Lana screamed, or at least she would have, if she had a mouth. But as a backpack, she had no mouth with which to scream!
"No! Pete, please, do not roast me like a stuck pig with your devious fire! It whispers false promises in your ears. Do not heed it!
But Pete could not hear her, for she was a backpack and could not form words aloud. Instead, he continued to spill the malevolent lighter fluid all over her and her pink backpacky friends! "Ha ha ha. In mere seconds I will light all these backpacks afire." A demented smile hovered on his lips. "Oh how happy I'll be to incinerate them. I will do it in a few milliseconds."
Lana tried to start an anti-Pete revolt with her backpack friends! "If we all try hard enough, we can blow out that lighter!" However, since only three were more intelligent than her, they did not understand her. The three backpacks with greater intelligence than Lana rolled their backpacky eyes and then scurried away.
"They abandoned me!" Lana cried in despair.
All the rest of the backpacks rolled their eyes and scurried after their friends, leaving Lana alone to face the wrath of Pete's inferno! Pete did not notice that he only had one backpack left to burn. He was too enraptured with his plans to camp underneath Clark's basketball hoop! "I must light these backpacks if I'm to go camping! Damn you Lionel! Why did you run away?!" Pete roared as he touched the lighter to the closest puddle of lighter fluid, which fortunately for Lana far away from her. The fire screamed like a banshee and waved it banana flames menacingly!
"Pete has abandoned me!" Lana cried in despair as the flames raced towards her.
And suddenly she felt a violent jolt and was wrenched into the air! Pete's face receded before her eyes like a child starving to death! Lana looked up, the words, "Thank you for saving me…" hovering on her lips. But there was no one to speak to! She was caught in the manacled grasp of the propeller of a low-flying blimp!
"Oh no! I am snagged on the propeller of this low-flying blimp!" she screamed.
Pete was standing three feet below her, his face barely visible due to the vast distance between them. He was shaking his fist and screaming, "Damn you, Adam! Damn you to hell! You ruined my camping trip on Clark's basketball court!"
Since Pete was so far away, Adam could not hear him very well! Adam smiled happily, glad to have helped someone out. "Ok, I'll just be on my way then. Bye, Petey, see you in class tomorrow!"
Adam enjoyed piloting blimps. He flew his blimp around Smallville all the time! He was scared of heights, though, so he always flew within a few feet of the ground! He liked to see how close to the ground he could touch the propeller; he didn't realize his propeller had snared a beautiful pink backpack who was getting dizzy from spinning in circle after circle.
However, his mood darkened!
The sight of Pete attempting to camp beneath Clark's basketball hoop brought back painful memories. Memories he would rather forget! He had been young when it had happened. Very young back then. The memories were blurred by his extreme youth! It was two months ago.
His parents had been incinerated before his devastated eyes. In great pain, Adam had crawled away from the burning house, crawled and crawled, dragging his mangled limbs! He finally came to rest at the Kent farm, beneath Clark Kent's basketball hoop, moaning in terrible pain. The Kents walked past, barely noticing the mangled and burned young man who had barely survived the fire, never thinking to take him to the hospital or even feed him! Once Jonathan waved at him, but then he walked on his merry way, ignoring it when Adam screamed for help while trying to fend off stray grizzly bears attracted by the smell of his roasted flesh!
And then the raccoons came! Dozens of them angry raccoons declaring he had trespassed upon their rightful territory.
Yet when they saw him, they pitied the dying boy! The leader, named Mussolini, decided they would nurse this poor human back to health. They shared their meat and mead, and told him legends of their raccoony people. He even shared in their raccoony women!
When Adam was healthy enough, he bade his raccoony friends goodbye, walking off to go into rehab in the hospital. (For physical therapy, obviously, as well as his addiction to some raccoony drugs). A month later, he returned, hoping to thank his friends!
They were all dead!
They were strewn all around the basketball court, gushing blood. One had a pitchfork stuck through him. Charred, mangled, butchered! The Kents had slaughtered them all, so mercilessly.
"They laughed!" Mussolini's sister Stalin moaned, gurgling and choking on her raccoony blood. "They laughed as they slaughtered us! Those cruel Kents!" She caught Adam's sleeve with a raccoony paw. "Avenge us, Adam!! Avenge us!!!" And then she died! All those kind raccoons who had nursed him back to health were dead. At the hands of the Kents.
Adam knew that day he would destroy Clark Kent! He would get his terrible, terrible revenge. Lana was really pretty.
"Oh no, I might be sick!" Lana wailed despairingly. Then she remembered that she was a backpack, and as a backpack she did not have any internal organs, so she could not get sick! Lana felt much better. Suddenly, the propeller let go of its metal grip on Lana! "Nooo! Not you, too, propeller! Don't abandon me!"
The wind whipped Lana around, sending her flying splat into the window in front of Adam. "What a beautiful backpack!" Adam exclaimed, nearly crashing the low-flying blimp! "I would like to use its linen cloths to patch the holes that sometimes appear in my blimp," Adam surveyed his blimp critically! "Not that there is a hole right now, for I would be crashing and burning again if there was. But later there might be a hole!" Carefully, he peeled Lana off the window and plopped her into the seat next to him.
"He can't be serious!" Lana thought incredulously. "Why would anyone try to destroy *me*?"
"Hmm..." Adam said thoughtfully. "Lionel did mention to me that he's looking for a pink backpack... And since he's my boss and the guy keeping me alive, also he's helping me avenge my buddies, perhaps I should listen to him. But, it's probably a different pink backpack! I swear I once saw a closet full of them."
Lana did not hear his musings for she was thinking of how tragic it was her parents had died and abandoned her! Who just lets a meteor smash them when they have a daughter? Who is that selfish?? How could they abandon her like that? Everyone abandoned her!
She looked at Adam and wondered if he would abandon her too, but Adam was preoccupied! He had suddenly blinked and realized he was bleeding blood from his eyes! He searched around for blame and his eyes rested upon Lana.
"I'm bleeding from my eyes!! And it's all that pink backpack's fault!" He flung Lana to the other side of the blimp, abandoning her cruelly! Laughing maniacally, he said with terrible rage, "I am going to patch my blimp up with that backpack! I will use my light saber and cut it into a million tiny pieces that I will then jab the pieces with a needle when I am sewing!!! Oh, that pink backpack will know a world of pain!!!"
He glowered at her, and Lana shivered with fright! Adam looked really scary right now, but she couldn't place why, and that was what made her shiver with fright. But, as a backpack (as well as-- as a human), she was nearly non-sentient, and thus could not shiver with fright! So why was she shivering with fright? She just wanted some attention because her parents had abandoned her
Adam whipped out a light saber. "I will rend this backpack into fine strips of cloth now!"
Lana protested! She protested with all her soul. "Adam stop! Don't let that mean sword cut me to pieces!"
"It's not a mean sword, it's a light saber!!!!" cried someone somewhere.
Adam took a step forward, brandishing the light saber above his head. "You will die now, backpack!!"
TO BE CONTINUED…
WILL ADAM KILL LANA!!! WILL SHE EVER BE EVER SO PRETTY AGAIN!! (THOUGH LANA IS SUCH A PRETTY BACKPACK!!) WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WHAT IS LIONEL PLOTTING AGAINST LANA? WILL CLARK EVER ADMIT HIS FEELINGS FOR LEX?