Cold. Oh God, it's so cold, isn't it? I think it is. I don't like the cold as much as I like the warm. Cold isn't particularly bad by itself, but…I'm not really sure why I don't like the cold so much! I guess I'll find out someday, but I'm not very smart yet. They're teaching me how to be smart, and read, and talk like other people. I think they're doing a marvelous job.
Sorry, I should really introduce myself. I'm Iyistrrrrrrrrph Jhorblinks. What? Oh. I see…well then how about Hongrak Poughndrey? No, that won't work either. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, I'm such a fucking retard. I can't even come up with a good name. They all either sound boring, or sound too funny for other people. Oops! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to use those bad words in front of you. You see, I'm special like nobody else that I know, but maybe you know. I used to be really smart, and I can still spell big, cool words. Psoriasis. See? But I'm not smart anymore, and now I'm special. I remember what that means, still. My special means that I'm a fucking retard and I'm not right in the head and I'm stupid. Oooooh, I'm sorry, I did it again. It's hard not to forget, but I have to try because most people get embarrassed or upset when I curse. They don't let on, but I know 'cause when I was smart I didn't like it when people curse too much. I wouldn't either, but I get angry when I do something stupid 'cause it's not my fault, which makes me do something stupid again, like yell bad words.
Oh? Ha! Oh yeah, the names! I forgot, how silly of me! I'm silly like nobody else that I know, but maybe you know. You see, I can't remember my name, but that's not my fault. They just won't let me know, so I make up my own names just to spite them. What? Oh, why won't they? I don't know. They said if I remember my name, then the humans will find me and wake me up. I'm not sure what that means. I'm already awake! Why would they want to wake me up? I don't know what they are talking about. Who? Oh, the people with black suits. I think they work for the government. Ha ha! Maybe it's against the law to wake up from a nap! Maybe that's why I don't take naps when the doctors tell me to. I don't like to take naps in the afternoon.
One time before I got stupid, I took a nap, and I had a dream where I was in my mommy's tummy. It felt so real! But it was weird because there were so many hoses in my body! I tried to get them all out, because they hurt, but then a big nasty bug came down. It was bigger than me! Then it jammed all the hoses back into my arms and my mouth, and it was so fucking awful! I fucking hated it, but I kept fighting it, and all I wanted for a long time after that dream was to go back and beat that bug. This nice lady told me about being asleep inside a computer, or something. She looked smart and pretty, but now I think she was crazy, but how smart could I have been back then, because I believed her! I had met her a few times at night in these dark weird places, and she seemed nervous. No matter where we met, I noticed, that she'd have a lot of guns, and she would have an old rotary phone right next to her. I remember being very nervous the first time, but the next time I went I wasn't as scared. She seemed more frightened than I was, but she was the one with all the guns! She had a very nice, strange name (I don't think it was her real one), but the men with the black suits wouldn't let me remember it. But for all her guns and the dark places we talked in, she was so very, very warm to me.
I got a call from her one night while I was watching TV. I don't remember what I was watching. I'm forgetful like nobody else that I know, but maybe you know. I think it was a reality show, but things like those never happen in real life. She told me to go to the movie theater and wait for her where they were showing…fuck, I can't remember the movie. Sorry! I went and met her in one of the theaters, and she took me into the projector room, and she was there with guns and a phone. She told me that it was time for me to choose to either wake up or stay. She handed me some colored medicine, and said one would wake me up, and the other would keep me asleep, but I wouldn't know it. I thought about freedom or something, but now I don't think it has anything to do with being asleep. I took the one that she said would make me wake up. She was so happy, and she took out a cell phone and called somebody, and told them I said yes. I blinked, and suddenly there were three or four more people in the room standing by the phone! They had stuff, too, that wasn't there before, like a cool chair they made me sit in. They stuck some stickers on me with wires on them. I don't remember what you call those things…but I felt so special! The others were working so fast, except for her. She was looking at me, and I was looking at her, and she seemed so happy she was almost crying, and I too. She touched my shoulder for a moment, and then got back to work. I felt my eyelids close shut, and my body felt farther away from me, I think. I felt like I was going to sleep. Then I dreamed of being in mommy's tummy. The bug, the hoses, the whole thing was just like I told you. But it was over so quickly, and I woke up with a start. I was in the same special chair, and she was draped over my shoulder like she was whispering in my ear, but she just stayed there. I couldn't hear her breathing. My shirt felt wet. I touched it, and it was wet with blood. Then I heard footsteps from behind my chair. I looked away from her dead face, and slowlyturned my head toa tall man in a black suit. I saw his breath as he ordered me to get up and come with him. After that, I fell asleep for a long time, and I've been stupid ever since.