Stop Living The Lie
It was late by the time Sam got home but it regularly was late by the time she got home. That wasn't why she was so down. It wasn't the fact that the most vile and revolting man, Graham Spaulding had just been set free. It wasn't the fact that Graham Spaulding was likely to offend again, killing and abusing children. It wasn't even the fact that they'd just finished an OPR investigation. It was the fact that it was over. Intellectually she knew it had been over ever since Van Doren had found out, how Jack had managed to conceal it from Marie she didn't know, she didn't want to know. However it was ever so easy to lie to yourself, to tell yourself that it wasn't over yet, that it wouldn't be over until one of you said the words 'It's over', but now Jack had said those immortal words, those words she had hoped would never come. For weeks she'd lied to herself, thinking that if she didn't admit it, if she ignored it, it wasn't really happening, the process of it being over. That now made the pain all that much harder to bear. Now in the sanctity of her own apartment, Samantha Spade broke down and cried. She'd been hiding the tears all day, holding herself together. Thinking back now she didn't know how she managed it, she felt like she'd broken into a million pieces, that at any moment the fragile glue that was keeping her together, that was her composure and self control, would break and she would show the side of her to people that she desperately tried to hide. The fact that she wasn't as tough as she made herself out to be. Sam didn't know how long she cried for, but it was until she could cry no more. When her tears were spent Sam quickly got ready for bed. The bed that now seemed so big and empty. Sam reached out and pulled the pillow from the other side of the bed over to her, she hugged it close. As slowly her body heated the pillow up a scent rose, Sam smelt it and tears once more came unbidden to her eyes..
"Oh Jack." Sam whispered, tears running down her cheeks.
Over at the Malone household Jack knocked on the door, he had a key but the time had long past since Marie had accepted his right to use it. After a second Jack heard the sound of running footsteps, Kate his youngest daughter threw open the door and jumped on him.
"Daddy." she yelled with joy.
"Hey." Jack greeted her, picking her up and walking into the house. It was at this moment that Jack realised how long it had been since he'd last been here, last seen his kids. It had been over a week which was far too long, work was just particularly hectic at the moment, but when isn't it? Jack asked himself. when isn't it? Still hugging his youngest daughter he entered the house. When he got to the kitchen Kate squirmed, the universal sign that she wanted to be put down. Instinctively Jack obliged, his eyes meeting Marie's. She waited until she heard Kate and Hanna's bedroom door slam and an argument between the sisters break out.
"Did you tell her it was over?" Marie asked, turning back to the stove as if she'd just asked a question like whether he'd had a good day at work or not, Jack could have cried at the heartlessness of it.
"Yes." Jack answered her, she turned to meet his eyes, Jack looked away he couldn't meet them.
"You're lying." Marie stated, shaking her head in disbelief. Jack turned and met her eyes, staring hard.
"I'm not." Marie shook her head again.
"Why Jack why? You can't lie worth a damn when I don't trust you. You know that."
"I'm not lying." Jack almost shouted in desperation, only keeping his voice quiet so that Hanna and Kate couldn't hear. Marie shook her head again, knowing he was.
"You can stay for dinner but then I want you gone. You have to make up your mind what you want Jack. Your job, her or us, because you sure as hell can't have all three." Miserably Jack went to the master bedroom and started packing. 'How could she think he was lying? God he wished he was.' That was it Jack realised, that was why. He was lying, he may have ended his relationship with Sam on a physical level, but he couldn't end it on an emotional level. He loved her, he loved her more than he had ever loved Marie. That realisation came as more of a shock, than realising that he was actually lying, even though in an odd kind of way he wasn't. He would be with her in an instant, to hell with what anybody thought. He'd do anything for her, he'd give up his job, he'd give up the world to be with her, but he couldn't give up his daughters. He just hoped that she understood that.
A/N I hope this is ok. This is a time that has had a lot of fanfiction written about it. I hope mine was worth reading. Sorry for the length of time since last post, I had another bout of writers block. Hopefully (cross fingers) this will be finished by christmas. Only a chapter left so no excuse really.