Fic: What The Hell(mouth) Happened?
Author: mkcrl120
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.
Summary: I'm writing some of these, as I've come up with ideas that I honestly don't know what I'll be doing when the Ultimate series gets that far. In the meantime, these won't go away from my brain unless I do something with them. Warning: It may be a standalone it may be spoilers for something later; only time will tell.
Rating: 15 probably… mainly for language.
Setting: Season 3 - I think you'll recognise when.
What The Hell(mouth) Happened?? - Chapter 34
"It's Rupert Giles." Came the refined English accent from the other side of the door. "I'm here to see a Maria Locans."
Maria swallowed hard one last time, closing her eyes softly, making one last silent prayer to a being she'd never really given much thought about before. Opening them, she reached for the lock turning it with a shaking hand and opened the door in what she hoped was a welcoming manner.
"Hello." She uttered, eyes scanning the group in front of her. Catching her breath as she'd only really been expecting the man she'd spoken to on the phone.
The group consisted of two adults and three of the kids she'd seen the previous night. She quickly glanced across the figures she recognised; the girl with the long red hair that had provided the contact details was present, as was the shorter blonde girl who she was sure she'd seen fighting with one of the men. 'Not men, monsters.' she corrected herself. The final youth was the tall light brown haired boy she'd almost knocked over when she'd practically dived out of the building.
She cast her view over the two adults; the male was wearing a suit, she involuntarily raised her eyebrows when she realised exactly what the suit was made of. The other adult noticed the glance and grinned.
"I know... he doesn't need to wear that for work, but we can't seem to stop him. Kinda like a child who insists on wearing their cowboy gear everywhere they go." The dark haired woman stated in an amused tone.
"Thank you for that." Came the distinguished accent, giving a small glare at the former speaker who simply smirked back.
"Kudos on not inviting us in by the way." Came the voice of the male youth. "See you were paying attention... that'll be useful as there may be a test later."
"Sorry..." Maria exclaimed realising her rudeness. "Please come..."
"He was being serious." the redhead commented. "No verbal invitations."
"Stand aside and gesture." The blonde suggested, walking in when Maria followed her instructions. "Honestly... it'll help you live longer. I'm Buffy by the way... we kinda met." She continued in a chirpy tone.
"Willow." Announced the redhead, following her friend into the apartment, dragging the younger male behind her.
"Jesse." he stated as he was pulled inside.
"I'm Rupert Giles... though you can call me Rupert," The English gentleman offered politely.
"Or just Giles... everyone else does." Said the other woman, beaming a grin as she walked past and into the flat.
"And that was Jenny." Giles commented. "There are a few others but we felt it was better not to overwhelm you."
"Thanks." Maria replied closing the door after the final visitor entered.
Across The Street.
Crouching on the edge of a rooftop watching the scene with some amusement were three figures. Waiting til they'd all gone inside before speaking. "Not getting any intentions towards teaming up with your old buds..?" Jonathan asked the female vampire standing next to him.
"Hardly." Post responded, mocking the other Watcher. "We're here to inform you about vampires and keep you safe from the big bad world... Waste of space... she'd be more useful as a meal. If she hasn't the common sense not to invite strangers inside then it can't be our fault."
"I think they're probably worried more about her inviting friends." Jonathan corrected.
Trick stood on the edge of the rooftop looking directly down. "So... what's the plan..?"
"Stephen may have to wait for his friend." Jonathan answered, the others nodding their agreement. "Where are the others..?" He asked, turning his head in both directions to perform a quick three-sixty of the rooftop.
"Down there." Trick replied. "Guess we could go hunting...?" He suggested, figuring this particular outing was over with. "if one of the Slayers is here... then there's only the other one guarding the rest of Sunnydale. We could always make an outing to the Bronze... see if we tasty meals we can pick up."
Post bit her bottom lip as she was deep in thought. "Mmmmm." she hummed through clenched lips.
"I suppose the Watcher has a plan..?" Jonathan asked in a condescending tone.
"You could say that." Post replied.
"What..?" Trick asked curious, glaring at his colleague.
"I was just assuming what Giles is doing in there." Post idly remarked.
Jonathan shook his head, "We know what he's doing... he's giving her the vampire survival guide. Maybe even the Hellmouth survival guide."
"And she's supposed to take all that on faith..?" Post commented. "I think we should help them out... provide a little proof, so to speak."
An evil grin grew on Trick's face, turning to face his partner he awaited til he got the nod of agreement. "Boys..." Trick called to the vampires lying in wait below. "We've got an errand for you."
Inside Maria's Apartment.
"So..." Buffy began, desperate for anyone to speak. They'd just informed Maria that vampires weren't the only evil out there, and some of them didn't need an invitation to get into the house.
"It's not that bad." Willow gently patted the elder woman on the arm, hoping to reassure her that she wasn't going to die or be attacked anytime soon. "The first thing you've got to do is accept that what we're saying is real."
"That or get outta town." Buffy mumbled to herself, beginning to wish she'd gone the Bronze with the others.
"I'd say decorate the place with some religious icons." Jesse commented. "And some decorative yet, and I cannot stress this enough, sharp weapons."
"I'm not religious." Maria confessed. "But I do have a gun." She offered looking hopeful. "For self-defence."
"Guns don't do much to demons." Buffy corrected her, hating the way Maria's face fell again at the new information. "A sword would be better."
"For any of you." Giles stated, "Miss Locans could find a good gun very useful."
"You said guns don't kill." Jesse argued with the Watcher. "Me and Xander wanted to get a few and you pointblankedly refused."
"They don't." Giles admitted. "But I'm not suggesting Maria go demon-hunting... if she comes across one, I'd suggest continually shooting it while doing her best to escape. Bullets will slow it down."
"You do know you've just re-opened the whole gun argument right..?" Jenny whispered into Giles' ear.
He nodded and quietly responded. "I'll deal with that when it happens, firstly we need to ensure Miss Locans has the best chance of survivial."
"I'm not that good a shot." Maria admitted. "I bought it after my last boyfriend left me... at first I was scared of living alone."
"Then I'd suggest that you go down to one of these gun-clubs that you Americans prefer and see if they can actually teach you to use the thing."
"You just had to get the anti-American comment in there, didn't you?" Jenny quietly admonished him.
"They sold a gun to someone who's just admitted they don't know how to use one." He argued back. "That's extremely reckless."
"Gun and sword lessons..." Maria commented, trying to keep what flimsy grasp of reality she still had. "Where do you get sword lessons from..?"
"We get them from Giles..." Jesse replied before he could stop himself. And then found himself on the recieving end of one of the glare Giles gives when he's at his most disappointed.
Giles sighed, realising the conversation had gone beyond his control. "There's no reason to believe you're not perfectly safe in your house."
Then further conversation was interrupted by the sound of the almighty crash outside and the sound of the car alarm going off.
Being the nearest Giles got to the window first glancing outside he noticed the three male figures standing on top of Miss Locans works van. Which had one it front windscreeen smashed in, another vampire had climbed up and only the legs were out of the van, the other half was leaning inside the van and fiddling with something inside the broken window. "Oh dear." He said.
"Is someone trying to steal my van..?" Maria asked, freeing herself from Willow's embrace and walking over to the Watcher. Once she was able to see the sight outside she began screaming uncontrollably.
Buffy was next to arrive at the window, closely followed by Jesse. Taking in the scene she had only one comment to utter. "You jinxed us." She directed at her Watcher.
Meanwhile.
The Bronze.
"So Buffy's mom is dating..?" Xander asked in an amazed tone while he and Faith waited for the drinks. "How's Buff taking it..?"
Faith just returned a look that screamed 'how do you think?'.
"Right." He said. "So who's the lucky guy..?" He asked.
"You're just glad you're no longer at risk from her amorous intentions." Faith smirked back, taking the drinks off the barman while Xander paid.
"That was a one-off." He argued. "Man, I hope she's calmed down... that was a little bit intimidating." He confessed, as he placed the change into his pocket.
Now that his hands were free, Faith handed him his drink. "I dunno... sometimes the forward thing works..." She commented offhandedly.
"You're talking like this to Buffy?" He asked. When she nodded her agreement in a casual manner, he continued his thoughts on the process. "I bet she doesn't know who to attack... you or this guy."
"She doesn't know the guy." Faith stated truthfully. "Joyce hasn't done the get-offspring's-approval thing yet."
"Neither of you have met him... do we even know he's human?" Xander mused.
"Just like Buffy... always thinking the worst." Faith chastened him.
"This coming from you... with her there's-no-such-thing-as-a-nice-guy attitude."
"I may be changing that slightly." Faith admitted. "Only slightly though... still think most men just want to get into your pants."
"Those men would do well to stay away from my pants." Xander joked. "Specially if my girlfriend found out about it. Seriously though, I'm sure they can be nice guys and still want to get in your pants." He teased.
"See..." She replied, deciding he'd argued her point for her.
"Faith... if they're a nice guy and don't want to get in your pants... well we have terms for that." Xander paused, "And it ain't Faith's boyfriend."
"Fine..." She conceded the point. Glancing across the dancefloor she asked, "Where are the others..?"
"Cordy said she'd be here by half eight at the latest." Xander informed her. "Or is it little Petey you're waiting for..?" He teased.
Faith turned to scan the crowds again, giving him a parting comment. "You really aren't attached to your legs are you..?"
"That's threats of violence that is... I thought we said we were going to stop that."
"I'll stop that when you stop being an ass." Faith casually retorted without looking behind her.
Xander finished his drink and wrapped his arms around her upper torso, effectively pinning her arms at her side.
Faith looked down and where his hands were interlocked, realising that she could easily break free but to do so might involve spilling the drink she still held in her left hand. "What are you doing..?"
"Don't bweak my wegs Faithie..." Xander mock cried behind her. "I wuv you Faithie... don't bweak my wegs.... pwease..." He continued on, attracting the attention of people around them.
"Xander..." She said warningly, starting to notice all the people looking in their direction.
"Wuv you." Came the muffled reply where he'd now buried his head in her shoulder.
"People are staring Xander." She repeated, tone becoming less amused.
"No weg-bweakage..?" Xander commented.
"Not if you let go right now." Faith promised.
Cordelia walked up, just as Xander let go and Faith turned to face him.
Not risking any immediate comments she bought herself some time by downing the rest of the drink and then handing the empty glass to him. "Your round."
"It was my round last time." He countered.
The look she returned, provided no leeway for argument.
"Fine." Turning to the latest arrival. "You in, Cordelia..?"
"Sure..." Cordelia responded in an amused tone. "What was all that about..?"
Faith changed her expression into one that just vibed don't-ask, and scanned the club again, this time keeping her back to the bar.
"I was being an ass." Xander proudly replied in an enthusiastic tone.
Pete watched them from above with a serious expression on his face; watching tight-lipped as Xander attempted to attract the attention of the bartender and Cordelia went to his side to help him, obviously deciding that it needed a woman's touch, 'Or at least a woman's cleavage.' he figured as he saw her lean over the bar further than was necessary. He saw Faith finish her perusal of the lower floor, and moved away from the edge of the balcony just before Faith looked upwards to see if there was any sign of the others up there.
End chapter thirty four