Not so perfect
"Annie's twelve years old
and in two more she'll be a whore.
But nobody ever told her it was the wrong way."
-Sublime
I lifted my head slowly, as the tears fought the dams of my stubborn heart. They would never see me cry. In no perfect life of theirs would they understand. I must keep smiling. Day after day that's all I ever did. Smile. Never had I really smiled, never had I really laughed. I was so fake I was unbreakable. Damn them, hell, fuck them all! Those assholes had NO FUCKIN idea of who I was and what I stood for.
All they did was stand there beating me down for doing the best I could. With a past like mine I was lucky to be alive let alone a high achiever! How would they like if…LILY DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!!! A voice throbbed through my head, doubling the splitting head ache that had begun around lunch. Around the time I received the letter… DON'T THINK!!! Go ahead Lily: smile confidently, smile brightly. Show up the world, show them you can take it. Show them…
"HEY LILY!!!" A strong male voice tore through my thoughts, bringing me back into the dim hallway of Hogwarts. Taking a deep breath and plastering my face with a smile I turned slowly, wanting with every ounce of my being to turn and run away. Run to the lake, dive in… wash away my troubles…wash away me. "Hey Lily!" A deep voice slaughtered my thoughts once again. I nearly jumped when I realized who it was. I took a quick glance at my hair color, it was still red, so 'Mister Prankster' wasn't about to point out another of his amazing pranks that 'Miss Perfect' fell into. Faking a smile I looked into his 'womanizer eyes' that belonged tothe one and only James Harold Potter, Hogwarts' bad boy. He stood all six and five inches in front of me grinning like an alley cat. His pose of a confident Quidditch player idolized by the whole fucking school, gave me a strong urge to slam him one in the stomach. I smiled at the thought of seeing him double over, not only his stomach but ego bruised so badly he could barley stand up right. Oh the bloody joy that would bring!
"Hello James, how are you toady?" the question simple, but my voice sickened with the edge of glass. Hugging my books tighter, I wished he would just leave me alone. I felt fake, I looked fake, any moment someone or anyone was going to announce it to the whole world, James was too great of a candidate. He grinned, I noticed as his starting gesture for conversation. Great.
"Quite well, even better if a lovely woman such as yourself would allow me to be her body guard for a day." James said, almost killing me with his egotistical offer. I nearly kicked myself, here I was worrying my big fat head off about seeming desperate and Potter was reeking of it! People these days! No one was real, just living an image spit out by the society's opinion about coolness and what was in and out. It was disgusting; I rubbed myself to get off the build up of dirt.
"Why James, I think I've done fine enough all these years, so why all of a sudden must I require one?" I batted my eyelashes innocently feeling the storm of anger rise in my stomach. I DID NOT need to be protected. Way to go Potter, on my bad list right off the bat, never tell a chick (well at least me) she'll only survive with a macho man by her side! Even more so if you are talking about yourself, the idiot! I tilted my head sarcastically at his broad confident grin. Oh the agony he caused me, he really needed to be punched out or something. He slowly reached up to touch my face softly, leaving me biting my tongue.
"Because only now I've realized the angelic lady that stands so vulnerable out on her own, and I beat my self up inside for not offering my services before." He said moving for my books. Aware how close his hands were to my chest, I quickly glanced at his face, his eyes obviously transfixed. I turned around taking deep breaths along the way. He was an inch from death or something of the sort. "What?" he ran to catch up with my fast pace breathing heavily, "Can't a guy be polite in these days? Is that against your rules…" he mockingly said, this time grabbing my book bag that almost fell to the floor unnoticed in my anger. Sure, I was acting really emotionally to the whole vulnerable thing but… too much in my life always painted me as the vulnerable one. And I was sick of it! If only the cocky little son of a bitch knew all the shit…LILY!!! STOP THINKING YOU FUCKING MORON!!!! My voice screamed in my head warningly. My eyes were brimming as they always did when I was emotional, I was about to plummet, and he was forcing me into a hurricane.
"You should really stop smoking James, it's bad for your health." I repulsively pointed out changing the subject to the bulge inside his robe that stuck out wickedly due the flapping of his unbuttoned robes. Anything to take the conversation off me.
Anything to pinprick his inflated ego.
"You only live once." He grinned a little disturbed by the topic. Obviously no girl ever mentioned his smoking habit a turn off. Hell in the 70's it was in.
"I thought that was what you would say." I said smiling to my self quietly, looking down at my new shoes. That's what he would say. My father, leaning back in his rocking chair starring out at the stars, day dreaming about anything and everything. My father, his bright red hair the spitting image of my own, his gentle calm poetic ways installed into me. Oh how we would dance, sing, and laugh….until that day. That terrible heart exploding day that still haunted my dreams even though it was years past. My father was still my idol in every way and form. My father is dead. I shook with the memories of that day that changed my life in so many ways it insane. The cause of my fake identity, the cause of all my problems laid in a secret that was sworn to secrecy. I barley dare to terrorize myself over the thought of what could have been if…
"Yo!!! LILY, you in there? Hola! Como esta? Lily…" James face loomed in front of my face, unfogging my thoughts.
"Hmmm? Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked, snapping my head upwards. James brown eyes loomed in front of me, radiating heat. He really had nice eyes... LILY STOP IT!!! Damn the Marauders, why did they all have to be complete hunks? Well, other then Peter, their little manservant, running errands for free 24/7 just to be in their group. It was disgusting how he idolized the guys, hell!!! It was sickening how everyone idolized them! He even walked funny!
"We have a Quidditch match this Friday…and I was wondering if you would like to come. We're playing Slytherin, it'll be a great game." He smiled in his idea of a shy dude, trying to hide behind his hair, and trying to fake a blush in the process. He failed miserably, and this time I bit my tongue not to laugh like hell, what a dork!
J
She was buying it. God wasn't I the best actor or what?! She smiled shyly at me, her sexy little hips moving as she walked, a glorious sight next to mine. It would be fun to date her, I couldn't remember hearing about anyone dating her before. Then again I never paid attention to that crap. I was not into the whole girly gossip thing like Sirius, even though it was all about me. I checked my self out in a mirror as we walked by. My smooth walk was known alone to make chicks faint, let alone my handsome face. I was such a sex god, and the whole school, let alone world knew it. Lily batted her long eyelashes flirtatiously. "I'll have to check my schedule, I think I'm busy."
Oh so playing hard to get were we? Why don't you just give in girly, we were going to fuck sometime or another. I laughed confidently at the vary thought. "Sure I'll see you there." I grinned staring down at her rack, damn, I loved to being tall!
"James, stop staring at my chest." She said, nearly making me jump. No one ever told me to stop starring at their goods, what the hell was wrong with this bitch! I did what I wanted when I wanted, if I wanted to stare at her chest then I would. Her blazing green eyes shook me. We stopped at a door, she turned towards me, damn was she a babe.
"Whoa, down tiger. Your just so hot when your pissed… did you know that?" I asked hotly. She went pale, her hold on her books tightened, she looked like she was trapped in a bad movie.
"My bag, Potter." Her voice clear and crisp as she held out a hand timidly.
"See you at the match." I broke out the heart-breaking grin. Her face stayed lodged in a frown, my grin wavered.
"My bag." Her tone so startling icy my grin plummeted to the rundown hallway and her French leather bag placed in her hands hopelessly. "Good day, Potter." She said, disappearing behind a sliding door without a glance back as the world crumbled on my shoulders. She doesn't want me. My books tumbled noiselessly the floor after my jaw that was trapped in despair.