Pity Me Not

Chapter something

Life went on, even though I felt like I did not. Only my friend, Breanna, timidly pointed out that I think he was dead for a few years already, so I could finally mourn and move on. But she did not understand. Her boyfriend might have turned all evil and everything, but her only confident did not leave her forever... part of herself did not leave her forever. How could I put into words what I felt? I could see her eyes pressing me for an answer... an answer that I could not give. Neither did I know why her boyfriend went all dark side on us, nor why the death of my father dehumanized me so. He gave up his life for me... so I could live... and I still do not know why. I just could not believe someone would give up their life for me. Memories of that night in the castle seemed to blur together, creating some type of hurricane that ripped my heart out of my chest with its icy cruel winds. I felt like I was being tugged into different directions with the world howling in my hair screaming for me to be normal again, to move on and make my father proud. Yet, I could not.

Everyone seemed to want me to forget and go back to how things use to be. I was tired, dreadfully tired... of life, school and overall... people. The worst part is I could not even commit suicide if I wanted to. Not that I would, mind you, but it certainly crossed my mind. Anyone else had complete control over his or her life in every aspect; I unfortunately did not.

"Lily, Dumbledore told me you were going to come to my house for Christmas. You'll like it, my mother goes all out." James said, grinning at me kindly, a battle in itself I assure you. Out of all of the people who acted differently towards me, James's attitude was most profound, yet for some reason comforting, even if I had no idea why.

Pity me not because the light of day

At close of day no longer walks the sky

Pity me not for beauties passed away

From field and thicket as the year goes by;

"Yeah." I replied softly... I never knew what to say anymore.

Pity me not the waning of the moon,

Nor that the ebbing tide goes out to sea,

Nor that a man desire is hushed so soon,

And you no longer look with love at me.

"So... I guess Dumbledore also told you that you would be spending the summer with us to?" James questioned further as we walked down the hallway to our mid-day classes on a crisp December morning. "I should warn you, my parents always wanted another girl around the house; so if they make a fuss over you, don't be too surprised."

This love I have known always: love is no more

Than the wide blossom which the wind assails,

Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore,

"James?" I said, stopping in the middle of the deserted hallway, "How do you do it? How do your parents do it? How can they lose a son and not be depressed... how can you loose a brother and not have it affect you? Because…" I sighed, "it is killing me."

Turning toward me his eyes glistened for a second before turning gray. "I don't know, you have faith, I guess. Just knowing inside yourself that they will be all right... and look out for you if they are up wherever they are. As for my brother... I don't believe that was him in there. I know him, Lily. He would never do what that guy did. Never." he said before turning back around.

"We are going to be late for our class." He said, before swallowing and turning to face what ever might come his way, leaving me in his shadow.

Strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales.

Pity me that the heart is slow to learn

What the swift mind beholds at every turn.

Sighing I packed my trunk for the holidays with the Potters. Never in a million of years would I of fathomed that I would spend my couple weeks of vacation at the Potter's and go without a fight: and a very bloody one at that. Maybe it was my curiosity or questions blurring my judgment. Why in the world my own Uncle not take me in? Are that not what families do? Help each other out? Condescendingly I was being taken in by one of my oldest sworn rivals, in ways I would have preferred Snape to say the least. Only then I would know what to expect from him, but Potter is the other way... I never knew what stupid thing he would say or do next.

It's really kind of funny how life works, isn't it? I softly folded my delicate, breezy, silk dress: Mrs. Potter had sent me a letter over the past couple weeks informing me to bring a "party dress" among other things, even though the last thing I felt like doing was celebrating. However, I still loved the emerald green of the fabric and its coolness to the touch. I was lucky I brought it with me to Hogwarts or else it would have been sold as well. My Uncle gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday, it had been my great Grandmothers and was said to be spun by, or enchanted by fairies. It fit who ever tried it on, which was lucky for me– my grandmother's frame was much shorter and somewhat thinner then my own. After packing I faced the grim reality of staying the holidays with James and his family as I joined my friends in a compartment... destined to take us closer to the future then ever thought possible. It seemed way to early when we arrived back in London; however, the speckled night sky never lied. Neither did a friend's goodbye embraces, nor encouraging smiles.

"Lily, I'm going to miss you." Breanna smiled softly, pulling me into a warm embrace as I melted in her arms.

"You've been good to me. I appreciate it." I said into her ear, thankful for her kindness when she could have easily blamed me... as I blamed myself.

"Lily," she said pulling away to look me in the eyes, "no matter how much you want to, remember none of this was your fault. Never let yourself think other wise... you did more then anyone else could have done, and I admire you for that" she said earnestly as if she could read my mind. Only then did I realize how much I was going to miss seeing my best friend for the long two weeks. It is amazing how your true friends always know what to say… and when to say it. I felt my eyes brimming up as I stared into her misty windows of black.

"Breanna, you are more than a friend could ever ask for... I'm going to miss you."

"Oh Merlin, girl! You're going to make me cry!" Breanna said as we both rubbed our eyes at the same time. "Gosh, this is the most stereotypical chick moment." Bre commented as we both laughed with wet cheeks.

"Yah, it's pretty bad isn't?" I said as we sniffled giggles. Glancing over Breanna I could see James getting somewhat impatient. "I guess I better go" I sadly smiled.

"Yah... well… write me! I want to hear about the pranks Potter is going to pull on you!" She smiled as we hugged another time.

"Ha ha ha, very funny."

"Your reaction will be! See you later!" Breanna waved as she turned to go met up with her family.

James

"Pixie dust! All girls do is hug and cry" Sirius said, coming up beside me, watching with the same bored and disgusted attitude.

"I guess, man, it's fucking crazy" I replied as Lily and her little friend swept each other up into another dramatic hug making me sick, on the outside... yet strangely jealous as my mind took it in. As a guy, you really couldn't do those things with a friend; you always just showed emotion through high fives and pats on the back. Anything else was weird, not to mention questionable. Not that I would mind Lily flinging herself on me in that way, I was damn sure I wouldn't mind one bit. The thought of her soft body and...

"JAMES HAROLD POTTER! Do I need to wash your mouth out with Mrs.Mint's Scouring Soap!" a voice said sharply, causing me to almost jump into Sirius's arms. I grimaced as I turned around to see my mother staring me down with an extremely large purse flapping behind her, while her piercing gray eyes cut through my own with the support of her hands on her hips. "Where did you pick that up exactly! Have not I raised you right? Or taught you the proper ways of society? I will NOT have you talking like a scoundrel, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!" She finished ranting as I even felt Sirius even shrink next to me.

"Yes, Mam', I am sorry." I croaked spinelessly before she took notice of Sirius.

"Oh Sirius, dear, how are you? I do hope you will be spending Christmas with us again, though I am afraid I mis-placed your confirmation... it would be dreadful if you were not to join us." she said elegantly, as my father came beside her.

"Of course Mam', I'd rather be no where else." He said, knowing how to charm her before grinning at my father's slightly winded form.

"Those DAMN Muggles! Took up all of the fucking decent parking spaces!" My father roared.

"CHARLES!" My mother screamed bewildered as she hit him with her enormous purse to Sirius's and mine amusement.

Lily

I slowly walked over to where Potter stood, looking sulky for some reason with Sirius. Some older man that I took as his father came up to them as someone screeched. I ran my fingers nervously through my straightened hair before stepping next to James. I nearly died of shock to see some short and plump lady lecturing them all on manners, let alone her amused husband.

"YOU should be setting an example! HONESTLY! I need to trade you all in for cats! They would never give me as much trouble as you two! Oh!" She said turning around and spotting my startled face... I never saw James looking so guilty... it was great. "You must be Lily Evans! How wonderful it is to finally met you, I have looked forward to not being the only women in the house among rascals!" she said raising her hand.

I stepped forward and shook her hand, smiling. "Nice to met you, Mrs. Potter, it was kind of you to offer me your home for the holidays." I said watching her face light up.

It was not long before we were all swept away into one of the Potter family's magically enhance sport cars, what I received the jest of being Mr. Potter's favorite type of toys. "Honestly, all this man ever does anymore is play with them, you never see him around unless you are on his race track!" Mrs. Potter said grumbling jokingly from the front seat as I found my self pressed in between the door and James. The car could speed, fly and be invisible, however it still lacked a backseat, and I begun to wonder if the car was meant to have one at all when I found myself pretty close to being in James's lap more then a few times.

"Gosh Lily, I never knew you liked me so much." He whispered sultry into my ear as we bounced down a country road when, yet again, I found myself sprawled out across him. His voice gave me shivers, startling, yet strangely exciting. No matter how much I really wanted to hit him, something held me back, most likely the thought of his parents in the front seat. His crooked grin was lazily splashed on to his face as his heavy lashes created a smoky look about his eyes.

"Oh yes, James how could you tell that I'm dying for a piece of you." I said back in his same sultry tone, running my hand teasingly down his leg just to see his eyes pop. And sure enough, they almost did. I sat up, trying to suppress a grin of amusement as he wiggled in surprise. Man, I should of recognized his weakness earlier... now I have something to torture him back with! Little empty promises which shall never be fulfilled... I sighed in contempt. Yep, Lily, life is going to be great! I smiled while watching out of the side of my eye to see him still wiggling and Sirius still sleeping against the other side of the car with drool trickling down the window.

James

WOW.

No other words for it.

WOW.

I never thought Lily would have reacted like that, goblin's gruel; for sure I would of done THAT earlier in our little 'relationship'! Honestly I thought my head was going to explode off of my neck! I know the burrito was ready to come out of the oven... it stirred a bit or two just from the closeness of Lily, not to mention the enchanting smell of her. Damn, I for sure thought it was going to explode when she stroked my leg... right next to it. All I could do was sit there and try to control myself; I never had this problem before in front of another girl since I got over puberty. Sure my last, Amy, was a great package, but nothing she ever did made me respond so quickly. Man, I really need to control my shit, so I tried to turn and 'wiggle' it out of Lily's view, there was no fucking way I'd let her see what she did to me. Damn it! Would my heart stop beating so fast already? It's not a FUCKING QUIDDITCH MATCH Why did I have to shrink the backseat before letting Lily in?

Author's Note:

Hello! I edited this one too! Are you not proud or what! Okay, so I still might gat some reviews telling me I still need to learn this grammar stuff, but I AM getting there! Well, maybe one day. By the way the "pity me not poem" is by the great Edna Millay. Also I hope everyone is having a happy holidays and a great new start to the new year!

P.s. How DARE James shrink the backseat! ;0)