PART FIVE (continued from part 4)
"Heh heh heh," said Lionel, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I just know I can turn this situation to my evil advantage!" he spoke the words aloud, a testament to the great emotions stirring within his manly chest.
Lana stared at Lionel, petrified, for she could not move, even if she wanted to, for a mysterious totem pole had turned her into a backpack, and as a backpack, she could not lift a backpacky finger.
"But he recognizes me!" she though hopefully. "Perhaps in the midst of his evil machinations, he will turn me back into a human! I'm so pretty."
"Heh heh heh," Lionel was saying. "Heh heh—"
An urgent cry interrupted his philosophical insights!
"CLARK! CLLLLAAAAARRRRRKKK!!!" (But not as in KKK)
Lionel looked up in terrible alarm.
"Why, who could that be, just who will I see?" Lionel speculated thoughtfully. "What kind of fellow, acts so unmellow?" Lionel inquired thoughtfully. "Upon this cold night, will he want to fight?" Lionel mentioned thoughtfully.
"Clark!!! I want to go camping!" Pete screamed, running swiftly up the stairs towards Lionel. His footsteps pounded like trees smacking the pavement of the sidewalk, if trees had feet and ran on pavement. The entire house shook and rocked like a toaster on the Titanic, sinking into the murky depths of the flatulent ocean. It reminded Lana of the day her parents abandoned her by being smushed by a meteorite.
"CLARK!!!" Pete screamed again, howling in frustration. "You must go camping with me!!!"
Lionel stopped 'heh'-ing and looked over in alarm. "All my evil plans are thrown awry!!!" His evil eyes shifted to Lana evilly, promising the most dreadful revenge. But Lana was thinking of her dead parents who had abandoned her, so cruelly, so she did not notice.
Lionel jumped out the window, abandoning Lana, and Pete was sad when he noticed the tail end of Lionel's mane trailing out the window behind him. He liked Lionel. He tried to style his hair like Lionel's sometimes, but since Pete had four millimeters of hair and Lionel had nearly a foot, Pete usually failed. Except that one time.
"Clark!!! Camping! Now!" Pete roared, stopping short in his desperate sprint when he caught sight of the closet full of pink backpacks.
"That's not a sight you see everyday!" he said, examining the doorknob. He pawed and fondled the doorknob for a while, then grabbed the pink backpacks.
She was scooped up in Pete's muscle-strewn arms, two body parts manly like twin trees. She sighed softly, wondering if Pete would ever recognize her, her incredible beauty might shine through like a beacon in a foggy night, despite her non-humanness. But Lana was not vain and actually though of herself as ugly, and only subscribed to the idea that everyone else found her gorgeously glorious in her beauteousness with the greatest reluctance.
Pete walked outside with the pile of backpacks, settling Lana and her little pink friends onto the ground underneath the basketball hoop. "I have no firewood," Pete said, "So instead I will light these backpacks on fire to keep myself warm and toasty on this cold Kansas tundra."
Lana blinked her backpacky eyes. "But... But is Pete going to burn me? He's going to abandon me to the vociferous grasp of the flames like everyone else has abandoned me in my life? NO PETE NO!!"
But Pete had already taken some lighter fluid out of his pocket and was soaking Lana and the other backpacks with the smelly substance. "I'll just light this campfire for myself and my tent." Pete said with a smile, pulling a torch out to light Lana on fire...
TO BE CONTINUED
will Pete Kill Lana!!! WILL LIONEL EVER TELL OR ACT UPON HIS HARD WON KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS A TOTEM POLE THAT TURNS PEOPLE INTO A BACKPACK? WILL PETE ABANDON LANA TO THE FLAMES, LIKE A HERETICAL HEATHEN IN MEDIEVAL TIMES???
"Heh heh heh," said Lionel, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I just know I can turn this situation to my evil advantage!" he spoke the words aloud, a testament to the great emotions stirring within his manly chest.
Lana stared at Lionel, petrified, for she could not move, even if she wanted to, for a mysterious totem pole had turned her into a backpack, and as a backpack, she could not lift a backpacky finger.
"But he recognizes me!" she though hopefully. "Perhaps in the midst of his evil machinations, he will turn me back into a human! I'm so pretty."
"Heh heh heh," Lionel was saying. "Heh heh—"
An urgent cry interrupted his philosophical insights!
"CLARK! CLLLLAAAAARRRRRKKK!!!" (But not as in KKK)
Lionel looked up in terrible alarm.
"Why, who could that be, just who will I see?" Lionel speculated thoughtfully. "What kind of fellow, acts so unmellow?" Lionel inquired thoughtfully. "Upon this cold night, will he want to fight?" Lionel mentioned thoughtfully.
"Clark!!! I want to go camping!" Pete screamed, running swiftly up the stairs towards Lionel. His footsteps pounded like trees smacking the pavement of the sidewalk, if trees had feet and ran on pavement. The entire house shook and rocked like a toaster on the Titanic, sinking into the murky depths of the flatulent ocean. It reminded Lana of the day her parents abandoned her by being smushed by a meteorite.
"CLARK!!!" Pete screamed again, howling in frustration. "You must go camping with me!!!"
Lionel stopped 'heh'-ing and looked over in alarm. "All my evil plans are thrown awry!!!" His evil eyes shifted to Lana evilly, promising the most dreadful revenge. But Lana was thinking of her dead parents who had abandoned her, so cruelly, so she did not notice.
Lionel jumped out the window, abandoning Lana, and Pete was sad when he noticed the tail end of Lionel's mane trailing out the window behind him. He liked Lionel. He tried to style his hair like Lionel's sometimes, but since Pete had four millimeters of hair and Lionel had nearly a foot, Pete usually failed. Except that one time.
"Clark!!! Camping! Now!" Pete roared, stopping short in his desperate sprint when he caught sight of the closet full of pink backpacks.
"That's not a sight you see everyday!" he said, examining the doorknob. He pawed and fondled the doorknob for a while, then grabbed the pink backpacks.
She was scooped up in Pete's muscle-strewn arms, two body parts manly like twin trees. She sighed softly, wondering if Pete would ever recognize her, her incredible beauty might shine through like a beacon in a foggy night, despite her non-humanness. But Lana was not vain and actually though of herself as ugly, and only subscribed to the idea that everyone else found her gorgeously glorious in her beauteousness with the greatest reluctance.
Pete walked outside with the pile of backpacks, settling Lana and her little pink friends onto the ground underneath the basketball hoop. "I have no firewood," Pete said, "So instead I will light these backpacks on fire to keep myself warm and toasty on this cold Kansas tundra."
Lana blinked her backpacky eyes. "But... But is Pete going to burn me? He's going to abandon me to the vociferous grasp of the flames like everyone else has abandoned me in my life? NO PETE NO!!"
But Pete had already taken some lighter fluid out of his pocket and was soaking Lana and the other backpacks with the smelly substance. "I'll just light this campfire for myself and my tent." Pete said with a smile, pulling a torch out to light Lana on fire...
TO BE CONTINUED
will Pete Kill Lana!!! WILL LIONEL EVER TELL OR ACT UPON HIS HARD WON KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS A TOTEM POLE THAT TURNS PEOPLE INTO A BACKPACK? WILL PETE ABANDON LANA TO THE FLAMES, LIKE A HERETICAL HEATHEN IN MEDIEVAL TIMES???