Fic: What The Hell(mouth) Happened?

Author: mkcrl120

Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.

Summary: I'm writing some of these, as I've come up with ideas that I honestly don't know what I'll be doing when the Ultimate series gets that far. In the meantime, these won't go away from my brain unless I do something with them. Warning: It may be a standalone it may be spoilers for something later; only time will tell.

Rating: 15 probably... mainly for language.

Setting: Season 3 - I think you'll recognise when.

What The Hell(mouth) Happened?? - Chapter 20

"Erm... Yeah." Cordelia answered, trying to figure out who the woman was. "I'm looking for some friends of mine. They can normally be found in here... they get permission from Giles... the librarian. We're into studying in a big way."

"Mmmm... not a bad attempt at cover. If I wasn't in the know, I'd have assumed something was going on, but not particularly sure what. I suppose I should be impressed that you at least understand the concept of a secret. I take it you are this Cordelia girl, that Faith referred to..?"

"I guess..." Cordelia shrugged. "I mean, yeah, that's me. Where is she by the way..?"

"I believe they said they were going to do a quick patrol... it's typical of Slayers, they're not accustomed to being copped up inside for long periods of time." Ms Post continued. "I take it you're here to help..?"

Cordelia looked at the large piles of books spread around the table, "So you're all still working on that..? I'd have thought you'd be done by now."

"Really..?" Gwendolyn walked up closer. "It would help if you could remember where you'd read about this book. I could use hypnotism to help recall the memories with precise detail... if you'd let me." She added, seemingly as an afterthought.

"I didn't read about it." Cordelia answered, picking up a book. "My ex-boyfriend did."

"Maybe we could contact him..?" The woman suggested. Cordelia was relieved to find her backing off slightly.

"That's a bit difficult, although he was only shown the book so he knew what to look for... Giles was the one who told him everything."

Ms Post had a look of shock on her face. "Giles knows..?"

"Not as such... it's complicated." Cordelia tried, "I don't mean to be rude but who are you by the way..?"

"Faith's Watcher." Gwendolyn replied.

"Right, right..." Cordelia said, shaking her head. "Should have guessed by the accent and all the tweed. Faith didn't mention she had a new Watcher..."

Ms Post held her hand out for Cordelia to shake. Cordelia reached across and took it.

"Pleased to meet you. My name is Gwendolyn Post. Perhaps you could explain to me, why Giles knew where it was and but doesn't now."

Cordelia froze on the spot, recognising the name from a few weeks ago.

The Cafeteria.

"Are you sure we should be in here..?" Willow asked, looking around.

Giles sighed, trying his best to ignore the girl.

"Willow. You do realise that you're here with two teachers, don't you..?" Jenny asked, not turning her attention from the food she was preparing.

"But you're a computer teacher... and you're a librarian... neither of you work in here." Willow stated, still not confident.

"In the past few years you've been involved in hacking, multiple attempts of breaking and entering, destruction of public property and on one occasion grave-robbing. Why does preparing food in the school cafeteria concern you so..?" Giles commented. Keeping an eye on the grill.

"Because this is stealing." Willow said, storming out of the room.

"Add it to your current list of crimes." Jenny shouted after her.

"That was cruel." Giles remarked with a smirk.

"She's my student and I'm sure she'll still be asking to learn more hacking skills on Tuesday." Jenny answered, turning to face him. "Okay, I've buttered the bread and chopped up the tomato and lettuce... how's the bacon going..?"

The Library.

"What..?" Cordelia asked, shaking herself out of it.

"I asked about Giles and why he doesn't remember anything." Mrs Post repeated.

"Oh that." Cordelia said, letting go of the hand she'd still been holding. Heading back towards the office and Jesse, she started babbling. "There was a spell of sorts."

"Performed on Giles..?" Gwendolyn asked, trying to work out if hypnotism would still be effective.

"Yes." Cordelia leapt onto the explanation, still shuffling on the direction of the office. "And that's why he's got no memory of it."

Gwendolyn casually held her arm, gently the move meant to keep Cordelia's whole attention rather than intimidate her in any way. "So what about your ex-boyfriend..? Even if he doesn't know what book it was in, I take it he would remember where he was sent."

"Right... about that. Well," Cordelia said, staring at Ms Post's hand where it still rested on her arm, and noted that the elder woman had subtly turned them slightly around so that she was positioned between Cordelia and the office now. "He's left." She finished simply.

"Left..?" Ms Post asked curious.

"Yep... up and left." Cordelia continued, racking her brains for an excuse. "To college."

"College..?"

"He was in the year above... and let's face it between us girls, don't you prefer an older guy..? They're more mature than high school boys... though he was still in high school at the time." She corrected herself.

"Which college..?" Mrs Post asked. "Would it be possible to call him..?"

"I don't know... we didn't stay in touch. He was a friend of Jesse's from somewhere. We could wake him up and ask him." Cordelia suggested, pointing towards the office door.

Just then Willow strolled back in. "I can't believe they're stealing food. What sort of example is that to set to young impressionable minds..?"

"Hey Willow." Cordelia said enthusiastically.

"So you're back then..?" Willow muttered walking past the two women. "Took your time."

"Who is stealing food..?" Cordelia asked, freeing herself from the Watcher's grasp and following Willow towards the main table.

"Giles and Jenny... stealing it from the school cafeteria." Willow said, looking at her for the first time.

"I know." Cordelia turned her back to Ms Post, trying to make eye contact with Willow. "Sometimes these Watchers can be really evil." She commented, trying to subtlely point behind her with her eyes and a small nod of the head.

"I wouldn't go that far... but I think it's irresponsible." Willow agreed.

"No. Evil. Completely." Cordelia continued.

"Willow, do you know if Jesse has the contact number for Cordelia's ex-boyfriend..?" Gwendolyn asked, trying to make the question sound innocuous.

"Larry..?" Willow asked, before thinking the question through further. "Though technically you weren't the one that dated him, you don't mean Xander do you..? Why would you need Xander's phone number..? Jesse does have it, as do I... and in fact everyone here... except possibly yourself." She finished, looking Ms Post in the eye.

"Cordelia dated Xander..?" Ms Post repeated, confusion obvious from her voice.

"Well, not really... but sort of..."

"Another spell." Cordelia replied, cutting Willow's detailed explanation off before it begun.

"That's the easy way to put it." Willow said.

"Yeah... and talking of that particular spell." Cordelia continued. "In theory how would someone not mentioned in the spell be affected... assuming they were from out of town."

"They shouldn't be... though I suppose every subtle change would have knock on effects that could carry ov..."

Cordelia quickly interrupted while Gwendolyn looked on confused. "So someone should basically remain the same... and the effects should be smaller, the further you get away from the original source..?"

Willow pondered the thought. "I guess. You'd have to speak to Giles... or maybe Ms Post here can shed some light on the subject."

"As interesting as this is..." Ms Post said, returning to the original topic. "Do you believe Jesse would know the whereabouts of this... what was the boy's name..?"

"Oz." Cordelia responded without a moment's hesitation.

Willow looked confused. "Oz... I thought you said that..." She paused, finally noticing the crazy eye movements that Cordelia was sending her way. "Yeah... Jesse knows Oz... Jesse used to follow his band... I think they're still in touch, we can only ask him right?"

"Ahhhh..." Ms Post responded. Heading towards the office.

As soon as her back was turned, Cordelia stepped over some books and looked for a weapon from the stash stored in the cabinet. She returned with an axe.

Willow's eyes opened wide, moving closer she glanced at where Ms Post had just entered the door to the office and hissed in Cordelia's direction. "What are you doing..?"

"She's evil." Cordelia responded, climbing back over the books.

"Are you sure..? I mean I know she's not well liked..." Willow answered.

"She's after the glove again... it's good enough for me."

"So you sent her in to talk to my boyfriend..?" Willow said, looking over to the office. There was no noise coming from there. "What if you're wrong..? You really want to kill her and then find out that she's not evil over here..?"

"Dammit." Cordelia swore, handing Willow the axe. "Hold this." She instructed before climbing back into the weapon's cabinet.

Giles' Office.

Jesse awoke to discover Ms Post shaking him lightly by the shoulders.

"What... what..?" He asked, trying to open his eyes and focus on what was going on.

"Jesse you need to wake up." Gwendolyn told him. "I need you to tell me something."

"I'll get back to research... promise." He said yawning. "Just give me a few minutes to wake up properly."

"You don't need to do any more reading." She told him, watching him smile at that. "I just need you to contact someone for me."

"Sure..." He said, one eye starting to close again.

She shook him gently again. "I need you to contact Cordelia's ex-boyfriend."

"Larry..?" He asked confused. "Why do you need me to contact him..? Can't Cordelia do it..?"

"Not that one... the other one."

"I don't know this Scott guy." He told her, turning onto his side to get more comfortable.

"Oz." She informed him.

"Oz... the werewolf guy... don't know what happened to Oz."

"Jesse, I need you to wake up fully and tell me about Oz." She stated more authoritatively now.

He sat up, rubbing all the sleep out of his eyes. "He was in a band. He left town over a month ago. Faith... knew him." He finished, wondering why he was getting quizzed on someone he didn't know.

He was about to ask why, when the door burst open suddenly and Cordelia rushed in, striking Ms Post across the head with a quarter-staff. Willow had followed her in carrying an axe.

"What the fuck??" He practically shouted as he leapt out of the chair, knocking it backwards so that it rolled into the desk. The book that was on his lap falling to the floor at his feet.

He glanced from where Ms Post was lying unconscious on the floor, back to the two girls in front of him. Willow gave him an apologetic glance, he couldn't work out whether it was for the rude awakening or to try and explain why they'd just smacked one of the Watchers across the head with a large wooden pole. Cordelia's eyes never left the Watcher, quarter staff still raised in case she needed to make a follow-up blow. "What did I miss..?"

End chapter twenty