Decisions

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, neither do you. Its life… face it.

Why do I feel so alone when you are not here? And after today… the aloneness bites so much harder. You always do this to me… you confound me to no end. You confound me in every sense of the word. Why is it that you can hold me in your arms so easily, make me feel so at home, and then when the others ask you shrug me off without a second thought? You know, when you hold me, I feel as if we fit so well. We are so different and yet we are so perfect together. I wish you would let me stay in your heart. I wish you would allow me to do more than just pass through it when times are good. I wish you would let me be more than a friend…

I can feel the cold breeze freeze my cheeks. They are wet. I feel another fresh tear snake down my face and I hug my knees tighter to my chest. I find no comfort in the stars tonight. Then again, as much as I love to look into the heavens, the only times they ever bring me warmth is when Robin is by my side.

Why is it you push me away? I do not care if you need to be weak sometimes… You don't have to hide it when you are hurt, or sad, or angry. I can be there for you. It seems like you think you have to be strong, when all we really need is for you to be yourself. All I need if for you to be yourself and to love me. But, hark. If you wish for friendship and no more I will be… ok… with it. Just as long as you do not tease me into believing I am something more. Oh, Robin, why do you have to rule my heart?

I stare blankly out at the sky and I know that the pain I am feeling is all over my face. I cannot help it. I do not dislike Robin's affections… I definitely do not dislike his affections. I only wish he could choose. I do not like having my emotions played with. I should be like Raven. She doesn't ever let her emotions take control…

I continue to look out at nothing, the stars seem to fade from my vision and then I hear a voice. His voice.

"Star...?" his voice is quiet, inquiring. I turn to look at him and I feel a very soft flutter of hope in my chest. Perhaps… perhaps I can get him to decide and tell me what I am to him once and for all.

"Oh, Robin…" I breathe bitterly. He looks a little shocked. That is ok. He has never seen me like this. He has never seen me upset. At least not upset to the point his presence does not entirely please me. He comes towards me, his head tilted to the side with incomprehension of my woe.

"Star, what's wrong?" he asks me. He is truly concerned and I feel guilty. I am not sure why. Perhaps I am being selfish to want him to love me.

"Why do you tease me?" I blurt out and my eyes widen briefly with surprise at myself.

"I don't understand…" he says, giving me a hurt look. I feel myself becoming very bitter. I do not like being bitter.

"Why… do you make me feel so loved and then brush off the others' questions and say I am just a friend? Why can you not just make up your mind? Why can you not just tell me you do not love me and then treat me as so? Why? Can you not just give me a clear answer?" my voice quavers and I feel about to cry. Koriand'r you will not cry. I scold myself harshly. My mother used to use my Tamaranian name when she was angered with me too.

"…I… can't…" he stutters. I look at him strangely. Why can he not just say it? Either tell me he loves me or tell me does not.

"You can't what?" I ask. He is perfectly capable of telling me. I do not care if he hurts my feelings because I will get over that sting. His teasing… that I cannot overcome.

"Say I don't love you," he mutters. I am confused. Why can he not say it?

"Why?" I whisper, beginning to tear.

"Be-because I… I… do," he chokes out. He looks like he regrets speaking.

"Robin…" I breathe, stunned. It is unbelievable. I move close to him, swallowing a lump in my throat. I must know if what he is saying is real, so I kiss him… and he pulls away. I am hurt. Terribly hurt. He teases me again?

"Robin… why?" I give a quiet sob. He tries to leave. "Why?" I ask again. I will insist upon an answer. My sadness is being overtaken by that same foul bitterness.

"Because I can't love you. It will put you in danger. I won't be able to live if my love for you hurts you…" He says desperately. He wants me to understand and I give him a look. He is being dumb. Yes, I think he is being dumb, moronic even. I take his face in my hands and kiss him again. Squarely on the lips and I taste their sweetness. He is wonderful. But I digress. I pull back and look at him.

"Don't be stupid." I say bluntly. He looks at me as if I have sprouted a Gordanian claw from my head. I am trying very hard to keep from laughing and to keep a straight face.

"What?!" he asks, though he doesn't need to because I can see his question plastered across his awe stricken face.

"I am in danger every day because I am a Teen Titan. It makes no difference. I can either be in danger with your love or without it and… Robin… frankly, I want to be in danger with it…" I say, becoming exasperated. He stares at me. Does he not comprehend? It feels like a very long time goes by and he just stares. So he has decided. We are in love but will not be together because of his neurotic fears. Fine. I feel my façade of confidence fade and a sick sense of sadness falls. I shake my head and begin to leave. I feel as if a thin crystal barrier has been set up between us and as much I want to I will not break it because I will not force him to love me.

I feel him grasp my shoulder and give a tiny squeak of surprise but it is drowned out as he spins me around I become lost in his sweet kiss. My eyes close and I feel as if I am in heaven because he has finally decided. And I like his decision very, very much.

Author's Notes: Well there you go. You asked for Keep Her Close in Star's POV and you got it. Any other requests? I'll do my best to take them, lol. No, seriously. We need more RobxStar fics in this world and if there's something you want to see, give me a review and I'll give it a try. BTW if you have read Understanding Love and would like me to post my writer's cut I'd be glad to. It's basically another chappie that begins a whole new part of the RobxStar story… because that would have dragged out the story longer than I would have liked, I cut it. Give me your thoughts!