A long time ago, and far away there lived a Queen and a Queen. They were very happy, except for one thing - they both longed for a test-tube baby.
The Queen say writing a suicide note by her window one winter's day when she suddenly got a terrible paper cut. A drop of blood fell on the snow by the window.
"Oh, I wish I had a daughter with skin as grey as coal, hair as greasy as pizza, and green, green lips like that scum under the sink," she sighed.
After that the Queen killed herself with a butter-knife and some dental floss. On Christmas that year a baby girl was born. How, we're still not sure.
The little Princess was called Coal Black and she grew to be a grotesque yet fair girl.
After many years the Queen never married again. She liked to use magic and had a magic mirror. She would say:
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the creepiest yet fairest of them all?"
And the mirror would answer:
"You, Queen, are the creepiest and yet fairest in the land."
The Queen was very proud.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall why am I always the best?"
"You are always the best because you killed all the women in the land except your lovers who are all really ugly!"
One day, the Queen spoke to the mirror as usual, but this time the answer was different.
"You, Queen, are pretty creepy, but the fairest of them all is Coal Black."
The Queen was very confused to hear this. She plotted and schemed and decided to kill Coal Black so she would again be the fairest and the creepiest.
"Bob," she said one day. "I want you to carry Coal Black kicking and screaming into the forest and kill her. Bring back her head to prove she is dead. Cool! I rhymed!"
"Yes, your Ugliness," said the weirdo, bowing. He was very happy to do this. He hated her and wanted her to be gay from day one.