Before.

Journeys with the Prothean

By: Dr. Liara T'Soni

Chapter one.

Since the mysterious ending of the prothean race over 50,000 years ago, not a single species has been able to form a definitive explanation for their disappearance. It was not until 2183, the year of the first human spectre, that the galaxy finally had its answer. The spectre, Commander Shepard

I stared at the unfinished sentence, the cursor pulsing like a heartbeat, waiting for further input. The tension behind my retinas caused the words on the screen to blur into unfamiliar symbols. The room felt cold, as though someone had changed the thermostat to "Noveria." The pressure in my chest rose to my tightened throat. It was a bitter taste, one that was near impossible to swallow. Without a second thought, I smashed a finger into the backspace button and watched it devour my work. I leaned back in my chair and allowed my eyes to fall closed. "Glyph, what's the temperature in here?"

The info drone announced its presence with a whirl and a few beeps. "It is currently seventy degrees Fahrenheit, Dr. T'Soni."

"That can't be right." I rubbed my forehead. "The damn thermostat must be broken."

"Incorrect. The thermostat is functioning at its full capacity and does not require any fixes."

I pushed myself to my feet and made my way past Glyph, muttering, "I need a drink."

As I gathered the materials to assemble a strong drink, Glyph took the opportunity to drift to my side. Its blue light bled across the bar and refracted in the ice cubes in my glass. "I have finished sorting through today's reports," the drone announced. "You also have several unread messages from recipients including Garrus, Tali, Wrex, Ash-"

"Stop," I commanded, throwing back a large gulp of amber liquid. I hardly felt the burn it left as it slid down my throat. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that could keep me warm after Shepard's passing. "I'll answer them later."

"You have been saying this for exactly three weeks, five days, twelve hours-"

"Thank you, Glyph."

The drone quieted, as though it were deep in thought. "Would you like me to set a reminder?"

"No." The quickly melting ice clinked as my hands shook. I wanted nothing more than to curl up under my covers and lay in the dark until sleep finally took me. In those days alone, I often thought of my friends and the adventures we had while saving the galaxy. It brought a certain sadness to me, but I couldn't bring myself to face them. Not after London. Besides, being the Shadow Broker didn't allow me time for things as mundane as maintaining friendships. They would only distract me from my ever-growing list of responsibilities.

A beep from Glyph pulled me from my thoughts. "It is time to feed Boo."

When I entered my bedroom, the only indication that anything lived inside the tank next to my bed was two tiny, tan ears sticking out from under a mound of yellow hay. That hamster had been through about as much chaos as the rest of us, yet the poor creature hadn't been given so much as a name from his previous owner. Shepard's treatment of the pet she claimed to love with the only thing that ever really bothered me about her. Looking back on it, perhaps it was just the only flaw my naive heart would allow me to see. Either way, her death had formed a bond between Boo and me.

Boo gave a thrilled squeak when he finally realized why I was visiting him. I gently rubbed him between the ears as I placed a bowl of dry pellets atop his bed of hay. He scurried over and proceeded to scarf down the food, his face disappearing behind the metal of his bowl. I watched him in a silence that hung heavy in the air. The feeling of loneliness seeped into the cracks of my heart. It wasn't often I let it in, usually opting to fight against it. However, I was becoming oh so tired from fighting. I was withering away from being in the company of only the drone, the rodent, and my screens full of people. I knew so much concerning the lives and secrets of those people, yet they only knew me as a figure lurking in the shadows. My work turned me into the kind of creature that starred in ghoulish bedtime stories used to scare children into behaving.

I wanted nothing more than to contact my friends. To ask them what they were up to and if they were alright. To catch up on the present while reminiscing about the past. It would take only a few buttons to push for me to hear their voices again. But it would only remind me that there was nothing in the world that would let me hear her voice again. Suddenly, my friends faded away into memories of Shepard. How her eyes created arches when she smiled, or how she ground her teeth when she was upset. The bed had never felt so cold without her body against mine.

I inhaled deeply, and I swear I could smell the sweat on her skin and the shampoo in her hair. The bile in my throat burned worse than the drink had. I did nothing to stop the dam behind my eyes from bursting. Fat, ugly tears streaked my cheeks. I felt like a child again, throwing a crazed fit as my mother guided me inside our home and away from the sun dipping beneath Thessia's horizon. The salty taste of snot on my lips as she insisted there would be plenty of time to play outside tomorrow. There would always be a tomorrow.

"Dr, T'Soni." I could hardly make out the drone's words through the ringing in my head, and the flood of tears gathering in my swollen eyelids made it almost impossible to see. "You have an incoming transmission from Admiral Steven Hackett of the Human Alliance Navy," it continued.

I swiped my fingers across my cheeks and flicked off the wetness, confusion taking the place of my grief. "Patch him though," I said, but my voice sounded far away.