AN: Just a note that this story has been changed to rating M - as you might guess that it means some naughty thoughts/deeds to come.

Chapter 40

November 13th, 2022

Rory found herself back on the Pierre suite couch with Logan's hands kneading the heel and arche of her left foot. His hands weren't rough - they had never been - but even in their perfectly moisturized and kept state, his hand muscles felt strong and masculine. There was this one move he did, that sent jitters down her spine - he would bring his fingers together and spread them out as he moved over her sole towards the bottom of her toes. He repeated that a number of times. After god knows how many times - she'd lost count - he jammed his fingers between her toes and that just changed something. There was that feeling of stretching, nerve endings that hadn't been stimulated in a long while through touch. But it seemed that was reminding her of other places that hadn't gotten nearly enough attention these past years.

She could just feel her blood rushing into her abdomen and the heat that began to radiate was also causing her to become very wet. It was a little embarrasing even, how her clit was beginning to throb at the mere thought of his fingers caressing it.

The tiniest slip of Logan's fingers underneath the bottom edge of her leggings caused her to gasp at that sensation - it was as if he was slipping into forbidden territory. Logan had never really been good at sticking to the rules, had he? And that was a part that made being with him feel so electric. For the better part of an hour they'd been fooling themselves that this massage was just innocent... - clearly it wasn't, not the way she was picturing him just dropping the act and taking her with abandon right there. Perhaps pulling her to straddle him, with his firm arousal all ready and waiting or just slamming down on top of her and fucking her into the couch carelessly, audible slaps of skin against skin resonating over the living room.

Rory wondered whether he knew how aroused she was - could he see it? Maybe he could smell it? She wondered whether he still remembered her smell and taste. The brief thought of his lips between her folds was making her mind numbingly horny for him and she considered stretching out her other leg that he wasn't currently massaging and stroking over his crotch with it to get his attention. Yet his eyes were plastered onto the TV screen, while his fingers kept massaging her ankle. Seriously?

She wished he would just rip her leggings away, apart… whatever it took. She could just picture his fingers going around the waistband of her leggings and pulling them down, like he owned her. Just the mere thought of it made her more aroused, she was sure she'd left a damp spot on her leggings which he would be sure to see if he looked. Or was he just choosing to ignore it?

Rory licked her lips, desperately wanting to feel more. Just a touch, she was so sure it'd only really take her a single touch of his fingers to actually burst. But that touch never came, as she found herself in her own bed, panting, feeling sweaty and sticky without release, having been woken by the sound of the toilet flushing, of allthings, behind her wall, reminding her how it had all been a dream.

"Uh…," Rory let out a groan of disappointment. It wasn't the first time she'd dreamt this, one time she'd actually pictured him kissing his way up her legs. That truly had been a torture to wake up from. But in reality all that just… it just seemed so distant, there being this unspoken border of being proper between them these days. They struggled to really have a moment private enough for a kiss, let alone something more. She was finally beginning to sense how having children killed some parents' sex life. They were struggling to even re-start one.

He did want to restart one, didn't he? Beyond what had been their date on Tuesday - they hadn't really touched upon the subject either. She hated this half-forced guessing game. And that even knowing she'd been the one to insist over and over again to take things slow. Her thoughts and needs were not in agreement.

And that day, she knew it was likely going to be another day of awkward tension. Her craving him but unable to really do much about it while they kept on an innocent conversation about the house or the items they were donating. How long would this carry on for?

Rory had other concerns too beyond her sexual frustration, naturally - one that any sane-thinking mother would likely put beyond her own physical and possibly even mental needs. Em hadn't said anything since Friday about the fact that she had a room at Logan's, but it had certainly been a wake-up call for Rory too, that the girl was not big on changes and uncertainty. She couldn't deny she didn't like what the room represented either. No, not the part that showed Logan's devotion and love towards Em, as clearly even if he hadn't handpicked every item but had someone do it for him, he'd never meant it to rattle her but offer her her own space at his territory. But the scenario in which Em would be shared between her and Logan, possibly even a shared by some 50-50 custody agreement, was not what she wanted either. Deep down she was also beginning to wonder how much of her attraction to Logan, both physically and mentally… the familiarity, how much of it was truly genuine and how much of it was out of the hope to rebuild a family for Em so she wouldn't have to share her on the basis of some legal document. She knew it was self-doubt, possibly even self-sabotage… it was a lot easier to believe she was doing this for Em than to actually become vulnerable to admit that her heart was all in and that there was more to it than just need for another human's intimate touch.

There were all these scenarios that scared her - like the fact that she hadn't actually had a normal healthy relationship with Logan since her college days, she hadn't lived with him since then too, not in a way that involved the day-to-day. Sex, hanging out while working and fairwell dinners at the Ivy with him sending a car to pick her up hardly counted.

There was performance anxiety too - both concerning actually getting past the sexual frustration so that neither would be disappointed after the build up her mind was creating, assuming there was that on his side as well, and a fear of failure of actually trying to, maybe at some point, play house with him. There were possibilities for dissapointment both ways, she knew it.

With all these miscellaneous hesitations, frustrations and also expectations, knowing Logan was due to come over in a few hours, Rory reluctantly dragged herself to the shower, knowing Em who was audibly up already in her room and would soon demand breakfast.

The rain was drumming against the window sill, but Rory had turned up the heat a little and made the house her little safe cocoon against the cold and rain outside. After a busy week, Em was thankfully more than happy to stay cooped up for a day with her books, toys and the homey foods Camilla had stocked up their fridge with - cookies, home-made granola, casseroles - you name it.

But whatever it was, the sound of the doorbell downstairs, indicating Logan's arrival, made her heart beat faster and she nearly nearly missed a step rushing downstairs. There was definitely something there - excitement for sure. Being around him was addictive, the term 'drug of choice' that her mother had once used for him seeming very fitting right about now.

After mutual pleasantries, while balancing the awkward and the familiar, Logan exchanged a few words with Em, who was encompassed in her play, not really interested in what the adults were doing, and the two climbed the stairs to the top floor, leaving the girl to play in her room. She did that all the time, and Rory trusted her enough to know she didn't really need constant supervision.

To Rory, having him here at the house added that extra layer of nerves - something about the proximity of her bedroom perhaps? It was probably an unconscious act, but she'd even left her door open, her silky nightgown casually thrown over a chair, so when they passed the room she suddenly felt as if it was too direct, too needy… and distracted him by talking about something utterly insignificant, so he couldn't think she'd done that on purpose.

"These stairs were my nightmare when I first moved in here… basically climbed upstairs to sleep and climbed back up in the evening..," Rory shared random thought, feeling ridiculous.

"So you lived all the way up here?" Logan asked, reaching the fourth floor.

"Lana was still here at the time, and she had her studio where my room was, and I didn't want to intrude too much on their lives. The fact that I was here in the first place wasn't easy…," Rory shared, having already covered this part with Logan during one of their lunches.

"And now you truly look at home," Logan commented, trying to picture it.

"Is that a good thing?" Rory asked, opening the door to the space adjacent to where she'd first lived in this house. It wasn't really an actual attic, it was just a room they used for storage on the top floor, a room that hadn't been refinished since a few decades ago.

"Of course it's good," Logan replied, taking a look around the room stacked from floor to ceiling with boxes, a few clothes racks with garment bags visible from the back. "You've built a home, even if it isn't very conventional. But what part about you or your life has been conventional, right? You've provided Em with a home that is an actual home, not just a house," Logan added.

"It didn't feel like home in the beginning… the only place that had ever felt like home was Stars Hollow… it was an adjustment for sure," Rory replied, biting her tongue.

"I can believe that," Logan replied.

"So, where should we start?" Rory exhaled, clearly not eager to dwell on the subject too much. It was something that couldn't be fixed. Things were like they were and were better for it. She didn't even know why she'd trailed back to the subject - mostly she could just think that it must've been about the fact that she was soon about to see her mother again with Thanksgiving approaching. It was looking like being one of the most nerve wrecking holidays she'd had in ages.

The next hour or so, they sorted through some of Em's old boxes, Rory assuming they would be of more interest to Logan. Sure, he appreciated seeing glimpses of the life he'd missed, but as expected it was also a painful reminder at the same time. But unlike women gushing over cute baby clothes and their scent, Rory taking a deep whiff of Em's baby clothes a number of times, it wasn't quite the same for men, Logan included. Sure, he liked seeing Rory all motherly like that, but to him the items were mostly just clothes and he didn't really know what to do with them other than be cautious to suggest what to donate and what not. While Rory packed a few aside for herself to keep, not wanting to part with certain items, Logan just saw them as clothes - cute clothes, but still - and mostly offered to do the heavy lifting for her.

So little by little they trailed onwards to talk about things more general - Logan's projects and ideas, Logan needing some distance from the constant reminder of having missed a lot of years. That was always in the back of his mind anyways. Rory had always been excellent at bouncing his ideas around - he'd truly missed that, so it was a safe subject in that sense.

He was still also just adjusting into being in a space space with her - this particularly narrow space especially, being oblivious to the fact how every cell in Rory's body was screaming at him to just take her. Not literally - but just do something - indicate somehow that he wanted her physically not just through words.

Do something! - Was Rory's own brain screaming at herself too, knowing she hardly needed him to take the first real step. A few times she'd come close but it had been something or other related to Em that had stopped her - the girl hopping upstairs to ask if she could get some juice or something equivalent. It seemed impossible, it felt like they were doomed to play this tension-game forever. Maybe that was all they'd ever be? Old lovers who never dared to take that extra step - too scared to ruin it.

"Hey, can I ask you something?," Logan said after putting another box outside the room to be taken down later.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Just please don't take it as judgment or anything like that. It's just something I've always wondered about you… even from before," Logan asked, knowing now to take some precaution in addressing things like that with her. He'd been surprised when she'd admitted to caring so much about his opinion. It was flattering in a way but also guilt-ridden to think about it. But he really didn't want her to feel any worse, if anything he wanted to help.

"Okay," Rory said, hesitantly.

"Have you ever thought about going into business for yourself? I know you took business classes, you had even a pretty good business sense when it came to that project class you did. You've always had good advice for me and I've seen you banter about work with your dad before… You have specific professional skills and as I've understood you also technically have the money," Logan explained. "It just sometimes feels to me like you choose paths that make you dependent on someone else's leadership while to me it seems you also have other options available to you. And as I said… this is not criticism or suggesting you should, this is just something I've wondered about," he added, carefully explaining his thought process.

"What? Offer my services as a company?" Rory replied, unsure she was following. "Well I did freelance, that was pretty similar. It all comes down to the business around me changing to requiring something other than what I had to offer and my name not being the first one on people's minds when they wanted to hire someone," Rory explained the failure of her former life. "I thought you knew this," she added, somewhat surprisedly.

"Yeah, but writing is not the only service you offer, especially not know," Logan said.

"What? Project writing and editing?" Rory reflected, sounding confused. "Clearly I cannot really be trusted with the former," she rolled her eyes.

"Hey, one mistake is not enough to discredit your abilities and years of experience. That was a fluke and I was largely to blame…," Logan replied, raising the corner of his mouth somewhat smugly.

Rory grinned back at his cockiness despite the fact that it was infuriatingly justified even in her opinion.

"Yeah, but universities don't require outside services for this…," Rory argued.

"Yeah but many others do," Logan suggested. "Small companies, community groups, NGO-s…," he listed, having gone a bit of research. Apparently one of the issues with charity non-profit organizations was the fact that they had few resources for project writing, hence limited availability of resources - it seemed like a vicious cycle.

"I don't know…," Rory hesitated.

"Hey, I'm not saying you should do that, or that you should just throw what you've built away. I just pondered if you'd thought about it...," Logan shrugged, not wanting to push his opinion on her. "In my experience just… sometimes being your own boss comes with some different kind of self-fulfillment. You'd be doing something you want to be doing and enjoy, being able to pick your clients… at your own time. No-one telling you what you can or cannot do," Logan added, not liking the way her job was making her feel down and small. He felt she didn't deserve that.

"I guess I never really thought of it like that," Rory replied.

"Just a thought..," Logan held up his hands, innocently.

"Well we're not all go-getters like you Huntzbergers tend to be, are we?" Rory teased, trying to change things to something lighter.

"Well I'm hardly the kind to just..," Logan began, wanting to finish the thought that he wasn't the kind to jump on a plane to San Francisco to start a new business venture from scratch, but he realized what he was doing now wasn't really all that different. It was perhaps even more risky putting all of his eggs in one basket concerning his personal life. He realized, he hadn't been this cautious with everything else in a decade at least as he was now.

"Just what?" Rory asked, resting her hands on her hips and exhaled, after having lifted another box back on top of another.

She observed Logan's eyes dart briefly towards the door, causing her to ponder what he was up to. She didn't realize at that moment that he checking whether they were alone.

But the next second answered her questioning look for her as she witnessed him grabbing a chance. His hands went around her boring T-shirt cled waist and his lips landed on hers, catching her by surprise even with all the former build-up her mind had been doing. Her hands didn't move, being having not expected it and only in time melted and moved onto his arms.

He even still tasted the same. There was a slightly unfamiliar tingle of his stubble on his upper lip, but it somehow made it rougher, more primal and mature, even if the kiss itself was no more than half the intensity they both knew it could be. But it was enough for their minds to become buzzed, their lips feeling almost like magnets being pulled together - easier to stay in contact than apart - small flicks with the tongue just inside the other's mouth. The bottom of her stomach fluttered, assuring her how it wasn't just her imagination.

Wordlessly Logan's earlier words had been crossed off and replaced with an assurance that he still was that guy - the guy that took chances.

"God, I missed that," Rory admitted in a whisper as they pulled apart, in need of some air.

Logan replied with another one of his smug smiles - "You have no idea...," he added, pulled apart with a reluctant smile and picked up another box, knowing he'd struggle to stop there if he stayed that close to her for any longer.