Title: A Self Insertion Story
Author: P.L.S.
Rating:PG or PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. But as you will learn, I often dream about owning him, body, mind, and soul.
Summery: A funny little collection of things I'd do to Harry and Draco if I were in their world/ had the blackmail material/ or the shear power.
Part Six: The Solutions
Miss? Miss Sanguinaire? He taps me on the shoulder, trying hard not to disturb me as he tries to get my attention. It's funny really, most wizards and witches assume that since I order Harry and Draco around and am on such great terms with the Malfoys and Notts that I must be a powerful witch. The Brits all think I'm a Death Eater too. It positively is hilarious, to see the scared or awe struck kids as Narcissa and I go shopping. I'm surprised they don't refer to my last name as well, or turn me into a vamp-kin. After all, Sanguinaire is French for blood thirsty. Oh, maybe that's where they get the Death Eater idea from.
I sigh and make an irritated face.
Um, a Mr. Gregory Goyle from Strongarm Services is here to see you. he says meekly.
Send him in. Lord knows he's not doing any good looking at the portraits in the foyer. I hiss at him. Wonderful, he pales, jumps, and scurries to obey. I like the mentally scarred servents.
Mr. Gregory Goyle, miss. he announses the burly and rather tall looking man in dark robes of a business man. I wave the servant away and smile at Draco's old classmate.
Mr. Goyle, wonderful to meet you. Draco and Harry have told me so much about you and a Mr. Vincent Crabbe. I say and show him to a comfortable seat across from my favorite lounge.
Really? So, why'd you call to set up an appointment? he asks with a slight smile of his own. Note to self- while not very well-spoken has a bit of a business man's shine to his eyes.
Harry and Draco are getting threats along with the typical fan mail and just the other day Oberon had to neutralize a threat that was made against Draco during a press junkett. I'm hoping I could find people they both know and trust, or just know to help us keep our boys safe.I see. Well, as you know Strongarm is a security company with specialization in heavy personal protection, including our top ranked bodyguards and our internationally acclamed warding department. No person, place, or thing we have guarded, to date, has ever been hurt, killed, damaged, or stolen. If you want to hire us to guard Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, you can make no better choice. Goyle says with a slight smile. It sounds like a practised speech, but it does it's job. However, I'm not satified.
But you must understand, it's not the company, it's the people. You probably know both of them are paranoid to a fault, and they think they can take care of themselves. If anything I need them to either trust the guard or never see them.No problem. Crabbe and I will personally select a group of Hogwarts alumni and each take up the challenge. Goyle said with a confident look about him.
Are you sure? I had to ask. I'm not about to take chances here. Draco and Harry are both adament about being able to handle themselves, but no one is perfect.
Is a Thestral black? he grinned.
How the hell should I know? I'm a muggle. he looks surprised and a bit worried.
It is.Oh. Okay. Just kind of try to steerclear of the wizaphors, and I won't fry your motherboard with muggle ones. I grinned at the puzzled look and smile of understanding.
I understand your point now, Miss Sanguinaire. he laughed.
Call me Persephone, or Seph. I held out my hand.
he shook it with a firm, but not bone-crunching grip. Then a grin came over his face as he gave into an inner desire, So is it true then that you are a vampire or half-vampire? If you're a muggle, you couldn't be a Death Eater or Morgana reborn.
Scratch what I said earlier, they made the connection.
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But whinned Harry, I just want to go to their wedding. They were my best friends from eleven on, I should at least go. He gave me his best puppy dog look, which was admittably good, but only worked on those who were dog lovers. Me, I'm a cat lover. You ignore them, they ignore you, everybody is happy and it makes those very rare moments when you need a pet or purr all the more special.
Harry was deffinatly barking up the wrong tree, but I'm guessing both Lucius and Oberon told him that he had to ask me. Smart men, they know me far too well. I couldn't help the horrid play that sprang up, thus I gave the poor sap a sympathedic smile.
Oh, I suppose I should let you take a break from your tour for this event. Harry's face grew into a hopeful smile, pathedic, But I would have to tell the twenty-five thousand who each bought a ticket at a minimum of a very high thirty-five American dollars each, that the one they are spending their time and money to see and worship can't keep to his obligations because his old childhood buddies, who don't even write regularly, are getting hitched on very short notice and invited you, maybe as an afterthought to boot. With each word Harry's face fell and by the end he was looking at the floor. I turned and left the room, my work was done. Somedays I loved my life.
It was another two days before Harry brought up the wedding, and he had a solution. Portkey-ing. He did the math and made a deal with the Grangers and Weasleys, he also begged Severus Snape for an energy potion as he was going to sing at the wedding and resepetion in exchange for them changing the time by a couple hours.
It was presented in such a way that covered for almost all but the most dire situations. I had to say yes. Especially after Harry had shown inisiative two years ago an had Voldemort, along with the more gung ho of his Death Eaters, assassinated by a muggle terrorist organization from the Middle East. It was some group that was now on a jihad now that the old leader was obliviated and living in a villa in Brazil. The only danger was of him getting plastered then laid, but even that wouldn't happen. Harry's personal contingent of bodyguards were all to cast a charm that would get rid of the alochol content of all his drinks on anything he ingested as well as carry two vials of the now comersially sold Hangover Solution Potion.
So with my blessing and suggestion to get them an acromantilla egg, he went off to shop for the best gift in the world for a new married couple. Draco suggested dueling pistols and live ammo (the brat has exsellent taste.) Harry told him to get stuffed then was told by Lucius that he was right. After all, the pistols were obviously too complicated for Ron Weaslsy, a board with a bent and rusted nail would be better suited to him. Harry then told Lucius just what he could do with said board, Lucius drew his wand and I left the room. No point in me getting hit by the spell-fire.
Narsissa then took the liberty of ordering several suggestions. One was a silver chandelbra set from Tiffany's with the wedding date on one, the new wedded couple's names on the other, and both with the Weasley family crest and motto. The second was a custom earring and choker set of diamonds and both of the soon to be Mr. and Ms. Weasley's birthstones. The last was a twenty place setting of the china that the couple had regestered for.
Harry's biggest trouble then was how to pick the best gift, in the end he picked the china and got Narcissa a day at a spa for two to get her that second (or twenty-second) honeymoon she had been grousing about for a few days.
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