PART FOUR
Martha raised the jagged whiskey glass before Lana, the helpless pink backpack. Mrs. Kent's lips (Mrs. Kent= Martha... Just to make it clear this is referring to the same lips as the very first word of this chapter's lips for they [Mrs. Kent and Martha] and their lips [Mrs. Kent's lips and Martha's lips] are one and the same.) were pulled back to reveal row after row of astonishingly human teeth! Teeth that did not share Clark Kent's DNA, for he was not truly her son. Lana knew this, she knew it and feared it and loathed it and cherished it all at the same time, but not at this moment, for at this moment Lana would be soiling her beautiful pink pants if she had them on, but she did not, for as a backpack, she had no pants!
*Although that is the greatest mystery of this ordeal!* she would have reflected if she could think about anything other than her impending, brutal slashing at the hands of her would-be lover's quasi-mother. *What happened to my clothing when I turned into a backpack? Why did Chloe not find my delicate little undergarments when she first picked me up?*-- This is what Lana could be thinking, but since this line of thinking is hypothetical speculation on her line of thought and not her actual thoughts, it is an irrelevant digression from the main plot!
Lana, instead of reflecting upon Clark's parentage or pondering the mystery of her dissapearing clothing, was fearing her impending doom! "NO, NO! Do not murder me, Mrs. Kent! Do not abandon me to the sharp, perforated edges of that cruel whiskey bottle!!!"
But Merciless Martha's hand whipped down like a snake, a hungry serpant intent on devouring a baby rat!
Its downward progress was halted abruptly by the slam of a door!
"Mom!"
Martha's hand tightened convulsively around the broken whiskey bottle. "GOOD GOLLY GOSH!" she roared with anger and frustration. "I cannot destroy this backpack, so I will have to hide it instead." Lana could have cried with relief (because she cries a lot) when Martha quickly bolted out into the hall, flung open a closet door, and tossed Lana in! "Clark will never find it here!" she screamed in great merriment! A strange weather fluxuation caused Clark's super-hearing to become super-deafness for 6.8 seconds so he did not hear her triumphant cry, thus he abandoned Lana by not discovering her secret closet lair.
*Why, I am not the only pink backpack in here!* Lana thought in amazement, looking around with backpacky eyes. There were many other pink backpacks in the closet. How many backpacks had Clark gone through over the years? There had to be at least two dozen! Would he treat his girlfriends the way he apparently treated his pink backpacks? Have his way with them and then allow his mother to threaten them with broken whiskey bottles before stuffing them into a closet?
*Of course, no other backpack has my shimmering raven locks and magnificent, flashing azure eyes like liquid fire!* Lana reasoned. *No backpack can match my magnanimous fountain of lucious, youthful beaty, the sheer goddess-like gorgeousness sparkling over my effulgent form! Not that I'm vain—that's just what other people tell me I look like! I think I'm ugly, for why else would my parents have abandoned me by letting the meteor smush them?*
Martha slammed the door closed! As the darkness enveloped Lana, a new despair overtook her. "I've been abandoned!"
The other mute backpacks around her offered no consolation, for they could not talk. They weren't even sentient! They were so non-sentient that only three were more intelligent than Lana.
After Clark's mother dissapeared into thin air, Clark looked sadly into his room and realized that his pink backpack was gone. That was $8.75 he would never see again! "I just can't keep relying on discovering strange pink backpacks on the street," he said to himself, turning to walk off down the hall. "In the future, I shall have to purchase a backpack for my own usage, and then perhaps it wouldn't dissapear into the nether realms!"
He passed Lionel Luthor as he walked down the stairs in his barn-room. "Hey Lionel," he greeted. "I saw Lex earlier. Lex is bald, but sexy. Lana's so beautiful."
Lionel nodded his shaggy mane, and his head, too! "Hello, Clark."
After Clark walked down the stairs, Lionel walked into Clark's room and started rifling through his magazines. He got bored after a while! "Gee, I forgot—I came here to discover Clark's secret," Lionel said aloud. Suddenly, he knew exactly where to look! He walked over to the closet and looked inside.
His eyes fell upon a backpack.
"Oh, no! Now Lionel will try to kill me!" Lana thought in despair. "And then he'll fail and abandon me!"
Lionel grinned wolfishly and said: "Well, well—smack my ass and call me Betsy! That's Lana Lang."
TO BE CONTINUED
Lana Lang has been discovered by the nefarious, evil bad guy Lionel Luthor!!! Will he try to kill her??? Will he concoct a devious scheme to injure the beautiful Lana! (he is mean sometimes)
Martha raised the jagged whiskey glass before Lana, the helpless pink backpack. Mrs. Kent's lips (Mrs. Kent= Martha... Just to make it clear this is referring to the same lips as the very first word of this chapter's lips for they [Mrs. Kent and Martha] and their lips [Mrs. Kent's lips and Martha's lips] are one and the same.) were pulled back to reveal row after row of astonishingly human teeth! Teeth that did not share Clark Kent's DNA, for he was not truly her son. Lana knew this, she knew it and feared it and loathed it and cherished it all at the same time, but not at this moment, for at this moment Lana would be soiling her beautiful pink pants if she had them on, but she did not, for as a backpack, she had no pants!
*Although that is the greatest mystery of this ordeal!* she would have reflected if she could think about anything other than her impending, brutal slashing at the hands of her would-be lover's quasi-mother. *What happened to my clothing when I turned into a backpack? Why did Chloe not find my delicate little undergarments when she first picked me up?*-- This is what Lana could be thinking, but since this line of thinking is hypothetical speculation on her line of thought and not her actual thoughts, it is an irrelevant digression from the main plot!
Lana, instead of reflecting upon Clark's parentage or pondering the mystery of her dissapearing clothing, was fearing her impending doom! "NO, NO! Do not murder me, Mrs. Kent! Do not abandon me to the sharp, perforated edges of that cruel whiskey bottle!!!"
But Merciless Martha's hand whipped down like a snake, a hungry serpant intent on devouring a baby rat!
Its downward progress was halted abruptly by the slam of a door!
"Mom!"
Martha's hand tightened convulsively around the broken whiskey bottle. "GOOD GOLLY GOSH!" she roared with anger and frustration. "I cannot destroy this backpack, so I will have to hide it instead." Lana could have cried with relief (because she cries a lot) when Martha quickly bolted out into the hall, flung open a closet door, and tossed Lana in! "Clark will never find it here!" she screamed in great merriment! A strange weather fluxuation caused Clark's super-hearing to become super-deafness for 6.8 seconds so he did not hear her triumphant cry, thus he abandoned Lana by not discovering her secret closet lair.
*Why, I am not the only pink backpack in here!* Lana thought in amazement, looking around with backpacky eyes. There were many other pink backpacks in the closet. How many backpacks had Clark gone through over the years? There had to be at least two dozen! Would he treat his girlfriends the way he apparently treated his pink backpacks? Have his way with them and then allow his mother to threaten them with broken whiskey bottles before stuffing them into a closet?
*Of course, no other backpack has my shimmering raven locks and magnificent, flashing azure eyes like liquid fire!* Lana reasoned. *No backpack can match my magnanimous fountain of lucious, youthful beaty, the sheer goddess-like gorgeousness sparkling over my effulgent form! Not that I'm vain—that's just what other people tell me I look like! I think I'm ugly, for why else would my parents have abandoned me by letting the meteor smush them?*
Martha slammed the door closed! As the darkness enveloped Lana, a new despair overtook her. "I've been abandoned!"
The other mute backpacks around her offered no consolation, for they could not talk. They weren't even sentient! They were so non-sentient that only three were more intelligent than Lana.
After Clark's mother dissapeared into thin air, Clark looked sadly into his room and realized that his pink backpack was gone. That was $8.75 he would never see again! "I just can't keep relying on discovering strange pink backpacks on the street," he said to himself, turning to walk off down the hall. "In the future, I shall have to purchase a backpack for my own usage, and then perhaps it wouldn't dissapear into the nether realms!"
He passed Lionel Luthor as he walked down the stairs in his barn-room. "Hey Lionel," he greeted. "I saw Lex earlier. Lex is bald, but sexy. Lana's so beautiful."
Lionel nodded his shaggy mane, and his head, too! "Hello, Clark."
After Clark walked down the stairs, Lionel walked into Clark's room and started rifling through his magazines. He got bored after a while! "Gee, I forgot—I came here to discover Clark's secret," Lionel said aloud. Suddenly, he knew exactly where to look! He walked over to the closet and looked inside.
His eyes fell upon a backpack.
"Oh, no! Now Lionel will try to kill me!" Lana thought in despair. "And then he'll fail and abandon me!"
Lionel grinned wolfishly and said: "Well, well—smack my ass and call me Betsy! That's Lana Lang."
TO BE CONTINUED
Lana Lang has been discovered by the nefarious, evil bad guy Lionel Luthor!!! Will he try to kill her??? Will he concoct a devious scheme to injure the beautiful Lana! (he is mean sometimes)