Rating: heavy PG-13 for language and sexual innuendo.
Feedback: Greatly appreciated. I won't withhold writing for feedback, but it certainly makes it feel more worthwhile. I'd love to hear anything, a sentence you liked, a piece of the story, your general thoughts. Anything.
Author's Notes: The title and poetry are from the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot. My Julie Cooper is based off the one described by Luke pretty recently. I imagine she was better at being a cool mom for younger kids than a strict mom for older, dysfunctional ones.


*

Chapter 7: Waves

Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question

*

Wednesday, June 21, 2000:

You two have been awfully giggly. Marissa's mom peered into the rearview mirror, her eyes twinkling. Am I missing out on some gossip? She eased the family car into the driveway.

Marissa wailed in dramatic frustration. The car had barely stopped when she grabbed Summer's hand and pulled her out into the sunshine. Come on!

What about the beach?! her mom called after her. Didn't you want to go celebrate? You know, get some sun? Splash in the waves?

We changed our mind! Marissa called back. We'll be upstairs, Mother. She led Summer inside and up the stairs. I'm really sorry. She's so annoying sometimes! She shoved open the door to her room.

Summer kind of liked the idea of splashing in the ocean waves — it was a gorgeous day, after all — but she smiled and shrugged. It's okay. Marissa was the best friend she'd ever had, but it was still safer not to disagree, not to make waves.

The truth was, Summer really liked Marissa's mom. She was young and gorgeous and insisted that Summer call her Julie instead of Mrs. Cooper. She always let the girls listen to their favorite music in the car: Macy Gray, Enrique Iglesias, Destiny's Child. She even knew the words and joined them when they sang along.

In fact, Summer loved Marissa's whole family. Her father, always puttering around on weekend mornings after Summer slept over, wearing plaid shirts and doing fix-it projects around the house. Her adorable golden retriever puppy, Dustin, ready to pay tug-of-war with his harmless baby teeth.

And her little sister, Kaitlin. More than anything else in the world Summer wanted a little sister. She envied Marissa desperately, wishing for her own sweet-faced little playmate. Kaitlin with her wispy soft brown hair, pulled back in uneven pigtails, teeth missing from her smile when she asked if she could play too.

Kaitlin who still looked as if she believed in magic.

Summer wanted desperately to play with her, to savor any small encounter of wide-eyed optimism, but Marissa always said no. Kaitlin was only six and way too immature, she would insist, forcibly shoving the little girl out the door to her room. This was usually followed by tears and fighting until Julie came upstairs to retrieve Kaitlin.

Today, however, they made it upstairs alone. Marissa ushered Summer into her room and slammed the door, locking it behind her, she said excitedly, climbing up onto the bed, tell me everything.

Summer couldn't fight the giant smile that crossed her face. I already told you everything!

Tell me again! Come on! Marissa patted the bed. Summer crossed the room and perched beside her, wishing she could have a moment of quiet to relive the memory.

Today had been the last day of school, the last day of air-conditioned classrooms and sharp-eyed teachers before two and a half months of sun-soaked freedom. Summer and Marissa had been waiting out in the courtyard with a group of their friends when Summer had felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She'd turned to find Greg Bliss standing right behind her, asking if he could talk to her for a second. He'd never looked more handsome: his shirt already untucked, short blond hair slightly tousled, his freckles already fading into a summer tan.

She'd followed him around the side of the school, the side that overlooked the deserted athletic fields, not the parking lot side. It had been shady there, cool and darker, and she'd had to blink a few times to adjust to the lack of bright sunlight. What had he wanted to talk to her about? she'd asked innocently. He'd ducked his head and muttered something she'd been unable to hear; she'd asked him to repeat it. And then he'd looked her straight in the eyes — his were so blue! — told her that he liked her, and kissed her on the lips! It had only lasted a second, but Summer could remember every detail: the heat of the stucco building against her back, his hand holding on tight to her shoulder, the soft damp pressure of his mouth.

So, are you guys going out? Marissa was asking her.

Summer shrugged, trying to be casual. I dunno. If he wants, I guess. She hoped desperately that he wanted to.

I want more details! Marissa bounced a little on the bed. Was it nice? Did he touch you? Was he better or worse than the others? Was there tongue?

Summer bit back a disgusted She knew all about french-kissing, but the idea still grossed her out a little. Or a lot. And the truth was, she'd never kissed anyone before. Ever. Sure, she'd held hands once or twice with Jim Johnson when they'd said they were going out in the sixth grade, and she'd slow-danced three whole songs with Ben Hill at the spring dance this year. And she'd always known more about sex and kissing than any of her friends. But she'd never actually done any of it. She hadn't even claimed that she had, she'd just never been specific about where her knowledge came from.

Apparently Marissa had made some incorrect assumptions, but Summer wasn't about to correct her. She shrugged again. It was really nice. He put his hand on my arm and stuff. She giggled, returning to her giddy mood. He's got really soft hands.

Marissa sighed dreamily and stretched out on her stomach, chin propped in her hands. That's so awesome, Sum. I'm so happy for you. She looked up with a big smile. Hey! Now we can double-date!

As impossible as it sometimes seemed, Marissa and Luke were still together. They'd become an official couple at the start of sixth grade, when it suddenly became cool to be dating, and had been together ever since. Except for two weeks in January of that year. It had been during those two weeks, when Marissa often left class to cry in the bathroom, that she and Summer had grown closer. Emily had just left for Pennsylvania and it had been the perfect time for friendship to bloom, a friendship Summer could not have been more thankful for.

She slid further onto Marissa's bed and pulled a framed photo off Marissa's bed stand. It was a snapshot of her and Luke at the beach. Luke was making a face and Marissa had her eyes closed, but they were both laughing. Summer tried to imagine taking a picture like that with Greg, to imagine ever being comfortable enough with him to take a picture like that.

She set the picture down. How long did you feel shy with Luke? You know, after he kissed you?

A perplexed look crossed Marissa's face as she pondered the question. I don't know. A week maybe? She grinned and rolled over onto her back. But I was really quiet back then. That shouldn't be a problem for you, Sum.

That was true. Summer was still way more outgoing than Marissa, even though they were both popular now. Her teachers were always scolding her for talking during class, but gossip was so much more interesting than schoolwork. But then why couldn't she think of a single thing to say around Greg? She couldn't imagine ever talking to him. He was so perfect and smart; she was sure that as soon as she said anything he'd think she was stupid.

She put down the photo and picked up the other, larger frame still standing on Marissa's bedside table. It was a portrait of the Cooper family from about three years ago, taken in a professional studio. The whole family was wearing blue. Julie was seated in a fancy armchair, Kaitlin perched in her lap. Marissa, wearing a periwinkle sun dress, was standing at her mother's right shoulder, right beside her father. They all looked happy and beautiful: the perfect family.

Summer tried to ignore the dull ache in her stomach. I have to go to the bathroom, she announced, setting the photo down with a clunk. Marissa nodded absently; she was flipping through the latest issue of Seventeen. Summer shut the door firmly and hurried to the bathroom down the hall.

After a quick, automatic examination of her face in the mirror — not a hair out of place, nothing for Celeste to correct later — she quickly pulled down her shorts and sat on the toilet. She was fond of the bathroom Marissa and Kaitlin shared. It had been decorated with a cheerful sunflower theme; Julie had even found tiny glycerin sunflower-shaped soaps for the sunflower soap dish. It was feminine but not cutesy, just like Marissa's garden-themed room. Summer was already sick of her frilly powder-pink decor at home.

She finished and reached for the toilet paper, but recoiled when the white paper came away streaked in red. Concerned, she reexamined her underwear: the blood was there too. Remembering the yearly health lessons when the boys squirmed and the girls blushed, she tried to calm her rapid heartbeat. It was just her period. She was just getting her period. That was all. It happened to all girls when they grew up.

But she couldn't remember what she was supposed to do. And she certainly wasn't going to ask Marissa. Finally, she settled on stuffing a whole fistful of toilet-paper into her underwear. It felt weird and bulky when she rebuttoned her shorts, but a quick examination in the mirror confirmed that the bizarre padding wasn't visible. Still, she made sure to walk carefully back to Marissa's room.

For a short time she was able to distract herself while taking quizzes in the magazine with Marissa and examining the gossip about a new male movie star, who might have been dating his costar. Summer could feel her excellent mood returning. She had a whole summer ahead of her, whole days of splashing in the ocean waves, whole lazy afternoons chatting with Marissa, whole evenings of going to air-conditioned movie theaters. Maybe on a double date with Greg and Luke.

Eventually, however, she became aware that the ache in her stomach wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting worse. This wasn't any typical pangs of jealousy. She felt a painful twinge that made her draw her knees into her stomach, as well as a wave of nausea.

Apparently she wasn't doing a very good job of concealing how she felt. Are you okay?

Summer crossed her arms over her stomach. I don't know. I'm not sure. I feel kind of sick.

Let me get my mom. Marissa patted her shoulder tentatively, then ran to the doorway. Mom! Can you come up here for a second?!

Julie was upstairs in a hurry, her face concerned as she helped Summer to the bathroom. What's wrong, sweetie? she asked gently. Summer sank onto the edge of the bathtub and Julie perched beside her. Are you gonna throw up?

Summer shook her head. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Julie the truth. It was too embarrassing. Julie seemed to sense her discomfort. She shot a glance at Marissa, still leaning against the door frame, then indicated that Marissa should give them a moment. The door closed, and Julie turned back to Summer, who swallowed her embarrassment. I just got my period, she admitted softly.

Oh, is that all? Julie gave her a one-armed hug. Congratulations, sweetie! She looked Summer in the eyes. You know that this is completely natural, and that there's nothing to be worried about, right?

Summer felt calmer already. They told us about it in school.

Okay, good. Julie jumped up and began hunting through the medicine cabinet. Where did I leave them...let's see — ah, here they are. She turned with a bright blue and yellow package in her hands. I've been saving these for Marissa, but since you've beat her to it, I'm sure she won't mind if you take them.

Summer studied Julie in surprise. Marissa didn't have her period yet? It was amazing to think that she'd actually beaten Marissa at something, maturity-wise. After all, Marissa had been the first to get taller, the first to get a boyfriend, the first to need a bra. Summer had waited in vain for any of these things to happen to her, but she had remained tiny, boyfriend-less, and flat as a board. Not that that stopped her from wearing a bra, but still.

It was nice to know she wasn't a complete failure at growing up. After all, that certainly seemed to be what Celeste was implying every time she cooed over how grown-up Marissa was looking these days! She's still with Luke, right? she would ask casually, her cool blue eyes taking in Marissa's high cheekbones and willowy figure. Such pointed comments would send Summer running to the mirror to reexamine her body, disgusted by everything she saw: chubby cheeks, a tummy that was still round with baby fat, the two barely noticeable bumps on her chest. She looked like a little kid.

Maybe if Celeste heard that Greg Bliss had kissed her, she might take an interest in Summer's life instead of Marissa's.

Okay, while you take care of that, Julie handed the pads to Summer, I'm gonna go find you some Advil, to take care of those cramps.

Julie left the bathroom, shooting one last reassuring smile over her shoulder, and Summer couldn't help but be thankful that this had happened here, at Marissa's, instead of at home. As she removed the toilet paper from her underwear and replaced it with a pad she tried hard to imagine Celeste's reaction to the whole affair. She couldn't even begin to visualize telling Celeste, let alone Celeste offering advice, or even sanitary napkins. Celeste didn't like messy things, blood or any other bodily fluids. Summer always knew whenever Celeste and Daddy had sex, because Celeste always had the maid wash the sheets first thing the next morning.

There was a knock on the door, and Julie reentered. She offered Summer two tablets and a bottle of Aquafina. Summer swallowed the pills quickly, feeling less shaky as she did so. Julie sat down beside Summer on the tub again. Listen. Summer. She sighed, looking a little uncomfortable. You really should hear this from your step-mom, but Marissa's mentioned that you two aren't very close, so... she reached over and smoothed Summer's hair away from her face. Summer, you are becoming a beautiful young woman, and I could not be more proud. She hugged Summer gently, kissed the top of her head, and stood up. You should probably let Marissa know that you're okay.

Summer returned to Marissa's room in a daze. She offered a brief, embarrassed explanation and accepted Marissa's quick hug. Two major things in one day! Marissa exclaimed. Your first period and your first kiss with Greg!

Her first kiss with any guy, Summer was tempted to correct, but she couldn't quite bring herself to say it. Instead, she grinned shyly and gave in to Marissa's begging to tell about the kiss yet again. Even as she described it, she could feel her mood returning to its earlier high.

She sat with her legs crossed, allowing Marissa to badger her about calling Greg and asking him out, feeling lighthearted with unfamiliar happiness. Despite this new hurdle of her period, it had been a pretty good day. Perhaps she was growing up a little, after all. Julie seemed to think so. And maybe, since he'd been the one to kiss her, Greg Bliss thought so too. She no longer felt the same ache of envy when she glanced at the photographs by Marissa's bed.

Eventually, she would have to return home to the chill of Celeste's silent appraisal. There was always that shadow beyond the sunlight, tugging at her happiness. But for now she could curl up on Marissa's bed, letting the Cooper's waves of love and warmth wash over her, hoping to absorb what she could.

*


Whew! Seven down, five more to go. Thanks for hanging in there, those of you who've been reading since the beginning.

I realize getting one's period isn't always that painful, but I've had one or two experiences of feeling really really sick when I've had mine, and it fit the story.

I hope you liked this chapter. It's the last upbeat one for...awhile. Summer's not a complete basket case; there have to be moments of happiness to counter the bad ones. I always took Julie Cooper as the type to be selfish when her needs conflicted with her grown daughter's, or unsympathetic when Marissa was being stupid, but fun and loving when things were easy. She'd be good with little kids and early teenagers, I think, but there's already signs of a Julie/Marissa rift.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to writing Chapter 8, so hopefully it will come quickly. In the meantime, let me know what you think.