Rating: heavy PG-13 for language, sexual innuendo, and drug use.
Feedback: Greatly appreciated. I won't withhold writing for feedback, but it certainly makes it feel more worthwhile. I'd love to hear anything, a sentence you liked, a piece of the story, your general thoughts. Anything.
Author's Notes: The title and poetry are from the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot.
*
Chapter 4: Lagoon
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
*
Tuesday, December 31, 1996:
The heavy bass beat practically shook the floorboards, vibrating the windows with every note, but Summer didn't mind. At this point, she was used to loud music filling the house on weekend nights. She even liked it, a little. The vibrant hum from the rest of the house furthered the feeling that her room was an oasis, a calm lagoon amidst the turbulent waters of the house. Her room was her quiet sanctuary; when she was in there, cuddled up under her comforter or playing with her dolls and stuffed animals, she might as well have been on a different planet.
At the moment Summer was dressed up in her favorite pair of pants — black velour with a stylish flare at the bottom — and a glittery purple shirt she'd received for Christmas. She had decked herself out in a red feather boa and heart-shaped sunglasses from her dress-up box, and was lip-synching in front of her mirror to the Spice Girls' It wasn't as much fun without Holly and Emily singing with her. For Halloween, the three of them had dressed up as the Spice Girls: Holly was Baby Spice, Emily was Ginger Spice, and Summer was Posh Spice. Summer had been secretly delighted that Emily and Holly had said she should be Posh, as it was commonly agreed among the three of them that Victoria Adams was the prettiest.
The three girls had been having a good spell since the beginning of the school year. Summer was pretty sure it was because she and Emily were both in Mr. O'Sullivan's class, while Holly was alone in Ms. Andrew's. It had balanced the unequal dynamics in the group. In fact, the three of them had been planning to spend New Year's together at Emily's house, it being the first time they were being allowed to stay up until midnight, but at the last minute Emily's grandmother had died and Holly had come down with the flu. The party was canceled. Summer was good at entertaining herself for hours on end, but she missed her friends.
She twirled on the last note of the song and raced to her desk. The clear phone on her desk was another Christmas present, the very first thing on the list she'd presented to Daddy at the beginning of December. She was the only one of her friends to have her own phone; it was one more thing that had raised her status in the trio.
She dialed the number by memory, feeling very grown-up. It rang four times, then Holly picked up, Hello, Fisher residence.
Hi, it's Summer! Summer bounced onto her bed. How are you?
I'm okay. Holly sounded very small and young, not her usually outgoing self. She was definitely sick. Summer felt a wave of relief. After years of Holly and Emily's lies, she was always a little worried that they were still going to trick her. I'm just nauseous.
Are you gonna throw up?
I don't know. Holly sounded close to tears. I wish my mom was here.
Summer felt immediately sorry for Holly. She knew how hard it was to be sick with no one to take care of her. Feverish hours seemed to pass five times more slowly than healthy ones. She avoided illness at all costs, desperately hoping each winter would pass without even a cold. Your mom's not there?
Holly sniffled. She and Dad went to a party and they couldn't find a baby-sitter.
Oh. Which party? Summer wondered if Daddy had invited the Fishers over.
I don't know, but I heard Dad mention something about swings. Holly giggled weakly. Maybe they're at the playground?
Summer agreed, studying her toenails. She wanted to paint them red tonight. I bet they go and do all that stuff that they always tell us not to do. Like swinging really high.
Or jumping off, Holly added. They laughed together, and chatted for a few more minutes before Holly excused herself to try and sleep.
Summer hung up feeling a little bit nauseous herself, but knowing it was better that she'd decided not to tell Holly the truth. She knew exactly what swingers parties were. Daddy had gone to one last New Year's, and the next morning when she'd checked to see if he was home, he'd been fast asleep in bed with a woman who was definitely not his girlfriend. But unlike previous new women that arrived abruptly, Summer had never seen that new woman again, and his original girlfriend was back by that evening.
That had been Tina. Or Heidi. Summer couldn't even remember; there'd been so many in the last two years. Daddy's brief fling with Miranda had fed into Keira, then Bernadette, then Carla. And others after her. It hadn't taken long for Summer to realize that unlike Zoë, none of these girlfriends were going to stay long. They would arrive on the scene, bright and laughing and vibrant, shooting coy looks over their shoulders at Daddy. Most of them cooed over how adorable Summer was, showering her with gifts and taking her to the mall and dressing her in fancy clothes. But all that would end once they had Daddy where they wanted him. Soon, they'd be sweeping past Summer in the hallway with the faintest of smiles, locking Daddy's office door and leaving Summer alone to listen to the variety of noises that would emerge.
Summer learned to smile about it, because inevitably Daddy found someone new. She was the only permanent girl in the house.
She was actually surprised that Daddy's latest, Cori, had lasted since October. Cori had been one of the more fun ones, and Summer hadn't been able to help liking her. Not only had Cori taken Summer to the mall, where'd she'd bought Summer her first bra, she'd also taken Summer out on her jet ski, laughing as they splashed over the sunlit waves. Cori wasn't scared of anything. Despite herself, Summer found herself hoping that things wouldn't change this time, that Cori would stay fun and friendly.
That was before the parties had started. In the past, Daddy had entertained occasionally. He had hosted a few elegant soirees, with women in black cocktail dresses and men drinking champagne. Mostly work-related. But Cori was young, and her friends were loud and wild in a way that was completely new to Summer. Almost every weekend since Cori's arrival the house had been filled with blaring music and crowds of young people. Daddy seemed to be enjoying this new lifestyle, which made sense when Summer thought about it. He usually found new girlfriends because he was bored, but Cori was always entertaining.
Except that Summer didn't find her so entertaining anymore. Not after the fight that morning, Summer's first fight with one of Daddy's girlfriends.
Cori had been talking for weeks about her fancy New Year's Eve party, and Summer really wanted to go. After months of watching sparkly, exciting people arriving through her bedroom curtains, she was desperate to be among them for once. Especially during the the most important, most glittery night of the year, special and different from all the parties of the past. She had even picked out the perfect dress.
It wasn't fair, she had argued to Daddy, she had never asked to come to a party before but now she didn't have any plans and she really, really, wanted to come to this one! She had promised that she'd behave, that she'd be polite and quiet and go to bed right after midnight. But Cori had pulled Daddy into his office, her voice emerging through the doors, low and persuasive. Afterwards, Daddy had sat Summer down and explained to her that Cori was right: this kind of party wasn't appropriate for little girls like her.
She had begged, raged, stomped her foot and cried. Didn't he always call her his big girl? Didn't she always do well in school and take care of herself and behave herself? But it hadn't mattered at all. Daddy had stood firm, and it had been the first time he hadn't given Summer what she wanted. The fact that Cori had been responsible for this denial had immediately hardened Summer's heart towards her.
The dress was still hanging on the door of her closet. It was royal blue velvet, very grown-up and elegant, and she'd been dying for a chance to wear it. She was sure this party — which she imagined would look like a Hollywood event, or a fancy wine advertisement in a magazine — would be the perfect opportunity for Daddy to see her as a real young lady. Summer bit her lip as she eyed the dress, an idea formulating in her mind. It wasn't as if she'd been locked in her room; besides, there were so many people downstairs Daddy wouldn't notice her until it was too late. She could waltz in, charm the guests like she charmed all adults, and wait until Cori entered the room so she could shoot her a triumphant grin.
Five minutes later she was wearing the dress and strapping on her platform dress shoes. She wished she had time to paint her toenails, but it didn't really matter. Her hair was crimpy because she'd braided it last night. She looked perfect, definitely a big girl. She'd show Daddy that she was grown up enough for his New Year's party.
The music was ten times louder outside her room, and Summer resisted the urge to cover her ears. The grown-ups didn't seem to mind the noise, so she wouldn't either. She tripped a little on the first few steps, unused to her high heels, and steadied herself against the bannister. The staircase curved gracefully into the front hall and connected living room, both packed full of people. Summer felt a little like a fairy tale princess, making her dramatic entrance on the grand staircase at the royal ball.
Halfway down the staircase she stopped, daydreams of elegant courtiers and admiring smiles erased. The familiar downstairs, usually so clean and white and tasteful, had been transformed into something out of a nightmare. Sweaty and loud and hot, flashes of limbs and bare skin writhed together in the cavernous darkness. Summer stopped on the ground, disoriented, too short to see above the crowd of dancing adults. She looked around for a familiar face, but the people were a dim, disorienting blur.
A woman wearing only a short skirt and a bra lurched through the doorway, slumping against the wall as she drank liquor straight from a bottle. A man appeared behind her, catching her around the waist and pulling her into the bathroom. She laughed crazily as the door slammed shut. Summer walked into the living room , drawn by the power of curiosity. A woman was dancing on the glass coffee table, slowly removing her skirt while a circle of men cheered her on. The other furniture had been pushed to the wall to leave room for the dancing. A bunch of people at the edge of the room were passing around a short, funny-looking cigarette; Summer wrinkled her nose at the odd smell.
There was a slurred shout, and two men went barreling past, one throwing a punch that sent the other flying backwards into the hall. Her heart pounding, Summer pressed back against the wall. She was certain that the other adults would break up the fight, but only a few guys followed them and they seemed to be egging on the fight.
Thoroughly overwhelmed, Summer decided that she would just find Daddy and Cori, make her point, and return to her room. She was starting to get a headache. She turned just in time to see Daddy stride behind her through the hall, laughing. she called out, but the music was too loud. He couldn't hear her, and she chased after him, shoving past tall bodies in order to keep him in sight.
Daddy entered his office with Cori and another woman. Summer stopped outside, a familiar feeling of dejá vu keeping her rooted in the doorway. Even though the door had swung half-closed behind them, Summer had a clear view of the desk, of Daddy setting up a mirror and pouring a line of white powder onto it. Cori shot him a small smile, then bent, plugged one nostril, and breathed in a line of the powder through a tube. She straightened, tilted her head back as she rubbed her nose, then leaned over and kissed Daddy while the second woman followed her example.
Then it was Daddy's turn. He snorted the white power — Summer wasn't sure what it was, maybe sugar or chalk dust? — and Cori turned to the other woman and kissed her on the mouth. It wasn't the same kind of kiss Summer usually saw between two women, a polite peck on the lips or the cheek, but a long kiss. She thought she saw the woman touch Cori's breast, but it was too dark to be sure. Daddy breathed in a second line of the powder, then started to unbutton his shirt. Watching the two women with a half smile, he strode backwards to the door. Summer knew this was her chance to say something, to alert Daddy to her presence. But she remained silent as the door shut firmly in her face. Happy New Year, she heard Daddy murmur, but not to her.
Suddenly, she didn't care about being at the party anymore. She wasn't having fun. All she wanted was to be back up in her room, away from all these people. She turned and climbed the stairs, starting to run once she reached the hallway. She slammed the door to her room, unbuckled her shoes in a hurry, and sat down against the door.
The air in her room was cool and clean and refreshing after the stifling heat downstairs. Summer stroked the blue plush carpet that she'd picked out herself, picked out because it reminded her of the ocean. As did her turquoise comforter, and her mural with the fish and the delicate tendrils of seaweed. Daddy had hired a real artist to paint it last year. Even the lamp beside her bed had ceramic seashells and sand at the base.
Yawning, she switched out the light and climbed into bed, the party downstairs already fading away like a bad dream. The glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling lit up like extraordinary constellations. Summer studied them until her eyes closed involuntarily and she drifted away on the gentle waves of sleep, safe in the waters of her tranquil lagoon.
I hope you enjoyed this latest installment. Please take a second to let me know what you think; I really appreciate every comment or observation that gets sent my way!
Those of you wondering where Marissa is, hold on until March of 1998, coming up next!