Disclaimer: I don't own anything in the Harry Potter universe, and I only own a few college textbooks and a computer, so it really won't do much good to sue me! ;-)
Summary: Remus Lupin is a lonely 11 year old who happens to be a werewolf. When he gets a chance to go to Hogwarts, will he be able to hide his secret and make something of himself?
Window to the Soul
By: SilverTrinity
He was the first one in class, and he decided to sit at the front in the seat nearest to the door. Hopefully no one would notice him too much then. Remus always made sure that he was early to classes, that way no one would talk to him in the hallways and usually no one wanted to sit that close to the front either, unless they had to. So Remus felt semi-safe from his classmates. Well don't think of them as the enemy! Remember you're the enemy to them, just stay away and pay attention in class and you'll do alright here and get to stay! That was the one thought that Remus loved knowing. That as long as he didn't screw up, then he could actually stay at this wonderful school!
Remus hadn't even known if he was going to even get to go, figured more then likely not; not with his lycanthropy in the way. He and his parents figured that he would just be home schooled his entire life, and when he was grown he could leave if he wanted. But then Professor Dumbledore had come to his home and he hadn't even known who he was. But it was quite a surprise too; he remembered his mother busying herself around the kitchen as his father shook hands with him. Remus stayed out of the way as was his habit with new people. He was an ill looking child and he hated the way people looked him over. He always felt like they could see the werewolf in him and disliked him for it.
So Remus had gone to their backyard to play with the gnomes that hid in his mother's garden. He liked to chase the little things and see if he could ever catch one of them; which usually didn't happen but it was fun to try and they were his friends. As he ran around the garden (minding not to step on any flowers) he heard someone call his name. He stopped chasing a particularly fat gnome that fell to the ground puffing, and turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing at the patio entranceway. Dumbledore smiled at him and beckoned him over again. Remus was cautious as always, but he liked to please people if he could so because it made him feel hopefully useful in their eyes.
He walked over and made sure to keep his eyes glued to Dumbledore's boots. They were very nice boots Remus had thought. He stood in front of the professor, still studying his shoes intently when his view changed. Dumbledore had bent down and tilted his head so he could look Remus in the eyes. Remus' eyes widened and he looked away quickly, Dumbledore shouldn't look into his eyes, he might see the werewolf! Remus chanced a quick glance at him and seen that Dumbledore was still staring at him, but was smiling as well. "Why don't you look at me young Mr. Lupin?" Dumbledore had asked him. Remus glanced at him again and wondered if he knew about his lycanthropy. Then he also realized that Dumbledore expected an answer, and not wanting to be rude, Remus said, "I...uh…I just don't know who you are and I'm nervous, and I…uh, am shy or so my mum says…I…" Remus had trailed off at that realizing he was rambling. He tempted Lady Luck again and chanced a look at this strange man with such a long, white beard. He was still smiling at Remus, but his eyes were giving him that once over look! He really hated that look, and so Remus turned away again, wondering if he would be being really rude if he ran off to chase after that fat gnome again. But before he could run for it, Dumbledore gently, yet firmly, took his arm by the elbow and pulled him closer to him. Dumbledore then reached and pulled his other arm so that Remus had to stand directly in front of him, and because the professor was already crouching, Remus had three choices, look up, shut his eyes, or look Dumbledore in the face.
"Remus, you can trust me. I know about you're lycanthropy. And I wanted to ask you some questions, is that okay?" Dumbledore had asked him. This had gotten Remus' attention! He knew about him being a werewolf and he wasn't running away or trying to kill him? Why not? Everyone else had except his parents. Even his Great Uncle Gin had wanted him gone. One night soon after he had first been bitten, he had overhead him and his parents arguing on whether or not to just set him out in a forest far away! His parents were adamantly refusing any such thing for their boy and Uncle Gin was just as adamant about sending him. As Remus had sat on the little stairwell that led to his room, cradling his arm that was still wrapped in bandages from the werewolf attack, he wondered if he really was a 'little monster' like Uncle Gin was saying he was. Eventually Uncle Gin had left and they had not heard from him since, which was probably for the better. But Remus came back to himself and asked the only question that formed in his mind at that moment, "Aren't you afraid I'll hurt you?"
Dumbledore smiled a gentle smile and shook his head. "Would you like to sit with me Remus in your mother's garden here, and talk for a few minutes? I'm sure it will give that fat little gnome some time to recover." Remus smiled at that and for some reason knew that he could trust this man, his parents obviously did if they let him out here alone, and he knew about him being a werewolf and hadn't tried to kill him or anything. "Okay, that gnomes name is Fat Friar. And then there's another one that's fat too, and I just call him Huge Hubert! But there are little gnomes too, and their fast! One I can never catch and his name is Ryker."
Dumbledore laughed and had asked him if he had all the gnomes named and actually Remus did and proceeded to tell him all their names and about their personalities and whether or not he could catch them. Dumbledore listened intently as he and Remus had sat on a stone bench in the middle of his mum's garden. Then Dumbledore had asked Remus a sad question, "Remus, do you have any other friends then gnomes around here?" Remus stopped talking and couldn't help but think that he had never had any other friends. But he didn't want to tell Dumbledore this, so instead he did tell him about a form of friends he had, "Sure I do…I have Andrew Ketterley, Polly Plummer, oh and the Pevensie family-Peter, Susan, Lucy, and Edmund."
Dumbledore had looked at Remus and shook his head. "You're a lonely boy, aren't you?" Remus didn't say anything, but just looked at Dumbledore. "I liked reading the Chronicles of Narnia too Remus, but those people aren't real and you know that." Remus looked down, very ashamed that this nice man had caught him in a lie. "I'm sorry Sir," was all Remus had said. Dumbledore chuckled then and told him it was alright and that Aslan the lion had been his favorite character. This too was Remus' favorite character and he talked about him excitedly to Dumbledore. Finally Dumbledore spoke again, "You know Remus, I am Headmaster at a school called Hogwarts. It's for magical children like you, and there all the students are placed into one of four houses. I went there myself when I was a child and I was put into the house called Gryffindor. And its mascot is a lion." Dumbledore had looked at him then with a twinkle in his eyes. "Maybe if you went to my school, you might be put into Gryffindor too. Would you like that?"
Remus was astounded. His parents had told him he would never be able to go to a 'normal' school because of his lycanthropy. "Could I really? But I might hurt someone, I can't. I don't want to hurt anyone!" Remus said dejectedly. "Well now Mr. Lupin, I have thought of that and even talked to your parents about it and they are absolutely thrilled that I have come up with a solution to your problem." Remus had become very excited at this point and jumped off the bench and before he had thought twice about it, had hugged Dumbledore! Realizing what he had just done, he stepped back, blushing and mumbling an apology. Dumbledore only smiled and said, "I, Professor Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, cordially invite Remus John Lupin to become a pupil there for the next seven years. Do you accept?" Remus nodded eagerly and Dumbledore stood up taking the eleven year olds hand and taking him back to the house where they had all sat and discussed what Remus was to do about every full moon and about him being as normal as possible.
Suddenly Remus was brought out of his pool pf memories when he heard Professor McGonagall reprimand a young boy in Slytherian for not paying attention. Remus decided that he should also pay attention, with it being only the second week of school. He would remember later.
&----&----&
The sun was setting and Remus watched it through his common room's window. It was only a week away from his first full moon here, and it scared him that he might mess up and get kicked out f school. It had been made clear to him that if anyone found out at the school, except the necessary people, that he would have to leave as other students would be afraid of him and others might try to hurt him. He really didn't want that to happen and never having changed her before he was even more nervous then normal around his fellow Gryffindors.
Yes, he had been sorted into the house with Aslan the lion as their mascot, or so Remus liked to think. He remembered him and the hat discussing whether or not to put him in Gryffindor. The Hat had said he would be a good Gryffindor, but that Ravenclaw would excel his already clever mind even more. But Remus had been insistent and finally the Hat had said that he chose to be who he wanted to be, and had roared out, "GRYFFINDOR!" Remus had thanked the Hat and ran to his table where he sat beside another first year like himself; he was a tall boy with shoulder length black hair and gray eyes. They had said hello's and had even had a small conversation, but Remus was still afraid to look anyone in the eyes and so had kept quiet mostly. And there is only so much one person can say if the other doesn't want to, or won't talk back. So the boy had finally just smiled and said he'd see him around in class. That was one of five people he'd spoken to since school had began.
The boy's name was Sirius, and he had talked to him, and a girl named Alice who sat beside of him in Herbology. Then he had answered questions to two of his teachers and had talked to Professor Dumbledore the second day of school. Remus was doing a good job of staying out of trouble. He figured the less people he talked to, the better. He was minimizing his chances of them seeing the 'real' him. And he liked it. Well okay; I don't like it. But it's safe. I wish I could talk to Alice more, and maybe even that Sirius boy. It would be great having a friend to talk to. Remus sighed at that. He loved his new school so much, but the one goal he really wanted was to have friends, or at least a friend. But he knew he was being foolish. How could he be friends with anyone, if he couldn't tell them who he really was? And they might see him for what he really was anyway, if he got too close to them, and then they would all hate him. So Remus held firm in his decision to be lonely rather then have friends.
&----&----&
A week and one day later, Remus lay in his bed sleeping the day away. He was rudely awakened though when his four roommates came in to drop their books off and go to lunch in the Great Hall. They made a good deal of noise laughing and horse playing. Remus grunted and rolled over in his bed.
"Oh look-ie there, we woke up Sleeping Beauty. What's a-matter, why do you get to sleep in and not us?" said his one roommate named Martin McCallaster. He was rather brash and none too smart by Remus. "Oh leave him alone; can't you see he doesn't look well? Let's just hope we don't catch it! Now come on, it's time for lunch," said another boy named Dennis Palmer, Martin's best friend. The two left, and Remus was left half awake with the first person he'd met at Hogwarts, Sirius Black and another boy that always hung around Sirius; James Potter.
"Hey mate, you feeling alright?" asked Sirius. Remus turned his head and glanced at Sirius. He gave a brief smile and said, "Yes, I just get sick a lot is all. Sorry." Remus didn't know why he had added the sorry in really; it was just that he didn't want Sirius to think bad of him like his other two roommates already did. He hadn't ever met James before, but he seemed nice. "Well sorry to hear about that, maybe you'll get better soon? If you feel up to it, tomorrow their having quidditch tryouts and everyone's going down to watch them. You can come with us if you want to," said Sirius.
"I don't know, maybe," was all Remus said. He liked Sirius, but he didn't want him to see the werewolf inside that would invariably come out if he wasn't very careful. "Well at least come eat with us! You look like a hippogriff dragged you in," stated James, "Come on now, hurry and get dressed!" It didn't seem that Remus was getting a choice in this, but Remus still got up and quickly dressed. He was rather hungry though. They walked to the Great Hall with Sirius and James talking about quidditch, or rather James talking about it and Sirius rolling his eyes and grinning at Remus as they walked. Remus suppressed a smile whenever Sirius would do this, because it was all quite funny with James talking on, oblivious to Sirius' teasing. James did catch sight of Remus smiling though, but he interpreted it to mean that Remus really liked quidditch. He then went on to ask all about Remus' experience with it, "So do you have a broom? Have any siblings or friends to play quidditch with where your home's at?"
Remus shook his head, "No, I don't have any brothers or sisters, or any friends at home." Did I just say that? Why did you say that you dolt? "No friends or siblings! How lonely! What do you do with your time then Remus?" asked James. "Well I read a lot and umm…chased and caught gnomes." Remus didn't know if this would create a good reaction or not. He hoped most of all that they wouldn't laugh at him and make fun of him forever afterwards. He chanced a look at Sirius who looked slightly amused with a small smile on his face, and Remus then looked over at James who looked downright thoughtful. James looked at him, squints his eyes and said, "I wonder if that would make you a good seeker?" Remus couldn't help it, and for that matter neither could Sirius. They both burst out laughing at James who looked bewildered at his serious statement. "Mate, you do take quidditch way to seriously," Sirius said through his laughter. James almost looked hurt, but then he punched both Sirius and Remus in the arm and laughed at himself then too.
Remus couldn't stop smiling the rest of that day. He had never laughed like that with people his own age before. Not to say he hadn't ever laughed, but it had always been with his parents or some other family members. Never with friends. Is that what they are now? My friends? I hope they are, I really do. Maybe I can have a few friends if I am really careful about my lycanthropy. As long as I don't hang out with them too much; just at meals and some extra stuff every now and then. I can't wait to see the quidditch tryouts tomorrow. I bet it will be exciting. I've never seen live quidditch before! Remus was soon fast asleep in his bed, dreaming of gnomes flying on tiny brooms around his house with him trying to catch them all. He was starting to feel much more comfortable in his new home.
&----&----&
The quidditch tryouts were exciting to say the least. Remus, Sirius, and James had headed over towards the quidditch pitch after lunch to watch their fellow Gryffindors tryout for the team. They sat in the top of the stands as to get the best view of the players above them. Remus and Sirius sat anyway, James stood the whole time yelling, mumbling, and jumping up and down whether or not someone did something good. Sirius and Remus were both positive that James had forgotten that they were there. They watched the student's tryout and Sirius also started coaxing Remus to talk.
Remus didn't know why Sirius wanted to talk to him, but it did please him knowing that he did want him to talk. Remus wouldn't look at Sirius and chose instead to watch the players flashing by on their brooms. "Well I do like quidditch, but it's the first time I've ever seen it played live," Remus told Sirius. "Really? My parents took me and my brother to a Quidditch Cup last year, and it was pretty cool, but that probably won't happen again," Sirius said rather grumpily. Remus didn't know if it was his place to ask, but he decided he'd be a little courageous and see if he got a good response, "Why won't it happen again?"
Sirius looked Remus over; he was a really thin kid with pale skin and light brown hair. He couldn't really tell about his eyes because Remus always had his face turned down or looking away from him. He could tell that his eyes were brown, but that was all. He wondered why Remus never looked at hardly anyone, especially when he was talking, which was rare in itself for Remus. Remus Lupin was an enigma to Sirius, and Sirius dearly loved a mystery. His mischievous side was telling him that Remus was hiding something and he really wanted to know what it was. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, Sirius thought. Remus was a generally nice kid though. He had seen him in class and he was always very polite and quiet, very unassuming. "Well my parents are pretty mad that I was sorted into Gryffindor, instead of Slytherian like the rest of my family. They even tried to get Dumbledore to change it, but he refused. So I figure their not going to like me much anymore because of where I am."
Remus could understand that, people didn't like him when they knew what he was. He could compare the two easily. It would be really hard to not have my parents support, thought Remus. "I'm sorry Sirius, I hope it gets better for you," was all Remus thought to say. "It's alright, its been like that for years, my parents have never really approved of anything I've done, and being placed in Gryffindor is just more sugar in the tea to them," Sirius said matter of fact.
At that moment, James whooped as one of his favorites made a goal. Remus looked up at James and smiled, knowing that James would probably act like this always. Sirius nudged Remus and said, "Well mate, let's just hope that next year he gets on the team, think of how bad he's going to be during the games! I don't think we'll make it through many Gryffindor games!" Remus couldn't help but laugh a little as he watched James jump up and down. "I think you're right, mate," Remus said. Hey! I just called him mate! He's my friend! And he called me mate too, which means, hopefully, that I'm his friend too.
The tryouts were over with Gryffindor gaining two new beaters, and a new chaser. They had lasted a long time and it was starting to darken a little outside. Many of the students went in, but James told Remus and Sirius to follow him. They did and James reached a broom closet that was just outside of the Quidditch Pitch. He got out three brooms and gave one to each boy and one for himself. All three already knew how to fly, but it was obvious that James could loop around them with his eyes closed if he wanted to. They all raced around chasing after one another, trying to grab the end of each others broom to throw them off balance.
Remus soon found himself in a race with James to see who could get around the pitch the fastest. Remus pushed his broom to as fast it would go as did James. They raced around, halfway there when they both suddenly felt their brooms jerk and shudder and they almost fell off their brooms! They're brooms both tizzied in wild spins before they could right themselves again. They then looked at one another and then looked back to see Sirius Black laughing at them, holding straw in both his hands. He had caught up to them and pulled on their brooms at the same time without them knowing of his presence! "The little git! I think we should go teach him a lesson, Remy, what do you think?" No one had ever called Remus, 'Remy' before, but he rather liked it in a way. "I don't know what if he gets mad?" Remus questioned. "He won't get mad! Oh how about this then, I'll go chase him around and I'll make sure he's heading straight for the broom closet, he'll try to go one way to avoid me, and then you come out from the side he takes, that way he'll be surprised and fall off his broom!" James said triumphantly.
He then shot off after Sirius who also flew away, trying to get away from him. Remus decided that it might be a good idea to pull the prank off, so he flew over to the closet and hid behind it. He peeked out from the side and seen Sirius coming, low to the ground, ready to swing around the broom closet. Sirius chose to go to his right, so Remus went out on his left. He flew right at Sirius, who became startled and fell off his broom, landing on him bum with a loud, "Oomph!" He sat up and glared at Remus and then at James. Remus was suddenly worried. What if his new friend was mad at him? Now you've done it. He's going to hate you for embarrassing him. But then before he knew it Sirius had him in a headlock!
Remus had never been in a headlock before so he just stood there. Sirius let go of him, "Haven't you ever been in a fight before? Don't you know you have to try to get out of the headlock?" Sirius said laughing at him. "Oh," was all Remus said, blushing slightly for not knowing something obviously simple like that. "Ah, don't worry about it Remy, I'll teach you how to sucker punch someone, and then no one will mess with you!" James said with a wink. Remus smiled a little, and took a quick look at both Sirius and James who were smiling at him, holding their brooms. He looked down again and said, "I could use some food after all that. What about you guys?" James nodded and took everyone's brooms, "You're to the point Remy, and that's fine by me when there's food to be had!" Sirius' stomach grumbled an agreement and they all laughed. The three friends walked the Hogwarts grounds up to the Great Hall where Dinner was to soon commence.
None of them noticed Professor Dumbledore watching them from a balcony high above. He nodded his head in approval, thinking that this was a good idea to bring little Remus Lupin to Hogwarts. He was hopeful that he would only improve with time. Soon he hoped he would be ready to face all his classmates and look everyone in the eye, and know that he was not a monster.
Well that is chapter one! I am planning on going all through Remus' school years. The main focus will be on him telling his friends he's a werewolf and then them becoming Animagi to help him out. I'm hoping this story will tell alot about the way Remus acts towards others and how he grew up. Sorry if the formet is a little off, fanfic just doesn't like to indent paragraphs and such for me! lol If there are any really bad grammar problems please tell me about them and I will try to fix it, other then that please review and have a great day! ;-)