you tell me..?" Buffy pouted, knowing it wouldn't have much effect.

Faith didn't need to see her face to imagine what she was doing. "Cos you'll tell Xan... and then he'll use it against me... I've got a tough chick image to maintain you know."

"I think you've got that covered... most of the school are afraid of you. Even Snyder... I think he hates you more than he hates me... and I've got two years of trouble on my record."

"Don't try and sweet-talk me. I'm not giving you any details." Faith commented taking the bag out of the microwave.

Buffy tried a different tactic. "Hey, you already owe me for that... he was going to follow you to the Bronze last night and drive you mental with teasing."

Faith shrugged, opening the bag and tossing some popcorn into her mouth. "I figured he'd be up to something... was half-expecting the welcome wagon when I got back last night."

"And I got him out of the house at that point too... which by the way, you doubly owe me for."

"Why..?" Faith looked confused.

"An unscheduled night-off slaying. Your Watcher wasn't too happy with that situation." Buffy mentioned, biting into her sandwich.

Faith shook her head, sighing she realised she was bound to cop loads of grief tonight. "What's the Bitch want now?"

"Still on about the glove... and how we don't take things seriously."

"I can't believe how obsessed she is with that thing... like it's going to be the only magical thing on the Hellmouth that we've gotta worry about."

"Managed to keep her happy a bit last night... told her we'd had a few leads, but hadn't come up with anything."

"What leads..?" Faith asked, figuring she could always double check if it bought her even a little bit of an easier time.

"Made them up." Buffy confessed. "But you might wanna go see Willy for real... see what he may have heard."

"Yeah... I can do that." Faith sighed.

"Don't forget to take the others with you." Buffy reminded her. "It's always better to have back-up."

"Sure no probs... guess we could take a spin to the library as well. Get Willow to do some actual research, see what the books say..."

"You looked at anything yet..?" Buffy asked, curious.

"Not really, you..?" Faith admitted.

"Tried to motivate myself on some occasions but can't say I'm that interested... this is their department not ours."

"Yeah. Bitch telling us we ought to know how to do research for ourselves. Stop relying on others and all that shit."

Buffy thought about it. "If we do that and the fighting then what are they for?"

"Maybe we should ask them to behead the next Pragox demon that comes to town... that's always a joy." Faith stated.

"I'm not fighting one of those again unless someone magically removes my sense of smell."

Faith finished off her popcorn. "Tell me about it... and you've smelt Xander's socks."

"Yes and I'v... hey!!"

"You know they stink... I found the pair he left on the stairs when Joyce went to meet the art dealer."

"Okay fine... Xander possibly has the smelliest feet of any human we've ever met." Buffy felt a grin come to her face. "I must admit, there have been times when I've considered asking him to leave his shoes on while we've been in bed."

Faith couldn't stop the laugh, "That's genius. I am so teasing him about that."

"See..." Buffy commented, "You hear lots about me and Xan... you have to tell me details about the Pete scenario."

"We ain't that far along B." Faith admitted. "Not that I've been known to wait in the past."

"Don't care what level of dirt you have... just dish it." Buffy instructed her as they moved into the living room.

Later That Night.
Willy's Bar.

Jesse leaned nearer to Cordelia to whisper in her ear. "I really hate this place." He told her, nodding his head in the direction of all the various shaped demons sitting in the corner playing cards. "It really gives me the creeps."

"Yeah I can imagine." She whispered back, watching the bar where Faith was lifting Willy up above her head for what she considered a light round of questioning. "Some of these things look really icky."

"It's not that which bothers me." He told her. "It's the fact they get up to normal stuff. Last time I was in here they were cheering some football team on the tv. Demons have no right enjoying regular sports and playing regular card games. They should be doing something demony... or at least have some supernatural links."

"You worry about some weird stuff." She informed him. "Why are we here anyway..? They never brought me here back in my own reality. I'm not even sure if Xander has been here."

"Faith's questioning Willy." Jesse informed her. "He normally has some scam or something on the go... but we let Willy live as he's human and normally knows what's what on the Hellmouth... he's a regular little information booth."

They both watched where Faith had tossed him onto some of the more cushioned seats.

"Willy, Willy, Willy... we've done this dance so many times. Why don't you just tell me what I need to know and no-one will get hurt... much." Faith informed him, as she leaned down to pick him up.

Willy was fully aware that from this position he could probably see down her cleavage if he so wished. But he also knew that to do so would involve been thrown into the wall headfirst again. Last time he'd done that, she'd told him he made her feel dirty... and not in a good way.

"Slayer..." he said, trying to placate her into not causing any more damage to either him or the bar. In truth the bar was more costly as he knew a guy that was good with healing magic and he always owed him. Let the guy run up the bar tab, and Willy knew that unless it was more serious than a few broken limbs he'd be right as rain by the next day. Unfortunately, the Slayer was pissed and he might be in need of a bigger treatment than normal. "I'm telling you the truth... there has been no-one around looking for the glove since Lagos... who you guys already killed. I ain't heard nothing about it since then."

"Willy, you wouldn't know the truth if it came up and stabbed you in the leg." Faith stated, lifting him in the air by her left hand.

A large grey demon rose from it's seat and took a step towards the Slayer. Willow was the first to notice from her place where her eyes kept flicking back and forth from the doorway to where Faith was interrogating the bartender, "Hey."

Jesse's attention flicked from Cordelia onto Willow the second she made noise.

"I said hey." She repeated herself, lifting her crossbow up to point at him. The creature grinned, showing a very feral set of teeth, and turned it's head towards her.

Jesse lifted his stake and took a few steps in front of both Willow and Cordelia. "She said hey, you should really listen to the lady." He informed it, as Cordelia raised her own crossbow into position behind him.

"You think I'm scared of..." The demon began.

"Sit. Down." Faith instructed it, casually looking over her right shoulder while she continued to hold Willy just over a foot off the ground with her other arm.

The demon stood facing it the Slayer, apparently contemplating whether it could move fast enough to attack her before she could release the bartender and defend herself.

Suddenly the top half of the chair in front of it exploded into fragments of wood. Slayer, demon and bartender all turned to the source of the bolt.

"Oops." Cordelia said, shrugging before reloading another bolt into the weapon.

"Consider that a warning," Willow informed the room, quickly covering for the mistake. "Mine won't be."

Jesse was simply staring down at his left arm, currently not daring to speak. He quietly took a few steps back, ensuring he was no longer a possible target.

"You heard 'em." Faith commented, turning her full attention back to the bartender.

The others continued to stare at the demon, seemingly challenging it to move again. Willow aiming her crossbow at it's torso. Jesse waving his right hand, with the stake in it, in a threatening manner. Cordelia had by this point, reloaded the crossbow and brought it back so that it faced the general direction of the demon that was still standing.

The demon took a quick glance at the three armed humans and the Slayer before deciding to return to it's seat. Faith pulled Willy in closer and began whispering into his ear.

"Does this thing have a safety..?" She asked the other two, causing a subtle smile to appear on Faith's face.

"You almost hit me." Jesse hissed at her. "I actually felt the breeze on my arm hairs."

"You're not bleeding, you big baby." Cordelia admonished him.

Faith casually dropped the bartender on top of the bar and strode out past the others. They all followed, none of their eyes leaving those of the demons. "And if you're lying to me Willy." She paused letting that sink in. "Well, you seriously don't want to be lying to me."

Once outside Cordelia turned to Faith. "So did he know anything about Jonathan then?"

"Wasn't asking about that." Faith answered. "But he still didn't know shit."

All three of the others looked confused. "So what were you asking about..?" Jesse asked.

"That Glove thing." Faith responded.

"Mynhegon..?" Willow asked.

"Sounds right." Faith replied.

"You after that again..?" Jesse said, glancing back to be certain no-one had left Willy's place after them.

"Yeah."

"Hang on..." Cordelia said, trying to remember something. "That the glove thing that the evil bitch Watcher wanted..?"

"That's the one." Faith responded. "And you got her official name right too... well done."

"Didn't Angel destroy it... or something..?" Cordelia asked.

"Might explain why we haven't been able to find it." Jesse commented.

"Saves me the effort... this Angel dude destroyed it... I can live with that." Faith agreed.

"That was in her dimension." Willow reminded them all. "We don't know what happened in this one as we weren't as close to Angel as..."

"Buffy was in mine?" Cordelia finished for her.

"Okay, so maybe the souled one didn't destroy it here. So we're back to square one." Faith sighed, realising she was never going to be rid of this burden. "We still don't know where it is."

"There was a book about it in the library." Cordelia casually informed them, at their disbelieving books. "Giles located it and Xander was sent to fetch it... that's when we ran into the whole Angel-was-back-from-hell problems."

"So Angel, Xander and Giles knew where it was... but not you..?" Faith clarified, thinking this was typical of her luck so far.

"But we know the information's in the library." Willow commented, quite excited. "Assuming that Giles in this reality has the same books as the one in Cordelia's."

"Like I'd know anything about that." Cordelia responded to Willow's questioning looks. "One dusty book looks the same as all the others to me."

"But we have a plan." Jesse stated, leaping on his girlfriend's excited tone. "We all check the library tomorrow, and if we find it's location then we go there. And if it's not there we assume Angel destroyed it here too."

Willow didn't look to impressed with the end of that statement. "That's a pretty big assumption. Anyway what if we don't find the location..?"

"Jesse's plan works for me." Faith informed them. "And if the book isn't there, what can we do..? Ask Giles to find out what he would have ordered in a parallel dimension..?"

Meanwhile.
Elsewhere In Sunnydale.

"Xander, it's an alley." Buffy commented, looking around.

"Shush... we're almost there."

"You're taking me to an alley..? This is your idea of a good night out..? If you wanted to go on patrol with the others... well I'm not saying I'd have been happy about it, but at least the honesty would have been an improvement on dragging me out under false pretenses." She paused, noticing just how deserted this particular place was. "And if this is supposed to tempt me into any outdoor fun like you were suggesting last night, well that's not going to happen... especially now I'm pissed at you."

Xander waved his finger at her disapprovingly. "Quiet non-believer. You dare question the honourable intention of his almighty Xanderness." He started leading her towards a doorway.

Buffy gave him one of his worst glares. "Really should have just said you'd prefer to go on patrol... it'd have upped your life expectancy a great deal. And the stupid voice had better stop as well... if I didn't know you so well, I'd assume you were leading me into a trap." He paused to open the door for her, gesturing for her to go inside first. "If there are vampires in here, I'd better find out that you're possessed or something, cos let me tell you I don't expect to be..." She paused taking a look around the room. "... to be taken to a fancy little romantic restaurant."

"It's just opened." He informed her. "It's French and there are rules."

"The French have rules..?" She asked confused, continuing to stare wide-eyed around the place.

"No, I have rules." Xander corrected her, turning her to face him, he expanded. "Although we are here in a nice little restaurant. I will remind you that it is French and this means it serves French food." She returned a look that just screamed 'doh'. "What I mean is that, although they may be on the menu, I shall not be eating snails or frogs or any part of an animal that I do not consider to be proper meat. You can, of course, choose to eat whatever you wish... but I think you ought to be aware that if you choose a delicacy," he added wincing at the word, "that your boyfriend does not consider to be real food, then you will not be getting any Xanderloving tonight... or in fact any night til I am absolutlely certain I won't be kissing someone with Toad-breath."

She turned to face him. "This is... wow... it's amazing. Are you sure you can affo..?" She began but he waved her question off with his hand. "Trust me... this earns you major Buffyloving points."

"Enough for public fun..?" He leered at her.

She grinned back. "I don't know about that... but let's hope my mother's gone to bed, by the time we're done shall we?"

Smiling he took her coat, and gestured for her to follow the waiter to a table. "After Tu, Madamoiselle." He said.

She looked back at him, raising her eyebrows in a silent question.

He shrugged, "So French isn't my strongest subject."

They continued to follow the waiter to an empty table. Xander pulled her chair out and allowed her to sit before draping her coat on the back of it. Then he sat himself down opposite her, while the waiter fetched some menus.

"Wow..." Buffy said again, this time staring at the various artwork on the walls. Xander simply smiled at her from across the table.

"I mean major wow." She commented, "If my mom isn't asleep then I guess we'll just have to find something to occupy us while we wait for her to go..." She added quietly, grinning back at him with a promising twinkle in her eye.

"Yes!!!" He replied, before apologetically looking around at the other customers.

Later That Night.
Somewhere on the road to Giles's place.

After finishing the regular round of patrols, Willow and Jesse had returned home. Promising to meet everyone tomorrow so they could take a look in the library and finally do this research thing tomorrow. Cordelia was giving Faith a lift to Giles's place.

"Thanks for coming with me, C." Faith commented, as they approached the driveway to Giles' apartment block. "Didn't think I could face a meeting of the Watchers club alone tonight."

"Hmmmm..." Cordelia thought aloud, as she slowed to a stop on the road outside.

End chapter seventeen